As he was driving up to the station he couldn't but shake off the uneasy feeling that he's been having since last night. He woke up close to dawn sweating and unable to breathe. The AC was on full. He checked the temperature it was at 20. Then how the hell am I sweating like a pig. He got out of the bed to get some chilled water to clam him down. But as he did he stepped on something. It was soft. He looked down and it was one of the cow softies that he'd bought for her. He just kicked it and then felt the need to pick it up. He did give in to his hearts longing and picked it up and caressed it and brought it close to his lips. He again feeling frustrated tried to throw it back at the wall. But he couldn't. Whats gotten into you Nancy. Now you're ready to be in the Jerry Springer show for sure. I have sadist intensions towards my girlfriends toys. Is you're girlfriend 5? Are you a pedephile? With a snake to the head and the black and white Cow in tow he grabbed a bottle of chilled water from the fridge and came back to the room.
His head was pounding as well. And just held the cold water bottle to his forehead hoping for some temporary respite. It did. But he was still unable to shake off the sinking feeling in his gut. He attributed it to the events of yesterday. So much was said between the two. If only he knew what the actual truth is. You already know what the truth is. Why can't you just believe her innocence? She's never lied to you. She told you unbearable truths to you. You believed her then. Why not now? Why are you so eager to believe unimaginable lies? She needs you and you abandoned her man. You're no different than all the people that was in her life before you. You waltz in and promised her to give her the sun and the moon. At least others never lied to her. Gave her false hopes. You're worst than all of them put together. You're a coward. You betrayed her. Jack the coward, you climbed on to the plank saying rose let me come and keep you warm and you, after making your self warm pushed her into the ice cold water. And when she held out her hand asking for help you just pretended to be asleep. Not notice her. You really are a spineless pancy. You might as well go to office in a skirt tomorrow man.
He realised he was still in his office clothes. He vaguely remembered he got a message last night while at the bar getting wasted with Arjun and bits and pieces of their conversation. He checked the nightstand. Their phones were there. He took both and first checked his messages. He re-read message sent from a random number. He dialled the number. To his disappointment it was switched off. "CHUCKY" he said it out loud. It's her. She needs me. She needed me. But She's asking to help them. Why should I? May be its a typo. He was trying to make heads or tails of the three simple words that could mean whole lot of things.
Then he took her phone and went through the pictures once again. She loved me more than I loved her. Her love was simple and pure. Without any hidden agendas. Just like her. His heart was crumbling down. Bit by bit. The hate seemed to vanish. How could I not have seen her love. How could I have doubted her. It's all a farce. She's putting up an act for me. He never took any pictures of her. He does not have a single picture of her in his phone. What does that mean? What if you didn't own phone and better yet what if it didn't come with built in camera. He was giving excuses for himself. But nothing seemed to ease the GUILTY feelings that seemed to gather like storm clouds, threatening a torrential downpour.
What kind of man am I? You have just her mug shots in your files. Frame one and keep. That's better than not having any, don't you think so Romeo? And you claim to love her. If I remember right, you kinda proposed to her with a big rock. Well I hope you're proud and happy thinking she was impressed with the number of carrots attached to it. She's not bugs bunny!
You lost her man. It wasn't she who gave you the poison you gave her the poison and faked you're own death. Enjoy you're pathetic life. He wanted to speak to and her and tell her he believes her. To cut the crap and fight for her freedom. He wanted to ask for her forgiveness. But he had to wait for few more hours for that.
He entered the station with a renewed purpose but was greeted by grim looking Arjun. Even as he got out of the car he felt as if he's lost something or that he's forgotten to do something. He checked if his wallet, badge, ID, phone, the house keys and his weapon. It's all there. May be he'd remember it later. He only hoped it won't be too late. Arjun looked as if he's had the worst night ever. He thought he was having a bad day. Not anymore after seeing his partner.
"Tyson wants to see us" Arjun said avoiding eye contact with Shlok.
"Good morning to you as well, Arjun Gohkle! What's with the ass face. Rough night hah?". He was unresponsive. They entered SSP Kannar's cabin.
"I thought only married men look like shit in the morning. You two look worst"
"Agnihotri I want you to go to the prison hospital and find out the status of Mrs. Almeida. Didn't any of you jokers know she was almost two months pregnant.? "
"She didn't say"
"Of course she didn't. May be if the three of you were sitting and braiding your hairs then she would've revealed all her deep dark secrets. Fix your skirts girls I can see your knickers" SSP Kannar was in no mercy mood.
"Agnihotri you're in charge and you didn't know? How is that possible. It's your job to find out everything damn thing about her. They don't get arrested with pregnancy tests and DNA results. We are to seek what they try to conceal. Why didn't you even ask her? I thought you had brains, but you just have Harvard shirts. I'm sure dead men can't sire unless he had his frozen. Agnihotri, who's her lover? I want you to find that bas***d and bring him in. Maybe She's taking the fall for him. I want you to get me a name from her at least. We need to least inform the father that she lost the baby. You hear me Agnihotri? What's gotten into you both?" SSP Kannar looked at the pale faced young men in front of him. He wanted to give them kick in the ass.
Shlok, was frozen. Arjun was no better. SSP Kannar looked at them, knew something was definitely amiss here. He always knows what's going on with his puppies. He gave them the impression that he didn't give a shit. But the fact of the matter was he did give a shit. He felt responsible for them. That's his training. He as their leader had make sure his troops are doing ok as well. It was his duty. He was bound by his oath. For a moment he was in the jungles of Chattisgrah fighting the Naxsls. Trading himself for the freedom of his men. His heroic past as his Janie liked to call it. He thought of his Janie in Mrs. Almeidas ' position. Loosing their first born. Their Myra! It was unfathomable.
"Seetha snd Geetha if you're done putting your make up can you get on with the investigation"
Arjun snapped out of it. But Shlok was still lost. Arjun nudged him. "She's lost the baby. Lost!"
"Agnihotri what's going on? Your acting as is you lost your baby?"
"I did" he said still in his daze state.
"Gokhle I need to speak to Agnihotri" Arjun was more than happy to leave. He was feeling suffocated. He had heard the gossip as soon as he arrived at the station. The girls tongues were wagging as usual. He wanted to call his buddy. But then say what? Good morning, by the way you lost your first born. While we were getting wasted last night.
"Have you totally f**ked up?"
"Since when the Criminal branch f***s the suspects? As the Chief may I inquire? How long has this new interrogation method being used? F*** first then question. Great results you got. Gohkle does it too?"
"No! Sir, just me"
"Well done. At least one of you can keep your pants zipped up"
"If you knew she was pregnant why did you let her rot in there? Would you care to know how you lost your baby? She was kicked in the belly. She almost bled to death. You're don't deserve to be a father. You let everyone down. Her, your baby, me your partner this whole unit"
"You'll have my resignation sir?"
"It's not for you to decide. But you're no longer the Chief investigator, Arjun is. You're off the case. This information is on need to know basis. So try not to gossip between you two girls! At least now I want you to keep your pants on and get your act together before the whole unit becomes the laughing stock and we all get our asses suspended. Is that clear Agnihotri? " SSP Kannar reigned supreme.
"Yes Sir!" Was all he could manage.
"I don't know what sort of shit you have got yourself stuck in. Who you sleep with is none of my damn business. I like to keep it that way in the future as well. But when you go and get the main suspects of a high profile murder investigation pregnant , the status quo chages. Everything becomes my bloody business. What were you thinking Agnihotri? You weren't. I always thought you to have a sound head on your shoulders. I'm very disappointed. Now Take Gohkle and go to the Hospital. She's in Ward 4 bed no 12"
Shlok left SSP Kannars' cabin like a zombie. He still didn't know if it all was some sort of twisted nightmare. But he was sure he's awake. He didn't know what is real anymore. It all started to make sence. All the things she said to him. And like the cynical idiot he is, he took it all the worst possible way. Accused her of having an affair when she said "I'm not alone". She tried to call him. To tell him that he's gonna be a father. What did I do? I called her a cheater. All the filth she had to hear from him. And then finally her last plea! "We need you" she was trying to keep their baby alive while he was getting high. She was getting kicked, they were killing my baby. You Save criminals, but you so didn't want to save your own flesh and blood. What kind of father are you. He always blamed his father for not being there for him. Being busy making money, but at least he came to see him when he was sick and took him to the Doctor . What can you call yourself.
"Shlok lets go buddy" Arjun popped his head "we better get going Shlok" he stood up. They made out of the station and towards his Mustang. Shlok was fidgeting with the car keys. Trying to key in after fumbling with the keys, dropped it twice. Arjun came up to his side. Took the Keyes from him opened the doors. "I'll drive" Shlok didn't protest. Just walked to the other side and got in. Arjun got in from the drivers side and looked at his partner. He almost didn't recognise him. He looked blank. Lost without hope. He felt sorry for him. He wanted to say something but what do you say to a person that's just lost his baby and feels responsible for the death. "I'm sorry Shlok! I'm so sorry!" He was emotionless. He didn't even blink. He was like a corpse. Arjun knew nothing he says will make a difference to the way his buddy was feeling right now. Silence is gold. He hated it.
Shlok was seated and kept looking at the road ahead. But he saw nothing but her. Crouched on the floor trying to keep their baby safe from the brutal blows. He knows how painful is a kick to the belly. Specially if those bitches were wearing heels. Which he knew they would've been if they where wh**es. His little cow girl, with all her child like innocence getting kicked in the belly. Shes so tiny so fragile, there's hardly anything to beat. How could she survive such pain. He remembered once while cooking when she cut her finger how much drama he had to put up with. How is she now? "We need you" But I didn't need you. I just let you fly away from me. Without a thought. I killed her. I let them kill her. I let them kill my baby. She would've had black curls just like her mother. Her cute nose. And who could forget those big black eyes. Then I could've had two chuckies. I'm sorry babes. I really really f***ed up. I'm not worthy to be forgiven. I don't deserve it. But I hope you'd let me take care of you. Give me a chance to make it upto you. " Shlok we're here buddy" Arjun said to him.
He just got out of the car and was in a hurry to get to her. Didn't even wait for Arjun to come. He was making long strides towards the entrance. He asked the directions. The young lady at the reception was very helpfful. He didn't have the presence of mind to even thank her. He just dashed towards the stairs.
Ward 4 and he entered. His heart was beating so fast. The nurse stopped him. He showed his badge. She let him proceed. Bed no 1 ...2..,...4...6...9...12 Last bed in the corner. She was lying with her back to him. He went up to her. She was awake. He could see her reflection on the marble wall.
"Astha! Please I ask for your forgiveness. If your ever manage to do so I will be happy till I die. I was looking for you but I was blind. I didn't see you. I'm sorry for many things. I lied to you. I put up an act of being a man. I'm sorry for the delusion. You should've left me where you found me. In hell. I'm not fit for this world. To be loved by you. With you it was too good. I know I deserved only to be without you. A baby would've been an anomaly to a sinner that's condemned to hell. I can never be s father. I have nothing to give. All I'm good at is killing not creating. Thank you for every second you gave for me. Loved me. I'll live with the memories. Astha...please say something" saying he reached to touch her hand. She winced in pain and moved her hand. He saw her closing her eyes. And the pain in her face. He stepped back.
"Lovemenotri you let us down. I never ever want to see your face agsin. You're dead to me"
Anupamaa
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