Dusshasana Oovach
Author's note - This is a biography of Dusshasana from his POV and contains adult content. So youngest members or who considers themselves youngest member are requested to use judgement.
The disclaimer itself making me ROFLš
My passionate eyes, burning with carnal desires always told unmistaken story of my honest and frank desires and either women made vain attempt to run away or submit meekly. I guess.. I am blessed that way.
Yudhi is a pompous ass but Pitamaha never gets tired praising his popularity with masses. He fails to notice that I am too immensely popular in all brothels across the country for my generosity but I like to keep a low profile. I have always strived to give pleasure to my lady subjects and at times even had to force it when they refused it out of shyness.
I am proud to say, I never discriminated by age, religion, caste. I showered my immense love equally let it be.. attractive shudra girl, voluptuous tribal woman, curvaceous Kshatriya or delicate brahmin girl. I had the strictest adherence to quality.
Oh may be that's why his blood and shampoo was hard to discriminate š¤£
Suyodhana, my dear brother is my idol. I adore him, worship him. I live for him, breathe for him. He is Lord Rama and I am his devotee Hanumana.I consider myself his slave so when he started hating Pandavas, I had no choice but to hate them.
ole babale cute little Hanuman š
Gone are days when I used to stalk the gardener's daughter asking for a kiss and a tight hug and she used to get scared and run away from me, hiding in the hut for weeks. Hilllarious!! You wont believe but I was punished by biased Aacharya for these innocent pranks.
I may not be shabdavedhi like Arjuna who could hit the target simply by listening to the sound but I had my skills too. I could easily identify any girl in Gurukul accurately by a mere rustle or a whiff of scent.
Shaalini, suta's daughter had light and quick footsteps and used to pant audibly with open mouth enclosed by luscious lips. Shyaama, gardener's daughter was plump and always walked heavily, her anklets tinkling invitingly.
I could easily identify Shranda, fisherman's daughter due to her unique body scent. She used to apply jasmine oil generously to conceal fish . The resulting aroma was invigorating aphrodisiac. I volunteered to massage her with oil. However, my kindness was repaid with a painful smack with a fish and a complaint to Gurudev. Gurudev punished me by making me collect cowdung for entire week.
By the way its giving me the feeling that someone imposing his own Duskarma on Dushasan ...š¤£ well that's what happened Dushashan when you belong to the side who lost the wars š Don't cry Dushy baby, soon all secrets will be out š¤£
Indra is the best dad in the world.There is so much to learn from him.. His escapade with Ahalya.. His opinion of Tilottama.. His top 20 excuses to Indraani to stay away from home at night.. His Apsara management skills..How he changes his form and adapt mannerisms to fool pretty wives ?
OMG here I can't find anything to say simply š¤£
So much to learn but idiot Arjuna asked for Divyastras (Arjuna Devar Ji had natural skill about these, he did not needed his dad to learn these)š³ and instead of enjoying his stay with lovely nymphs got himself busy with stupid fight with stupid Nivatkavach.
Arjuna is crazy and has shamed our famous Kuru dynasty. How can anyone refuse willing Urvashi ? (May be my dear Deavr Ji thought chand, sitare phool aur khusboo yeh to sare purane hain..he needed some taza taza kali,š³ and Urvashi though looked like a fresh flower, she was no fresh flower)š¤£ If I was in his shoes.. Well those are some private Mungerilal ke Hasin Sapane.
Oh Dushy Arjun Devar Ji se kuch to sikho...he is no stupid dumbo, he is way more smarter than you baby..šš
Beneath this rugged, magnificent exterior of mine lies a noble, warm heart. Even though I hated Arjuna, I was the first one to appreciate when he wore woman's clothes and was busy demonstrating to maata Kunti how he helped Vaasudev to abduct Rukmini. He looked so adorable, so stunning. His muscular body, red lips, delicate clean shaven face draped in women's clothes made me forget that he was one of my sworn enemies and I embraced him from behind as one brother to another.
Hey Bhagwan Cotty...now I m seriously feeling the Dushasan is you onlyš¤£
Viraata always brings painful memories of my beloved Keechaka who was ruthlessly killed by bloody Bheema. I will always cherish my first and only meeting with him at Viraata court.
The very first thing that impressed me was his dazzling, lusty, ever hungry eyes which lovingly gazed and absorbed every curve of his excellent maids.
He had a powerful body which could easily tame and saddle any strong, unwilling, difficult tribal woman.
His supple arms and long fingers were skillful at untangling any complex layers of clothing expertly. He had acquired excellent stamina of a young steed after rigorous training of running after countless women crying for help.
It feels like Dushy found his BFF in Keechak š¤£
We had a lengthy meeting with him to seek his help to unearth Pandava's hideout. I noticed that he used to get very uneasy every 15 minutes and retire to the adjoining chamber on some excuse.
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š¤£
He would return in great mood with concealed smile while maids of that chamber would adjust clothes and leave quietly only to be replaced with fresh set of maids. The glowing satisfaction on his face and proud twirling of moustaches told me entire story.
It was the moment of my enlightenment. All my ego dropped off. I realised that I was in front of a true master. I bowed my head in reverence.
Oh not BFF but Guru š¤£
I always knew that I have the potential to break Krishna's Limca record of 16000 wives. All I needed was the guidance to channel my energy, vigour in right direction. Keechaka was the person. I had planned to ask him if he was open for a proposal to be adopted in Kuru family as our brother. Alas!!! He was killed.šš¤£
OMG THIS IS WHAT I CALL A SATIRE COTTY BRILLIANT š
Like Eklavya, I too created his statue and installed it in my bedroom. And I am proud to say I have learnt innovative techniques and positions under its watchful eye.š¤£
Oh noš¤£Bhago cotty abhi bhago nahin toh rat mein Dushashan tume duswapna dega š¤£
I don't know why no fan of mine ever turns up at river when I am taking bath and ogle at my semi-nude body. I am sure they must be feeling shy..But when Angaraj accompanies me for a bath I have invariably noticed a flock of pretty girls fighting for my glimpse. Angaraj is indeed my lucky charm.
Now this is š¤£
just make it stop cotty I can't take it anymore, my stomach is aching due to laughter, I think its your evil plan to kill me by making me continuously š¤£
Shishupal was a very interesting person, an enigma with apparently unlimited capacity.
I was curious to know how many offsprings are required to safely land into non-napunsak category. I had learnt that he was born with 3 heads and 3 arms but there is no mention if he had any other multiple organs which helped him to be a non-Napunsak.
š¤£I have lost my words exceptš¤£
I consider Draupadi VH as the biggest blot on my otherwise flawless career. I still wonder what went wrong. How could I not disrobe her ? The incident made me a laughing stock of entire court. So humiliating.. I was so depressed that I lost interest in women for entire day. š¤£
While big bro trained with iron statue of Bheema after VH, I too trained hard day and night to become extremely proficient at disrobing women of all sizes, ages, heights and weights donned in challenging attires.š¤£
But I could never forgive myself for my failure. I decided to punish my hands. I got idea from bhrata Yudhi who burnt his hands after dyuta. But I am a tough guy and burning hands was too mild a punishment.
I punished my hands severely by making them touch Vedanta scriptures.š¤£
I even shamelessly held mace in those dastardly hands which so far only knew the touch of soft, silky female skins. š¤£
I never thought my punishment was adequate and felt as if the load was taken off my chest when Bheema ripped apart my arms and heart.
That reminds me. I am unable to record my biography as I have no arms. I need someone as intelligent as me to record. I am going to find out from Guru Vyaasa if he could spare Lord Ganesha for a while. Ciao.
Yaap I understand Lord Ganesha was spared finally and Dushy got someone as intelligent as talented as him..ahem ahem...šš¤£
Prior Caution to the writer:- Bheem is everywhere..he won't spare any Dushashan
So to save your chest and arm dear writer, you have two options
Request Ang Raj for his Armour, before Indra uncle reaches him
Tell Dushashan, that his mother needs to open her eyes once again..a writer's arm and chest is in danger...
Mr. writer if your thigh is broken, I think you can still manage to write...aren't you š š¤£
P.S:-Does Shree Ram's biography yesterday inspired you to write Hanuman Ji's bioš¤£
Fan Fictions
