I should get a boyfriend soon: Tabu

"I should get a boyfriend soon"

Why is she single?" That's the first thing that comes to mind when you meet Tabu. If this personification of grace and beauty happens to be single, then what hope remains for us lesser mortals. Tabu says she does want a man in her life. And in the next breath insists she needs her space. She's looking for a middle path between her wants and her needs. Like all of us, she too is pulled in two different directions by two opposing forces. She's waiting for the yin to reconcile with the yang. At the same time, she knows there is no perfect nirvana - not in this world at least. She hopes that the Universe conspires soon to provide her with her heart's desire... she dances between despair and longing, to a song only she knows the lyrics to...

Does being put on a pedestal as an artiste make it difficult for you to get into a relationship?
People who want to be with you will know who you are. And only someone who accepts you for all that you are, deserves to be with you. It's important for the person to separate perception from reality. And at the same time accept that the perception is a huge part of me. That's the challenge. Obviously, anyone coming in my life has to be okay with the fact that I'm out on a pedestal. I'm not 16-year-old who can be moulded in a certain way. I'm already cast. I won't change myself now to adjust with another person. Right now, I'm not involved with anyone so I don't know how difficult it would be for the other person. Only someone who's sensible and large-hearted would be okay with it.

Has any past relationship been affected by your stardom?
(Laughs) It's been a long time since I've been in a relationship. But honestly, I don't think anything was affected. What makes or breaks a relationship are the two individuals and their personalities. I was not ready to be in a committed relationship at that point of time and wanted different things from life. So I chose to take a different path. Nothing was wrong in the relationships. I didn't have any bad experiences. There were no heartbreaks. It's weird. People think my relationships failed but nothing of that sort happened. It was out of choice and my wanting to discover myself that I chose to remain by myself.

Are you ready to be in a relationship now?
Yes. But only on my terms. I've understood the importance of having things on your terms. Whether it's work or relationships. You need to have clarity about who you are and what you want out of the relationship. So somewhere in my mind I'm ready. I'm not thinking about it though. It's best left to destiny.

You haven't found a right man yet?
It's not about the man. I wasn't ready till now. When you're ready, you automatically make things perfect for you.

What are the qualities you look for in a man?
He should be in a happy space and let me live in my space too. Space is important for me.

Does it scare you that so many marriages are failing around in the industry?
No. I don't take decisions looking at others. If I were to look at other people, I would've got married much before. Everyone around me is married with children. All my friends are married or in relationships. People do tell me about marriages failing and to consider myself lucky. But I don't look at it that way. Everyone's journey is different. I've the sole responsibility of my life.

Do you then believe in the institution of marriage?
Yes, totally. We're meant to share our lives with someone. I also know that if doesn't happen, it doesn't mean the end of the world. It doesn't mean you're an aberration. You aren't a failure if you don't get a life partner. The world has also opened now. People are consciously making a choice of not getting married or not having children and it's accepted. It's all about personal prerogatives. You don't have to do things just for the sake of it. I'm not saying it's a great way to be. I'm just saying it's also a way to be.

Being single or in a relationship - what seems a better choice?
Till now, I've chosen to be single. I don't know whether it's the fact that I'm so used to my freedom that it seems like a big step to take. If you tell me that you have to be with someone or make an effort then I won't do it. I'm too happy in my own space. There's no problem or issue I'm having being single. I don't know the other side. Maybe it'll be better or maybe it will be worse. Right now, I'm okay not making the effort. If it happens by chance, great!

Does being single make you focus more on work?
Maybe or maybe not! There no distraction of a personal life... Aisa hota toh I'd be doing more films.

Does it work better for an actor to be free of relationship pressures?
It depends on person to person. Some people enjoy family life and that helps them better their work. Some people aren't okay with that even if they aren't actors. An actor's life is completely taken over by films. How you manage your responsibilities and work is your call. I'll know if I get in a relationship again,

When you were in a relationship how different was your approach to work?
(Laughs) I was working more and doing more films when I was in a relationship. Sometimes being in a relationship also motivates you to work. Come to think of it, I should get a boyfriend soon.


What's your take on infidelity?
It's a grey area. The more you debate on it, the more it consumes. Everyone has a different definition about infidelity. Some people believe emotional infidelity is worse than physical infidelity. Some believe physical infidelity is actually cheating. Where human relationships are concerned, everything is so ambiguous. We never have control over our feelings. We can't make a rulebook about it. Also, the meaning of loyalty and infidelity at every age is different. So I can't have an opinion on it. But I do know one thing that it causes a lot of suffering, hurt and pain. Human beings haven't risen above the feeling of betrayal. It exists and it's painful.

Something you fiercely consider unethical?
Stealing. Taking away something, which isn't yours. Even if it means taking away someone's credit. Putting down people and disrespecting people is also unacceptable.
Shahid Kapoor calls you a drama queen' in Haider. Does this apply in real life too?
No, not at all. I want to be a drama queen but I can't be. It never takes you anywhere. People see through the drama. When you're younger you can do drama. Now even if
I do drama, people will not take it seriously.

They say a woman's heart is as deep as the ocean and one would never know what's inside. Do you agree?
I agree. Women internalise things. They internalise stress differently, love differently. They are going through so many of their own problems. Emotions, hormones...
A woman is made of so many things and that's why you'll never know a woman completely.

You seem to be at peace with yourself. Has it come with age?
It has come with age. A lot of things are taken care of by just getting older. I'm not saying it's the number. It's the experiences, which you go through all the years, you get a clarity about who you are and your priorities. Much of the peace comes by just knowing yourself.

What are your priorities in life now?
My wellbeing is my priority. My family and friends will be my priorities. Work will have importance too. My relationship with work can't change. My personal growth matters hugely to me.

Does age scare you?
I'm not married and don't have children. So I don't feel old. But the fact is I'm getting older. I'll not be a slave to feeling bad about my age. I want to be healthy, fit and live a good life, whatever age I am.

What interests you apart from films?
I'm a boring person. (Laughs) Had I not been single, you wouldn't have asked me this question. Off and on I write. When I'm inspired I write. It comes out in spurts. I wrote a lot when I was in Kashmir because the place inspired me. It was an experience. I have family there and I'm strongly connected to that place. I clicked some of the best pictures there. I enjoy singing. I want to train myself. Singing songs make me happy. I don't cook nor can I draw.

Are you in a happy space now?
Oh yes I am. I'm inspired to do more and grow. Life's good.

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