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Rate episode 66: "Ekk Insaan Do Maut"
Jen,
Once again this update is simply superb and emotionally exhausting. I can imagine how hard it must be for you to write these emotionally draining chapters.
Sisters always share special bond whether it is Kushi-Anita or Lavanya - Manya. I just love how Kushi and Lavanya shared their grief and received a shoulder to cry on from their siblings.
Lavanya character is getting complicated in every chapter. It is interesting to know that Lavanya was not aware of Aarav's paternity at the time of marriage. But why didn't Lavanya try to resurrect those so called moments that she fondly remembers to strengthen their relationship earlier?. Did she realize all her mistakes after she came to know about Arnav & Kushi relationship? Or did she think that Arnav will be pinning for her and miraculously return to her just before divorce is granted?. To me Lavanya just lives in imaginary bubble and false hopes. Is Lavanya talking about bright sun blinding Arnav in the middle of a full moon night?š”
Arnav tried to work on his relationship with Lavanya for three years but failed. He did give her flowers, blissful romance etc but Lavanya ditched all those with her insecurities and fear of getting caught. Why Arnav had that imperceptible flicker when Kushi asked him loving Lavanya?. Did he love her or was he just thinking of those god forsaken moments spent with Lavanya?
Meeting between Manya & Kushi is interesting. Why does Kushi needs assurance from Manya that she didn't take away that small chance of Arnav & Lavanya marriage survial?. Why is Kushi so guilt driven about her choice?. Manya words definitely hitted Kushi where it hurts the most. It is definitely time of introspection for Kushi to prioritize her priorities. I guess Arnav is the person walked in from parking lot?.But what is he doing there? Meeting Lavanya / Manya / Lavanya doctor or did he come to know about Kushi meeting with Manya?. I am waiting for next week to come soon.
Jen, what an emotional update this was.
First atleast there is someone in this story who is practical in her thinking and outlook. Anita is perfectly correct when she said that someone should have stopped Manya when she was spewing vemon at Khushi. And the fact that her parents are also equally responsible in hurting her and that she should move out at that instant.
I am guessing that apart from the guilt that is ripping her heart and soul apart, its her parents' attitude too which drives Khushi away from everything and everyone.
If people in all directions keep pointing fingers at you, I guess gradually you start feeling responsible for the actions you never committed. I think that is what is happening with Khushi too.
On one side her parents have been saying that right from day one, then now Lavanya's suicide attempt and her pathetic excuse of a note, combined with Manya's outburst has enlarged and inflated the guilt in Khushi in a big way, the same guilt which she did feel initially and but later buried it deep within her heart on Arnav's insistence and his love.
Khushi forget the phoenix, forget the flicker in Arnav's eyes, stop this guilt phenomena from engulfing and devouring you completely. That is the only sane advice I can give Khushi now. She is not the first person to ever fall in love with a married man who was almost divorced. I am sure such stories are there right from early human ages to the present.
And for the sake of your own sanity, why are you seeking clean chits for your actions from people who don't care for you like Manya or Lavanya. Who the hell is Manya to say whether you are correct or not? Look into your own conscience and decide for yourself.
And coming to Lavanya, I am so exhausted with her. Even while typing this line, I let out a deep breath.
How much can one lie in their life? How much can one try to manipulate the circumstances according to their whims and fancies? How much low can one stoop in their life? How much can one blame others for their bad actions?
First and foremost I don't agree with loony that she only came to know that Aarav was not Arnav's son after his birth.
Ok even ignoring that, the four years she and Arnav were together, did she sincerely try to build a nice relationship with her husband instead of always nagging him and not being satisfied with anything he does. Whether its her nature or her guilt or whatever crap, I really don't care anymore, she not only made Arnav's life a living hell but also ruined her marriage with her own hands.
Now how conveniently she comes up with some stars theory for her marriage saying that there were good moments like stars in the night sky and Arnav has been blinded now due to the sun.
Well I would like to say that that the stars have died and become black holes long ago Lavanya, wake up and see for yourself, the night sky is totally dark now with no stars and no moon or no anything. Its just dark and plain dark. And this darkness was there even before Khushi came into Arnav's life.
Wake up Lavanya and realise that irrespective of Khushi being in the picture or not, Arnav was going to divorce you. He was not coming back to you.
I hope someone tells her these facts and just asks her to sign the damn divorce papers and get it over with once and for all.
Hey Jen... I guess I'm never going to cease to be amazed by the lucidity of your writing and I'm definitely not going to tire of telling you what a wonderful writer you are. That was quite something. Confrontations, confessions and introspections. And looks like it's not over yet...
Firstly, I admire Anita for the way she assessed the situation with little prejudice and gave her frank opinion. It shows her maturity beyond her years. I love her for being there for Khushi the way her whole family should have been. Like Anita said if they're hurt and shocked, Khushi is too. Isn't it up to parents to comfort their children first instead of judging and condemning them?
Secondly, I understand what Khushi is going through. Her doubt about herself, her choices has increased dangerously. Along with these doubts and uncertainties, guilt, blame and hurt are slowly pushing her towards misery. Even though I'm glad she had that conversation with Manya, I think it has just added to her burdens.
As I was reading this chapter, perhaps for the first time, I felt myself step into her shoes and it surprised me that my feelings weren't very different from hers. And that's when I found the certainty in the correctness of her decision to put some distance from this situation and the people. With some space and time, I hope she will see that even if the timing may have been off, her choices, her love, their relationship is not wrong or immoral. I hope she will see, as I see, that The Phoenix is not Lavanya-Arnav's marriage but Khushi and Arnav's love, their relationship, which might burn owing to doubts, insecurities, unfair accusations and judgments but it will rise again, it will be reborn to take flight again, stronger, more dazzling than before.
Coming to Lavanya... I tried my best to be as neutral as possible (it's rather difficult considering I'm restrained by my resentment towards her)
I am glad that Manya tried to put some sense into Lavanya. However, it doesn't surprise me that Lavanya is thick enough to not see it and continues to be delusional. Magic pills to make things right, I mean, seriously?! I don't deny that everyone deserves some getaway from problems at times but not by losing touch of reality like this woman is hoping for. Escaping reality and wishing for the problems to disappear without any effort. "No change of circumstances can change a defect in character". For me, La's defect is her inability to accept the gravity of her errors and their consequences.
One thing I do not deny is her claim that there were moments. As much as it pains me to imagine, I'm sure there must have been moments of affection, romance, camaraderie because they were married for quite long and friends for longer before that. To compromise with the situation that they were dealt with, Arnav certainly must have tried to make their marriage work and they must have made some good memories in the process. But the fact remains...that it was a compromise. It was not really a choice. They had moments, but no balance. Are some moments, few good memories good enough to sustain a marriage that began as an adjustment and was crippled by lies, guilt and insecurities?
I am not married but as a woman, as a person, I don't think I would settle for being a compromise or a second choice, especially now that there is no child to be considered. Why should anyone? Don't we all deserve to be loved wholly, without conditions? La's problem is that she wants that only from Arnav... Moreover, I hardly think what she feels for Arnav is love anymore...if it ever was... It's an obsession, a demand of a petulant child. If she truly loved him, she would not begrudge him the happiness, a second chance at life.
Stars, Lavanya called them, didn't she? And Khushi, the sun? I don't know if she is right or not. But I recall something I had once read...
"The sky may hold a million stars but it is consumed by only one, the Sun." And I, for one, do not see any incongruity in the fact that Khushi is that sun for Arnav. But, what La fails to see is that even if Khushi wasn't in the picture, she would never be His sun. Eventually, that truth would have caught up with them and La would have reverted to being her insecure, neurotic self.
I think this is quite apt here:- "Yours is the light by which my spirit is born; you're my sun, my moon and all my stars." (E.E. Cummings)
It is apparent for anyone to see, even Manya, that Arnav and Khushi share that kind of a connection; something he never felt for Lavanya even when Khushi wasn't there, even when the truth about Aarav was not revealed. It's time to concede that he never really belonged to Lavanya. In spite of all this if she still insists on holding on to her desperate delusions, I don't see any hope for her.
I guess, I got carried away, once again. If I think anymore, I'm sure I'll come up with more stuff to analyse and dissect. So, I'll stop here. Apologies if I have gone far overboard.
I'm eagerly awaiting as well as dreading the next update! It's going to have 'the conversation'... š
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