So this is sort of set around the time of the hospital track, because I haven't seen the bhooth/ramp show episodes. Just imagine that Abhi kept blaming Pragya for the Aaliya-Purab fiasco, and Pragya accepted his treatment because he was willing to let her stay with him a little longer for her mother's sake. Some special credit notes at the end; don't want to spoil you with any hints here :P
Wherever You Will Go by The Calling
an AbhiGya songfic by -mina-
So lately, been wondering
Who will be there to take my place
When I'm gone you'll need love
to light the shadows on your face
A fresh breeze broke Pragya's sleep. She tugged on her blanket and tried not to open her eyes, but it was no use. The cold had awakened her again.
It was getting too late in the season to keep sleeping on the balcony. Every night she promised herself that tomorrow, she would somehow convince him to let her share the room again. She wouldn't ask for the bed; just any corner actually inside the room would do. But somehow each day, the chance got away from her, and every night she found herself trying to get some rest on this stiff, outdoor sofa in the increasingly chilly night air.
Sometimes she considered waiting until he fell asleep, and then going back to the room. It would not be difficult to spread a blanket on the floor and lie down and let sleep claim her. She hadn't been getting nearly enough sleep lately, and just the warmth inside the room would be enough for her comfort.
But she never did it. For one thing, she didn't want to deal with his tantrums if for some reason he woke up and saw her inside against his instructions. And for another, some twisted sense of pride kept her from breaking the terms of their agreement. It was an unfair agreement, and she felt pathetically weak to accept this kind of treatment. But it would also be a kind of weakness to beg him for a place in the room. She shouldn't have to beg for what was rightfully hers. So rather than try to get it, she would do without.
It wasn't logical, but not much in her life made sense these days. Pragya was willing to cling to whatever little choices brought her any kind of self-satisfaction. She had gotten out of the habit of trying to live her life with integrity, and instead it became an achievement just to cope with all the nonsense thrown at her from day-to-day.
She felt herself shivering in the cold, and that made her get up and go inside. At least she could get some more blankets; with another layer or two, it might be cozy enough to pass the rest of the night.
She fetched the extra bedding from the bedroom closet. On the way back to the balcony, something made her stop and just look at her sleeping husband.
Abhi looked so normal when he was asleep. He looked strong, reliable, and calm. You would never know, watching that big, powerful body taking its easy rest, that such an immature and silly man lived within it.
She saw that he had kicked his blanket to one side, and was lying on his stomach, cuddling his favourite pillow. With a sigh, she picked up his blanket and covered his feet. He might not care what happened to her, but she didn't want him to catch a cold.
If she had her way, he would wear more than those flimsy muscle tees to bed. But she supposed that was better than his preference to sleep nude, which he'd taunted her with so early in their marriage. And it wasn't like he'd ever listen to her suggestions anyway.
For many weeks, Pragya had tried to deny that she had these protective thoughts about Abhi. Why should she care if he made himself sick with his stupid habits? It shouldn't matter to her that he was carefree to the point of being careless in almost every area of his life. He was nothing to her but a torturer, a fake husband she had to stay with for reasons that had nothing to do with her own choices or happiness.
But lately Pragya had given up on lying to herself. Her life was already so much of a mess, she couldn't afford self-delusion on top of all the game playing she was caught up in. And so Pragya had acknowledged to herself that her foolish, dreaming heart had somehow developed a softness Abhi, even though it was totally crazy to have any kind of affection for someone who insisted that he actually hated her.
Despite everything, she cared if he was well. She wanted him to be happy and successful. She knew that as long as she was part of his life, he would see it as a problem. And if only it wouldn't cause her much bigger problems, she would much rather leave him than stay and be a cause of trouble to him.
She wouldn't be glad to leave. She wished there could be a future for them, together. But she knew that could never be.
Sooner or later all this nataak of theirs would come to an end. Maa would have to face the truth that her daughter was simply not meant for marriage. Daadi would have to accept that her pota's preference was worlds different from her pasand. And Pragya herself would have to build an independent life, one that didn't require anyone's support.
Abhi would obviously be thrilled to have her gone. He would call it liberation, and happily embrace the freedom to openly live his life the way he wanted.
But she wondered sometimes if he would really be ok. She knew he didn't need her, but the dopey rockstar definitely needed someone. He was still too childish in so many ways. Daadi had spoiled him with her over-loving care, and he had never learned to be responsible for himself.
Only experience could teach him most of the character lessons he still needed. No one could force him to see how easily he was manipulated, for example. He would have to realize for himself what a true betrayal of trust looked like. In the mean time, he and everyone around him would continue to suffer due to his too-trusting nature.
But someone - a wife - could take care of him in other ways. And so Pragya found herself wondering if Tanu would remember to cover his feet so he didn't catch a cold. If she would break him of his imprudent midnight snacking habits. If she would bother to learn to make cinnamon coffee.
Because whether Abhi acknowledged it or not, whether he even knew it or not, he did need someone to take care of these little things. And she worried that once she was gone, maybe nobody would.
If a great wave shall fall
and fall upon us all
Then between the sand and stone,
could you make it on your own?
Abhi walked into his room in a daze, his mind still racing after his conversation with Tanu. He'd spent an hour with her, calming her down and consoling her and assuring her that everything would be alright, but now that he was left with his own thoughts he couldn't get away from the idea that his life would never be the same.
And nevermind what it might be like to become a father - just handling the impact of this situation would destroy his life as he knew it.
How on Earth was he supposed to tell Daadi that Tanu was pregnant with his baby, and meant to keep it? And how were they going to keep this from affecting Chashmish's Maa? Auntyji was still too fragile to know the whole truth, but if Tanu insisted on getting married before the baby came, there might not be enough time to let Auntyji recover.
Abhi sat down on his bed, resting his head in his hands as he tried once again to calm himself. After a moment he felt marginally better, so he looked up to see where Chashmish was and why she hadn't said anything when he came in. She was nowhere to be seen.
He was about to call out for her, when his hand fell on something crinkly on his satin bedspread. He picked up the piece of paper and found it was a folded note.
Abhishek -
I've found a solution to both our problems. I've told Maa and Daadi I'm going on a training course through the college. After a few weeks I'll call and say I've been offered a new job that will require me to shift away from Mumbai. Following that we can say that our separation has made us realize we don't belong together, and we can have our divorce. I'll explain to Maa and you can handle Daadi.
I know it's a long timeline but this is the best way for both of us. Daadi will be easier to convince after she sees how I was willing to leave you alone for my career. And Maa needs just a little more time.
I'm sure you'll be able to manage things on your end. This way we won't have to talk to each other or see each other. I know you hate acting but this is the last act of our play, I'm sure of it.
Thank you.
Pragya
Abhi read and re-read the note until the words on the page blurred into incomprehensible scribbles. No matter how many times he went over the message, something in him shouted that it couldn't be true.
Chashmish could not have left him just like that.
But then he remembered her face that morning. She had looked more tense and drawn than usual, but he assumed it was just because she wasn't getting proper sleep out on the balcony.
She had unexpectedly caught his arm as he was leaving the room for breakfast, and they'd had what he should have realized was a bizarre conversation.
"Suniye!" (Listen!)
"What? Aur tumhe kitne baar samjhao, mujhe chuna maat!" (What? And how many times do I have to tell you, don't touch me!)
"I just wanted to say...Um, goodbye. I mean, have a nice day."
"Hanh, so long as I don't have to see you, that part will be nice."
He had just stalked off after that, muttering to himself about how this Chashmish had a taste for annoying him first thing in the morning. He hadn't stopped to wonder why she had tried to wish him a nice day and tell him goodbye, even though she had never done anything like that before.
And now it turned out she had really meant goodbye.
Abhi groaned in frustration, crumpling the letter in his fist. He fell back on his bed and let chaos overtake his mind again. Now the question was, how was he going to manage this Tanu situation with Daadi and Auntyji without Chashmish there to play her part?
If I could, then I would,
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low,
I'll go wherever you will go
"Hai Rabba! What is this world coming to," Mrs. Bhalla complained as she read over the newspaper headlines.
"Kya Mummyji, what has happened?" Ishita asked, bringing juice to the table. She poured a glass for her daughter and mother-in-law and then offered some to Pragya, but Pragya declined.
Pragya munched her toast and fondly watched as Ruhi made Ishita feed her breakfast. It was her third week in Delhi with the Bhallas, and she had discovered that Ruhi had a habit of teasing her mother every morning. The little girl was perfectly able to eat on her own, but she liked to have Ishita doting on her.
"This shameless rockstar Abhi!" Mrs. Bhalla said, and Pragya stiffened. She risked a glance at the newspaper, and her heart sank as she read the headline that was upsetting Mrs. Bhalla.
Rockstar-Supermodel Baby Scandal!
Abhi's wife leaves him, Tanu to file a case?
"Chi chi chi. Maine socha tha, yeh Abhi ek changa Punjabi munda hoga. Lekin woh bhi besharam mard nikhla! He was married to a very nice girl, and now this hi-fi model is pregnant by him. Iss Abhi ko uske pariwaar aur naam ki thodi si parva bhi nahin." (Tsk tsk tsk. I had thought this Abhi was a nice Punjabi boy. But he has turned out to be just another shameless man! ...This Abhi obviously doesn't care at all about his family or his family name.)
Pragya wanted to jump in and defend Abhi's commitment to his family, but she kept silent. The Bhallas were kindly letting her stay with them until she found a teaching position in Delhi. They were old family friends, and they knew that she was coming out of a failed marriage. But she had not truly told them who her husband was; she had simply said that he was a singer named Abhishek Prem and their values had turned out to be incompatible. In a way that was the truth, too, but as she listened to Mrs. Bhalla lament the state of young people today, she felt guilty for not being more honest.
Mrs. Bhalla set aside the newspaper so that she could finish eating her breakfast. Ishita's husband Raman came to the table, and the topic of conversation changed to the day's dinner plans. After a few minutes, Pragya quietly picked up the paper and read the article about Abhi.
So Tanu was pregnant. Pragya found that she didn't have any reaction to this news, though it probably should have shocked and upset her. Ever since leaving Mumbai, she was just too numb to react to anything, and this was no exception.
She could almost convince herself to be happy about it. This would surely give Abhi the last push he needed to arrange those divorce papers. She had been wondering why he hadn't contacted her about that, but if he was dealing with this pregnancy situation obviously he had been distracted.
On some distant level, she felt bad that the news was in the papers. This could not be an easy time for Daadi, and probably Abhi was facing some public relations problems too. She wished she could help in some way, maybe tell the world that it was fine, Abhi hadn't done anything wrong, Tanu was likely pregnant even before their marriage.
She wondered how long Tanu had known. Had that been part of her motivation for the whole trick with Purab's letter? But then why hadn't she just said so? She could have ended their marriage in a minute by telling Abhi about the baby.
But maybe it was better not to try to understand the Chudail.
Probably she would get a call from her mother soon. She had already explained most of the truth to Maa on the phone, making sure that Bulbul and Daadi were in the room with her to help her keep her calm. Maa already knew about Abhi's relationship to Tanu, and that had been one point that helped her accept Pragya's decision to leave him. Maa would be as disgusted as Mrs. Bhalla with this latest news, and Pragya would probably have to listen to her rant for half an hour before getting a chance to calm her down.
She skimmed over the article again, looking for the mentions of Abhi's wife. They didn't list her name; she was still just some anonymous girl his grandmother had chosen for him. Somehow they had found out that she was no longer living with Abhi, but they didn't have any other details about her.
Pragya realized would have to be careful where she used her name and IDs, though her paperwork was all still under Arora so maybe it wouldn't be too much of a problem. She had already cut her hair and switched to constantly wearing contacts, and she was borrowing a lot of clothes from Ishita's stylish cousin Mihika, so it wasn't likely that any nosy reporters would recognize her. Not that they would know to look for her in Delhi, but it was better not to take risks with media these days...
As she realized everyone else was finishing breakfast, Pragya got up and carried her plate to the sink. Over Ishita and Mrs. Bhalla's protests, she started to wash some dishes. The mindless task kept her from having to face the others as she thought about her complicated life.
She had come to Delhi for a fresh start. She had found a second family in the Bhallas, and a much-needed friend in Ishita. She was about to finalize her job at the college where Ishita's sister was principal, and in a few weeks she would even be able to move out on her own. Finally, she had all the pieces in place for that independent life she desperately needed.
And yet somehow all she wanted was to go back to Mumbai, to Mehra mansion, to help Daadi deal with her disappointment and embarrassment, to face Abhi's detractors and show them that this problem was none of their business, to be with her idiotic husband and help him adjust to the idea of fatherhood...
It was stupid. It was masochistic. It was wrong, pure and simple.
But still, she wanted to be back by his side. Even though he had never wanted her there.
And maybe, I'll find out
A way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you
through the darkest of your days
Abhi had thought he knew what anger and betrayal felt like. He'd had a hard life growing up; he wasn't new to experiences of injustice. And just recently, hadn't that Chashmish ruined not just his but also Aaliya's life with her misleading of Purab and Daadi?
But never in his life had he felt as angry as he did when he found out that Tanu was lying about the pregnancy.
He probably should have found some mercy in his heart because she told him the truth herself. She said that she was tired of the lies, and she was just trying to hold onto him because she loved him so much, and really the problem was that she wasn't pregnant yet, but they could fix that, right?
He had stared at her in disbelief. How insane were her priorities, that in the middle of all their problems, she was seriously talking about getting pregnant on purpose? As if either of them were in a position to have a child, as if there weren't so many barriers to them being together.
"No," he finally answered. "No, Tanu, we can't have a baby. And I can't even be in this room with you anymore." It took every ounce of self control he had not to start throwing her furniture around, and he knew he needed to get out of there before his last remaining shred of patience snapped.
Tanu tried to hold him back, pleading with him to just listen, to just give her a chance, but Abhi managed to shake her off and get out of her apartment building.
He drove away on autopilot, and it was only as he was passing the beach that he realized he had no idea where he was going. He decided to stop and sit at the beach, because it was as good a place as any when he didn't really have anywhere to go.
It had been difficult to show his face at home these last few weeks, knowing how upset Daadi was with him. He'd gotten in the habit of leaving early in the morning, working late, and staying out later.
He'd been spending a lot of time at Tanu's place, talking through her anxieties and making plans for their child. And now to realize that it was all a lie, all some stupid, desperate plan...
He had broken his Daadi's heart, for nothing.
That was the biggest loss, though of course there were others.
His reputation had taken a hit, and he'd even lost some sponsors because they hadn't wanted to be associated with scandal. Some reviewers who had formerly been vocal fans had written scathing columns denouncing his hypocrisy in singing about love while cheating on his wife. He'd even had to find a new PR firm after his publicist quit, claiming she couldn't deal with all the negative press coming his way.
Abhi stared unseeingly at the horizon, thinking over all that had gone wrong in his life in recent months. It overwhelmed him to realize just how many blind mistakes he had made, how wrong he had been about the people he thought he could trust the most.
Suddenly his phone rang. He saw that it was an unidentified number with a long-distance area code. Normally he wouldn't pick up such a call, but if it was a reporter or some hate fan, maybe he could relieve some of his temper by yelling at them.
He slid his finger across the screen to accept the call. "Hello?"
"Hello," said a voice he hadn't heard in weeks. "When are you sending the divorce papers?"
If a great wave shall fall
and fall upon us all
Then I hope there's someone out there who
can bring me back to you
"Di, I really think he means it," Bulbul repeated for the third time, and Pragya could see that she was getting frustrated.
They had been Skyping for nearly an hour, but Pragya was no closer to being convinced of Bulbul's point.
"He came here and begged Maa's forgiveness on his knees, Di. He touched her feet and cried, and he wouldn't get up until she accepted his apology."
"Yes, you've already told me," Pragya said, feeling her patience wearing thin. "And I've told you. He was probably acting. He's great at that, trust me."
"Di, you didn't see him. He -"
"I don't need to see him to know he's up to something, Bulbul. Didn't I tell you how he point blank refused to send the divorce papers? And I haven't heard one word from him since that. So he came to the house and put on a show for Maa and Daadi. Surely he's just trying to get something."
"Yes, Di, a second chance with you! That's what he's trying to get. And you should give it to him."
"A second chance at what? We never had anything but a compromise, and that too was full of misunderstandings."
"Then think of it as a first chance! Di, he wants to have a real marriage with you. And I really think you should believe him, because he said it's all because of his Daadi."
"What do you mean, because of Daadi?"
"He told us that now he is ready to live life according to Daadi's terms, because he tried his own choice and his judgment was so wrong. He said he realizes now why Daadi picked you."
"Bulbul, I can't go back to him because of Daadi. It would just be another compromise -"
"Just give him one more chance Di. I'm sure it will work out this time."
Run away with my heart
Run away with my hope
Run away with my love
It had taken a lot of pleading and apologizing, but finally Abhi had convinced Auntyji to give him Pragya's address in Delhi. He knew he could have just called her on the phone, that she was waiting to hear back from him about the divorce, but he wanted to have this conversation in person.
He learned that there never had been a training course, but somehow Chashmish had indeed arranged a new job for herself in Delhi. He hoped she hadn't signed a binding contract or anything like that. It was going to be hard enough to convince her to come back without causing some kind of legal trouble with her new employer.
Abhi was determined to bring Pragya back home with him. It was the only thing that could make Daadi forgive him, and more than anything in his life, he needed Daadi to be happy with him again. He hated the amount of pain and disappointment he had caused her.
There was no way to erase all that, but he could still prove himself to be a good grandson. He would show Daadi that he had realized the extent of his mistakes, and that he wanted to do better from now on.
His biggest mistake had been not to trust Daadi in the first place. He'd been so focused on living his life the way he wanted to, he never seriously thought about how Daadi's wish to see him married to a sensible, sanskaari girl wasn't just pure traditionalism. Daadi had wanted him to settle down, and she'd wanted him to have a wife to take care of him, because that was what was best for him.
Abhi didn't like to admit it, but he now realized that maybe he did need taking care of. Or at least he needed someone with good judgment by his side, because he couldn't trust his own judgment anymore.
And Daadi had chosen Pragya, so Abhi was going to accept her.
He knew now that he had been wrong about her being a gold-digger, wrong about her trying to connect Purab and Bulbul, wrong about basically every single thing he'd ever thought about her. After Tanu's confession, a whole series of truths had come out, and Abhi had learned just how much his sister, girlfriend, and former best friend had been hiding from him. He'd emerged from that earthquake of revelations completely shaken in his own confidence. The only thing he was sure of was that Daadi was the one person in the world who would never betray him.
So he was going to get her bahu back, and then he would get to know his wife for real. And he could only hope it wasn't too late to make things right.
I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart, in your mind,
I'll stay with you for all of time
When Pragya opened her door and saw Abhi, her first instinct was to slam it back in his face. However, she spent a moment too long staring at him in disbelief, and before she could close the door again he had stepped inside her apartment.
"Nice haircut, Chashmish. Where are your glasses?" he asked, without even saying hello.
"What are you doing here?" Pragya demanded. She watched with dread as he curiously looked around her flat and then made himself comfortable on the sofa.
"I thought maybe you'd need some help packing. Although, I don't think you'll really need any of this stuff. And most of your books and clothes are still back at home, so maybe you don't need to pack after all."
"What are you talking about? I just moved in here. I don't need to pack."
Abhi was looking at her, suddenly staring at her face and neck. "Where's your sindoor? And that mangal sutra you used to hold onto?"
"I don't need them anymore. I'm not Mrs. Rockstar here, you know?" Pragya answered sarcastically.
"Well, you'd better put them back on before Daadi sees you again. She won't like it if you're not wearing them."
"I'm not seeing Daadi again, so that shouldn't be a problem."
"Come on Chashmish, don't be difficult. It's time to come back home."
"I am home. This is my life now. You wanted me out of yours, and I left."
"Yes, you're so good about doing what I want, right? Well, now I want you back. I need you back."
"Why?"
"Because Daadi wants us together. And even Maa gave me a second chance. She said that I probably didn't deserve you but at least I should get a chance to try. And you make all your choices with Daadi and Maa in mind, don't you? So come back. Because it's what they want."
Pragya shook her head. "What's the point? We'll only find that we don't get along anyway. We never should have been married in the first place. Better to end this now."
"OK, be honest with me Chashmish. Have you been able to forget me? Because I haven't been able to forget you."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"I mean, you came into my life as a problem and mistake, but really you were the answer to all my problems. Daadi was right, I need you. She chose you to be my better half and you tried your best to be that. Now it's my turn to make this work between us."
Pragya tried to tell herself not to believe him. Sure, he was saying these things now, but who knew when he would change his mind? It would be better to stay where she was, to continue with her new beginning. Going back with him would just mean going back to the same old conflicts.
But that soft corner of her heart that had made her care about him when he actively hated her was somehow growing softer at this new possibility he was offering, at the idea of a second chance.
He said he hadn't been able to forget her. She knew she would never be able to forget him.
Maybe it was worth just one more try.
If I could turn back time,
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine,
I'll go wherever you will go
I'll go wherever you will go
After their return to Mumbai, Pragya found that Abhi had made himself into her shadow. He would spend whole days accompanying her on all her little errands, even following her around as she did simple chores in the house. She found it very uncomfortable at first, but he insisted that Daadi said the only way to get to know each other was to spend time together. He argued that this was how they should have bonded in the first place, by trying to build a life together, and she found there wasn't much she could say to that.
Gradually it grew more comfortable as they discovered their bickering habit could thrive even without misunderstandings about each other's true intentions. Also, Pragya tried to get rid of Abhi by making him help with the chores, but it didn't work because he actually did whatever he was told. He had finally picked up some useful life skills this way, and at least Pragya could now be confident that if she ever left him again, the goofball would be able to make his own coffee and sort his own closet.
Eventually both of them had to return to work, and their days of playing house thankfully ended. Still, Abhi made a point of spending much more time at home with his family than he had in the past. He said he was trying to reconnect to what was important in life.
As the months stretched on, Pragya discovered that Abhi could actually be as strong, reliable, and calm as he looked. It had just taken a series of disasters to clear up his vision and settle his mind. Now that he was committed to living life in a way that would satisfy both him and Daadi, he was growing into a decent husband.
She still wasn't sure if she would ever find happiness in this marriage, though she was coming to accept that her future really was by Abhi's side. Certainly her life had a lot more peace and contentment now that her husband accepted her for what she was.
And at least he was trying now. He was trying to have a life with her, and so she was trying to forgive him for the past. They were making progress. There was a long road ahead, but maybe, now that they were walking it together, there could really be a happy ending.
Sorry guys. I have no idea if this makes sense. Just kept writing and writing. I think the pieces make sense, if not the whole? And I wanted to share these scenes with you. I wanted a good happy ending, but it didn't seem to fit. So anyway here's the story, though I'm not happy with it. Cheer me up with your thoughts and critiques!
The idea of Pragya using work as an excuse to go away is borrowed from several fics on the forum, apologies that I don't remember the names specifically.
Thanks to Tia for some Hindi/Punjabi help, though I didn't use most of it 😳
And yes, Ishita and the Bhallas are characters from another Hindi serial - Yeh Hai Mohabbatein on Star Plus. Hope my fellow IshRa fans enjoyed the cameo 😊
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