Hello everyone
I am back with a new update. Many loved the light and cute date of our beloved IshRa and the charming Raman. But this chapter is everything but cute And Raman is everything but charming 😆
No worry! I promise loads of nice moments between the two soon. 😃
Now read n do let me know how you feel about it.
Would love to hear from you all
With love
OSJ
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Chapter 8:
"A love forced is never obtained".
Ishita let herself into the house quietly and went in her room locking the door behind. She wanted some time alone with herself to register what had just happened in the store room. Shagun cheated on Raman and that was the reason why he was how he was- bitter, uncommitted and so...hurtful and with trusting issues. No wonder when she confronted him when she found out about his wife, the blood in her veins had freeze with his coldness and bitterness. She had felt disgusted for having feelings for him.
Ishita shivered thinking of that night...the night everything ended between them...after living with him for six months what she never lived with Subbu in a decade.
***
Ishita's hand was trembling. There had to be some some dreadful mistake as she let go of herself on the leather chair with a sick and faint feeling. She leaned her head against the palm of her hand. She would have to wait for him. Everything would be neatly explained. Yes Raman would have an explanation. She breathed a little sigh of relief at the thought of that and settled back in the chair, her eyes half closed but only to open again to drift to the picture-that little seven-by-five photo clutched in her hand. Her fingers tightened on the photo and she found that she was breathing quickly, nervously, like a scared wild animal that had wandered into an unsuspected trap.
May be, she thought with a stab of bitterness, this fear was simply a culmination of what she had been feeling, deep inside for the past six months ever since she had been going out with him. After all, with her uneventful looks and humble roots, what did she have to offer to a man like Raman Kumar Bhalla, one of the most successful businessmen of the country, the CEO of the year, a man with power, wealth and looks...man who could crook a finger and have any woman he wanted running to him?
Hey eyes drifted to the photo again and her heart squeezed with pain.
She was desperately in love with him and there was no denying that he was fond of her, enjoyed her company and was attracted to her. That much had been obvious in the flare of his eyes whenever they were together but there it ended. He did not want commitment. It needed no explanation. It was evident in every caress, every touch that was unaccompanied by love declarations she had started longing for with time. She had went through a break up and she needed time too and the last thing she wanted was to jump in another relationship she had told herself. She was content going out with him because they liked each other's company but things changed for her. Her feelings had evolved and she gradually she had let go of her defenses and had given him her fragile heart without a single thought, in the hope that things would change for him too...Her love would make a difference...
And for the past six months she had played the game by his rules.
But not now! Not after knowing that he was married! Ishita felt nauseous and felt like slapping herself hard on the face. God knows why she even let things went so far between them? That was so out of character! Was there some inevitable logic to her behavior? She frowned.
Of course! She had spent her life believing in fairy tales. Ishita thought bitterly. Her prince who would sweep her off her feet and would be there for her always...her knight in shining armour...but gradually she learnt her lesson. Subbu was everything but her knight! She had understood that fairy tales were just a back door to run away when reality starts having a toll on your sanity.
But with Raman it was different from the word go. A man she had never come across in her life. He was from a different league all together , as different as a shark was from a goldfish. Underneath that sophisticated exterior, he possessed a rapier mind and a lean, predatory sex appeal which had clean bowled her. Nothing in her life had prepared her for that heady rush of excitement which his mere presence could arouse in her, and she had done nothing to protect herself.
She was so lost in her thought that she was unaware of the door opening until he filled the doorway. Was he surprised to see her in his study room? He didn't show it. He only loosened his tie and tugged at it to undo the top button of his shirt. Walking towards her he finally asked, "what are you doing here? I thought you were still working?"
"My appointments got cancelled and I knew you would be around by now", Ishita muttered grateful that only the lamp on the desk was switched on, not enough for him to detect the sharp red colour that had flowed up her cheeks.
"So you came to greet me," he muttered softly.
"No. I want to talk to you", she replied all edgy.
Raman reached out and lazily trained one finger along her neck. "Can't we postpone the conversation for something less cerebral?" He asked in the same low voice.
She gasped and pushed his hand away and tried to get up but he was still leaning over her. She pushed him away and stood up, the photo clutched in her hand behind her back. Raman immediately sensed that something was wrong and frowned.
"I came for a conversation. Having a relationship with someone does involve some of it, doesn't it? Or am I asking for too much?" She said with a hysterical edge to her voice.
Raman's face hardened and he asked grimly, "What the hell has got into you? If you are here to subject me to a monologue on the values of conversation, then it can wait. I am damned tired and I have no intention of indulging this unexpected bout of temper."
He turned away and moved to the mahogany bar in the corner of the study. He poured himself a drink and turned to face her again.
"I want to talk to you", Ishita said in a burst. "Well? I am all ears", he prompted mockingky. Taking in a deep, steadying breath, Ishita stretched out her hand with the photo. "I'd like to know about this", she said quietly.
Raman put down his glass, stepped forward and took the picture. He stared at it, looked up at her, his eyes as hard as diamonds.
"And where did you get this?"
"In the drawer", Ishita replied defiantly.
There was a long unbroken silence and finally Raman asked accusingly in a cold voice, "were you rummaging through my...?
"No I was not! I was just looking for a piece of paper to jot something and..."
"And thought of having a good, long look at everything else in there", he finished for her.
Ishita turned scarlet red and started defending herself hotly. "It's not in my nature to nose around Raman. I pulled it out by mistake and looked at it and I thought you would want to provide an explanation," she said with a trace of sarcasm.
He was beginning to look dangerously angry and her eyes widened with apprehension as he took a step towards her. "Why? I had no explanation to offer about something that's really none of your business Ishita Iyer."
That hurt! But Ishita was not going to let him see that.
"We were in a relationship," she began and he gave a bark of laughter. "And?"
Ishita looked at him speechless. The man in front of her was not the Raman Bhalla she had fallen in love with. It was a stranger, a cold, menacing stranger...then reality struck her hard on the face. There was nothing cosy about their relationship. It wasn't ordinary, run-of-the mill situation where two people shared their heart and married and shared their...bed.
Theirs had been an intense, addictive relationship from the start where she was the one alone who invested herself body and soul and whenever common sense had shown the slightest sign of putting in an appearance, she had quickly ushered it away because just the thought of never seeing that hard-boned, arrogant, good looking face again had terrified her. She had only herself to be blamed. Period.
His words brought her back to the bitter reality of their relationship again, his words slicing her inside.
" I knew it. You were far too...conservative and middle class in your attitude for me. Ishita we made love but that does not entitle you to scour my private life."
He was hell bent on hurting her and on breaking her self control. He was being successful because she couldn't stop herself from screaming.
"But I AM your private life!"
"You flatter yourself."
He turned away and she blinked rapidly, fighting down the sting of tears. He moved across to stand at the window, his back to her. Ishita wanted to rush across to him and tear his eyes out. What an impressive, unscrupulous animal he was!
"Didn't I mean anything to you Raman?", she nevertheless asked trying to maintain some semblance of self control. She needed to know the answer even if it would not make any difference.
His shoulders stiffened and he remained silent. But he finally turned to her, his stony eyes and face not giving away an ounce of emotion.
"What do you want me to say to that Ishita?" He asked, his eyes fixed on her.
It didn't take a genius to deduce the answer from that telling, prolonged silence.
"You don't have to say anything I guess. You never forced me into anything. You were very clear from the beginning. No serious relationship. But things just went faster and out of control between us. You don't owe me any explanation Raman. I would, however like to know what this picture is all about?" She managed to say with a steady voice.
She needed to hear it to be able to flush him out of her system.
"This is the picture of my wife", came the dreading answer she was waiting for.
Ishita blanched, then turned bright red. Her body felt as though it was on fire. What was she expecting? She asked herself. It was a wedding photo, wasn't it?
"So I had been going out with a married man for the past six months?"
" I AM NOT MARRIED." His voice was firm and cold. "The thought of adultery leaves me with a sour taste in my mouth."
"Is she dea...?"
"Ishita let me make one thing absolutely clear between us once again. If you are looking for commitment, then you are looking at the wrong man. My capacity for love was well and truly expended on...Shagun"
"Don't waste you time with me if marriage is what you're after. I never promised you anything Ishita."
"No. You never offered me anything that you couldn't provide." She repeated dully, her intense anger having evaporated. She felt drained and hopeless. "You have been a true gentleman." Inside, she felt dead and lifeless.
She was not a woman who liked arguments; quarreling always perturbed her, made her feel awkward and uncomfortable.
His lips tightened and he stared at her as though he would like to shake her but was only controlling himself with extreme difficulty. He looked on as she walked towards the door.
"Where are you going Ishita? It is late and you know I don't like it..."
" I can take care of myself Raman". She opened the door but his voice stopped her again.
" I should have never given in to my impulses."
"But it's not too late to get rid of me and my middle class mind set", she whispered hating herself for loving this man when he was capable of being so utterly hateful. She finally stepped out into the corridor. "I am leaving now and this is the last you'll see of me so you can carry on with you life."
She shut the door behind her and that was indeed the last time they saw of each other till that party night for Mihir.
***
Ishita dropped herself in her bed and cried her heart again. That night would always hurt her every time she would reminisce it. Tonight she had finally learnt the truth about his past. Would it be possible to forgive him for his cruelty on that night? She was not sure. He had hurt her much more than Subbu who only made cracks in her heart. He had managed to break it into million pieces.
She closed her eyes and beckoned sleep to invade her.
Raman knew that he had awfully hurt her on that night. He had been a monster. It was as if the demons of the past had possessed him. Seeing Shagun picture in Ishita's hand had made his self control snap. He had spilled out all bitterness and anger for that woman on her. On the only woman who had never asked anything to him. In return she had managed to calm him down and had settled his tormented life for six beautiful months. When she had closed the door behind her, he knew that he would never see her again. She was one of those strange creatures who had one of those rare commodities - pride! Pride in a woman is something that he had not seen for ages and it was that pride which had attracted him towards her. And It was that pride only which had distanced them from each other. It was good in a sense, he had reasoned himself. She was too innocent and too pure and he was just the opposite. He chose to let her go and never stopped her. She never got to know how much he was missing her in his empty life. His ego stopped him from calling her to tell her that she was indeed his private life and that without her it was rather non existent with only bars and drinks as companions.
Some days later when he learnt that she was no longer working for Bhatra Clinic, he stopped himself for asking about her whereabouts. He purposely never asked her about her personal life, parents and natal town to avoid sharing his with her. He had thought that she was from Chennai like most madrassis but when he saw her in Delhi, he was shocked.
Seeing her again had stirred the buried feelings he had about her and every time he would bump into her, these never felt before emotions would threaten to burst out like an eruptive volcano. It was difficult for him to control himself and keep away from her.
Would she ever forgive him? With that thought Raman dropped himself in bed, knowing very well that sleep would not engulf him so easily.
To be continued...
Edited by omshreejaanu - 10 years ago
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