Identities

THANK YOU for making this post🤗 My favorite lines were ' Just because someone has a support system doesn't necessarily mean that pain should be inflicted on them' This is something that I always felt when it came to Sonakshi. I always wondered, what did she do to deserve this? Be it the break up or Ishwari's rude behavior. Her only fault was that she fell in love with a man and believed him when he promised her the stars and the moon.

Originally posted by: Malvika07

THANK YOU for making this post🤗My favorite lines were ' Just because someone has a support system doesn't necessarily mean that pain should be inflicted on them' This is something that I always felt when it came to Sonakshi. I always wondered, what did she do to deserve this? Be it the break up or Ishwari's rude behavior. Her only fault was that she fell in love with a man and believed him when he promised her the stars and the moon.

You're very right when it comes to Ishwari as well. She is a woman who's lost her identity and is facing an identity crises currently. If she is not Dev's mom then who is she? That's something she needs to figure out on her own. Her identity crises has now turned into a mental issue. It's always been unhealthy but now it's getting dangerous. I would like it if the Dixits seriously considered getting her some help instead of giving in to her every demand and glorifying her mental state.

Dev Ofcourse, has his own set of issues to deal with. The reason I feel more sympathetic towards Sonakshi is because until now, Dev has taken every decision regarding their relationship. The confession, breaking the news to his mom, and also the break up. He has always been impulsive but I would've preferred if he figured out his mom's unhappiness on his own instead of Mamaji spelling it out for him yet again. Specially since he makes tall claims about 'Maa kehti nahi hai par main samajh jata hun"

Thank you Malvika.
There is so much happening all around and we have reached 'Intermission' (so to speak) so thought a summary of the journey so far is needed.

I have not seen today's segments and intent to watch the episode directly.
But we know Sona will be angry, indignant. This has been building up inside her too and Dev's decision will be the final blow (for now)...

These 3 are in a massive mess with emotions all entangled. The storm needs to calm, they need to calm, then think... Really think and then decide which direction they want to step towards...

These 3 have a lot of growing up to do & understand that words/promises are not just spoken, they need to be kept too.

And you are right, Dev did take all decisions till now including this final one. But that is also because Sona gave him that power readily. Now, through his own actions, he has lost that power and hope he works real hard to reach an equal footing with her. Sona, once she calms & comes back to herself, will emerge strong.
(Am definitely hoping)...

These 3 need to understand each other to really love each other.
All those tall talks about 'samajh jana' is all washed down with the bottle of pills 😊

Originally posted by: ARCH21

Thank you Malvika.
There is so much happening all around and we have reached 'Intermission' (so to speak) so thought a summary of the journey so far is needed.

I have not seen today's segments and intent to watch the episode directly.
But we know Sona will be angry, indignant. This has been building up inside her too and Dev's decision will be the final blow (for now)...

These 3 are in a massive mess with emotions all entangled. The storm needs to calm, they need to calm, then think... Really think and then decide which direction they want to step towards...

These 3 have a lot of growing up to do & understand that words/promises are not just spoken, they need to be kept too.

And you are right, Dev did take all decisions till now including this final one. But that is also because Sona gave him that power readily. Now, through his own actions, he has lost that power and hope he works real hard to reach an equal footing with her. Sona, once she calms & comes back to herself, will emerge strong.
(Am definitely hoping)...

These 3 need to understand each other to really love each other.
All those tall talks about 'samajh jana' is all washed down with the bottle of pills 😊

Finally your post and as usual awesome and on point 👏 Coming home kind of feeling..🤗

👏👏

Originally posted by: ARCH21

The main storyline has been reached with drama, heartbreak & plenty of heart ache.

Forget Sona, I have felt a lot of it myself. 😊

We knew the break up was round the corner, we were rooting for it to come soon given how everything was progressing so painfully... And as the makers brought closure to the honeymoon period with the dream hug that started it all... The break up promo kick starts the next phase...

Yes, Dev is hurting himself and he will be left all alone and Sona has a strong support system. She will ride this through BUT ...

Love and pain are very personal - no one deserves more pain because they have stronger shock absorbers and those without support can't command sympathy.

We are all alone with our thoughts and thoughts can kill...

So true. So very true.

I am copying here a response I made in another post (with slight changes) as it seems so relevant now... and kind of a summary of phase 1 -

Ishwari - This new Dev-Sona relationship has made imperfect cracks in Ishwari's facade. She fit herself into the image of a perfect mother - mature, selfless, who brought up her kids through hardship, hardwork & lots of love! Dev's words, actions & worship gave her the needed validation.

She formed an unnatural bond with Dev - he is the man of the house and she depends on him. He is at the core of her identity, her anchor, her validation after they lost everything. Neha always reminded her of things she was doing wrong, Dev always made her feel good about herself.

This is not exactly a mother insecure of a new person in her Son's life - This is a woman at the brink of losing her identity!

The new relationship is bringing out the worst in her. We all have a Jekyll & Hyde within us and Ishwari is now unable to hide her Hyde!

The guilt that drives her to take the million pills - This woman is losing herself & in the process of holding on, she's lost her sanity.

I am waiting to see how the CVs sketch her graph. I hope they have something good in store.

Sona - She has always dreamt of her love story. The day Dev confessed, her dream came true. Since then we have seen a Sona trying to mould herself. We all screamed how we have lost Dr. Sonakshi Bose - This woman started seeing the Dixits as her future family. She didn't tell Dev about insults that were being showered on her - keeping the man out of kitchen politics. She didn't bring her own family in conversations and her objective of pushing Dev to share about them with Ishwari was 'Maa ko bura nahi lagna chahiye'. Where was her own family in all this? She kept them after the Dixits!

If she forgets them, how was Dev expected to remember them (something we all wanted him to do)...

Women do this all the time. We project our identities on to our partners. Someone's daughter, someone's wife, someone's mother...

i wish the CVs had not sketched her character this way. However, it is their story and not mine. Now that they have, my wish is that they close the loops they have opened up.

Ishwari was someone's wife & became a mother when her first child was born (Dev). After losing her husband, she got validation from that child & she attached her identity to this relationship...

(Her other kids are kids and are treated as such - people who have their own lives and one day will leave this household...)

Sona is an independent, educated woman but she projected her identity (as a woman) on to her love. The day Asha said, 'yeh meri Shona hai'!, Sona came back to herself. She has been vocal with Dev since. She again had a chat with baba, after the Halwa drama, who told her in as many words that she is her own person and an equal. A relationship is always between 2 equals and not by the woman losing herself... (Bless him!). He's repeatedly stressed on this since...

After watching all this, what I see is this story is about identities.

Ishwari - to understand who Ishwari Dixit is beyond simply being Dev's mother.

Sona - to understand that she is her own person and she can't doubt or lose herself in love. She doesn't need Ishwari's halwa, she has her own uniqueness.

Dev - his identity is about to be shaken. I don't think he is wrong because he has blind faith on his mother - why should he not! He genuinely believes his happiness is her happiness. Ishwari has not insulted Sona in front of him and the first time Sona shared about Ishwari's action was after the Halwa drama (she didn't share anything before and he is not a mind reader). His only & biggest fault is he blindly believes Ishwari is fully on his side and his mind is not processing anything otherwise. Being in love for the first time, he is in a super happy bubble that's about to be shattered.

This story is about these 3 characters finding their own identities that will not shift with changes around. Unless the 'I' is complete, how will you say 'I love you'.

Ishwari is not evil, she is losing her identity all over again (after her husband's death) and her natural survival instinct is to fight. She needs therapy. She can't be a good mother to anyone (she can't be good in any role) until she knows who she is as a person.

From the promo, shattered Dev's first instinct is to be selfless - 'how could I not see that mother was unhappy? How did I become so selfish?' And now he is dragging Sona in this vicious cycle of sacrificing everything for family (in his mind his family is their family)... Only when he learns to think for himself (and I hope he does!!!) will he be able to clearly see that he promised the sky to a girl but snatched her piece of land even!

One of my apprehensions based on the show's original promos is that the basic premise of the show is that they both accept the mommy issue, she urges him to work on it, he refuses to but they still keep in touch. That was ok then. Now at this point, I am not sure i will be comfortable with that approach. I do not want undue amount of the show's duration to be spent in that stage. I hope some of that phase has already come to pass.

Sona will be equally shattered and no amount of family support can help this. We do deal with our own hell deep inside.

Only when these 3 become whole, will they be able to complete & balance any relationship.

(Lastly, my mom told me it was Supriyaji's birthday yesterday. What a day for such an episode to air and bear the anger of the fandom! 😃

She is a fantastic actress & lots of happiness to her!)

@bookworm

Originally posted by: gemini54

@bookworm

One of my apprehensions based on the show's original promos is that the basic premise of the show is that they both accept the mommy issue, she urges him to work on it, he refuses to but they still keep in touch. That was ok then. Now at this point, I am not sure i will be comfortable with that approach. I do not want undue amount of the show's duration to spent in that stage. I hope some of the phase has already come to pass.

The above is what I am just unable to come to terms with and the disconnect between what was shown in the promos and what is shown in reality

Originally posted by: bookworm123

<font color="#0000ff">I think I am getting what you are saying but can you elaborate please?</font>

<font color="#0000ff">ARCH - sorry to hijack your post but the break up scene has acted like "hamdard ka tonic sinkara" for me</font>😆

😃 please go ahead. Am enjoying the discussion... I haven't seen the segment & waiting for the full ep.
Am busy cooking up a storm in the kitchen but will be right back to catch up 😃