Dusshasana Oovach
Author's note - This is a POV of Dusshasana, an oversexed maniac and is full of adult content. So youngest members or who considers themselves youngest member are requested to use judgement.
I asked Dusshy if he has anything worthwhile for little kids and suggested to sing Twinkle twinke or Jack and Jill went up the hill..
But Twinkle twinkle little star reminds him of his amorous adventures under a starry night. He insists that instead of Jack, Jackelene should accompany Jill in the privacy of mountain top.
I would urge not to read if you feel offended easily. I respect women and this POV is a satire. It is not intended to disrespect ladies. Apologies in advance.
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Hello friends. Hope you are doing fine and I pray to God that your girlfriends, wives get sexier and always stay in good shape. Oops.. I forgot to introduce myself.. I think introductions are in order. I am Dusshasana by the way. you perhaps know me as the most intelligent, the most handsome and the bravest warrior who gave away his arms for a cause.
I am a man of few words and believe in action. I never wasted time with romantic foreplays and with stupid talks of plucking moon and the sun for any stupid sweetheart. Nor did I try to woo any lady with a display of skills in archery or mace. I always went straight to the core of the matter.
My passionate eyes, burning with carnal desires always told unmistaken story of my honest and frank desires and either women made vain attempt to run away or submit meekly. I guess.. I am blessed that way.
Why you may ask that I want to write about my illustrious career.. Well.. May be I am inspired by my big bro's recent prowess in poetry. Oh my big bro meaning great Suyodhana, a soft hearted, sentimental, chivalrous poet famous for his Vastra/Shastra poem. All of our brothers immensely enjoyed it.
In fact I also composed a slick poem which ingeniously rhymed sick with lick and d**k. I wanted to recite it in the court in honour of sage Durvaasa but Pitamaha Bheeshma as usual did not allow me. What a prick!! My literary wings cut forever so this is attempt at prose this time.
Yudhi is a pompous ass but Pitamaha never gets tired praising his popularity with masses. He fails to notice that I am too immensely popular in all brothels across the country for my generosity but I like to keep a low profile. I have always strived to give pleasure to my lady subjects and at times even forced it out of kindness when they were unwilling to accept it out of shyness.
Like a true Karmayogi, I never bothered about fruits of my actions. You will find hundreds of fruits of mine cuddled in the arms of their cursing,vengeful moms , in every alley of HP. Some fruits are grown up. They appreciate walking beauties and wait eagerly for opportunities to trap them in a lone, deserted alley. I feel proud of them but never claim any fruits as my own. No wonder Krisna had no need to give me mini-geeta gyaan.
I am proud to say, I never discriminated by age, religion, caste. I showered my immense love equally let it be.. attractive shudra girl, voluptuous tribal woman, curvaceous Kshatriya or delicate brahmin girl. I had the strictest adherence to quality.
Suyodhana, my dear brother is my idol. I adore him, worship him. I live for him, breathe for him. He is Lord Rama and I am his devotee Hanumana.I consider myself his slave so when he started hating Pandavas, I had no choice but to hate them.
How I wish I could transport back in time when we used to enjoy harmless fun of poisoning and drowning Bheema, mixing mud into Arjuna's pudding or trying to push Yudhi off a cliff.
Gone are days when I used to stalk the gardener's daughter asking for a kiss and a tight hug and she used to get scared and run away from me, hiding in the hut for weeks. Hilllarious!! You wont believe but I was punished by biased Aacharya for these innocent pranks.
I may not be shabdavedhi like Arjuna who could hit the target simply by listening to the sound but I had my skills too. I could easily identify any girl in Gurukul accurately by a mere rustle or a whiff of scent.
Shaalini, suta's daughter had light and quick footsteps and used to pant audibly with open mouth enclosed by luscious lips. Shyaama, gardener's daughter was plump and always walked heavily, her anklets tinkling invitingly.
I could easily identify Shranda, fisherman's daughter due to her unique body scent. She used to apply jasmine oil generously to conceal fish odor. The resulting aroma was invigorating aphrodisiac. I volunteered to massage her with oil. However, my kindness was repaid with a painful smack with a fish and a complaint to Gurudev. Gurudev punished me by making me collect cowdung for entire week.
Indra is the best dad in the world.There is so much to learn from him.. His escapade with Ahalya.. His opinion of Tilottama.. His top 20 excuses to Indraani to stay away from home at night.. His Apsara management skills..How he changes his form and adapt mannerisms to fool pretty wives ? So much to learn but idiot Arjuna asked for Divyastras and instead of enjoying his stay with lovely nymphs got himself busy with stupid fight with stupid Nivatkavach.
Arjuna is crazy and has shamed our famous Kuru dynasty. How can anyone refuse willing Urvashi ? If I was in his shoes.. Well those are some private Mungerilal ke Hasin Sapane.
Beneath this rugged, magnificent exterior of mine lies a noble, warm heart. Even though I hated Arjuna, I was the first one to appreciate when he wore woman's clothes and was busy demonstrating to maata Kunti how he helped Vaasudev to abduct Rukmini. He looked so adorable, so stunning. His muscular body, red lips, delicate clean shaven face draped in women's clothes made me forget that he was one of my sworn enemies and I embraced him from behind as one brother to another.
My benevolent intentions again were misconstrued and Bheema almost ripped apart my arms.The next I saw him in this form was as Brihannala in battlefield at Viraata and I was the only one to recognise him instantly. I should have informed my big bro of his identity immediately and sent Pandavaas into exile once more.
But I was engulfed in stray, wild thoughts. With my mind and my hands fully occupied, it just escaped me to inform big bro. Did cunning Krishna try to befuddle my mind the way he did it to Karna who was in possession of Vassavi shakti ? Hmmm.
Viraata always brings painful memories of my beloved Keechaka who was ruthlessly killed by bloody Bheema. I will always cherish my first and only meeting with him at Viraata court.
The very first thing that impressed me was his dazzling, lusty, ever hungry eyes which lovingly gazed and absorbed every curve of his excellent maids.
He had a powerful body which could easily tame and saddle any strong, unwilling, difficult tribal woman.
His supple arms and long fingers were skillful at untangling any complex layers of clothing expertly. He had acquired excellent stamina of a young steed after rigorous training by running after countless women crying for help.
We had a lengthy meeting with him to seek his help to unearth Pandava's hideout. I noticed that he used to get very uneasy every 15 minutes and retire to the adjoining chamber on some excuse. He would return in great mood with concealed smile while maids of that chamber would adjust clothes and leave quietly only to be replaced with fresh set of maids. The glowing satisfaction on his face and proud twirling of moustaches told me entire story.
It was the moment of my enlightenment. All my ego dropped off. I realised that I was in front of a true master. I bowed my head in reverence.
I always knew that I have the potential to break Krishna's Limca record of 16000 wives. All I needed was the guidance to channel my energy, vigour in right direction. Keechaka was the person. I had planned to ask him if he was open to a proposal to be adopted in Kuru family as our brother. Alas!!! He was killed.
Like Eklavya, I too created his statue and installed it in my bedroom. And I am proud to say I have learnt innovative techniques and positions under its watchful eye.
I don't know why no fan of mine ever turns up at river when I am taking bath and ogle at my semi-nude body. My bedroom door is always open to all my fans but I think they feel shy..But when Angaraj accompanies me to a bath I have invariably noticed a flock of pretty girls fighting for my glimpse. Angaraj is indeed my lucky charm.
Shishupal was a very interesting person, an enigma with apparently unlimited capacity.
I was curious to know how many offsprings are required to safely land into non-napunsak category. I had learnt that he was born with 3 heads and 3 arms but there is no mention if he had any other multiple organs which helped him to be a non-Napunsak.
I consider Draupadi VH as the biggest blot on my otherwise flawless career. I still wonder what went wrong. How could I not disrobe her ? The incident made me a laughing stock of entire court. So humiliating.. I was so depressed that I lost interest in women for entire day.
While big bro trained with iron statue of Bheema after VH, I too trained hard day and night to become extremely proficient at disrobing women of all sizes, ages, heights and weights donned in challenging attires.
But I could never forgive myself for my failure. I decided to punish my hands. I got idea from bhrata Yudhi who burnt his hands after dyuta. But I am a tough guy and burning hands was too mild a punishment.
I punished my hands severely by making them touch Vedanta scriptures. I even shamelessly held mace in those dastardly hands which so far only knew the touch of soft, silky female skins.
I never thought my punishment was adequate and felt as if the load was taken off my chest when Bheema ripped apart my arms and heart.
That reminds me. I am unable to record my biography as I have no arms. I need someone as intelligent as me to record. I am going to find out from Guru Vyaasa if he could spare Lord Ganesha for a while. Ciao.
Edited by Cotswolds - 11 years ago
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