Yearning for a beautiful PAST - OS on Raman

YEARNING FOR A BEAUTIFUL PAST

maanga jo mera hai, jaata kya tera hai, maine kaunse tujhse jannat maang li

kaisa khuda hai tu, bas naam ka hai tu, rabba jo teri itni bhi na chali

chahiye jo mujhe, kar de mujhe ada,

jeeti rahe saltant teri, jeeti rahe ashiqui meri,

de de mujhe zindagi meri, tainu dil da wasta

"I am happy. I cannot stop smiling. People are teasing me that I will become a Joru ka Ghulam in just a few hours. Oh damn, another few hours. I cannot stop counting the hours before she is finally mine. Only mine. Mrs. Raman Kumar Bhalla. Always. Forever.

Was Shimla always this beautiful? No, am sure it is her effect. "I love you, Raman", She moaned while we made love for the first time on our honeymoon. I hope I was able to make it special for her. I cannot imagine ever getting tired of making love to her. I promise to keep her happy. Always. Forever.

Oh my God. Ten hours. Please give me strength so that I can support her. I cannot see her in pain. She is suffering. What should I do? She hates me right now. She thinks I am the cause for her agony. The truth is, I am. Oh my God. Please help her. Please help me help her.

Oh God. He is so small, so fragile. I am scared to hold him. I handed him to Maa because I am scared that I will end up hurting him. If possible, she has made me happier today. We will live happily with our son now. Aditya Kumar Bhalla. Welcome to our world. I promise to keep both of them happy. Always. Forever.

Papa. My Adi called me for the first time in his broken language. I cannot stop laughing and crying at the same time. I take him in my arms and twirl him repeatedly. I know he likes it and he giggles happily with excitement. Everyone is laughing at my mad antics. Only she stands in the corner and smiles with a feeling which is a mirror of my emotions. I love her even more today. I thank her for gifting me with Adii. I promise to keep her happy. Always. Forever.

She cannot stop crying. I do not know how I should console her when I am also feeling the same pain in my heart. Both of us stand outside the school gates for three hours straight just to make sure that our son's first day of school is good. God, how will I survive without him? I will never let him leave this city when he grows up ... I cannot imagine life without both of them. I promise to keep them happy. Always. Forever.

I cannot stop staring at her reports. Am going to be a father. Again. We fight. I want a girl. She thinks I will spoil her. She is right. I am happy. I promise to keep them happy. Always. Forever.

My wife became the second most beautiful woman in this world today. And she is happy to know that. Both of us cry as I hold, Ruhi in my arms for the first time. I promise myself that am going to strangle them my bare hands if at all anyone ever tries to lay even a finger on her. I am extremely happy. My family is complete. I promise to keep my family happy. Always. Forever.

I am not scared this time. I know Ruhi has a big brother who will protect her in the school. She looks at her mother with her big doe-eyes every now and then while her Adi bhaiya accompanies her to the school. My wife cannot stop crying. Come on, be brave and I hug her while wiping my own tears. I am so happy. I promise to keep my family happy. Always. Forever.

I know my wife is right. But I cannot help it. Ruhi is just a baby. She is 25, my wife argues, so what, she is not old enough to date a boy, I counter. Hell, she can turn ... may be 50 before I can even think of allowing something like that. My wife and daughter are angry from me. They think I behaved like a child. Ha .. what an irony. I do know what is best for them. After all, I have promised to keep them happy. Always. Forever.

He is an acceptable boy. Ok, fine, he is a good boy. Although, I will never accept he is a great boy. Somewhat reminds me of myself during my early years. I cannot deny anymore that he is the perfect one for my daughter. He will keep her happy. He has to keep her happy otherwise I will break each and every bone in his body ... twice. I have promised myself to keep my family happy. Always. Forever.

I pushed the car one last time before she left us. My Ruhi, she is not Ruhi Bhalla anymore. She is someone else's wife, a daughter in law. Oh God, how will she survive all this. She is still so young, so naive, so protected. Who will take care of her? I hope I have made the right decision. Adi is sitting with us, He has never been that quite. He was joking with Ruhi even when she cried while leaving us. Now, he is simply ... silent. Suddenly, he engulfs me and his mother in a bone crushing hug and cries ... I cannot stop his tears, I cannot stop her tears, I cannot stop my tears, I do not want to stop our tears. We all cry while looking at the beautiful collage displayed in our bedroom showing each and every stage of my children.

Please God, please keep my daughter happy. Always. Forever. "

Raman wakes up and wipes away his moist eyes. As his eyes adjust to darkness of the room, he gathers his surroundings. He is in his bedroom. His daughter is sprawled across the bed with her torso lying on her mother and her legs wrapped around her father. There is no noise in the room but for the silent sounds of winds which are so characteristic of the monsoons. The faint light across the curtains informs him that the first rays of sun have started cleansing the darkness of the night.

It was a dream. He deduces. He knows that sleep will not visit him anymore tonight so he moves out from his room as discreetly as possible and sits in the balcony gazing at ... nothing. He cannot decide his state of mind. His dream felt so ... real. Yet, his sane mind knows that it couldn't be more surreal.

How he wished all this was true. How he wished that somehow, by some magical means, he could change his past and make it as beautiful as it was in his dream ... his sane mind reminded him that dreams are a mere extension of one's wish list, some unfulfilled desires. His fun filled talk with Shravu yesterday had made him wish for the same equation with Adi. His dream was an indirect inference of his yearning before he slept. Yet, his heart refused to accept it and wished that may be ... may be it was possible.

Then there was the feeling that had woken him up, the collage, the photographs, HER ... what if ... may be ... the probability ... future ... past ... present ... she was just ... how could he ... how did he ... could he? ... would he? ...what will she think ... what does she think?

His thoughts were acting like piece of messed up jigsaw when he felt a hand on his shoulders. He turned around to find the only woman in the world to have kept a fast for ... him.

"Aap theek hai. Itni jaldi kaise uth gaye. Kya hua? Sab theek hai na?" She asked. Her forehead was etched with lines of worry which also reflected in her still sleepy eyes as she sat down beside him.

Raman who was still kind of lost in the trance, kept looking at her for a while, Then, he gently took her soft hands in his and spoke,

"I want to promise you something today. I promise to take care of our family. I promise."

She did not know what made him speak like this, but his shaky voice while he spoke was a giveaway of a definite inner turmoils.

So she did the only thing she judged was apt given the situation. She squeezed his hand, looked directly into his unsettled eyes and spoke, "Raman. You do not need to promise anything because I know you will take care of our family. Always. Forever."

The lines between real and surreal had never been more blurred for Raman till this moment.

Hey all. I have purposefully kept the identity of Raman's wife a mystery. Raman was dreaming all this time and our dreams while a reflection of our thoughts are hazy most of the times.

Therefore, like Raman, I leave it to the imagination of viewers to think whose face had he seen in the collage which brought him to his real world.

One last thing. While writing this sequence, I imagined the Raman to be the same nerdy guy who he was when he got married to Shagun although it has not been mentioned anywhere in this entire piece. In my view, that is the real Raman. The Raman we see today is a bruised soul of the same man who has become a ghost of his real-self due to the adverse situations in his life. But, that is what our dreams are for. They strip you of each and every fictitious cover and you see the real self, the absolute naked truth. Therefore, I think real Raman only wanted happiness and love, nothing more, nothing less. You are free to change him to any which version you want, however, I found it apt.

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