13: Hasta: The Hand
I am jagged edges and sharp corners. I am a map of tragedies and lies. I am a graveyard for dying stars. I lie between nowhere and everywhere. I am stuck between now and then. Will you leave me trails of Sunshine to follow from the abyss that is my mind into the surface that is your skin?
******
She rests her chin on her forearms that she has resting on the rolled down car window. The breeze carries heat, whispers nasty secrets and bites her skin with sullied air. She doesn't care.
"Why all this hush hush?" She turns around when she hears Arnav ask her a question. The tar road rattles beneath the tires, the asphalt smelling like sweet agony.
"My parents are well connected with relatives. They would have shut this down before it even began had they come to know I was trying to find out more about Chaya. None of our relatives would have talked." Khushi turns her face and watches a civilian clothed Arnav who still manages to hold a semblance of professionalism in his casual clothing. "Can we not talk about the case or my mother or these weird associations we are surrounded with?"
"What do you want to talk about then?" He gives in. "Weather?" He chuckles.
Khushi rolls her eyes and turns her head back towards the window. "Something. Anything."
Arnav smiles. "I have no memory of my parents. I feel I should miss them but I don't." He stops and turns to look at Khushi who has already turned her head, watching him. "What?" He asks.
"Our lives are bunch of stories Arnav. We arrange words in a way the narration takes the easiest route to the truth. Sometimes these narrations become as important as truth itself and sometimes even more so. Today the story is that you don't miss your parents. I am overly obsessed with my mother. Months ago I am sure our stories were different." Khushi replies.
Arnav looks at her fondly and shakes his head. "That's a complicated explanation for a simple observation," he hedges. "But I get what you are saying."
"I am sure you do Arnav," Khushi hums. "We have a tendency to categorize ourselves under different labels. It becomes easier to express ourselves or judge for that matter."
"Like you being cynical right now?" He throws back at her, laughter lacing his tone.
Khushi grins. "I suppose so. Or I could be this mean old eighty-year-old woman in an almost thirty-year-old woman's body with stubbornness of a five-year-old, throwing tantrums in the middle of the street."
"We can be more than one person at the same time," Arnav replies, losing the edge that kept his body tight. In this uncomfortable heat, sweaty car, a highbrow sophist making stuff up just to avoid the bothersome subjects - he is at peace.
"We can be whatever we want Arnav. Including what others want us to be." Khushi smiles. Arnav falters when he catches the tail end of that smile.
"You mean wear a mask?" His heart is erratic.
She shrugs. "Wear several masks. Have several stories. Keep multiple appearances."
"Where is me in all this?" Arnav asks, wondering the direction of this conversation. He knows they aren't bantering nonsensical things anymore. Its deep and its raw and its moody. He adores it.
"You are all of those. You are none of them. Did you already forget?" There is mild teasing in her tone.
"What?" He asks.
"We are all bunch of stories that have happened or waiting to happen." She laughs.
"How many masks are you wearing right now?" He curses his curiosity when his mouth blurts. "How many webs of stories have you woven around us?"
Khushi looks at him sharply. Her eyes soften and a private smile curls her lips. "The web isn't strong and the masks come to be transparent. There are just dreams, nerve endings, bitter bones, unwritten opera and our endless finite days."
Arnav reaches over and clasps his free hand with hers.
"Me too." He whispers.