FF - A Rude Awakening COMPLETE STORY PG 145 - Page 23

Uncaring Zaki's desperate call for her to come back and listen to him, she went back to her room. With a wild cry, she tried to wrench the bracelet out of her hand. It didn't budge. With another desperate curse, she opened her cupboard and took out the kangan. A vision of a faceless woman wearing them danced in front of her eyes. It almost brought her down to her knees. Almost. Not quite. She stiffened her face in resolve and ran a hasty hand to wipe away her tears. Allah knows, better late than never. I won't stay here anymore.

She went straight to Alvira's room. "May I come in aunty?"

"Arre Arzoo?" Alvira's smile slipped, concern replacing the joy. "What happened beta? Are you OK?"

"I just came to give these to you. They are not mine and I never touch anything that is not mine." She extended the kangan.

"If anyone has any right to these kangan, it's you Arzoo."

Arzoo placed them on the table beside Alvira's bed and turned to go. Everyone in this house has some agenda of their own. And she had been jerked around and manipulated to suit their needs. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. She wouldn't stay here only to be made a fool of twice. Whatever Alvira aunty had to say, she was not interested in listening. She needed to go and that's it.

"I know you're angry because I hid things from you. But I'm not sorry Arzoo. I'm a mother. A mother who has been watching her son suffer in pain for the past seven years. Who hasn't seen her son smile in seven long years. Until you came into his life."

"He is married aunty." And I won't be turned into my mother. Loving a person who is married to another. Loving a person who hates my very existence. Not now. Not ever.

"Things are not always as they seem Arzoo. A coin always has two sides. Please don't make any hasty decisions until you see both the sides." She came and stood in front of Arzoo. "If all he wanted was to deceive you or make a fool out of you, why did he tell you that he is married? He could have taken your relationship anywhere without you knowing about that. Yet he told. You think he was playing. I am saying he was being cruel to be kind. He didn't..doesn't want to drag you down along with him. He is hurting and you are the only one who can heal him. Please Arzoo. A mother is begging in front of you to save her son. Please."

Arzoo just shook her head and left the room, her thoughts centered on where to go from there.

****

Gabbar Chaudhary. Gabbar Chaudhary.

"Shhh. Be quiet or you'll wake her up." Sahir cautioned Asharfi in a low tone as he sat on the bench with Asharfi perched on his shoulder. "Is she off to bed?" Asharfi cocked its head. With a little smile, he extended the chili. "Here you go. For another good job. Your singing is improving I must say Asharfi."

Lalla lalla lori doodh ki katori..

Sahir laughed softly. "OK OK. No need to sing for me. Thank you very much. And I told you to tone down your volume na." His phone vibrated in his pocket. With a small frown he checked the id and answered it. "Yes, Rahman saab."

"Sahir saab, just thought I should call and remind you that I'm going to be in Mumbai the day after tomorrow. Zaki and Samaira's engagement should be announced by that evening or you can forget your deal. If that DVD comes out, you'll be in jail and your family out on the streets. From Goa I had to come to Lucknow because it was my brother's son's wedding. Else I would've closed all this almost a week ago."

"Rahman saab, your threats are getting repetitive. And boring too. You need to think of something new to say the next time you call. You stated your conditions and I said I will meet them. The more you repeat, the more I feel like refusing. Khuda hafiz."

"Khuda hafiz. We'll meet the day after tomorrow."

Sahir replaced his phone and leaned back to close his eyes. Asharfi nudged his cheek with its head. "You know Asharfi, the only force that has been driving me for the past seven years is my promise. Every sleeping and waking moment was spent thinking about it. And I can't fulfil that if I don't get this deal." He opened his eyes to stare at the ceiling. "Yet, the deal has been the last thing in my mind the past few days." He turned to look at the parrot. "Why Asharfi? How did I not think about it? I made sure to kill all of Arzoo's love with my words. Yet.. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Do you by any chance?" Asharfi scratched his head, drawing a wry smile from Sahir. "You know, sometimes I wonder if it's all worth it. All this lying, mind games, counter attacks..She thinks I did the same with her too, you know? That I played mind games with her. Maybe I did too. But..I can't hurt her anymore Asharfi. I just can't do it anymore."

Sahir aap ek artist hain. Tasveron mein rang bhariye, shayri likhiye. Yeh business aapke buss ki baat nahi.

"Go Asharfi. Go and get some sleep." Sahir growled out the words as his eyes darkened with remembered pain and fury.

****

You think he was playing. I am saying he was being cruel to be kind. He didn't..doesn't want to drag you down along with him.

It was past midnight when those words shook Arzoo out of her restless sleep. Why were they not leaving her? Everyone including Alvira aunty had lied to her. Hid such a huge truth from her. She, who never ever trusted any man placed all her trust in one man and got it thrown back on her face, her love trampled and stomped under his booted feet. Yet, here she was. She shook her head resolutely. No. Enough now. They would go back to Lucknow tomorrow. She was sure to get some job there. They would all start over again. She got up from the bed only to sit down again. Then why was she so restless? What was her problem? She got hurt. Fine. She would get over it. Wetting her dry lips, she got up and went out of her room. And stopped dead. There, a few feet away, on the two-seater bench she saw Sahir. Head tilted at an awkward angle. Asleep. She took a step back. What was he doing here? At this time of the night? She turned to go back to her room when her eyes fell on the book that lay on the floor near the bench. Like it had slipped and fell from his hands after sleep overtook him.

Things are not always as they seem.

Alvira's words came back to her. If they are not as they seem then what were they? Why do you care Arzoo? He is married. Back off. None of your business now, a part of her shouted at her. But then where is his wife? Why isn't there a single snapshot of her anywhere in the house? In his room? Maybe that book will give me some answers. Some kind of closure for this whole mess. Something. Soundlessly, she went and picked it up. And saw the palm of his right hand. The red gash slashing across it. Her eyes darkened in pain. What happened? It still looked a little raw. Why didn't he do something about it? Why didn't anyone do anything about it? Where was his wife? Tightening her fingers over the book, she went back to her room as silently as she had come.

She had shared her every thought with him before so she felt no guilt at reading his personal diary. Taking a deep breath, she opened the first page.

Adhuri Arzoo.

His bold beautiful scrawl stared back at her. Swallowing, she turned the page.

Ruti hain khushi bhi..toote yakeen bhi nahi..

Jeene ke ujaale milenge kabhi toh yahi..

Doonde hain koi mere dil ki yeh sooni zameen

Adhuri Arzoo kabhi hogi mukammal yahi..

She turned to another page.

Mein jab bhi koi baat karne ke liye alfaaz ke jhole mein haath daalta hu

Tatol tatol ke alfaaz pehechanta hu. Mutti mein band karne ki koshish bhi kart ahu

Ab khamoshi se mutti mein teri baat aakhir ho hi jaati hain

Meri baton mein teri baaten shamil hohi jaati hain - Arzoo..meri adhuri Arzoo

Another page.

Aankhon ne abhi jo baaten kahi hain teri..

Seene mein humare saasen chali hain teri

Tu hi aasmaan mere dil ki zameen ka raha..

Saansen yeh meri kare sajda tera hi ada.. Arzoo..meri adhuri Arzoo

Her trembling fingers turned to the next page.

Armaan na the..na khwaab the..na chahten na justjoo..

Humari zindagi bilkul khamosh thi..khud se bhi thi na koi guftgu

Ab..inn khamoshiyon mein aapki khamoshiyan ghulne lagi hain..

Shaam ko khwaab ko aksar Arzoo milne lagi hain. Meri adhuri Arzoo

She turned to another page. Then another. Then another. It was page after page of poetry. Every single one ending on the same note. Meri adhuri Arzoo. She didn't notice the tears that slipped and fell down her cheeks. Her blurred gaze turned horrified at what she saw in the next page. The word Arzoo written and struck of again and again. All over the page and towards the end, the ink turning from blue to red. Smearing the paper. As if..as if..she paled. His palm. Did he do that to himself? Ya Khuda! Those lashes on his back that she had seen on that long ago day! What kind of a person does that to himself? What is making him punish himself that way time and again? What did all these writings mean? Or was she reading something that wasn't there? Being played for a fool again? Allah knows what was she to do now!

She went looking for answers but all she got were more questions. Replacing the book from where she had taken it, Arzoo went back to bed.

****

"Zara?" Arzoo's tone was unusually hesitant.

"Ji Appi?" Zara continued to brush her hair in smooth strokes.

"I woke up last night to get some water. I saw Sahir sir outside on that bench."

The brushing stopped. "He has been sleeping there ever since you..I mean that night. The first night the way you screamed out his name..he sat there the whole night appi. And every night after that. I don't know if you remember all this or not. You had nightmares for a couple of days. You kept mumbling his name in your sleep. He used to come and stand outside the door. Wait until you settled down before leaving once again. He talked to some doctor too. And he told Linda to make sure you are in that design team. That you should be kept busy."

"S-Sahir sir did all that?"

"Yes Appi. He kept telling me that you were strong. That you would come out of it. His belief was what held ammi and me together the last one week. Otherwise.." She shook her head and left the rest unsaid.

Ya Allah! Now You are the only one who can tell me what to do. Could this be another game of his? But why? What more does he want? Is he doing all this to make sure I don't go after Zaki? But then that book? Those words? And what would he get by staying up night after night on that bench? What would he get by asking Linda to help me? Out of the blue her daadi's words came back to her.

"Arzoo beta, words lie. Eyes don't. Eyes are the index for a person's soul. Whatever a person feels, love, hate, anger, pain..the eyes speak first. The language sure is not easy but it is always the language of truth. Always."

****

"Excuse me sir, can I talk to you for a couple of minutes?" Arzoo waited until Sahir sat at the breakfast table before walking up to him. After the first startled glance, his face turned blank and he nodded.

"I came here to apologize to you." He didn't look away from her as he waited for her to continue. And neither did she. Her eyes remained firmly locked with his.

"I promised to never show you my face ever again. But I couldn't keep my promise. I want to apologize for that." He blinked. Once. The fleeting look of gorging pain was too brief for anyone to notice unless they were specifically looking for it. Resolutely she continued. "I also want to tell you that I'm going out today to look for a place to live. We..my family and I will move out of your house in a day or two sir."

The light in his black, black eyes dimmed and flickered, in the brink of extinguishing. And he was yet to say a word. Just waited for her to give him the final blow. She obliged. "Allah knows I'm sure you would only be too glad to tear away my three year contract with Saiyyara. You would never have to force yourself to see my face after today."

A fine sheen of wetness appeared before he could blink and slide his gaze away. He got up from the chair that he had just occupied and walked away without a backward glance. Arzoo deflated as soon as he disappeared from her view.

Why do I feel my words affected him when he himself told me I don't matter to him? I can go my merry way for all he cares. In fact that was what he explicitly said he wanted. But then if I don't matter why did he do all that in the last few days? Sense of obligation or guilt? Or something else? Am I stupid to hope even now when he treated me like dirt? What should I do? Was this how my mother felt? Not able to stay and not able to let go? Am I becoming like her despite everything?

Her eyes fell on the place where he had sat. The untouched plate, glass, coffee mug..frowning she picked up the fork and touched the edges. Her fingers came away a little sticky and red. Blood. He had been poking his already injured hand all the while she had been talking. Ya Allah! What is this guy? Why is he hurting himself like this? What should she do now? Go and never know his pain or stay and risk more heartache?

Thank you all for reading. Hope you liked it. Will be waiting to hear from you.