Slipping away...
"I am done" he said stepping back... his daughter whined
She stood leaning on the wall, willing to go on further
He went and brought her... he left them alone as II fed her...He walked out towards the balcony, she assumed he was going to go read, she went to bed numb
After her daughter started sleeping again... she whined and moaned and was irritable for an hour after feeding II didnt know if she "had enough"
She changed her diaper, changed her tiny pink onesie
She was wide awake, she smiled cutely as II bend down and kissed the soft belly
She felt terrible... R&B came in took her cooing to her, making her fall asleep in 20 minutes
The cute moans finally quietening
Ranjan coming up to check at one point...
YOU ARE A SUCKY MOTHER BTW
JUST SAYIN
U HAVE NO CLUE WHAT SHE WANTS
CAN U IMAGINE COMPETING WITH AKKA?
U SUCK II... AT BEING A MOM
JUST SUCK
THANKS!!!
She cried... her depression worsening
II showered and changed like a mad woman.. at midnight... Amma would kill her if she knew
She had strict instructions to not torture her post partum body, by taking untimely showers and not sleeping enough
Here she was... in a self inflicted mess
A slow realization crept in that she was wrong, wel, it naged all along
Dude had never given her the smug impression. His cockiness was always her imagination
But the lack of "best friendship" between Bala and him nagged her too
Dude and Bala werent Tan and Dude
And they never will be...
That something was missing, and every time... to II that "something" felt like it was wealth and class difference
She did also realize that Bala was unhappy with Bhalas' wealthy ways
It hurt her a lot, she loved Athim, his lack of tact or umm... maturity in accepting II's in laws was a definite failing
Between bouts of crying, she realized she had f**ked up
II ISNT grandiose, she DOESNT think she is right all the time, and when she realizes it, she admits
She walked back out to the balcony... around 2 AM
HE wasnt there...
She wandered the floor, finding him in the sun room... ASLEEP
his daughter lay peacefully by his side II couldnt even lean over and feel her breath
She panicked reached over the day bed's rail to feel under her nostrils
She felt the quick rush of breath, one two three
Phew!!!
Oh yeah!! Shes asleep...
PHEW!!
YEP U HAVENT DONE ANYTHING YET II
SUCH A BAD MOMMY
U DONT FEED HER ENOUGH
U DONT CRADLE HER TO SLEEP
U ARE CONSUMED BY YOUR SENSE OF SELF
YOUR OUTRAGE OVER THE MOST RIDICULOUS THINGS
ITS NOT RIDICULOUS
ATHIM HAS BASICALLY LIED TO AKKA
WONDER WHO SAID WHAT TO HIM...
MORON...
He woke as she sniffled...
"Whattt ?" he asked in sleep drugged voice, turning to look up as she stood behind him, the baby lay by the window/wall, he slept on the outer edge
"I am sorry" she whispered
He sat up startled
"Whattt?" he asked confused
"I am sorry" she whispered
He lay back down... not acknowledging
Shutting his eyes...
She climbed over him and changed her diaper... hoped she would cry so she could feed her and linger
But she slept all the way... II got off the bed
"U wont come to bed?" she asked
He didnt respond
She went back to the master bed crying
He brought Nivi over at 5 ish... II took the longest time feeding her and change her
"Yahi sula loon?" she begged
"U shud get some rest" he said bluntly
Taking the child away...
Bereft... she lay back
She woke to sounds of Ranjan talking...
She opened her eyes to see him standing
"Gudiya kithe puttar?" he asked softly sipping coffee
II realized she didnt have her
"Woh... sun room mein hai" she pointed, tying her hair securely
"Aaj jaldi uth gayi... 8 baj gaye... tabeeyat theek?" he asked
II nodded
Ranjan left her alone
II realized it was over 3 hours since she fed her daughter... she sat back down tired
She heard father and son chat... and Ranjan coo
II turned the TV on traffic reports showed women waiting to cross ITO
She suddenly missed being fresh, ready and dressed to go to work
She began to cry again
"Mamma kidhar hai" Ranjan cooed
He brought a moaning Nivi to a sniffling II
R&B came for his charger
"Royi kya raat ko?" he asked
"Nahi" II said eyes brimming with tears
He handed her the baby, II gathered her tightly and kissed her
U DONT EVEN MISS ME I KNOW
U DONT EVEN WANT TO EAT WHEN HE IS HOLDING YOU
I SHOULD JUST SWITCH U TO A BOTTLE
U WONT NEED ME
HE DOESNT NEED ME ANYWAY
"Soyi theek thaak?" Ranjan asked
"She did" R&B nodded
Ranjan asked about II
R&B responded about Nivi
"HOW wud YOU know... u dont even sleep here" II shrieked
Ranjan was shocked
"Kee hoya?" he asked
"Nothing" R&B warned II with a glance
"Rulaya?" Ranjan raised his voice
"U shud stay out of this" R&B ordered
"BACHA HUA HAI USKO... zara socha karo...
He didnt expected to be ratted out like that, it pissed him off more
"Can we please settle this?" he begged Ranjan
"Imad aaya hai neeche, chalo papers sign karo" he urged, asking him to sign some goddamn excelsior papers
R&B shrugged
Ranjan walked over and ran his hand fondly over II's head
"Yeh oonchi awaj mein bhi bulaye na aapko, aap mujhe batao" he ordered
She nodded sadly
When he came up, she was asleep, the curtains were still drawn, the room was pitch black, it was a cloudy stormy morning
She slept curled up, the baby lay awake by her cooing
When she saw him, she kicked her feet frantically
"Pick me up daddeee" she even smiled... or so he thought
He picked her up and went to the balcony
Later he worked with her on his lap, Manya was gone in the morning to go see Makarand in Meerut
She was a Ph D now... the weight was off her chest.
She had held Nivi the whole time until she got in the car, he showered wore jeans and red plaid
"Lekar jaaoon isko? PULLLEEEZ?" she begged
"Umm... no" R&B shook his head, literally reaching into the window and grabbing the baby
Nivi was fine... she was wide awake enjoying being tossed around between Daddee and Bua
When he was done at 11 ish, she still slept
But Nivi decided she wasnt going to suck on her bland lil fists, she cried aloud
II woke startled
He handed her the baby, and went to pull the curatins apart as it rained hard outside
"Nahi... I dont like the light" she said
Fed the baby... she had asked the nanny to take a few days off to "bond"
So she gave the baby a massage and bathed her for 20 minutes, and wrapped her tiny head in a fluffy pink towel
The lil cone shaped head wrap, making her look ADORABLE
At almost three weeks she was over 12 lbs
AND ALERT
She noticed dude's red plaid and her eyes sparkled
She held the baby like a gift and handed her to him "Inda" she said checking him out. He received her expressionlessly
He looked like a million bucks, shaved, showered... the shirt looked particularly good on him
She looked at her pink skinny tee all soaked now, and her striped lounge pants
also sticking to her skin
He was gone...she heard her daughter through the audio system, cooing as she talked a mile a min
she went back to bed and curled up... got up closed the gaps in the curtains fully, and went back
He came in to get Nivi's light up rattle... and froze
All things Korean
Ganesh Kartikeya
Anupamaa
