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It was all over. Finally, it was all over. Or so he thought, till this afternoon. Now, he was not so sure!
The last 2 months seemed unreal. 2 months. These 2 months since their wedding should have been the best time in their lives. What dreams they had woven together for their life after their wedding. Yet, the reality was too glaringly obvious in front of his eyes. And it hadn't been anything he had expected, and it was nothing short of a nightmare.
Last night, Adarsh hadn't thought much of the fact that Swadheenta wanted to go to Prakash's house where her maami was staying as soon as they returned back to Delhi from their eventful trip to Rajasthan. Things had drastically changed in the last 24 hours. Now his mom and everyone else at home had realized that Swadheenta had been right all along. They had spoken over phone and sought her apology. Things seemed to be getting back to normal, but he could still understand her need to be with maami till Haider maamu got released from prison. She was still fighting the case after-all, and the truth (even if they all knew it now) was yet to be legally established.
And it had been! Haider maamu had been released from prison a little later in the day, after Yash's video confession had been presented in court. Adarsh and his family had apologized profusely to maamu and maami, but understanding the overall situation, maamu and maami also had not held anything against them. They had willingly forgiven them almost immediately. The family had then visited Asad's grave together, to pay their respects. The bravery award ceremony in honor of both Abhay and Asad was to be held the following night. Promising to see them soon, Adarsh and his family started walking towards their cars only to see that Swadheenta was walking away from them, with maamu and maami. Suhasini looked at Adarsh, but Adarsh had no explanation. He seemed just as confused, and maybe even a little hurt. Suhasini had then casually asked Swadheenta about her plans, and Swadheenta requested that she be allowed some time to stay with maamu and maami to ensure their life gets back to some sense of normalcy. Understanding her need to do this, Suhasini had willingly agreed to her request.
Now, as Adarsh lay in his bed thinking about everything, he wondered if it was just her need to stay with maamu and maami, or if it was her need to stay away from him? Had she truly forgiven him for his ill-behavior of these last few weeks, or was there a problem? When he met Swadheenta in Rajasthan last night, he had expected her to be angry and disappointed in him, or at-least apprehensive or doubtful of his behavior. The fact that she had completely forgiven him had surprised him to a great extent. Swadheenta had immediately suggested that there were no differences between them, and that she had never held anything against him. But was that even possible? Would he have been able to do it? All the mean words that he had uttered, could they be forgotten so easily? Could they be forgiven so easily? If not, was that the reason for Swadheenta to take her time before returning to him?
He knew he could never be at peace till he found out for sure, till he discussed it with her, till he at-least made sure she knew his side of the story. Not that he had much defense, but he wanted her to know how sorry he was for everything that had happened. Should he call her? Should he go to her house and meet her to sort things out? No. He didn't want to be impulsive about this. Knowing, unknowingly, he had enforced his opinion on her so many times. Now, her decision to come back to him would be her own, he vowed. But he had to let her know that he was impatiently waiting for her. Kaise kahu usse? He kept walking from one end of the room to another thinking of ways to talk to her. Just as he was crossing his table, he saw the letter that Swadheenta had written for him before she had left the house. He walked towards his table, picked up the letter, and re-read it. Almost immediately he thought of how he will communicate his heart's feelings to her. Smiling, he got started.
The following evening, the Sinha's drove together to the award ceremony. They were to meet maamu, maami and Swadheenta directly at the venue. The first thing Adarsh noticed as soon as they reached was that fact that Swadheenta looked out of this world. Her white outfit with gold work made her look special. He had this urge to hide her to himself from the world. But she did not even spare him a glance. And this distance between them was making him restless and miserable. She had greeted him warmly and was now standing right next to him while making conversation with the others, they were still miles away, and he could sense it. Not for long! he thought to himself.
The ceremony began, and Swadheenta was seated next to him. Mom and Simmi went to receive the award for Abhay. It was an emotional moment. Maamu delivered a very emotional and heart felt speech as he received Asad's bravery award. At the end of his speech, he requested Swadheenta to walk up and talk for both her brothers for this journey had been completely hers. She looked at Adarsh, as if seeking permission, and he had gladly encouraged her. As she walked up to the stage to speak a few words, he noticed that she had left behind her clutch on the seat next to him. Adarsh had seen his chance to complete his task. Once the ceremony was completed, they had all stayed back to make some small conversation with people who had come to attend the function. When it was time to leave, Swadheenta was again going back to her house. She looked at Adarsh as she took their leave. Adarsh smiled at her and asked her to come back as soon as possible. Nodding her head, she had walked away.
Swadheenta reached home feeling incomplete. Contrary to what she had expected, the last couple of days had been the most challenging for her. From the beginning of this journey, she had focused so much of her attention on getting justice for her maamu and Asad, that everything else had seemed insignificant. But now, with the case completed, and justice delivered, she found that emotionally, she was standing in the same place as she did that night of her wedding. She had not been able to process any information at an emotional level, her brothers were gone, she had not been able to depend on anyone including Adarsh, and now, she found herself all alone. Everyone had moved on, but she hadn't. When Adarsh came to be with her and support her in Rajasthan, she had felt immensely happy to see him. But as happy as she was, she could not dismiss that small voice in her mind that questioned her if she wanted to completely trust him again? Would he not hurt her again? Was he really in love with her? Did he think being with her was a mistake? Had he lost his love for her in the process? Maybe he was with her in Rajasthan for Abhay's sake? She knew her Adarsh loved her. She knew he wanted to be with her. But she was scared to accept it. What if it was not true? The last 2 months had been so lonely, God forbid, she knew she would never survive another stint like that one. The fact that Adarsh had not even seemed concerned that she was staying away also bothered her to some extent. Even at the grave, mom had asked her about her plans. At the award ceremony, he seemed quiet happy to let her come home with maamu and maami. Sighing, she got up to change her clothes. Just as she got up, her clutch which lay on her lap fell onto the floor spilling all its contents on the ground. As she bent down to pick it up, she noticed an envelope addressed to her. Picking it up, she slowly opened it
She realized it was a letter that Adarsh had written for her, and felt her eyes getting moist almost immediately.
Dear Swadheenta,
As far as I can remember, this is the first hand written letter I am writing for anyone. I am not surprised, because you have been the reason for many "first's" in my life. But, the disadvantage, I have no experience in writing good letters or expressing myself this way. Anyway, here goes!
I thought a lot about if I should address this letter to "My wife", "My love", "Mrs. Sinha" and many more such options. But I realize that as much as I may want to, I have not earned the right yet.
Swadheenta, I was born into a household with many fortunes. Fortunately, this ensured that I had the best of upbringing and the best of facilities. Unfortunately, this did not expose me to any adversities in life. I had been blessed till recently to have never experienced anything negative in my life, let alone tragic. The fact that you were not reciprocating my love for you initially had been my biggest problem in life, but even that one got solved, and as I realize it now, fairly easily.
Not that this should be an excuse, but the night Abhay breathed his last in my arms, my world fell apart. His last word "Asad" left me totally confused and incapable of any thought. I have since then genuinely tried to understand your thoughts, and be with you. But the fact that you were trying to establish a truth that I believed we all already knew was beyond my comprehension. I admit that I believed the system and its proof's far more than I valued your words. But that is because I realized that you were also as emotionally distraught as I was, and that with time, you would see the truth. The fact that I could not make you see the truth I could see, and that we were not looking in the same direction let me shattered. But now, I realize that it was I that was blind.
I cannot believe that you forgave me for my insensitivity, and that too, so easily. For all the trouble that I brought to you these last few days, the only thing you asked in return was a little bit of time for yourself. But as small as I feel even admitting it, and as selfish as you may think I am, I find that I am incapable of granting even this wish of yours. I don't like this distance between us. I don't like the fact that we are not together right this moment. All I can think about is you. All I want to do is hold you.
I want to promise you that I will protect you and take care of you, but if evidence is anything to go by (and to our dismay, both of us believe in it), you are the stronger one of us and I know it is you that will always take care of me and protect me. But I want to try my best to make things up to you, to learn to walk with you.
Today, looking back, I truly know the meaning of the words you spoke to me when you accepted your love for me. You said that even if I moved forward, you would be standing there, waiting for me till I came back to you. I want you to know that I am experiencing that moment now. I am waiting for you Swadheenta. And I will be waiting here for the rest of my life. Please come back. Please come back to me!
Love
Your Paithyam (In every sense of the word)
PS - If the letter did not impact you the way I am hoping it will, please come back anyway to teach me how to write good letters! Waiting for you... eagerly!
She felt herself crying, but realized that they were tears of joy. Yes, she had been apprehensive, she had been anxious about going back to him. But she loved him. She needed him just as much! He had sensed her apprehension and chosen the best way to clear it. Oh, how she loved him! She had to talk to him. Right away! Without thinking much, she called him
Hello?
Paithyam, You stupid Paithyam! I don't care what you will address me as going forward, but I will only call you Paithyam
She could hear him laughing on the other side. But it wasn't one of mockery. She could sense his relief.
So, apparently, i do know how to write a good letter!
Whatever! Now, should I ask you to come and take me home or do you have the sensitivity to do that by yourself?
Actually, I was thinking that maamu and maami really do need you at the moment. But I need you too. So, maybe for a couple of days, I can come and stay there with you? It will be a change for all of us, and maybe the both of us being there will make maamu and maami feel better too?
You will do that for me?
No, for you I will do a lot more things. But this, I will do for maamu and maami, but only if you think it is a good idea.
Yes, Yes, Yes she hadn't realized that she was laughing as she spoke. Please come, and come soon! I am waiting.
It was over! It was finally over!
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