This is my first effort at writing. This shot is set in the backdrop of early phase of IshRa relationship.
Please give it a read!
I Am Not Sorry
She was hurt beyond limit with him. He made it clear today that he hated her from his core...
She came back home after two successful surgeries and visiting-rounds and took a shower. Then she changed into Kurti and leggings. His words echoed in her ear all along...
"Leave... I hate you for your very existence"
Not that she had married him for Love, she was stuck with the arrogant, ruthless, shrewd business tycoon, Raman Kumar Bhalla only for the bundle of joy she had dedicated her life to. They had married sirf Ruhi ke liye'. The clashes and clamour of their daily lives were a natural thing.
There was no scarcity of materialistic comfort. But love... it was another matter altogether. The uncaring rigid man had the word in his dictionary once, then one day he realised Love is over-rated, superficial and abstract and chucked it out. But she... she had broken the deal by losing her heart out to him... In reality, Love is a cruel thing, she had realised.
The atmosphere outside became gloomy with thunderstorms. And the first thought that came to her mind was him... his safety. She hated herself. He was the lone person on earth who had been able to cause so much pain in her life and yet she could not help worrying for him.
She stood by the balcony drying her hair and that's when she noticed him staring at her. Her heart skipped two beats. She could count them. As always she was unaware of his arrival. Although something in her sighed with relief that he was safe and he wasn't out in the stormy night. His look has something else today. It was hardly possible to make out something from his stone eyes other than, anger, pain and guilt. But there was something else today... love? Love?
Love... Her heart skipped another beat. She could not think anything. Something was there that would not let words form in her mind. And that's when it started raining heavily and her attention was snatched by torrential downpour. The smell of soaked ground invaded her senses. When she turned again to keep the towel she found him right beside her, amused with her sudden delight because of the rain. And instantly she took a step behind.
"I..." he started and took a step forward. She took a step backward.
"Listen", he said and stepped over and the similar fashion trended when she stepped back. And finally her back hit the wall. There was no escape now. Well, he never bound her afterall.
Suddenly, the light flashed and shrill sound of thunder scared her soul and she jumped out of fright. He hovered over her as if to hide her from the destruction and murmured huskily, "It's alright, I'm here".
He was here. She relaxed. She relaxed because he was here. She could not understand her own self. From when did she need him to relax? She thought unbelievingly.
When he stood again in front of her, she felt weird. It felt awkward. She didn't know exactly from when she had this troubled breathing. She looked at his eyes and she had doubt over her own mind in what she could see in his eyes... Desire? Desire for h... her? Her?
He had put his arms on the wall right on both sides of her... so, did he finally bound her?
She didn't know why her body felt so tensed. Was it his proximity? She struggled to draw air. The air lacked oxygen, she thought. But, then they never taught her that the pit of stomach tingles with lack of air... he came closer and his breath mingled with hers. His breath... it was better than the soaked sand and the fresh air. So it was his scent that had numbed her mind? She clutched the sides of her Kurti. And, then the drastic happened. He placed his lips on hers licking on her lower lips gently. She was not her anymore. She poured down with the rain, she blew with the wind, and she sparkled through the thunder.
He put his hand on her waist and gripped it firmly while his other hand clutched her nape and brushed it occasionally. She didn't know when her hand reached his hair and other one was on his chest. She put her weight onto him as her knees gave up and toes curled up.
He consumed the whole of her. Unbeknownst to her, her body had co-operated with every urge and order of him. At this very moment this place where they had been existing ceased to situate on the earth and got transported into heaven. May be this was heaven. The phenomenon that had ripped her inside out was terminated after good two minutes because of lack of breath.
It took her a little while before she regained her consciousness. Her soul landed in her body, earlier it had fled away with his soul in the paradise.
She looked at him, not expecting anything...he was unpredictable and then expectations only yield disappointments. Truth to be told, she was not in a state to do that! He failed her again, because she never expected he would say what he said next,
"I am sorry!"
"I am sorry" echoed in her mind... sorry... he was sorry for giving her some of the best moments of her life. He gave her what she longed for all her life... his love, his acceptance, his care and his concern... when he finally gave it to her... he was sorry for that. Heartbreak was greater than a heart-failure. There was remedies for heart ailments and there was death, but heart-breaks? She now know it by her life that broken heart can't be healed. His never healed, hers will not too. Why didn't she learn a cure for her own deceptive heart? Like him, she also hated her existence now.
She felt miserable. Suddenly she felt claustrophobic there. She ran into the room and emptied the wardrobe.
"Ishita?" she heard from behind. She turned around and found him right there.
He held her in her upper arms and asked again, "Are you alright?"
Had the rain soaked her emotions also, she would have been thankful. She pushed him right in his chest with all her strength and he took two steps back. He hadn't expected it.
"After being the first kiss of my life, you apologise to me? Do you have a pumping machine fitted there instead of a heart?" she screamed and poked her forefinger in his chest.
She pushed him again with the same force, and yelled, "All my life I longed for you, your love... and now when you finally give it to me, you say you are sorry"
She breathed deep and mumbled incoherently, "Why?" Her face was tear-stricken and she didn't put any effort to hide them. She was simply exhausted.
His eyes were from confused to raged and offended now. He grabbed her arms and pinned her to the wall. Looking right into her eyes, he uttered in a dangerously low tone, gritting his teeth in every word, "I said I was sorry for the morning incident"
Her rigid muscles relaxed in his hold. She didn't know she had held her breath. She sucked in some air. "I do not regret what we did now in the balcony. I can't be sorry for the best moments of our life. I can only rejoice them, cherish them. I. am. not. sorry." he said.
And he was gone.
Okay so this is it. Hope you liked it!
Bade Achhe Lagte Hain
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