We have thrown around the word ego so many times lately.
What is ego...
The dictionary meaning of the word is a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance.
So as such, there is no harm in having an ego. Everyone has it. I have it. You have it. Everyone, basically has it.
Everyone has a sense of their self-importance and a tendency to put their own self above others. When we are in pain, our pain seems the toughest to deal with. When we are in a situation, we think about what we are going through.
What is key is that some people will react to the voice of their ego differently than others. Essentially again, by definition, ego is the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity...
So it is the presence of ego that can inflate our sense of self and cause us to see things differently.
Take Ramnath for example. Clearly he is a negative character so far in the sense that he is a misogynist, and one of the biggest hurdles in the ShraMan lovestory. But, if we put ourselves in his shoes - he was not wrong either. It is true that he was not doing well in his business, but instead of supporting him, his wife's attitude was a bit berating towards him and his lack to provide financially for their son. She was briniging in the moolah, but she was vocal about his inability to do so and even when he got his first case, she said he has just gotten the case, not necessarily won it. Their arguments reminded me of KANK and the arguments Preity and SRK had. Clearly, Ramnath here and Dev Saran there where flawed characters with insecurities... but somehow you can't just say Riya (keeping the EMA aside for a second) or Nirmala were victims here - because they chose to speak back, often in a manner that hurt or bruised their worse-half's egos. I am not saying they shouldn't have. But often, it is not what is said but how it is said that matters. Rishte galatiyon se nahi galatfehmiyon se tootte hain. In his own interpretation, Ramnath is convinced that Nirmala was independent and that she really cared about her career more than her family, and mostly so because she had something going on with her boss who was showering her undue favors. The fact that she went ahead and took the last name Ahuja later, and raised Adi (Who was also 16 years old then and has no idea about her history and takes her as his mom), only fed into Shravan's if not Ramnath's sense of betrayal. Was it important for a self respecting woman who was still not divorced to take on the last name Ahuja?
Nirmala, Sumo, Shravan all have heightened sense of egos - this is why their pain, their suffering, their issues, ring a stronger bell than wanting to see how their actions have impacted the other. Essentially, all have an ego.
I am not even getting into man versus woman issue here - but in a relationship sometimes, rather more often than not there is an imbalance. And a balance due to that imbalance. Early on my father told me, why is it that divorces happen and we say oh because of an ego-clash? I didn't quite understand his statement then, but what he meant was that in our society, it is a given that men have an ego, and women relent... and (un)fortunately such marriages survive mostly. It is when a woman also has an ego - that the egoes clash and issues arise. Again doesn't necessarily mean a woman shouldn't have an ego - but it is when both parties are unwilling to give in, both at the same time that issues arise. In reality, sometimes one party will let go, sometimes the other, and it may be that one party may let go a bit more than the other. Clearly, Lalaji, Mausaji, even Mamaji to an extent are such men, Pushkar is too, to some extent. But Ramnath and Shravan aren't and neither are Suman and Nirmala. I can't see a Ramnath surviving with a Manju either, because she is strong headed too. I don't fault Ramnath for thinking that Suman might be wrong for Shravan because he fears that her streak of independence and the nature of keeping self above others may cause Shravan harm. I do fault him for being so absorbed in his own pain (although misplaced) that he has fed and reflected his insecurities on to Shravan. Shravan, who knows everyone's true colors (like Chachi's for example), but he craves for love so much that he lets go their short comings just to be with them... and to a large extent, Shravan who tried to forgive Sumo for her short comings and accept her as she is (even with her flaws, in his own twisted judgement of her character).
The issue is that all four central characters here have egos - and when their egos are bruised somehow they get blind to how their actions are affecting the other. At several instances all four characters have shown this behavior...Even though I fully understand Suman's pain, her statement yesterday (about Shravan not understanding anything and women having the abiltiy to understand someone from inside out) was so uncalled for and hypocritical in a way. But in the same token, it was so real. In real life, when we are hurt, we seldom see the other person's POV. Only in hindsight when we look back that we have a 20-20 vision and that too sometimes. Most people see themselves as the giver, the victim, the sufferer. That is why they say in every argument there are three sides of the story. Just like in Shravan and Suman's case, there is Shravan's side, Suman's side and then there is the truth. In the real world, for sure, I would like to see how to individuals as strong headed as ShraMan would really make a marriage work. I am not saying its impossible, but it would be a lot of work for sure...