New Asya SS: Heart to the test, Chap7, 28-8-16 - Page 8

Chap 2

She woke up with the sound of her alarm, it was too early. She rose slowly from her short night sleep and rubbed her eyes gently, blinking made her hiss. She must be looking horrible for sure, crying all the night wasn't helping to look fresh. She sat up and some strange smell tickled her nose. It was a male scent but it wasn't Asad, and it can't be, he never wished to step in this room and being in the first floor, didn't help. It was for sure Ahsan who came. She sighed, she wished it would have been Asad.

Asad was already on the dining room having his breakfast, even if he didn't eat much those last month. The effect of alcohol seemed bothering him with his continuous massage on his temple. She couldn't stop herself from rolling her eyes gently. He can't stand it but still he was stubborn to continue drinking, putting his morning mood in the execrable one, like he already needed it. She sighed in defeat. She made her entry greeting to Ahsan first.

-Good morning Ahsan

-Good morning Mrs Khan, he said dreamily and Asad glared at him forcing him to wipe his sweet smile.

-Good morning Asad, he hummed annoyed in response, she bent down and kissed him softly on his temple. Asad glared at her in turn, he disliked a lot this morning gesture from her, and she knew about, but she didn't care. She will keep wishing him every day a good morning, who knows maybe one day, he will kiss her back. She sat next to him pouring to herself some hot coffee, bitter one like he used to love. From the corner of his eyes, Asad gritted his teeth, he hoped she will add sugar and milk on her coffee like she used to do but she didn't, she now drinks her coffee just like him.

-Asad I will be really busy today but if you need you can call me anytime you want. She hoped to have a normal discussion with him trying to turn the page and started fresh. Every day was a new try for her.

-I don't care, it pinched her heart but she swallowed her sadness, and didn't change her tone, he will maybe melt one day.

-I have some shooting with cast this morning, some interviews and tonight, Abi attempt a party. Do you want to join me?

-of course why not? He said mockingly, you can drag me like a dog in this party, I am sure everyone will look at me with puppy eyes.

-Asad, please

-What did you expect Zoya? Do you really think that I will say YES to your stupid demands? He tapped the table suddenly making jolt his audience. Zoya tightened her cup and wanted to give him a piece of her mind, but she controlled her anger and drifted her eyes away from his piercing look. He hated her silence. He pulled away from the table and went to the American kitchen. Zoya looked below her shoulder, he seemed to need help, she stopped Ahsan to go to him, and went instead.

-Do you need something Asad?

-NO, he said curtly

She watched him struggling to reach his target but it was too high for him.

-Let me help you Asad, she held the sugar and gave him, irritate with her, he tapped accidentally her wrist and the bottle crashed on the floor into pieces. Zoya dived her nails in her palm, shaking with so much anger. She was just here to help him. Asad didn't mean to, he wanted sugar for her coffee, but his impulsiveness made a lot damage, breaking the bottle and maybe hers looking at the way, she was shaking. As much as his heart melt for her and wanted to hold her, he kept his cruel tone.

-What? Do you want to say something? He said expected to burst out her frustration but she didn't and bent down to clean the mess. Her calm reaction made him more furious. She took all the piece of glass one by one and from the corner, she saw him leaving her all alone.

She finally turned to her sit and brought her coffee to her lips like nothing has happened. A soft trail of red mark took her attention and found it coming from a cut on her thumb, she didn't even felt the glass piercing her skin. She smiled sadly and sucked it. She faced worst pain than this, her eyes searched for him only to find him looking at her. She held his gaze and could read all his torment: pain, anger, love and sadness. She wished he can materialize them, shouted them, anything, just to let them out for a change, but he didn't. His attention turned to his coffee. It's not going to be this time, she thought.

-I am going to my room.

She wanted to be out to divert her mind, maybe, she will find some signs. She walked away lost in her thought. Ahsan hated seeing her being so sad, he never saw her smiling in this house like he saw her smile in the magazine, he wondered how a woman can endure so much pain and kept silent. She was kind, soft, beautiful, stunning woman so much qualities that mister Khan seemed to be hermetic to. If it was him...

-Stop drooling over my wife like a teenager in front of me, do you really need me to remind who I am and for who you work? Asad sent him a murderous look forcing Ahsan to look away.

-I mm..Sorry. It was official, he hated this man.

In the evening

It was finally the time to go home, this day went really fast and she was busy most of the time. She welcomed this kind of schedule, but didn't sit properly either to think about Asad. She was all the time solicited. Everything went crazy around her now that she won a precious price, everyone wanted to work with her and her phone didn't stop to ring, but never the call that she expected to have, his. She sighed on the back of the sit car, watching the reflection of the moon on the running trees on the road. It was really a perfect night, all the team enjoyed the good start of the movie, and she enjoyed but with half heart. The other part was with him, she wished he would have been by her side, celebrating all together this success and would have come home together in this car, to pose her head on his chest. But she was all alone and orphan of his touch.

She entered in the house and the smell of whiskey flew in the air, she looked up, knowing exactly in which mood he was now.

-finally, you dare coming home. Do you think yourself living in hostel? He said dryly

-Hello to you too Asad, She knew it.

-in a good mood as I can see. It seems that you spent a good time outside, which one was with you tonight? Karan, Abi or anyone else.

-Actually, there were all of them, we were celebrating the movie, remember I told you this morning. She responded nonchalantly removing her heels ignoring the meaning of his attack. Oh God, heels are just...

-a torture, he completed her sentence instinctively but regretting once he said it. She stared at him lovingly, he still remembered.

-huugghh, I though it will never end, she let out a sigh of relief, finally she was able to take a rest after standing for hours on her heels. She kicked them away from her feet and laid on the sofa. Asad loosened his tie looking at his wife ready to sleep.

-Zoya, sweetheart, if you don't like them, why don't you just wear something else?

-I wished Asad, high heels are just a torture but in the same time, it gave a slender look, and I love how my legs looked thin

-then don't complain, you like to suffer, then wear them and don't say anything

-Asad Ahmed Khan, she stood on her elbows, you are my husband, you and I are tied for eternity and in our wows, it was written : I promise to stand by her side for the rest of my life, in health and sickness, then you should carry me...In my complain

-Sickness sweetheart, sickness

-I am suffering, my ankles are suffering and my whole body too, it's a form of sickness

-my ears are whistling with all this complain, was it a form of sickness too?

-You are mean, Asad, she pouted crossing her arms on her chest childishly making him giggled.

-Ok sorry, I was just joking, he held his ears but she turned away from him, Zoya, sweetheart?

-NO

He sat next to her feet taking her ankles between his arms to relax her. She couldn't stay mad at him really longer. Hearing her satisfy moan, he knew that he made her forget why she was angry.

-Am I forgiven?

-Mmmh, not yet, just continue, oh yes, Asad this is sooo good.

-What about this? He tickled playfully the arch of her foot making her yelp.

-Asad, NO...NO...NOT HERE...She tried to free her ankle from her grip but he tightened his fingers around and blocked the other under his amrpit.

-what it's not perfect anymore, what's wrong now? He continued to tease her hard and she choked in her laugh. She begged him and could feel her body tensed. He finally let her free and he draped his body on the top of her, posing his closed fist on each side of her face, enjoying her laugh.

-You are really mean with me, she pounded his pectoral repeatedly annoyed from his teasing.

-Are you going to complain about those heels again or are you going to stop wearing them?

-I will stop none of them, she challenged him

-really? Then be prepare next time from another round of torture.

-no, you wouldn't dare, she asked half shock

-try me? You want me to show you how, he sat and waved to her feet, alert of his threat, she grabbed him from his collar and brought him back to her. He winked at her and she giggled loudly. He stood here cuddled by the song of her laugh. You know Zoya.

-What? Her laugh fade slowly

-there is three sounds that you made which always make me fell in love with you again and again.

-really? She titled her head slightly and dive into his dark chocolate eyes. And may I know what are those three sounds? She asked amused crossing her hands under her head.

-first your laugh, and she smiled rolling her eyes derisibly. She couldn't hold the warm of love that she felt.

-and? She asked again, he smiled back and posed delicately his ear on her chest.

-your heartbeat, she sucked her breath, touched with so much love, she removed her hands and placed them on his hair, rubbing and kissing them tenderly. When he looked down at her, she captured his lips with all the love that she felt in this moment of blissing.

-and the third? She whispered, what was he about to say? She didn't have clue but knows that he was going to surprise her again.

-it can't be described, you should hear it, she frowned and he smirked. He went into the crook of her neck and teased her well know soft spot.

-Asad, she moaned

-the sound of my name when I kissed you, he whispered huskily. His voice, she thought was the best sound, his words, his love were those thing that she will cherish for the rest of her life. Her life has been a dream since they met, it was everyday only love. He continued to kiss her, reaching her shoulders and she let out a loud grin, calling him.

-Asad, his touches and his love made her skin aching for more and her heart racing madly, she didn't need more than this to be breathless.

-what a combo, a laugh, a crazy heartbeat and a moan, you spoiled me sweetheart

-I will always spoil you, my love, she clasped her arms around his neck. Now could you please continue what you were doing? I like this kind of torture.

-Anything for you sweetheart.

Both stood silent for the moment after the scene has been played under both of their eyes, watching together their favorite movie and regretting the end of it. Asad jerked his eyes away from the sofa, he can still hear her laughing. Trying to block those image of happiness, his eyes met hers, she knew where his mind drifted to and she could read it in his eyes, he still remembered that moment. Asad clenched his jaw and Zoya just smiled sadly looking away, moving her hand back and forth on the sofa, pampering those memories. Sadly, it happens; not long time ago. He cleared his throat and threw away those image of her.

-already a diva, you want all of them? His tone made her cringe but she preferred to ignore, she was immunized now, especially what she saw in his eyes few seconds ago.

-well, I am longing to only one, she retorted lazily opening her hair

-Do I know him? He asked angrily

-I guess yes,

-did you...slept with him? His face showed disgust asking her this question and even more imagining her in other arms than his. She didn't respond and laughed at him.

-I don't know what hurt me the most, that you think that I am longing to be with another men or to think how sure you are about the fact that I can do it. Good night Asad. She turned her bare feet and walked away from him. She can't stand his accusation anymore.

-Don't you dare turning your back on me when I am TALKING TO YOU

-TALK? TALK? She choked in her fury, because you call this TALK, ASAD? ARE YOU JUST JOKING? I am done with you, DONE you hear me. It has been like this for a year and a half, YOU keep just hurting me, my love, my loyalty, treating me like I didn't mean and never meant to you. One year and a half, you tire my flesh with your DIS-GUSTING insinuation and your harsh words, you pierce my heart with a thousand swords and you inflicted to my love only shame and despair. I can't anymore be patient, I can't anymore convince myself that you need time, I can't stand quiet anymore, you have just reach my limits, you just broke me down and you seem showing no remorse at all, like I never meant to you, like my love doesn't matter anymore. Where did you love go Asad? Where all those words of love have left? Was it just a fake now that we are going through hard days? WAS IT JUST A LIE? TELL ME? You know what...She tried to stop her swollen throat, but she can't stop her pain anymore. YOUR LOVE WAS JUST LIE, ASAD, YOU LIED TO ME WHEN YOU SAID THAT YOU LOVED ME AND WILL ALWAYS. BECAUSE IF YOU REALLY LOVE ME, YOU WOULD HAVE FIGHT INSTEAD OF KILLING ME DAYS AFTER DAYS, AND I HA...She can't say it.

-You hate me? This is what you were going to say, right? He let out a mock chuckle, then just leave, I won't hold you back.

-I am not leaving Asad, this is MY house, MY life and you are MY husband, even if you seem to forget about it.

-Let me say the same about you, a wife who was supposed to be by her husband's side spent most of her time OUT, WHY? Can you tell me? You pretend that my love is lie what about yours? Was it too perfect? No MRS KHAN, let me tell you, your love was just fake as your tears now. I d rather being alone than being tied with you in fake relationship, with a woman who slept all around... She slapped him hard, her hand and his cheek were still burning after the impact.

-Sleeping around? Fake relationship? Wow, she clapped to him, you should first check the truth of your accusation, Asad Ahmed Khan, you might be surprised by the reality. You are suffering from short memory lost. My love was fake? For you? Why don't you ask for the divorce then? If you are so sure that I am a wh***, why don't you just break this tie? Call the lawyers, call them.

-You really think I can't do it?

-Of course you can, let me help you. She took her phone from her purse, and slide her finger on the screen searching for name. Here my lawyers, please call them. When he didn't take the phone, she grabbed his hand forcing his fingers to catch her mobile, but he resisted and pushed her hand away. CALL THEM, ASAD. She threw the phone on his chest, both of them were breathing hardly. The pain that they spent throwing on each other face killed them bit by bit. If you are sure that I am not worth to be with you, that my love was fake for you and you really meant what you said about me, then be honest with what you really want. For once, I just want you to say the truth, to talk about what you have in your heart. Because when I see deeply in your eyes, they didn't share your words.

-You don't know anymore how to read in my eyes, sweetheart. Because if you really knew, you will understand what they are telling you. You want me to talk, then let's talk, Zoya. If you hate me, then I HATE YOU MORE. Finally, TODAY, you said what you have in your heart, and finally, you dare talking to me. You FINALLY DARE TALKING TO ME LIKE I AM and NOT, he tapped the armchair of his wheelchair, and not like a as a disabled. For a change, you didn't show mercy or compassion, and I liked it. For a change, you didn't act like nothing has happened to me, for a change, you didn't pretend that everything will be ok, that everything will be back like before, that everything is fine. FOR GOD SAKE ZOYA, I CAN'T WALK, I AM DISABLED AND NOTHING WAS FINE. Finally, I saw no pity to my situation in your eyes. If you hate my words, I hated your silence, for a year and a half, I hated looking into your eyes, because it reminded me where I AM STUCK, like I was able to forget, he looked down, I hated seeing pity into your eyes, I hated the way you deal with all this pain that I inflicted to you and you kept quiet because of... If I tire your soul with my words, you killed me with your silence. I gave you a hundred of occasion to burst out on me, but you didn't, BECAUSE OF THIS, he tapped sharply this wheelchair. I don't care if my close friends looked at me with pain or with pity, it didn't matter as long as I found solace in your eyes, but you have the same look. It was hard for me. I don't have shame to tell you how much I hated you and I hate you even more for you silence. And I don't want a woman who avoided me because IT'S TOO HARD FOR HER TO ASSUME A HUNSBAND LIKE ME, TOO HARD FOR HER TO SEE HIM SITTING IN THE CHAIR FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.

-Asad, she hissed in pain.

-No, you want to talk let's talk then, I hurt you in purpose because you need to be free from me, I can see how you tried but you can't do anything. That's why I want you to stay away. I hated myself more for everything. I thought I can be strong, but I am not, Zoya. You meant the world to me, but not now, not anymore. Look at me, there is thing about me that I can NOT change as hard as I want, Zoya. You deserved more than I could give you now. You are a beautiful woman, wanted by many and you are stuck here with me, like I am stuck on this chair. You deserve a real man who can treat you like queen and not someone like me taking you in his misery. You deserve a real man who can fill all your needs. I AM NOT EVEN ABLE TO SATISFY YOU IN BED ZOYA, I feel nothing, nothing. His voice finished in a whisper. She took some steps toward him but he stopped her, I don't want your pity, I told you I hate it. I'm more a handicap for you, for your life, for your happiness. You need to go away.

-you are totally wrong, I don't need to be away from you. You keep yourself away from me, no matter how much step I tried to take to reach you, you keep pushing me away from you every day hardly and bitterly I don't need a man who will satisfy me, I don't need satisfaction in bed, I need YOU, and only YOU. I need you to connect to me emotionally and physically again

-it was for the best if you leave by your own

-the best for who Asad? If it's for me than it was the worst thing to do, why are you pushing me away? Why are you doing this to me? When I just want to be with you.

-you ask me why? You didn't listen to what I said

-I heard but I still don't understand why?

-LOOK AT ME AND LOOK AT YOU

-I didn't change Asad, my heart is still the same. I don't have pity for you Asad, I have pain, I have so much pain because I couldn't help you. If I remained silence to your insult, it's because I was feeling guilty, so much guilty. My love and prayers were not enough to save you. I didn't pretend that nothing happened to you, I just try to let this accident behind us and it will not change us, will not affect our love, but it does. It hurts me to see you hurting yourself for nothing, to see yourself, like you are not worth anymore to be by my side. It hurts me to see you poising your mind and I felt helpless, because I don't know what to do or to say to ease your pain. Every day I entered from this door, I saw you closer to your bottle than me, diving into intoxication than talking to me. And every day, I saw you, I hoped I can do something, but I CAN'T, I DON'T HAVE WORDS TO HEAL YOU and I hate this wheelchair because it stands between us. You gave much credit to this accident than to our love, you let your love becoming weak and you become chained with your misery. You are right, I never dare talking to you, I though you need time to digest but it became worst day after day, and I was losing you every single day. You hurt me a lot and deeply, that it was hard to stand on my feet again, but I always see something in your eyes who kept me hopeful, and I tried again. But I got tired of trying...Alone. Time has run and the unsaid words became our language. We never talk about what you feel and after the accident, you stayed quiet for so long and I didn't know how to bring you back. I am so sorry for that. I fell miserably to help you.

-you can't help me, Zoya and I refuse to see you coming closer to me. I just want you to go now

-I won't go Asad. I know how much you love me and I finally see this ray of hope that I wished to see for so long, I won't leave you. She stepped toward him and he stepped back

-Don't do this to you, Zoya, I will hurt you even more. Just go. Don't make it hard for both of us.

-Too late, I won't this time, I will bring you back. She lifted her hand to touch him but he jerked it away.

-You are such a crazy woman, you really want to stay with me, with this, he waved at his locomotion. You want to stay with a man who will everyday ask you about your partner in your movies, asking did you enjoy being kissed, and touched? Did you enjoy having sex with them? Did...She slapped him hard stopping him from going further.

-Don't you ever doubt about my love for you, and I will slap you again and again each time you dare saying such word. He smirked satisfied.

-then it's going to be so much fun between us, be prepare Zoya, because you will suffer

-it's going to be so enjoyable to see you bending down in front of me, Asad. She challenged in turn, all her strength went back instantly.

-do you really think you will satisfy yourself with a man like me? Hurting you every day in purpose, if you decided to stay with me, you put a red mark of being touch and being a mother, because, you never get any physical relationship with me. He let out a sad chuckle. It hurt his ego more than anything.

-Oh, this, she posed her palms on both side of his armchair and her face was inch from him, do you really think this will stop me from kissing you, touching you? She nuzzled her nose along his jaw and he hissed moving his face away from her, but her hair covered him.

-Please Zoya, he closed his eyes, her scent intoxicated him, making him lose his resolution.

-What Asad, do you already give up? It was her turn to mock him

-Good luck then if you want to touch this body, because it won't be move by you. You know why... because I feel nothing, he rolled his wheelchair away from her grip and knocked his legs again the corner of the table again and again, GOOD LUCK WITH THIS, BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING, NOTHING.

-ASAD, STOP IT, she tried to push him away but his hands gripped on his wheels make it impossible for her to pull him away. ASAD, STOP IT

-NOTHIIINNNGGG, in his last movement, he lost balance and fell on his side with his chair. AARRRGHHH

-ASAD, ASAD, Zoya sat by his side taking him in her arms and hold on him tightly, Asad, please don't do this to yourself, baby please, if you love me, don't, it hurts me. She begged him crying like never before.

His head on her chest where he could hear clearly how her heart was beating fast and it reminded him so much of sweet memories of her. All those image flashed clearly; when she used to laugh after his teasing, when he held her in his arms, after touching her with pure love. At this time, her face was glowing with happiness but for the first time, her heart knocked because of sadness, making her cry for him and because of him. He wrapped his arms around her pushing himself more with intense need and her heart beat even more. He missed her so much.

-Asad, I love you so much, I love you so, she gave him a plenty of kisses all over his scalp.

-I love you even more, she chuckled through her tears when he finally said it, but I am suffering Zoya, I am...Hurting you, Zoya, why don't you leave me?

-I can't Asad, she looked at him stroking his hair, I can't live without you. He shook his head distraught, look at me, let me try, just once and I want you with me baby. Tonight it's just you and me, like before. Let us be together to deal with this game of destiny, let's our love to win over this test. Give yourself a chance and I want you to promise me that you will do it, because you have to. I promise I won't give up but I want you with me, because nothing will change if you don't try. He shook his head tiredly giving her promise. This is my Asad. She tried to light the heavy atmosphere, but it didn't help.

She lifted his chair and helped him to sit. Ahsan, Asad's nurse came running alert by scream and loud noise.

-Everything is fine, Mrs Khan?

-Yes, Ahsan, thank you. His eyes fell on Asad sitting carelessly on his chair. He could feel that both had a big fight like every night now that he was hired for this job. He felt for her and couldn't hold himself from hating her husband for hurting her.

-I take Mr Khan to his bed

-No, not tonight, I will do it

-You? He asked in shock, she raised her eyebrows surprised by his reaction, I mean...it's my job, I can do it, he said nervously scratching his ear.

-Don't you hear what she said, Asad cut him, he disliked him and he didn't want to pretend with him, especially the way he caught him many time drooling over his wife shamelessly in front of him.

-Asad, Zoya posed her hand on his shoulder to calm him. Thank you Ahsan you can take your night; I will take care of my husband tonight. Good night.

Ahsan looked at them retreating back, he never saw them so close before, did they reconcile?

She helped him to sit on the bed, and he adjusted his back to sit properly. He was feeling restless to have her by his side, he was not used too. It felt awkward for him, and preferred to not look at her. He will change and went to bed as quick as possible, even if he can't lie to himself, the sleep will be far from him, having her by his side. He touched his first button when she stopped him. He looked up and saw her smiling tenderly at him.

-let me, please, she asked softly and he let down his hand lazily, his eyes fixed the floor. She unbuttoned one by one, taking her time to savor this moment after so long. She traced an imaginary line along his torso with her finger to touch him, and he hissed silently. Her hands slide under the materiel and removed it from his shoulders using the opportunity to touch his shoulders and arms in the process. His chest was mark with some scars, on his left shoulder, on his right side and the one that she like, was the small one on his chest, Z-shape. She drew with her index, smiling at the ironic destiny, which marked him with her love on his chest, if he wished one day to forget all about her, he can't. She was living again after so long, enjoying her husband and his body. He didn't push her or fight with her, he let her and for her, it was a new step to have him back. When she took away her hands from him, he finally released his breath that he was holding when her hands painted the line of his body. He still remembered her touches but his lifeless body was not responding like it was used too and he hated this sensation of coldness that his body sent to his brain. He stopped himself from pushing her. Zoya can see how Asad was fighting his demons for her, and she pursed her lips to retain her sobs. She can finally see weak light coming from her dark tunnel. She came closer and his upper body stepped back in response, but she didn't care, she will test him and tried to push him as far as he can accept. She wrapped her knees to each other side of his waist, sitting on his lap and cupped his face.

-Asad look at me. He can feel her breath on his cheek and it burnt him, Asad please, she forced him this time, but he jerked his head for her face. Asad, she kissed the corner of his lips delicately and his parted in response, but he didn't initiate any encouraging move to her kiss. She trapped his lower lips and she never thought tasting him again, would have been so magic, so unexpected and so intense. He closed his eyes and tried to connect himself with her, but he couldn't and moved his head away killing the new born kiss. She looked at him deeply and her breath heaved, she wanted more from him now. She went again capturing his lips possessively but still he was resisting to her. She growled in his mouth and gripped his neck forcing him. He responded timidly but it wasn't enough for her, she pushed him on the bed without breaking the kiss, and her gesture around him got intense. He tried to push her but she trapped both of his wrist on each other side of his head, and she kissed him hungrily and urgently. One year and half has been a too long, aching love in her heart and this occasion will not slip from her hungry lips. She dominated the kiss, dominated his lips and him. She will not stop herself tonight and will take from him what she wanted the most, his love. The kiss deepened and her thrust too, she grabbed his hair violently and titled his head to have full access. She was lost in the kiss, and even more when he finally responded. The clash of their tongue made her lost herself in him, at this moment, she knew that she was kissing her Asad. For a moment, Asad gave up and stopped to think, and dived into without pain. It was only the both of them like before. The kiss started to slow down and the gesture was deep, sensual and noisy. Zoya's lips left him reluctantly and her eyes searched for his.

-was it that bad? She asked breathless and he shook his head in no, perfect, she teased his lips again. She can't get enough of him. All the cells of her body begged to feel him again, she aligned her body with his and her hands played with his naked flesh shamelessly. Instead of Zoya, Asad's hand were posted on the bed inert, a part of him wanted to tire her clothes but the one that he was, didn't feel it this way. Asad, touch me, please, I want you, she whispered in his ears.

-I can't Zoya

-I want you to break this wall, Asad, I want you to reach me, she cupped his face staring deeply into his eyes. He can see how they were dark with needs and desire for him. He couldn't figure out how she can still have desire for his half body, when he saw himself in disgust, she saw him like she used too. Asad don't think too much, we are still the same, and I know that my Asad wants me, like I want him right now. The roughness in her voice was so possessive and so ecstatic that sent shiver along his back. Read in my eyes Asad, you will find all that you need, she took his hand and put it in her chest, forcing him to touch her breast in the process. When she felt him resisting again, she wrapped his hands forcing his grip around her curve. Can you feel it, Asad? He growled. Do it for me and free yourself tonight, for you, for me, for us.

She straightened and removed her top, her eyes didn't leave his. She stayed like this, and he gulped when he saw her. She was even more beautiful than his old memories, she was magnificent, desirable and too... Perfect. Seeing her posed like unreachable divinity twisted his inside painfully.

You don't deserve her, his head knocked cruelly and his fist closed painfully.

She was too perfect and forbidden for a half man like him, he can't be at the level of her needs tonight. Zoya felt satisfied when she saw his eyes eating her up, and kissed him when she thought have seen some hesitation, she didn't want him to go behind his shell, not tonight. She will make love to him today, there is no step back for him. Her fingers intertwined with his and her thumb massaged the crook of his palm, like he used to do to her before. Asad's body tensed seconds after second, he tried to resist at this voice in his head telling him that he can't be enough man tonight for her. His fingers tightened around her nervously and she misunderstood this with his needs to have her.

-I love you Asad, I miss you so much, she sobbed desperately in his mouth but he couldn't respond. Why was it tiring him from inside? Her touches were more painful than enjoyable for him, he loved her more than anything else, but her touches pierced his body with pain. It was unbearable. Her hand went along his torso, reaching his abs, and continued to go down, down, a place where he hated, the part of his body that will never be awake under her touches no matter all her effort.

-Zoya, please no, he hushed shaken but for her, it sounded hesitating, stop it, Zoya. But she was still ignoring his helpless calls.

-I won't Asad, I want you back tonight.

-I SAID STOP IT, he pushed her brusquely away from him, and she fell loudly beside him, he hide his face between his palms, he can't do it, he can't be this old Asad, he was not her strong man anymore. He hated himself for hurting her, for pushing her but he hated himself for not being able to be moved by her. He can see what she was doing for him but all his body was bleeding under her touches, reminding him his inability to satisfy her. She laid beside him, curled in fetus position, staring at him deeply, while he preferred to fix the ceiling, trying to ignore the silent call of love that he can feel and see through her. When he only showed her pain, she only gave love, and it hurt him. They stood like this, no one talked or moved, anyone would imagine seeing two lifeless body, but their chest dancing up and down was contradictive with their lifeless move. She waited for him to calm, and to look at her, but he didn't. She extended her hand to reach his forearms, but he pushed her away, making his face tensed by her and his gesture. She again tried to grab his wrist and he shove her away again. Bit by bit, she will soothe his broken soul and tam his body to make him remember what he didn't want to see.

-please, Zoya, but she didn't stop, she again tried to hold his hand, and this time, he reluctantly pushed her away, Zoya, he begged her, she smiled softly, and slide her thumb against his, taking his palm between hers, he closed his eyes in defeat, and let her do what she wanted to do. He didn't have force to fight her today. She held his hand and posed it on her chest.

-You never give up, don't you?

-never when it's about you, he chuckled sadly and lone tear fell from his eyes. Slowly, this lonely tears followed by other and they rolled one by one silently along his temple. Zoya watched him, her eyes moistened with his, as much as she wanted to stop his cries, she knew those tears are making him free. He needed to let it go, to leave his regrets behind, and she will guide him.

-why are you putting yourself in such situation, Zoya?

-because I love you, Asad

-Zoya

-and because you love me more, he turned his face to look at her, and could only see love in her eyes, putting him in deep guilt. Can't you feel my heart? Can you hear it how it knocks when you are beside me? My heart is beating for you, like I can hear yours right now beating for me, dare say no? He took their join hands and put it on his chest to answer to her question. She let out a sharp sob of relief, when she heard it finally. Asad, I just want you to hold on this, like I am holding on your hands, we can go step by step, we don't need to rush, take your time but please, I want you to try.

-what if a step took years, Zoya?

-today, both of us took a huge step, we talked and you let me kissed you after so long. No matter, how it's going to take, at the end, it will be a step that we would have cross together. He swallowed his tears and stared again at the ceiling, diving into deep thoughts. I won't let you give up, I will always be by your side and no matter how much you are going to push me, I will stand strong in front of you, forcing you to move with me.

Both stayed quiet for sometimes, recovering from this heavy discussion. Their breath mingled and slowed. The distance between their bodies flew away and Zoya's cheek was on his shoulder. It felt nice such an intimate contact between them, it gave both of them the feeling to be closer to each other, in their natural form. Zoya kept stroking his hand with her thumb all this time

- You know Zoya, each time I saw you stepping out of this door, I can't stop my fears to never see you back to me. He took a deep breath to stop his tears but Zoya showed hers, it was a cry of love and it hurt both of them. As much as I want to see you happy, I don't want to lose you, sweetheart. It would have been easy if I didn't love you more. It would have been easy if you just hated me and you just left by your own. He buried his face under her cheek.

-first you have to kill me, if you want to kill my love for you.

-I will not take such a drastic step or...he cleared his troath, I can... roll on your body with my wheelchair. Zoya backed agape with his sudden and cynic joke, Asad's lips drafted a slight curve but when Zoya burst out, he couldn't hold anymore, and both dived into hysterical laugh. Asad didn't think twice when he said it, it came naturally.

-it's pathetic

-it's funny, just the way you are Asad... Thank you. She felt proud, he was improving minute after minute.

-Zoya, I can't promise you to stay strong all the time, I might fall weak again.

-I will be here for you, she kissed his shoulder

-what if you get tired of trying?

-I will torture you with my kisses and touches, her kiss went to his heart now and soon replaced with her hands. No matter what you pretend, I know you feel something when I touch you and kiss you. He didn't respond and looked intently into her eyes, she was right, but he also felt a pain under her touch, but he didn't want to share this part with her.

-Please cover yourself, he looked away, Zoya looked down and realized that she didn't have her top anymore.

-Why? does it give you idea Mr Khan? She asked teasingly.

-No, it's just aching me to see such a beauty and not being able to satisfy it.

-we will deal with this also, we are going to do it, together.

-It's better to be two than alone on this

-when it's about sex, you are eager to do it with me

-I am still a man, Zoya

-yes, you are...Mine. Arrogant, proud and stubborn man.

-and you are my crazy, sexy lovely wife

-Wife? She muttered, it's so good to hear you say this Asad, she brushed his lips with her thumbs and stood on the top of him, asking with her eyes if she can touch them. Asad's lips curled and he lifted his head to capture her trembling lips. The few seconds before his lips touched her was the moment she wished she could stop the time, he came to her, initiating the kiss to her demands without any hesitation. What to say about the soft caress of his lips, it twisted her like never before, giving her goosebumps all over her body. It wasn't any kiss, it was a kiss of new beginning between them, a kiss with pure delight and devotion. Both took their time, slowing the seconds not to run out of air and to stay as long as their lungs tolerated against the other.

-wow, she blew with pure satisfaction, you drive me mad, Asad, she shivered posing her head on his chest, breathing his scent and feeling the heat of his skin against her. She didn't think, this day will come, a day to see him back. While this kiss was extraordinary for her, he didn't know what to think about this kiss, it was good to let himself in it and it didn't sound painful or awkward, it just came. This is maybe what he had to do, to let it come, but about his lower part?

-Let's go to sleep sweetheart, it was a long day for both of us. She nodded and she changed in her night dress to lay beside him. They aligned their bodies watching each other and holding hands. Zoya brought her head touching her forehead with his and closed her eyes, it didn't take a long time before she drifted into quiet sleep. Asad didn't close his eyes and kept watching her. He pecked her smiling lips tenderly.

-I still think you will be better without me, sweetheart.