Ae Humnava, Mujhe Apna Bana Le
Sookhi padi dil ki iss zameen ko bhiga de
Hoon akela, zara haath badha de
Sookhi padhi dil ki is zameen ko bhiga de
(O Beloved, Make me yours
Please come and drench this barren ground of my heart,
I am lonely, please extend your hand towards me
Please come and drench this barren ground of my heart)
The only sound they could hear of was their heavy breathing, She could feel every inch of him on her, his kisses still lingering on her skin and he held her close to himself, letting go of all the agony he had bottled up but his hand never loosening around her; a place which neither of them wanted to let go. Their solace.
As she lay curled up, her body entwined with his in a way that spelt more belongingness than passion, her head placed near his heart, she breathed softly into his chest. He couldn't help himself and started drawing patterns on her back, with the arm she was sleeping over.
"Ishita"
"Hmm..."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Since when do you need my permission?"
"No, its just that..."
"What is it, Raman?"
"Why do you love me so much?"
She looked up at him, incredulously, trying to fathom the reason behind his question, whether he was in his cruel, joking avatar again. All she could find was his guileless face, innocently waiting for an honest answer.
She felt all her love and desire pouring out, from her body into his, from her heart into his, from her soul into his. This man! He never ceases to surprise her. Wasn't it only a few hours ago that he challenged destiny? That he promised her to give all the happiness she deserved, even if God didn't will it?
She did not know of a clear answer, so she responded as best as she can. She raised herself on her elbows, and kissed him with the spiritedness of a possessed woman. That's right! She was possessed, by him and his never-ending love.
To say he was amazed by her reaction was an under-statement. He tried to read her eyes, only to find them closed for she was lost in moment. He tried to break away the kiss, and get back to conversation, but as always, his body betrayed him when it came to her. He felt himself tensing up, and responding with equal ardor. Shortly out of breath, they let their lips rest, only to touch their foreheads, breathing heavily.
"Did you get your answer yet?"
"Huh?! What answer?"
"Your answer to the question, why do I love you so much?"
"Ohh that! You're the cause of my short-term memory loss, you know that?"
"Yes, I know", she chuckled. "Now, did you get your answer or not?"
"No."
"No?"
"I mean this only proves how much you love me, but I want to know why."
"What is this now, Raman? Why are you asking such insane questions at an ungodly hour?"
"I really want to know why do you love me so much, Ishita. I feel as if, as if, I don't deserve this love."
"Are we really going back to that topic again?"
"No, listen to me. Its not just about this accident, but every other time when my past has hurt you. Whenever you're happy in life, moving ahead blissfully, this ugly past of mine rears its head and strikes you. You always end up losing something or the other, and I, I can't live with the fact that more often than not, I am responsible for your misery. And so I cannot, for the life of me, understand, what have I done to make you love me so much."
She sighed. Her husband, ex-CEO of a multinational, now the MD of his own company, a successful business man, is so scared when it comes to love. Despite their being together for so long, his scars show up in times as vulnerable as these.
"You listen to me. Every time, your past has hurt us. True, whenever we're happy in life, moving ahead blissfully, someone from your previous life strikes us and our happiness. We end up hurting more than ever before, and you end up hurting more than I do, because of this nonsensical thought of yours."
"Ishita.."
"No, Raman. You've said and asked what you wanted to. Now listen to me. You are a part of my being, my very existence. You are the ONE person in this whole wide universe who I am supposed to be with. It is destined for us to be together. As to why do I love you so much, is because YOU love me so much. Your love is all-consuming. When I see you look at me tenderly, I become a gooey mess of feelings from inside. And when I see passion in your eyes, I feel like I could burst into flames. When you care for me the way you do, I stop taking care of myself because you're so much better at it. When I am sad, you make me laugh with your one-liners. And when I am happy, your smile makes my world spin around. When I see you with our big family, I am in awe of the man who is a responsible son and son-in-law and elder brother and brother-in-law. When I see you with our kids, it makes me jump in glee to see the father of my children showering his warmth on them. And when I see you, just you, it feels as if I have come home, as if the true purpose of my life has been fulfilled, all I need to do is just be with you, because you're not just my husband, father of my children, best-friend or lover, you're a package - all in one. And more than that, you are my soul mate. When I see you, I see a part of my own self inside you, and I can't help but love myself. You see, I'm very selfish in that way."
She said it all in ne breath, and at the end of her speech, she half-expected him to kiss her as ardently as she had done a few minutes ago. But it was her turn to get astonished now. He crushed her to his chest and hugged her as tightly, as intimately, as he could, with all the strength he had, yet was gentle enough so as not to hurt her.
After spending a few minutes in his packed embrace, she nudged him.
"Suno! I can't breathe."
"Oops... Sorry", he smiled.
With his affectionate gaze on her glassy orbs, he started running his hand through her hair, rubbing her back indirectly. He knew she had the same question for him. Without giving her a chance to ask, he started on his own.
"You know, when I met you, when I was that arrogant, obnoxious, ruthless man that you got married to. I was so done with love. More than love, I had lost my trust in, TRUST. And when you decided to marry me for Ruhi's sake, I was taken aback. How could a woman devote her entire life to a child who was not her own? But I was wrong. She turned out to be your own child."
Looking at her quizzical expressions, he continued.
"Don't tell me you don't realize that you are Ruhi's long-lost mother that got separated from her in a previous birth. There's no other explanation for your bond with her. The way you two instantly took liking for each other, the way you made each other your entire worlds. That was the first time I felt a knock on my hard, cold shell of an exterior. Your selflessness for your self, and selfishness for our daughter. And then you went ahead and conquered me entirely, mind, body and soul."
"You tried to resist."
"Very hard, but I had no luck. Falling in love with you was as effortless as breathing, and once I had fallen in, I could not come out of it, because how can I stop breathing. You were like coming up for fresh air. Its like I was drowning and you saved me* "
"See, we are meant to be with each other. Don't you ever say you don't deserve me, because only YOU deserve me, and only I deserve you. And.. we have our kids, Raman. You and them, my own family, its enough for me. We do not want another baby."
"You know why I want our baby so bad?"
"Because you want the symbol of our love in our arms. Because you want to remove that tag of a barren' woman from my life."
"Yes, but there's another reason. See, I am a businessman, I believe in give and take, and up until now, you've given more than you've taken, and I wanted to settle that once and for all."
"Now please don't start again..."
"Hear me out madrassan!"
She became silent on hearing his terms of endearment for her.
"After I went through the worst phase of my life, even though I had left all hopes of having a normal, lovable life, there was a wishlist in my mind that I wanted to fulfill. It was - Be the father that my daughter deserves, get my son back and get him to call me Papa', and find a companion for myself for it'd be difficult to live alone in the old age, in that order."
"The least important of it was the wish for a companion, right?", she asked smilingly.
"Of course. After all the turmoil my life had been through, I wanted to be with my kids, and I couldn't, and it hurt me to an extent that I withdrew myself from them. And then you came. Like a storm. Turned everything upside down, checked all my wishes, and encompassed everything with so much love. I found the reason for my existence. I know you have a checklist too, you don't say it but you do. Be a mother, be desired and loved by someone whole-heartedly, and experience the joys of motherhood. With Ruhi, and later Adi, you got to be a mother, and it became your entire world, that you almost obliterated your last wish. You don't feel the need for it, and I understand that. But since you checked all my wishes, you completed everything that was broken in my life, I want to pay you back. I want to fulfill all that's been missing from your life too, and I want to do it for myself."
"Raman..." was all she could say before hiding herself in his chest. Maybe she had done something right in her life, to get a man so deeply, so irrevocably in love with her. This emotion, between them, was so intense. Something she has never experienced, nor seen anybody else experience. She WAS right that day, when she admitted to herself, that there was some cosmic connection between the two of them.
"Will you give me the right to go ahead and put the last tick-mark in your wishlist? I want to see a mini Jhansi ki rani strutting around the house, lecturing everyone around."
"There's nothing better in the world than to hold our symbol of love in my arms, to feel a part of you growing inside me, and if God wills it again... then... but, I don't want to take any extra measures because I cannot go through this feeling of loss all over again, " she finally choked up.
"You know I'm all well now, thanks to you. You CAN break down now, " he kissed her forehead.
And before she knew, she was sobbing hard and he was caressing her back. This was her rain, and it was his turn to soothe her down now. Enveloped in his arms, she succumbed to the day's fatigue, while he kept patting her until his eyes drooped.
In the morning, she woke up to see his smiling face, adoringly looking down at her. He traced the outline of her face when she saw her open her eyes.
"Good Morning, madam, " he pecked her on the lips.
She rung her arms around his neck, and kissed him on both the cheeks, his nose, forehead, chin. Coming closer to his lips, she murmured, "I was disappointed yesterday."
"Disappointed? Don't tell me another 2 on 10!" He spoke with a horrified expression.
"No silly! In the car..."
"In the car?" confusion marred his eyebrows.
"I thought... maybe... you know... we have never done it in the car... It could have been a different experience; you know..." she turned crimson while saying so.
"In the car? You wanted to experiment IN THE CAR? OMG madrassan! Its true that I called you Silk Smitha once, but I never knew you actually are one! I'm taking you for a long drive RIGHT NOW!"
"Nooo Raman! What will everyone think of? I have to get the kids ready for school, prepare breakfast for everyone. I have clinic and you have office, remember?"
"So if all the work was taken care of, you wouldn't mind, " he winked at her.
"Stop it Raman! Why did I even mention this?" And with that, she smiled a little, but tumbled out of the bed at the same time, gathered her scattered clothes from the floor, and headed towards the bathroom. Thankful for the presence of her Raavan Kumar in her life, without whom she would be a lost creature.
"So car it is, madam! You just wait and watch!" With that typical RKB smirk back in place, he huddled inside the duvet, lost in the thoughts of a long-drive, which would not only let her fantasy come true, but also give them some alone time after the recent nightmare of their lives. As always, he was thankful to the almighty (if there was one) for letting this crazy jhansi ki rani rule his heart and life.
The sun peeping in through the windows, rising brightly after the dark clouds of yesterday, witnessing this beautiful couple going about their lives, hurting yet healing together, and holding on to the straw that binds their souls - the magnanimity of their love.
Un rango se tune milaaya
Jinse kabhi main mill na paaya
Dil karta hai tera shukriya
Phir se bahaare tu laa de
(You made me see the colors,
that I could never see on my own
My heart thanks you,
hoping you'd bring the spring again)
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P.S. The lines in purple are my favorite lines in this entire post 😳 😳 I, personally, felt so much at peace while writing those special words. Also Raman's lines out of those, a part of the dialogue (* marked) has been taken from Grey's Anantomy. This is what Derek tells Meredith, when she asks him what is she to him. I've always been in love with that dialogue, and it fit in so beautifully here, and I couldn't resist using it for Raman.
Edited by -Nidoo- - 10 years ago
Cricket
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