Identities - Page 5

Originally posted by: Samanalyse

You are right about the promos not foreshadowing the show literally, but then their purpose was to give us hints about who the characters were, and the central premise of the story based on their respective journeys. They contain all the basic components -- Dev thinking he understands his mother, Sona trying to enter that sphere and being pushed out, the tragic love that is clear between the two, and their inability to be together -- and as I mentioned, the key component is the tagline. "Kya khote aur kya pate jab dil ke phaisle dimag se hote hai?" There was no way for the promos to indicate so completely how these characters would in fact shape up over 100+ episodes.

@the above quoted: I really don't think Ishwari has been "made evil." Her internal conflict and the fears that dictate her actions have been very convincingly built, and stand as a testimony to the helpless position in which this patriarchal system places women who lack identity outside of the domestic/maternal sphere. In the system that Ishwari follows, the man is the center of the household and your proximity to him determines your status in the hierarchy. Women have to fight for this status while maintaining the image of, as someone said on the forum recently, "tyaag ki devi, mahhanta ki murti," so the only form of communication left to them is passive aggressive and indirect. At the moment, Ishwari operates on the premise that if Dev understands her non-verbal cues and gives her what she wants, she wins and maintains her position in the household; if not, she loses. Under no circumstances can she betray that she is feeling insecure, that she is not perfectly selfless, and that his happiness is not enough for her to be happy.

And the thing is, Ishwari has given her life to be highly proficient in this old system of managing relationships. She was chosen for her husband by her saas, and I imagine she was the ideal bahu and wife as far as their expectations went. Once her husband died, she suffered for years raising her children according to that system -- favour the son because he will be the next head of the house while the daughters are destined to be estranged. In all this she has become an expert at this passive form of communication (breaking the vase - her conversation with Bijoy) -- she says things in such a way that her message gets across but she always has plausible deniability. Now when the time has come for her to reap the rewards, as the all-powerful matriarch, ruling her family, Dev turned the tables by choosing Sona for himself, completely independent of her. She probably feels like someone who's spent years working at the same company, only to have the boss say they are bringing a new person instead of promoting her becuase the whole system has changed, and her skills are obsolete. When something like that happens, it's hard to consider why the new system might actually be a good thing.

Ishwari simply does not have the capacity to understand Dev and Sona's relationship, or that Sona is not "competition," because it is so far from what she knows, and the system she is embedded in. Her actions come from a place of fear and ignorance, not malice or evil. That does not make the actions themselves right, but helps us see that the solution might lie in gentleness and patience rather than anger and vengeance.

Originally posted by: ARCH21

The main storyline has been reached with drama, heartbreak & plenty of heart ache.

We knew the break up was round the corner, we were rooting for it to come soon given how everything was progressing so painfully... And as the makers brought closure to the honeymoon period with the dream hug that started it all... The break up promo kick starts the next phase...

Yes, Dev is hurting himself and he will be left all alone and Sona has a strong support system. She will ride this through BUT ...

Love and pain are very personal - no one deserves more pain because they have stronger shock absorbers and those without support can't command sympathy.

We are all alone with our thoughts and thoughts can kill...

I am copying here a response I made in another post (with slight changes) as it seems so relevant now... and kind of a summary of phase 1 -

Ishwari - This new Dev-Sona relationship has made imperfect cracks in Ishwari's facade. She fit herself into the image of a perfect mother - mature, selfless, who brought up her kids through hardship, hardwork & lots of love! Dev's words, actions & worship gave her the needed validation.

She formed an unnatural bond with Dev - he is the man of the house and she depends on him. He is at the core of her identity, her anchor, her validation after they lost everything. Neha always reminded her of things she was doing wrong, Dev always made her feel good about herself.

This is not exactly a mother insecure of a new person in her Son's life - This is a woman at the brink of losing her identity!

The new relationship is bringing out the worst in her. We all have a Jekyll & Hyde within us and Ishwari is now unable to hide her Hyde!

The guilt that drives her to take the million pills - This woman is losing herself & in the process of holding on, she's lost her sanity.

Sona - She has always dreamt of her love story. The day Dev confessed, her dream came true. Since then we have seen a Sona trying to mould herself. We all screamed how we have lost Dr. Sonakshi Bose - This woman started seeing the Dixits as her future family. She didn't tell Dev about insults that were being showered on her - keeping the man out of kitchen politics. She didn't bring her own family in conversations and her objective of pushing Dev to share about them with Ishwari was 'Maa ko bura nahi lagna chahiye'. Where was her own family in all this? She kept them after the Dixits!

If she forgets them, how was Dev expected to remember them (something we all wanted him to do)...

Women do this all the time. We project our identities on to our partners. Someone's daughter, someone's wife, someone's mother...

Ishwari was someone's wife & became a mother when her first child was born (Dev). After losing her husband, she got validation from that child & she attached her identity to this relationship...

(Her other kids are kids and are treated as such - people who have their own lives and one day will leave this household...)

Sona is an independent, educated woman but she projected her identity (as a woman) on to her love. The day Asha said, 'yeh meri Shona hai'!, Sona came back to herself. She has been vocal with Dev since. She again had a chat with baba, after the Halwa drama, who told her in as many words that she is her own person and an equal. A relationship is always between 2 equals and not by the woman losing herself... (Bless him!). He's repeatedly stressed on this since...

After watching all this, what I see is this story is about identities.

Ishwari - to understand who Ishwari Dixit is beyond simply being Dev's mother.

Sona - to understand that she is her own person and she can't doubt or lose herself in love. She doesn't need Ishwari's halwa, she has her own uniqueness.

Dev - his identity is about to be shaken. I don't think he is wrong because he has blind faith on his mother - why should he not! He genuinely believes his happiness is her happiness. Ishwari has not insulted Sona in front of him and the first time Sona shared about Ishwari's action was after the Halwa drama (she didn't share anything before and he is not a mind reader). His only & biggest fault is he blindly believes Ishwari is fully on his side and his mind is not processing anything otherwise. Being in love for the first time, he is in a super happy bubble that's about to be shattered.

This story is about these 3 characters finding their own identities that will not shift with changes around. Unless the 'I' is complete, how will you say 'I love you'.

Ishwari is not evil, she is losing her identity all over again (after her husband's death) and her natural survival instinct is to fight. She needs therapy. She can't be a good mother to anyone (she can't be good in any role) until she knows who she is as a person.

From the promo, shattered Dev's first instinct is to be selfless - 'how could I not see that mother was unhappy? How did I become so selfish?' And now he is dragging Sona in this vicious cycle of sacrificing everything for family (in his mind his family is their family)... Only when he learns to think for himself (and I hope he does!!!) will he be able to clearly see that he promised the sky to a girl but snatched her piece of land even!

Sona will be equally shattered and no amount of family support can help this. We do deal with our own hell deep inside.

Only when these 3 become whole, will they be able to complete & balance any relationship.

(Lastly, my mom told me it was Supriyaji's birthday yesterday. What a day for such an episode to air and bear the anger of the fandom! 😃

She is a fantastic actress & lots of happiness to her!)

Originally posted by: randomramblings

wonderful post. share the same opinion as you, All three of them need and identity

so far for dev and ishwari , it has been bleow

Ishwari - mother of Dev , Dev - son of Ishwari .

coming to Sona - for me she does not have any identity of her own till now.

initially it was " Dr.bose" but from the time she fell in love - she does not even know who she is anymore - that's why Asha's comment " kya yeh meri shona hai"

she need to find her real identity while Dev and Ishwari need to shed their current ones 😛