Salman Khan is the worst thing to have happened to India. Here's how YOU can do your bit to end the menace.
Salman Khan: the name elicits such a visceral reaction, doesn't it? It's that feeling you get in your stomach the morning after mixing whiskey, beer and tequila shots on an empty stomach, and all you want to do is throw up. But you can't because you're in so much pain that all you can do is lie down and wait for the sweet embrace of death. (In which case, it would be a good idea to lie down on a footpath in Mumbai when Salman Khan is at the wheel of his latest death machine.)
Every time I hear his name, I ask myself just one question: Why is this homicidal criminal (on multiple counts) not rotting in a jail cell as he so truly deserves? I understand power and money can buy you pretty much anything in this country, but Bhai (notice how the B is capitalised. Respect, yo!) has taken that shit to the next level. Not only did he get away scot-free after crushing a man under his car, he's now the f**king ambassador for India in the Rio Olympics. I mean, what the actual f**k? And that is not all. The Criminal (capitalised C again. Got to show #respect) has the gall to actually question the credentials of the other ambassadors"Sachin Tendulkar and AR Rahman.
Well, Bhai, let me answer that for you.
Sachin Tendulkar is one the greatest sportsmen India has ever produced. He is a legend in every sense of the word and, even years after his retirement, commands the kind of respect most people (including you) can only dream of.
AR Rahman, on the other hand, is arguably one of the best and most prolific composers of our generation, maybe of all time. The music he has created will live on for years after, and people will remember him as someone who brought Indian music to a global stage.
Oh, and also, THEY DIDN'T f**kING KILL ANYBODY! So there's that.
Now, let's discuss you, Sallu Bhai. Other than your mediocre (at best) acting skills, movies that propagate misogyny and wanton violence, and an ageing face and body that is clearly being supported by more substances than one would find in an average Dow Chemicals laboratory, the only thing you've put India on the map for is its incompetent law and order system that would even put most African authoritarian regimes to shame. With such untouchable credentials, you are truly an apt ambassador for the country, without question.
But let's not get caught up in the past. Sure, he's killed people and animals, beaten up women, ruined dozens of lives we don't even know about, acted holier-than-thou despite being guilty as sin, and continued bombarding our theatres with a barrage of shitty movies. The hack has even pretended to be an artist' by showcasing his paintings to the world (clearly done by someone else under Bhai's name as an obvious publicity stunt). Let's move past ALL THAT and discuss the latest dump he has taken"comparing himself to a raped woman.
Yes, the Criminal decided that murder and insulting national icons wasn't enough. He has now decided to antagonise an entire gender by having the audacity to empathise with the feeling of being raped (how he knows what the feeling is like is another disturbing conversation altogether) just to promote his latest turdball"Sultan. And, finally, he has managed to piss off enough people to actually receive serious backlash. But once again, he will worm his way out of this controversy thanks to his PR team (who are incredibly good at their jobs, I have to say).
At this point, one has to ask: is this man truly thick? Or does he suffer from a mental condition where he feels he can get away with whatever the f**k he does or says? But as we look closer, the answer becomes more and more apparent.
See, for every rational person who believes Bhai should be in jail, there are dozens of f**kheads who will blindly support this man, as if he is their personal Jesus, as if their lives depended on it. For every murder, every act of physical and verbal violence, and every senseless statement, there's an army, just waiting to defend him every step of the way.
But now it's time to scream from the terraces the words we should have been screaming a long time ago: f**k. THESE. PEOPLE.
In a way, I understand why Salman Khan has become the shameless, thoughtless asshole he is. Put yourself in his shoes. A terrifying thought, I understand, but humour me for a minute. Now, imagine being surrounded by sycophants who will idolise you and place you next to God even if you (literally) kill someone; a bunch of mindless monkeys who will tell you that your farts do in fact smell like roses; a squad of losers who will tell you that no matter what you do, you are a nice guy, you're the greatest thing since sliced bread, your acting talent makes Al Pacino and Daniel Day-Lewis look like chumps.
Shit, put me in that situation and I would be delusional as f**k. So what if I mowed down a bunch of people, killed endangered animals, beat up women and ruined lives? I'm still f**king awesome.
But now, enough is enough. These stupid f**ks need to be shown their place; they need to be told that they are the worst kind of human beings that exist, the kind who let evil fester. They need to be told who they really are"the true scum of the earth. It's time to let logic and common sense take over, and smack some sense into these brainwashed jackasses.
Let's do it together, now. Let's silence those voices of support for the Criminal, let's destroy their inane arguments with cold, hard facts, and let's come together to bitch slap some humility into an arrogant superstar' in the best possible way, by making sure our voices are louder than the ones that protect him.
If nothing else works, punch a Salman fan around you just to let him know you're not f**king around.
And finally, ask yourself the most important question of all: What would Salman Khan do?
Then do the exact opposite thing. Because God knows, one Salman Khan is all the world can take.
https://medium.com/@gautammahajan/salman-khan-is-the-worst-thing-to-have-happened-to-india-85deb50a151d#.cp86o92mv
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