...Chapter - 49...
"Only if you hadn't committed that step! I at least would have someone to call as mine..."
While Jodha stood rooted at her place, knowing the plead is not for her...
Does she lost him??
*****
Nearing his gloomy state, with few steps... Gently she ran her fingers over his cheeks... Which startled him, and his orbs flung open to watch his wife wiping the wetness brought by the shadows of past...
"Doesn't you consider me, as y...yours?" A soft plead laid beneath this calm question, straigthly directed towards his heart... It's the most weakest moment that his self is experiencing at the moment... Once he'd exposed his vulnerable side to HER, He isn't the one who is gonna repeat the same mistake again... A strong resolve, his heart certainly made, still afraid getting more crushed than it usually is...
"Sleep Jodha! Tomorrow you've to go to radio station..." he implied a clear reason to avoid the further conversation... But she knows, if this weak moment passed incoherently, than maybe the chance to see through him, will not the thing she is getting in near future... And certainly the ability to wait had eradicated from her mind... She'd waited enough, it's now or never...
"No! Just answer me! Don't you consider me as yo...yours?" her voice laced with determination, got chocked at the end...
Shoving her away, gentle enough, he headed towards bed... But the gentle grip halted his feet effortlessly...
"I want an answer Jalal!" She exclaimed with finality in her tone...
"No! I don't! Happy now?" he replied, pearls brimming at the verge of completion of formation of his eyes, ready to roll down his rough cheeks any moment... But his self can't gather the courage to turn around and neglect the strong sense of plea brimming from those chocolate brown orbs...
Next moment he felt, a soft torso sticking to his back and a pair of arms snaking below his armpits, clutching his vest as much tightly as the capacity they held...
He, with an incredible energy pushed the urge to embrace his wife, hands fisting snugly at his sides... Whilst his back experienced a bit of wetness that was speeding from her orbs...
"Stop crying!" he literally cried... Damn! Hasn't he'd given her enough pain, he don't wanna become the reason for more misery of hers... And pulled her in front...
Snuggling her face more into his shoulder, sobs wrecked her body...
"Ja... Jalal... I..." Attempting to get her voice to her throat in between the lump, formed inconveniently, she tried to spoke with difficulty...
"Shh!!" he comfortably snaked his one arm around consoling her, running his palm along her back... Not bothering about the cast gracing his other hand...
"Stop Please!" he whispered near her ears... Sensing a shiver running below his fingertips, he firmly held her petite form more closely, merging her within himself...
"What mi... Mistake?" She again tried to voice out the vulnerability, she's holding within herself... He tried to loosen her hold on himself, only to be resulting in more tightened up hold...
"Shh! Just stop crying... Please" he pleaded, probably cursing himself, umpteenth time... And forcefully detached himself with his right limb, from her, who's still not ready to leave the warmth of his embrace, seems like fearing that the moment she left him, he'll vanish...
"No! No! No! Please.." his soul cried watching her pleading, guilty immensely, he pecked her forehead after making her sit on the edge of bed...
"Umm.." he held the glass of water that was kept beside the bed, on the small side table, his half drank, which he'd used to gulp medicines... Redened face, due to profuse crying, big expressive orbs shutted extremely, pushed inside her sheet of palms, made him press his lips in thin line...
After a bit pursuance, she finally calmed down and sipped some water to wet her parched throat... Still hiccups can be heard, cupping her face with hand and coming on his toes, he stared in her swollen orbs...
"How can I say someone as mine Jodha? When the person herself can't trust me? When she can't understand my unsaid gestures? When she can't believe me? When she can't lo..." And he trailed looking away, he doesn't wanna utter that word... He'd accepted that, the true feelings aren't in his share, Only loneliness will be his companion till his last breath, at the moment she'd called his amu a de... No! He can't even think that word for his beloved sister...
"And what about you Jalal? If I haven't trusted you, believed you, understood you, Do you think I'll be sitting here and asking you this?" She countered, though she's broken, doesn't mean whatever he'll feed her, she'll take it... And his eyes on their own cords got downcasted in utter shame and guilt... Yes! She's absolutely correct!
"Look Jo! Yes I've done mistakes, scratch that... I've done honedrous crimes... And I should be punished for that... I've no qualms over my redemption... You wanna punish me, le...leave me... Do whatever you want, I'll accept it without a question!" His eyes still downcast towards the floor, they still can't gather the courage to look back into those accusing orbs... And yes! He realized his mistakes long ago! But never felt the need to be sorry 'coz he wasn't aware of the reality and his ego! Yea a man's ego is bigger than an ocean... So was his!!.. It's not the time to hover over past demons, rather mending the things that can be rectified... So he continued...
"But that second person theory of yours was absolutely ridiculous!! That was my Amu! You're talking about..." And here his grip on her cheek tightens, whilst the casted hand fisted tremendously...
"I dunno why you've jumped over absurd conclusions... That aren't even make sense... Amita was my sister dammit!!! And you're my wife!! How can you compare my feelings towards amita and you same..." His anger gushed out incoherently... He tried to suppress the bubbling rage but it came out unknowingly... And the orbs squeezed with each confession of his, snapped open at the furious tone...
"'coz that's what you made me feel!!!" She blurted out viciously... Gripping his forearm, digging her fingers deep in his bulging muscles...
Check!
Damn! He swore under his breath... It's not the time to hyperventilate, taking a deep breath, subsiding the urge to move away... He loosened his grip and stood up, a deep yet low moan of pain escaped his lips, due to disturbance that his casted hand had experienced...
"Jo, I'm tired now! We'll talk about this later... Sleep now!" That was a straight command, she received...
"Good excuse, eh? When you're unable to utter an single syllable in your defense!" She stated disbelievingly, and stood up from the bed, now looking straight towards the eyes that are still looking everywhere but her...
He was shocked! No, an understatement... He was bowled, tongue tied and... Yeah speechless!! Unbelievable!!
And Mate!
****
Caressing the dimmed and crumpled black and white photo, a smile danced on his lips... Sitting outside in the balcony, watching the night view of the city...
Suddenly, a hand came and blinded his vision by the surface of her palm... Stretching his smile to the fullest, getting hold of that soft palm, he gripped and muttered a feeble...
"Doll!!"
"Woah! I never know you'd kept my new pet name!!" She giggled and slipped beside him... While his smile dropped instantly and a resentful sigh escaped from his lips...
"It's not yours misha!" he uttered while staring the snapshot...
"I know!" She said absent mindedly and peeked inside the pic...
"My jo! My little doll!" he caressed the infant inside, that a little figure of boy was holding securely while sitting on the plush bed...
Misha traced the outlines of an little version of her husband, that was portraying nothing but innocence...
"You both look so cute!!" She commented fondly... While sujamal smiled, a weak one this time and got engrossed in a sweet memory...
"Happy Raksha bandhan, doll!!" A small sujamal, hardly five year old, whispered in his little sister's ears who snuggled more into her mother hearing the cute voice... He wanna celebrate this festival with his sister, like his friends do with theirs...
"Mumma! She's so soft naa!" he again commented while tracing her cheeks with his small fingers...
Seeing her both the kids, Maina smiled , a content residing inside her...
"Ohk! Now forward your hand..." Maina said while putting little vermilion on his forehead by her one month old daughter finger... And immediately wiped off the extra smeared on his face, while the little baby laughed out loud watching the red dot on her big brother's forehead... He too laughed and clapped his hands, expressing his happiness...
Forwarding his hand, he sat there instinctively watching the infant curiously... Who by the help of her mother tied a small rakhi of his favorite cartoon character on his small wrist...
"Now, gifht bhaiya!!" Maina mimicked in a childish accent forwarding her little hand in front of him... Again the small child giggled loud at her mother's sweet voice...
He pouted cutely and watched the two five rupee coins in his hand, this dadi gave him every morning to buy chocolates... From two days he'd saved them to give his sister on this festival, suppressing the urge to buy and eat his favorite candies...
His lower lip pulled out, he'd to give them, very hesitantly he forwarded them towards his sister who's was in mother's arms... Maina giggles, watching her son and declined to give the coins to his sister who doesn't even know the value of these... But he stubbornly kept the coins in her small palms who immediately tried to eat the coin and again he giggled watching his sister trying to eat a coin...
Keeping his head on her shoulder, he relished it...
"I wronged her, Misha! She deserves a better person, a better brother..." He sighed loudly...
"My apology won't be sufficient to bring back what she'd lost!!" and closed his eyes feeling miserable for his actions... Only if he wouldn't have distanced himself from her and family, maybe today would be different, sweetly different, if only... While misha caressed his hairs and kept looking straight into oblivion...
****
Jalal pondered over the talk, that had happened few hours ago... He needs solitude, which he gained sitting on the terrace of the house...
"And moreover I don't wanna be the second person in every person's life whom I consider as mine..."
"Why always I've to suffer? Why always in process of your healing I got hurt?"
"And what about you Jalal? If I haven't trusted you, believed you, understood you, Do you think I'll be sitting here and asking you this?"
"'coz that's what you made me feel!!!"
These sentences, accusations to be more precise are reverberating in his brains, racking his soul up, churning his heart with the heaviness they held...
Gazing into oblivion for sometime, then shuffling hurtful thoughts numbed his brains and he, very determinedly took an solid decision...
Standing up with a jerk, he headed back to the room and found her standing by cupboard... Walking briskly he reached, just a step away from her and looked over her shoulder...
A snapshot, cute one though! Invariably his mind guessed that the pic contains his wife and her brother...
"Missing him?" he whispered... Nonchalantly she nodded, while caressing it gently...
"He too misses you! I dunno if you noticed or not, but I'd noticed that longing looks when he departed that day!" He reminded her of that day in a hushed tone... Yep! She'd noticed, very conveniently she'd noticed the look which conveyed the longing and love hidden behind those calm orbs... But neglected! Why not! Isn't he's responsible for the loneliness she'd suffered... Seems like, she'd thought so loudly that he answered...
"I know he's responsible! But doesn't mean ki, just in agony and anger you both kept suffering... Doesn't you both have suffered enough? You know jo! Life is too short to enjoy the togetherness of our closed ones..." Reminiscing and relishing the sweet memories of his own sister, he tried to mend the broken relation...
Sighing deeply, she rested her head backwards, on the cushion of his shoulder blade... And hummed lowly...
"Will he accept me now? I doesn't have strength to be ignored again!!" the buried down insecurities, voiced out...
"With open arms!" he said with a ting of surety... Caressing the tendrils of hairs dancing on her forehead...
"And this time, he'll make the first move!" he added delightfully... Thinking something he'd seen on the day of their visit to his house...
She closed his eyes in ecstasy, that's what she needed... Someone to ease her worry out, someone to assure her that everything will be alright, someone who wouldn't let her return to that oblivion of loneliness...
"Jo! Would you listen something I tell?" he asked for permission, affection pouring down and soothing her soul, by his words...
"Hmm"
"Without interruption?" he questioned, a bit impatience reflected in his tone... She opened her eyes and turned her head only to watch the black bluish orbs boring back into hers fondly, tinged with hope...
Nodding softly, she again got back to her same position, resting her head on his shoulder enjoying the warmth of her husband's embrace...
"I don't know where to start, but... I... I... I apologise!" he said with a lot of hesitation in his voice... She jerked instantly at the very mention of the word apology... Kind of shocked he guess! But what he doesn't know is, she was bowled out... Like seriously! He apologized... She opened her mouth but again he forced her head to his original place where it is before his apology...
"No interruption!" he reminded... It took him a way to much efforts to say that, and if someone stopped him then he won't be able to say this again...
"Jo! You know I've done mistakes, that can't be mended... I'm equally ashamed and guilty of what I've done... I dunno what made you feel like a second person after amu, but that's completely wrong... You're special Jodha, for me!" he paused to gauge the reaction of his wife who looked complete blank at the moment... Scared! Yeah! He's scared, scared enough to vocal the remaining part, but doesn't he's empty handed... He doesn't have anything to lose, so come what may, he'll accept it readily...
"My anger is my biggest enemy jo! That's what have probed me to throw you out... I was blinded, blinded by the feelings I held for my sister... And again my anger is responsible for all tortures you've to suffer in the initial stage of our marital life... Rage blinded my sensible thinking... But you made me Jodha! A better person!" A groggy yet gloomy laugh escaped his lips, seems like laughing on his fate... Yeah! Finally Keeping his ego aside, he accepted the fact that whatever changes he have undergone, changes for good! Was all that she'd bestowed him upon... She filled his emptiness, she completed his incomplete soul, she colored his colorless life, she made his house a home which he always desired, she gave a new birth to his dead heart! And gave it's a beat, that pumps with only one sound - Jodha!!
"Wanna start afresh wifey?" he whispered while playing a soft kiss on the soft cheek...
*****
Here it ends... Phew!
How's it *fingers crossed*
I think I've done justice with Jodha, as wife and a sister too... And if you feel, I didn't, then feel free to comment... đ
A special thank you to Diksha di and Bindu di, for the comments, that helped me to cover up that I've missed in previous update...đ đł
Not to forget my partner and Anji di, thanks for your bickerings đ đ
Sorry if it's not worth reading...đ
Edited by Monucute - 9 years ago
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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