Chapter 29 Silence engulfed them as none of them had the answer to the question. They both stayed quiet in case the other person had something to say until they heard Ruhi's shrill from inside. They forgot about their thoughts and ran inside to the infant who just woke up.
As she put her back to sleep, he watched the together and was sure of never letting Ishita go away from the two of them. After she placed the sleeping Ruhi back into her crib, the awkwardness returned to the room. After a few long minutes stealing glances at each other trying to see if the other person would speak up or not and trying to think of what to do next he finally spoke up...
"We should go to sleep, it's very late."
"Raman...are you okay now?"
He nodded slightly and they both went to bed. They both lay next to each other, but sleep was far away from them. He was still unable to sleep due to his nightmare coming back and couldn't close his eyes for a minute and she looked at the ceiling now thinking about the conflict of having to choose between your child and husband. For the first time, she tried to look at Shagun's prospective. What dilemma did she go through when she saw her husband longing for a child and she knew giving him a baby would mean leaving him and the baby alone to look after each other? How difficult must have it been to have go through a miscarriage alone and then being told it was next to impossible to have the baby your husband wanted so much without risking your own life.
She turned to Raman who was looking at the ceiling lost in his fears created by the nightmare he had a while ago.
"Try to get some sleep." She whispered to him and got a nod in return as he pulled up his blanket and closed his eyes. She followed him and tried to sleep as well. There was stillness for a moment and suddenly she felt a tight grip on her hand. Startled at first, she realized it was him and turned to find him with wide open eyes.
"I'm here...it's okay."
He turned towards her with a faint smile on his face. He realized he had held her hand in an impulse and looked away embarrassed...
"It's fine. You can keep it this way."
She gave him a smile and assured him he could fall asleep without worrying about anything. As he fell into a deep sleep, his grip on her hand loosened and he just cradled her hand in his. Maybe if this was another day, she might have moved his hand away from hers, but today she just couldn't. He was too scared and today she just saw another Raman. He was like a small child... vulnerable, stubborn, soft hearted, and so scared of the unknown future. The way he wouldn't voice out his fears as if they would come true if he mentioned them and his constant ramblings from him only showed his childish yet understandable fears about losing her and how much he wanted her in his life. A tear escaped his eyes and fell onto the pillow bringing her out of her thoughts. Taking her free hand she gently wiped off his tear and he stirred in his sleep mumbling something quietly. She patted his head with her free hand putting him back to his peaceful slumber.
She kept still in the same position observing how his disturbed expressions were slowly starting to turn more relaxed and peaceful and he stopped crying in his sleep. Looking at him almost in a trance, she took her hand and placed it on his. He was trying to move on and in the struggle ended up connecting his past to his present. He was suffering by thinking about the past he couldn't change and worrying about the future he couldn't control. So amidst all this, she could at least hold his hand letting him know she was with him and never would leave him. And that night for the first time they willingly slept hand in hand with a promise to each other to always stick together.
~~~~~
They were waken by his alarm and started their day off by waking up to seeing the other person. She smiled at him noticing he seemed to have gotten a good sleep afterwards as he seemed equally happy seeing her okay and with him. For the first time, they didn't have an awkward moment as they noticed their hands together. She quietly took her hand off his and he moved his off her other hand without a word and they continued on with their morning like usual.
He gave Ruhi a good morning kiss waking her up and watched over her as Ishita got ready. She walked out in a beautiful pink saree and her hair covered with a towel. It had been days since he had seen in a saree and he couldn't take his eyes off her. She smiled warmly walking to the cupboard taking out his clothes as he continued to look at her. He kept on looking at the saree wrapped perfectly around her bringing out her gorgeous figure. The saree's design suited her simplicity and brought out a glow to her face that made him smile widely at her. She could feel his gaze on her, but ignored it at first, but as she stood in front of him handing him his clothes, he continued to look at her making her turn pink like her saree. She wondered why he seemed so lost and waned her hand in front of his face breaking his trance. He took his clothes standing up as she walked off to the vanity...
"Saree after many days! Nice!"
"Does it look okay?" she asked adjusting the pallu.
"It looks great, but you said it was hard for you in them."
"But it's nice to wear them sometimes. I actually like sarees a lot, but they are tiring sometimes. Churidars are so much easier, but I don't like them as much."
"Well you look nice in both."
"Thank you!" She took the towel off her hair and shook her hair and sprinkled water all over him and some on Ruhi. They both giggled...
"After all this, do I really need a shower?"
"Bad joke! Now go get ready, we need to go soon!"
"Isn't that what I usually say?"
She shook her head at him and continued to get ready while he placed Ruhi in her crib giving her a rattle to play with while he went inside. She sat in front of the dressing table lightly covering her face with makeup when she noticed a cool breeze coming into the room. She looked at windows that were closed and then looked at the balcony door which was left slightly open. Her palm met her face as she rushed to close the door and scolded herself for being careless. She sat back down at the vanity and muttered nder her breath...
"If Raman found out, he would have been so mad! He's always worried and if finds out the door was left open, he will panic like..."
As she was about to say last night when she stopped what she was doing. She thought back to the question he had asked her yesterday...
"Why is he so important to me?" she thought to herself.
Yesterday she didn't even take a minute to choose him over her own child. His pain, his fears, and his suffering hurt her so much. She adored seeing him happy, smiling and carefree. She was willingly to do everything and anything in her control to give him what he wanted. She could have a conversation without hesitation with him, and she could be herself with him. She could be all and do all she couldn't with her first relationship. She had given her everything to that relationship, but never was she happy like she was with him, never had she liked seeing the other man looking at her unlike she liked having Raman talk to through his eyes, and she liked his gaze on her like a while back. And he gave her all she ever wanted. She could never feel accepted, valued, or meaningful in that relationship and Raman had so easily and effortless given her all that she or any other woman could ever want in a life partner. And she also didn't hesitate to take all he was giving her and gave back to him. She even let him come close to her which she could never easily do with anyone. She didn't mind having him hold her hand, to hug her and she didn't feel disgusted by his touch, instead it gave her goosebumps as she even thought of him touching her. It wasn't any disgusting or slimy touch, it was made her shiver not cringe, it made her feel pure not dirty, it was a gentle and soft touch. It was his touch.
She looked at herself in the mirror and she was turning a deep shade of red. She looked at the reflection of his picture in the mirror. What was it about this man that made her act like she had never acted before? He was changing her slowly without her own knowledge. The woman who was never cared about what others thought was now concerned about what he was thinking about her hence she always thought about his possible reactions before she did things. The woman who didn't want to rely on anyone was now starting to become dependent on him, she wanted his support whenever he could give it. She wanted him with her.
She didn't know what this unknown yet somewhat familiar feeling was. She had never felt this way for anyone...this wasn't friendship, it was more than that. It was a relationship she couldn't describe, what she felt for him couldn't be told in words. This was no longer something she could have any control over...
Now all she wondered was whether this was a good thing or something she should be worried about...
He came out the bathroom and noticed her again lost in her own thoughts and asked her to come out to eat and gave her his dimpled smile before heading out.
~~~~~
As they sat down at the dining table as she had breakfast and he was feeding Ruhi, she continued to ask him whether he got all her files and had her doctor from Delhi had a talk to this doctor.
"Ishita are you alright today?"
"Why? Do you think something is wrong?"
"Isn't panicking and over concern my thing?"
"Raman I'm just worried. I don't know why, but I'm just nervous about this."
"It's okay. What do you always tell me? Everything will be fine!" She agreed with him and tried to hide her worry and nervousness from him. He could notice she wasn't fully convinced at his words...
"And I've promised both of you that I will take of you two so just rest assured I will live up to my promise."
"I know you will!" She gave him a full smile reassured at what he was saying and felt better about this visit.
She got up finishing her breakfast and asked him to have his taking Ruhi from him. As she walked into their room, he sat down thinking about what he just said right now and the promise he made to her last night. As he thought about the previous night, his thoughts went back to the question she had asked last night.
"Why is she so important to me?" he thought to himself.
He cared for her, he wanted her to be happy at all costs since her happiness was starting to become his, and he hated it when she was in any pain right from their first meeting and he couldn't tolerate any time she mentioned how she was hurt in her previous relationship. And yesterday the way he behaved at the mere thought of losing her was not like him. He was scared of losing his close ones, but never had he reacted like this...not even in his first marriage. Why did she affected him so much? Whether it was her silence that he wouldn't tolerate for day when previously he would go days without talking to his partner or the fact her simple requests made her open up a past he wouldn't dare mention to anyone else. She gave him the comfort, support, and satisfaction he never got in his previous marriage that he had given his all to. But it was not like the relationship he shared. He felt so close to her despite being physically away because they shared an emotional connect which he didn't have with his first wife. He could do what he couldn't with his last partner, he could talk to her openly and have her simply listen to anything, he could crack silly jokes and get a joke in return not a shut up, he could finally act like a free person and be himself in front of her.
And besides emotionally, she affected him when he was around her physically as well. She was beautiful. No other way around it. The way she walked out today wearing that saree was just breath taking. She was gorgeous and then didn't even once show it off. She was never over confident about her beauty and it was added to her simplicity and grace which he found attractive. But then this was getting to him, he had always thought she was pretty, but never thought he would lose control over himself with her around. Yesterday he couldn't help but touch her for a while longer and today he was caught starting at her. And when he was around her, it wasn't mere infatuation, it was something else. It was beauty, but not just her outer beauty. There was some more beautiful about her than just her looks and figure that made him want to be closer to her.
He looked down at his plate and found his favourite breakfast on it. Shaking his head, he thought about how she was no less than him. She gave this so call compromise her best. She care for him as much as he did, gave him the support he need yet gave him space when he wanted and nowadays she was getting more concerned about his likes and dislikes as she learned more about him. And in this process, she was changing him for sure. He was slowly becoming the Raman he was before, a bit more carefree, a bit more relaxed, and much more content in life. The man who had gone to a point where he only used to talk to his unaware daughter was now opening up to her, the man who had given up on happiness in life was now trying to create happiness for her sake, and the man who stopped living life wanted to enjoy all the moments he had with her. He wanted her at his side always.
And that mere thought evoked that feeling in him once again. A feeling he got around her that made him happy, but he couldn't tell what it was. All he knew was he couldn't have her knowing as he didn't know what this would lead to...
She came out of the room with Ruhi all ready to go to find him lost in his thoughts and his food untouched. She asked him to start eating as they were going to be late if he didn't hurry. He did as she told as she was right about them being late.
~~~~~
He sat in the clinic tapping his feet rocking Ruhi as he waited for her check up to be done. She had been strangely nervous today about visiting the doctor and when she heard they would need to do an ultrasound to check on the baby and confirm a few dates, she had quietly told him she was ready for all this. He had somehow managed to calm her down and send her in, but she still didn't seem okay today. As he was busy in his thought he heard a voice calling him.
"Mr. Bhalla can you please come with me?" the doctor's assistant came up to him.
"What happened?"
"We're having a problem right now."
"What problem? I'm coming." He suddenly become overpowered with concern.
"But you can't have the baby with you."
"Then can someone please watch over her for a moment while I'm inside?"
"I'm right here. You please go inside."
He hesitantly handed Ruhi to her and as the infant cried being taken away from her dad, he was left in between the mother and daughter. He quickly calmed down Ruhi and handed a small toy for her to play with and pointed out small things in the room that got her attention and made her stop her crying.
~~~~~
"Ishita! What happened?" he rushed to Ishita who was sitting on the bed cuddled up with tears in her eyes holding onto her stomach. With his heart pounding loudly with worry as to what had happened to her all of a sudden.
"Raman...I can't do this!" she cried to him as he came up to her.
"Do what?"
"Mr. Bhalla, she's getting very emotional and refusing for the ultrasound." The doctor tried to explain to him that she was extremely nervous right now.
"Why Ishita? What happened?" he asked gently wondering what happened to her all of a sudden.
"Raman...what is something's wrong? I don't want to do this. I can't bear to see anything happen to our baby."
"No, don't think like that. It's all going to be fine."
"What if I have to make the choice I made yesterday? I can't do it." She told him horrified at having to live up to the promise she made to him yesterday.
Raman on the other hand was scared seeing her state. She had always been the more emotionally stronger one between them both and she was usually the one who kept her calm & comforted him. Her state and her words right now made him think back to every time he was scared for the baby. He mentally scolded himself for not thinking about how this would affect her. Each time he worried about their child, he always told her and she would brushed it off. But he should have known that everything he said would stay with her and she always took him very seriously when it came to kids considering he had Ruhi and this was her first pregnancy. She would already have been nervous about everything and he just added to it with by telling his own unnecessary worries.
And yesterday was the limit, he made her choose between Ruhi and the unborn child. How could he ask her to choose between her two children? It was the stupidest thing he had done to date, to get rid of his fears, he planted the seed of fear in her and in her vulnerable state right now, she was sure to take the whole thing to heart. After chiding himself for his mistake, he looked at Ishita who was still scared and sat down next to her. Wiping off her tears and gently cupping her face, he made her looked at him and tried to assure her nothing will happen...
"Ishita yesterday you said that nothing will happen, then why are you crying now?"
"I'm scared."
"Look I'm here. Remember yesterday what I promised you. I won't let anything happen to you two. Nothing will happened. Trust me."
"Raman stay here please..."
"Ishita how can I-"
"Please I want you to be with me..."
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That was all for now! Please like and leave your feedback! Will look forward to reading it!
Edited by smilesforever98 - 10 years ago
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