4
I had left the house to go job searching, but instead, I roamed around in a park. The same park I used to spend time at with him. He was my ex-boyfriend, the only man I ever loved... the only man I ever will love.
Sameer Mittal.
He cheated on me though... he cheated on me with my best friend, and I could never forget walking in on them making out. It was in his car, in the side of a dark alley.
I didn't believe it when I first saw it - but there he was, with Kaustuki Sherpa, my best friend. I was in twelfth standard at that time and Sameer and I had been dating for a year.
My family didn't know - nor did his. We decided we wouldn't tell anyone about our relationship, and I agreed, because it wasn't something people praised in our society.
However, when I was walking by after my tuition class, and I saw them making out, my heart broke, and I ran away from there. I couldn't speak to anyone, or see anyone.
Both Sameer and Kaustuki had sent me many messages, acting as if everything was normal, but I hadn't said anything to either of them. Kaustuki was the only one who I had told about my relationship with Sameer, but even she couldn't keep her hands off him.
It broke my heart, but I couldn't stop loving him. How could I? I still wanted to be with him... so I continued to see him as if everything was normal.
He was actually the one who broke it off for good when he heard that my marriage was being fixed with Randhir. I hadn't even known it at that time, but my family and the Mittal family were close friends.
When I went home and confronted my mom about my arrangement with Randhir, she told me that it was for my best and they were a good family. I mentioned Sameer, and how the Mittal's were better off, but she said that the Mittal's would never make me their daughter-in-law, our family was not wealthy enough for them.
I wanted to tell her about my relationship with Sameer, but I didn't. She told me to marry Randhir, and I couldn't even go against her word... especially when Sameer had clearly broken it off and said he didn't want to see me again, as if I had cheated on him.
I never cheated on Sameer, nor would I ever. I am Sameer Mittal's wife, Sanyukta Mittal. I told myself that everyday, when I was married to Randhir, but the reality that I am really Mrs. Randhir Singh Shekhawat continued to hit me hard and I would cry.
Yes Sameer cheated on me, but I loved him... I still wanted him. How could I love anyone else?
The day before my wedding I finally told my mom about Sameer, and she slapped me. My mom told me it was my childishness, and it wasn't really love. What I felt for Sameer was infatuation. Not love. I argued with her. I loved Sameer! How could I not? But my mom told me that I was being stupid and that I needed to marry Randhir.
One thing my mom told me before my wedding, still sticks with me to this day.
She told me that she thought she loved a man in school too... but years after she married my dad, she realized the true meaning of love, the sacred care, the sleepless nights, to make sure the other one was well... that was love, not the infatuation that she had mistaken.
Of course, I brushed it aside. My truth was only this: I loved Sameer, and I could love no other.
I tried to meet him many times, but he just wouldn't see me.
So today I'm sitting here at this park, reminiscing about memories of the past. Thinking about times spent and lost... I loved and I lost... I felt so hurt when he cheated on me, that even my grades dropped and no respectable university would take me. That was actually the reason that my parent's decided to get me married off early.
I am only nineteen years old... Randhir is twenty three. Sameer was twenty two, he was attending some college where he studied computer science.
I clasped my hands together and looked up at the sky.
"I don't know what to say... I wish I wasn't in my position, but I don't know what to do now," I said out loud. "Please give me a sign, and tell me what I have to do."
Then I felt a hand on my shoulder - a gentle, reassuring, comforting touch... a touch filled with respect and love.
5
I look up and see Randhir.
Why isn't he at work? Has he been stalking me? Then I look down at my watch, and I see that it's past five... work had to be over. What brought him here though?
He sits down next to me and he looks out into the horizon with me, where couples were walking hand in hand, and children were running around and playing.
"This is a nice place," he said as the cool breeze hit our faces.
Why did he have to come here and spoil this place for me too? I cherished these memories and now he came here out of nowhere.
He was like a ghost, popping up everywhere.
"How did you know I was here?" I asked him, in an accusatory tone.
"I didn't," Randhir answered simply. "I come here for a stroll sometimes after work."
I looked up at him, surprised. He walked in parks?
"Why?" I asked.
"I don't know... sometimes the air and atmosphere is nice, and I don't want to go home early," he murmured in response.
"Why?" I repeated, looking at him suspiciously.
"I don't want to bother you," he stated simply. "So I like to come home later."
He had to be lying... that couldn't be the real reason. If I loved someone, I'd run home to see them as soon as I could. If he really loved me, he would want to go home.
I wasn't aware though, that my definition of love was flawed, and his was flawless. I wasn't aware that he loved me enough to let me breathe even if his breaths fell short, whereas I had only loved to let myself breathe, without caring about whether their breaths fell short.
"I didn't know you'd be here," he said to me and I looked down.
"Neither did I," I mumbled. "I came out to look for a job... but I landed here."
"You don't need to work," Randhir told me, as he continued to stare into the distance. "I mean, if you want to you could... but don't feel pressured to. We'll live."
"I want to," I told him and then I stood up. "Do you want to go home now? Since you are going against your reasoning for being here."
"I'll go... you stay and enjoy the air," Randhir said. "Come home when you're ready."
Then I looked up at the sky and remembered that when I asked for a sign, it was he who placed his hand on my shoulder.
He started to leave, but I ran after him. As soon as I caught up, panting for air, I said, "Wait - I'll come with you... we'll go together."
