Ego... and the ego clash

...MonaCo... thumbnail
12th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail + 3
Posted: 9 years ago
#1
We have thrown around the word ego so many times lately.
What is ego...

The dictionary meaning of the word is a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance.

So as such, there is no harm in having an ego. Everyone has it. I have it. You have it. Everyone, basically has it.

Everyone has a sense of their self-importance and a tendency to put their own self above others. When we are in pain, our pain seems the toughest to deal with. When we are in a situation, we think about what we are going through.

What is key is that some people will react to the voice of their ego differently than others. Essentially again, by definition, ego is the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity...

So it is the presence of ego that can inflate our sense of self and cause us to see things differently.

Take Ramnath for example. Clearly he is a negative character so far in the sense that he is a misogynist, and one of the biggest hurdles in the ShraMan lovestory. But, if we put ourselves in his shoes - he was not wrong either. It is true that he was not doing well in his business, but instead of supporting him, his wife's attitude was a bit berating towards him and his lack to provide financially for their son. She was briniging in the moolah, but she was vocal about his inability to do so and even when he got his first case, she said he has just gotten the case, not necessarily won it. Their arguments reminded me of KANK and the arguments Preity and SRK had. Clearly, Ramnath here and Dev Saran there where flawed characters with insecurities... but somehow you can't just say Riya (keeping the EMA aside for a second) or Nirmala were victims here - because they chose to speak back, often in a manner that hurt or bruised their worse-half's egos. I am not saying they shouldn't have. But often, it is not what is said but how it is said that matters. Rishte galatiyon se nahi galatfehmiyon se tootte hain. In his own interpretation, Ramnath is convinced that Nirmala was independent and that she really cared about her career more than her family, and mostly so because she had something going on with her boss who was showering her undue favors. The fact that she went ahead and took the last name Ahuja later, and raised Adi (Who was also 16 years old then and has no idea about her history and takes her as his mom), only fed into Shravan's if not Ramnath's sense of betrayal. Was it important for a self respecting woman who was still not divorced to take on the last name Ahuja?

Nirmala, Sumo, Shravan all have heightened sense of egos - this is why their pain, their suffering, their issues, ring a stronger bell than wanting to see how their actions have impacted the other. Essentially, all have an ego.

I am not even getting into man versus woman issue here - but in a relationship sometimes, rather more often than not there is an imbalance. And a balance due to that imbalance. Early on my father told me, why is it that divorces happen and we say oh because of an ego-clash? I didn't quite understand his statement then, but what he meant was that in our society, it is a given that men have an ego, and women relent... and (un)fortunately such marriages survive mostly. It is when a woman also has an ego - that the egoes clash and issues arise. Again doesn't necessarily mean a woman shouldn't have an ego - but it is when both parties are unwilling to give in, both at the same time that issues arise. In reality, sometimes one party will let go, sometimes the other, and it may be that one party may let go a bit more than the other. Clearly, Lalaji, Mausaji, even Mamaji to an extent are such men, Pushkar is too, to some extent. But Ramnath and Shravan aren't and neither are Suman and Nirmala. I can't see a Ramnath surviving with a Manju either, because she is strong headed too. I don't fault Ramnath for thinking that Suman might be wrong for Shravan because he fears that her streak of independence and the nature of keeping self above others may cause Shravan harm. I do fault him for being so absorbed in his own pain (although misplaced) that he has fed and reflected his insecurities on to Shravan. Shravan, who knows everyone's true colors (like Chachi's for example), but he craves for love so much that he lets go their short comings just to be with them... and to a large extent, Shravan who tried to forgive Sumo for her short comings and accept her as she is (even with her flaws, in his own twisted judgement of her character).

The issue is that all four central characters here have egos - and when their egos are bruised somehow they get blind to how their actions are affecting the other. At several instances all four characters have shown this behavior...Even though I fully understand Suman's pain, her statement yesterday (about Shravan not understanding anything and women having the abiltiy to understand someone from inside out) was so uncalled for and hypocritical in a way. But in the same token, it was so real. In real life, when we are hurt, we seldom see the other person's POV. Only in hindsight when we look back that we have a 20-20 vision and that too sometimes. Most people see themselves as the giver, the victim, the sufferer. That is why they say in every argument there are three sides of the story. Just like in Shravan and Suman's case, there is Shravan's side, Suman's side and then there is the truth. In the real world, for sure, I would like to see how to individuals as strong headed as ShraMan would really make a marriage work. I am not saying its impossible, but it would be a lot of work for sure...

Created

Last reply

Replies

8

Views

1.2k

Users

5

Likes

21

Frequent Posters

sravss thumbnail
15th Anniversary Thumbnail Voyager Thumbnail + 4
Posted: 9 years ago
#2
I agree with most of it, every person has ego in them, when it comes to a relationship sometimes one ha stop forgo his ego and other times the other person that is both men and women has to forgo their ego at some point of time...but here the main 4 characters thinks they don't have ego and only other have it...and none wants to let go their ego problem starts and when they does it the other don't realize and problem starts ...
idonkno thumbnail
11th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 9 years ago
#3
I loved reading your write-Up, Mona! 'EGO' - a sacred word as Ayn Rand calls it in her book Anthem- a source of the highest good on earth...Ego isn't the synonym of evil and selflessness is not the ideal of virtue. In fact a selfless person is one who does not think, feel, judge or act. These are all the function of the self.. The first right on the earth is the right of the ego. A person's first duty is to himself..Actually the problem lies in the fact that we people have started to equate egoism with concepts such as hedonism, subjectivism and predation..It makes people judge egoism morally and thus they conclude egoism to be evil and that leads to a clash...Ego does not hold pleasure or feelings or conquest as a standard of value...It holds life as a standard of value - and reasons as your basic means of living...Sorry, I got carried away! Brilliant post once again :)

Edited by idonkno - 9 years ago
...MonaCo... thumbnail
12th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail + 3
Posted: 9 years ago
#4

Originally posted by: sravss

I agree with most of it, every person has ego in them, when it comes to a relationship sometimes one ha stop forgo his ego and other times the other person that is both men and women has to forgo their ego at some point of time...but here the main 4 characters thinks they don't have ego and only other have it...and none wants to let go their ego problem starts and when they does it the other don't realize and problem starts ...


Yes. all four are stuck in a way and no one wants to change...
...MonaCo... thumbnail
12th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail + 3
Posted: 9 years ago
#5

Originally posted by: idonkno

I loved reading your write-Up, Mona! 'EGO' - a sacred word as Ayn Rand calls it in her book Anthem- a source of the highest good on earth...Ego isn't the synonym of evil and selflessness is not the ideal of virtue. In fact a selfless person is one who does not think, feel, judge or act. These are all the function of the self.. The first right on the earth is the right of the ego. A person's first duty is to himself..Actually the problem lies in the fact that we people have started to equate egoism with concepts such as hedonism, subjectivism and predation..It makes people judge egoism morally and thus they conclude egoism to be evil and that leads to a clash...Ego does not hold pleasure or feelings or conquest as a standard of value...It holds life as a standard of value - and reasons as your basic means of living...Sorry, I got carried away! Brilliant post once again :)


Loved you getting carried away... Yes, it is a general misconception that if you have ego, it is bad. The presence of ego itself is a natural thing for all human beings, it is not negative... All our four characters have a larger sense of ego and are not willing to sacrifice it and all four are right and all four are wrong in my opinion...

Thanks for appreciating the post and do keep commenting!
Edited by ...MonaCo... - 9 years ago
..wateva.. thumbnail
10th Anniversary Thumbnail Voyager Thumbnail
Posted: 9 years ago
#6
Brilliant post!! My thoughts echo with yours.
QUIRKY333 thumbnail
20th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail
Posted: 9 years ago
#7
@Mona - I really like how you have sketched out the Ramnath-Nirmala story in here - both are equally responsible for their failed relationship and for a failed child upbringing. I really hope the CVs reflect on this and not glorify nirmala as a hero of sorts - because she is not.
...MonaCo... thumbnail
12th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail + 3
Posted: 9 years ago
#8

Originally posted by: QUIRKY333

@Mona - I really like how you have sketched out the Ramnath-Nirmala story in here - both are equally responsible for their failed relationship and for a failed child upbringing. I really hope the CVs reflect on this and not glorify nirmala as a hero of sorts - because she is not.


Thank you dear! I like that we can sympathize with all three characters here (Sumo, Shravan and Nirmala) and see their pain. And somehow I cant fault Ramnath for being protective of Shravan. His only wrong thing is he tries to use "force" to keep people he thinks are wrong for him,away from him and in that he has done a lot of damage to shravan. Lets see how the story unfolds today...
sravss thumbnail
15th Anniversary Thumbnail Voyager Thumbnail + 4
Posted: 9 years ago
#9

Originally posted by: ...MonaCo...


Thank you dear! I like that we can sympathize with all three characters here (Sumo, Shravan and Nirmala) and see their pain. And somehow I cant fault Ramnath for being protective of Shravan. His only wrong thing is he tries to use "force" to keep people he thinks are wrong for him,away from him and in that he has done a lot of damage to shravan. Lets see how the story unfolds today...


Agree I can't get angry on Ramnath either because he learnt want was taught by his family, society,his life...so his experience taught his something and being a parent wants to protect his son from the Pain which has undergone... but the way he does is wrong...and as we can't see life from his perspective we feel it is wrong...but for him he is right...
But one can't deny the fact that he loves sharvan a lot but problem is his possessiveness...

Related Topics

Top

Stay Connected with IndiaForums!

Be the first to know about the latest news, updates, and exclusive content.

Add to Home Screen!

Install this web app on your iPhone for the best experience. It's easy, just tap and then "Add to Home Screen".