Posted:
I posted this on the LU last night but felt it deserved a seperate post however was too lazy to post it then, but thanks to the encouragement of Roshnee, Shalz, Marilyn, Shravu and fugitives (sorry I dunno your name š³) am posting it at last as an individual post
Watching the OLV I was also of the opinion that Ishita is going a little too far in her protectiveness for Adi and taking the thing of being a helicopter mom to a whole new level but somehow as I sat down later to think and saw the episode in the evening, my opinion changed especially due to the precap that we already knew of courtesy the OLV's
While I am not promoting or applauding Ishita' decision, I do think I see where she is coming from and this post may be considered as in defence of her, while I play the devil' advocate, then so be it...
In the precap what Raman said, its the truth - god' honest truth and you can make it out that the moment it hit him what he said, he regrets it that is why his "Go" is not as loud as his "Dafa ho jao" was, somewhere in his heart he knows Ishita would never harm Adi, but being who he is, he lost his temper and basically said whatever came to him.
But his words are Ishita' biggest fear and her deepest pain all rolled into one - that she is not a mother - not a biological one at least, even if she loves the children of the man she loves as if they were her own flesh and blood, she could lay down her life for them and almost did too, and yet it would never be enough - cause nothing can change the simple truth and the true fact that she has no blood ties to them and so no matter what she does this one thing - You didnt give birth to them - can always be used to hit her and is, it varies from time to time who says the words, uses them but they are used and they do hurt - only she lets on the hurt when someone close to her says them as we see in the precap - when Shagun and Subbu taunted her, Ishita doesnt react, she knows that they mean to hurt her and that is why she doesnt take their words to the heart cause in the end they dont matter to her but Raman does and so do his words which is why she is almost in tears at the very moment he says she isnt Adi' mother...
When I say not being a biological mom is her deepest pain - its self-explanatory, I dont need to elaborate on it but I do need to when I say its also her biggest fear.
Ishita' protectiveness and concern for Adi, a child who has an unfortunate history of being impulsive, self-destructive and also very fragile emotionally, made her decide to put on the spycam in his room; and the newspaper article might be the catalyst that made her do it - it is not entirely the reason she has become so weary when it comes to Adi...Like we know he has a history of doing things, and while he may be now certified by his counsellor as healthier than before mentally, it is also true that Adi has been through a trauma post that certification - namely having his life endangered due to an explosion, an earthquake and the trauma of being abandoned by his mother when he could have died...and couple that with his odd behavior which started since he is attending the science class he joined, that got him partying with friends who caused police to come to his home and his hiding things from Ishita, learning he impersonates his dad while talking to his friend' parents on the phone...it becomes a whole lotta mess...
In the light of recent events, in this age where anyone can be easily influenced, should their parents become careless towards them, Adi can end up back to his self-destructive ways, which I suppose scares Ishita a lot as a mother.
Remember, she has tried to get Raman to talk to him and while Raman is right in his own way that after a certain point you cannot treat your kid as a child, he comes across as too lenient with Adi and the biggest bone of contention is he and Ishita DONT have a heart to heart about how to deal with Adi, Raman either goes to sleep, gets a call or just makes Ishita think that he is too flippant about parenting his son. Its the classic case of good cop versus bad cop - with Ishita being cast in the role of the bad one here...just because she cares, a little too much... and that doesnt make her love Adi any less.
Also, its vital here - why Raman is the good cop and Ishita the bad one...Raman has been there and done that, as in he has been in Adi' shoes once - knows what it is to be a teenaged boy and also played a kind of father figure to his 3 juniors, his siblings , one of whom is Romi, a rebel in his own ways and yet all of them look upto him and so he knows when to let and allow a child to grow up, he has an idea of when he should stop trying to make someone feel like a child; not to mention the fact that he has spent years away from Adi and is now bonding with him which stir Raman' decisions regarding Adi, while when it comes to Ishita she has lived in a family comprising of only sisters and while she has a junior in Mihika, it isnt the same with there not being a lot of age difference between the sisters - she hasnt had to deal with a brother in his teen years neither does she know how to deal with a teen being the younger one in her own family.
If she too tries to become the good cop that Raman is being - Adi would have a whale of a time thats a guarantee...but it would also mean that perhaps he would begin to think Ishita is just like Shagun and he can make her dance to his tunes just by sulking and pouting - while Raman is trying to become a friend to Adi, Ishita is trying to become a mom, the only problem is in her bid to become a good enough mother for him, she is taking decisions that her son doesnt approve off...however can that be used against her?
She had been Ishita aunty for the longest time for Adi - she is now Ishimaa to him, earlier she knew her place was that of a stepmother, who has been accepted in the role of her husband' wife in the eyes of his son, now the very son considers her as his mother too...and so, she wants to be one to him...
However doing so, got her in a situation where she heard the words - You are not his mother...
If she becomes lenient, just for a moment pause and wonder, what if she doesnt care and Adi does something in the present scenario or something in the future - ...what do you think will be the biggest allegation against Ishita in the scenario - whatever it is, not necessarily a suicide - but say that po*n thing comes up and he tries to engage with Vinnie in something physical not necessarily intercourse but something sexual or even just a kiss, which we know can happen at this age or maybe he falls into bad company and starts to smoke or gamble, which is also known to happen to boys this age - what would be the first allegation levied against Ishita - That she is NOT his mother, that she didnt care or pay attention to what her son was doing or who he was keeping company with because he was not born to her...
So, its safe to say - Ishita is screwed in either ways - she is trapped between the devil and the deep blue sea...
While I am not justifying her move or defending Ishita - I am saying we should see where she is coming from too...
Recently, I came across these wonderful words which I think sum up Ishita' quandary and her situation to the T, her intentions are noble but her actions flawed...
"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."
Augusten Burroughs, Magical Thinking: True StoriesThe only solution to this problem is that BOTH Ishita and Raman need to come together to parent Adi and talk about things - Raman hiding things from Ishita is as much a reason for her bad decisions as much as Ishita hiding things from Raman, a reason for his hurtful words.
Anupamaa
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