Moments in Agony :
"Abhi bhi peetay ho? "
Dada's voice rang in his mind, recollecting their encounter. He had stopped in his tracks, as the heaviness of those words sank in.
To others it may appear as a casual one, yet the meaning it held was too deep and scary, an instance completely frightening. His life had taken a new turn, his calm and unadventurous life drastically changed as he traveled though rough terrains of society. His profession had its own share of difficulties which his inexperienced and innocent self was unaware of. Ignorant he was of the intangible mess he'd found himself involved in as he got tossed around mercilessly, amounting his failures when all he always believed was truth. A simple word indeed, yet the complexity it holds should never be confronted by weak hearts. Truth had shattered his life.
Never once had he disregarded or behaved in a way that would harm his family. Still, misunderstandings grew like fungus, eating him up. With no one left to believe him, his stories lay, buried deep down, untouched.
Every relationship he'd nurtured, toiled and cherished for life wistfully became mere names to associate. Every person he'd known, left him, never allowing a chance to prove his innocence. An invisible but a definite boundary separated him from the world, isolating his tired soul.
Abruptly he had found himself alone, fending for his own morals. Everything came crashing down on him, crushing his hopes, his ambitions, his desires. Everything vanished in a puff of smoke.
Every part of it had always seemed to be a vivid illusion. Still, everything was as real, affecting him emotionally.
Guilt loomed over, like a heavy dark cloud. He blamed himself for all the misfortunes that'd affected him and those around him.
So many lives were ruined. He'd witnessed a person die right before his eyes as he simply stood, unable to do anything.
It was his fault Anurag couldn't walk.
His fault that his life partner never did love him.
His fault that he was so pitiable, his vulnerabilities bare open.
The blame was on him, he'd accepted his mistakes.
A bottle of whisky lay before him half-filled, beckoning to be emptied.
Life played its own sweet games, making him the scapegoat, brutally wounding his conscience and his innocence irrevocably marred. Still, he had gotten up, all bruised and damaged, his tired mind determined to counter his circumstances. Yes, he exactly did that.
He'd deliberately forgotten what significance emotions held and never did intend to recollect those which had wickedly affected him. He came to live in terms with his circumstances. He was no longer the naive, innocent Kabir. He'd evolved himself in The Kabir Sharma, the ruthless guy of set principles and no mercy. There was no place for excuses. Solitude defined him.
Still, after all these years, she had made her own place in his mind. Her opinions, her presence mattered. He happily prioritized her friendship.
But then, it was him who made the mistake, yet again.
He lamented over his impulsive act of breaking the truth which had devastated her. Killed her hope. Made her close herself in a shell. He wanted to stay by her side, to console her, to protect her. Be her pillar of strength and her strongest assurance. Yet, his guilt made him shut himself away in a seamless bubble. His helplessness constantly nagging him, making its presence felt.
He was responsible for everything he could think of. He'd plunged deep into depths of his own darkness, immersing himself. It was exactly the same. His past. Same situations, same hurt. He'd never intended on hurting her. Confronting the truth is what he'd expected. He'd wanted her to understand him.
Accept him.
The situation was too complicated. His thoughts even more confounding.
He was still paying the price. A hefty one.
As he closed his eyes in defeat, those precious moments they'd spent together, flashed before him, as he tried assimilating his feelings for her.
Edited by SuperChillz1 - 10 years ago
Debate Mansion
Pati Patni Aur Panga
Indian Mythology
