A SanDhir OS: 'You Look Like Something That's Mine'

She misses him. He can't forget her. They will not tell each other because it is easier to have ego. The strongest link internally crumbles bit by bit under the pressure to remain the strongest and they chose to be stronger. But then the absolute hardest part of letting go is realizing the other person already did. Only the unuttered questions remain:

"Did he left me?"

"Did she really left me?"

It is late. Late for continuing further but not for starting over.

"We do not find love because we attach too many conditions to it. I wish I could unattached the condition of being together forever. But isn't that the primal condition of being in love?" Her mind snapped. "Maybe"...sometimes Maybe is a complete sentence too.

"I'll fight for what I want! Until I am sure she doesn't want me anymore."

Until they met again...

Some stories only have a beginning. No matter how much you beg for an end these stories never die. Were never meant to be written In the first place...the way they begun...has no end. Those are the stories of eternal love.

In Their FITE Days

It was the fateful second encounter between smart, bubbly, ever-so-happy and living in the moment Sanyukta and genius, attractive, popular, don't-mess-with-me-copyright-owner Randhir.

"I'm sorry I was so quick to judge you, but in my defence I heard you are an awful person." Sanyukta justifies herself sarcastically with a grin. She was already feeling a comfort around him for a reason unknown to her.

"Miss. Aggarwal I am warning you again. Don't you dare mess with me." Came through the grinding teeth of Randhir Singh Shekhawat but he was doubting himself. He was asking himself if he is really that unacceptable. He was never unsure of his charisma but how and why this girl made him think again was unnerving for him. His brain noted that she has an effect on him like nobody ever had.

Their first encounter was just a lecture earlier when and where Sanyukta cornered him out as the arrogant, non-dateable-MCP in their "INTRO-session" with seniors. She was ever curious and never ashamed of challenges and thus couldn't refrain herself from this INTRO-session which is a soft, sophisticated, mild version of infamous-engineering ragging. Randhir was there too to enjoy the fun without any negativity in his chuckling mind as he was already the most popular "fachchha" and gelled really well with the seniors.

The session was going smooth as YoYo and other seniors are conducting you-sing-this-song, you-answer-me-that and such fun activities. It was actually very relaxing for the newbies of would be engineer club of FITE. The welcoming tone and soft pranks were making them at home.

Then the incident happened. She had actually no idea why she pointed Randhir the great when she was ordered to pick "the-last-person-on-earth-you-will-date" by Yoyo. She blurted out his name even before she was sure who is this Randhir Singh Shekhawat among the group she belongs. Or maybe she heard this name only since morning she entered in the college. Or maybe because she wanted to make it a point that she even finds the most sorted guy in the college unattractive enough to not date so others can keep safe distance from her. Or maybe all of this or none of this...who cares? She already uttered his name...there is no point of return now. All were shocked to hear the unexpected. Honestly no one was actually expecting a name in this case. Smile on Randhir's face wiped away instantly and by that time Sanyukta spotted him frowning at her. His dark eyes burning with fury tongue vehemently oozing inaudible.

Yoyo demanded reason as deep down under he was enjoying Randhir's humiliation. Randhir being Randhir damaged YoYo's intention to rag the new boys in boy's hostel the previous night. That didn't settled well with YoYo yet. He asked to elaborate her reasons to not going on a date with Randhir. Again she blurted. She knew she is going to repent it for sure but still gone ahead with the mistake...her presumptions of him. She heard Randhir didn't pay enough respect to senior's ragging last night..she concluded him ARROGANT. She knew he is the fresher boy in demand but paid no attention to any girl yet...she found him non-dateable. And when she spotted him in anger she mentioned him as MCP...unjustifiably...for that one moment of insanity and illogical joy. Everyone was in pure shock.

This could get uglier as Yoyo was planning to stretch it further. But the day is saved by the most reputed Mechanical Engineering professor from FITE...Vardhan Suryavanshi. His lecture was in following 2 minutes and none ever dared to be late in his lecture. So Sanyukta was released from making the situation worse, Yoyo was disappointed and Randhir was in a momentarily relief and all other fachchhas freed but curious for Vardhan's class. The lecture started to bury the incident for a while.

But during these two encounters the destiny smiled and a "stay away-come closure" relation was born between Randhir-Sanyukta.

After two years of competing each other for each and everything starting from studies to almost presidential election, constant bickering, never letting a single chance to let other one show the ground they finally became best friends. They were there for each other for every single moment to probably ruin it but ending in mending it beautifully. Sanyukta made Randhir bond better with his family and he made sure she stays in college to complete her wish to become mechanical engineer. She wanted him to bond with his parents as she was sure it is the hardest thing he has to do and if he fails she will have immense pleasure to taunt him about his failure. He made her stay by tricking her let-my-girl-be-married-quickly parents so that he can smirk at her after beating her in every task and exam in those 4years of FITE.

Whatever may be their reasons they actually fulfilled other's only wish...for Randhir it was craving for parental love...for her it was be herself. In the process they came to know they understand, know, believe, protect, trust each other the way no one else can or does for them. Their souls are bonded in an unspoken unity and harmony. A spark of love was there but they ignored it unconsciously and undeliberately.

Once she wrote "I wish I was dead" on her copy during a boring lecture... the moment he saw it his heart skipped a beat or two in an unknown inexplicable fear of losing her or never ever knowing her. He pinched her & wrote "*were" below it before lecturing her on the subjunctive mood because this is the way he wants her to listen to him...ALWAYS. He suddenly felt he has the right and made sure she knows it too.

They needed not words and promises but a steady accumulation of small wonderful fragments of realities to know they are always there in the other's heart. They never promised love neither they vouched on togetherness. But with every secret they shared, every smile they smiled together, every time they cried together, he took her heart away when she was busy stealing his heart.

A reluctant friendly kiss. A soul shattering goodbye. A lifetime of lingering memories was their last moments in FITE with unspoken.

"He never promised to be mine."

"She never said she is mine."

...Yes they have ego or had ego which just crushed?

Their path does not cross out of FITE. She headed north to Delhi ..He winged west to USA.

The person you took for granted and left waiting in the shadows, to fall back on, might quietly walk off someday. Fall on your back then. We all have our private paradise. It's called solitude and often lonely. Be sure before you long for this.

Present Days

She was unattainable. He was undeterred. Destiny trembled with the challenge.

He missed her today between waking and sleeping. He wishes to have a day with her where the sun never went past noon. Or a night where the stars could never be unseen in daylight. The day I manage to ignore you back, will be the day I find bliss. But that comes after only eternity.

"How could you forget me?

Neglect me?

Ignore me?

Never call back me?"...their heart asked in unison only over wall created by their ego.

She's hurt, mentally and emotionally. But everyday, she walks with a smile, because that's who she is, the girl who never stopped smiling. She projects such a calm face that even her mirror wouldn't know what a mess she is within. She thinks about him all the time. ..Randhir is her wonderwall. She can never stop herself wishing him around herself.

Then they met again in an engineering conference 2 years after FITE.

He is the same Randhir Singh Shekhawat who never promised her to be around but never left her for a moment though. He is seeing her with the ease of the intense gaze not as her lover but the same stranger they were the day they met 6 years ago. She waited long to be looked by the inquisitive him. She was filled with emotions now clear to her. She knows those eyes are caressing her, touching her, hugging her, protecting her and most importantly loving her. Want to know how it feels to be a woman when she's been loved? See the soft glow of the fading twilight when the sky's made love to the sun. She was loved by his mere smiling look. His childlike sensitivity in that grown up glow of maturity. He leaves her feeling in-between. Wanting each side so feverishly. They were craving for each other.

They came face to face and hugged formally...well intended to be formal. A hug doesn't ask questions, it understands. They spoke volumes in that fleeting moment of hug. They understood other's heart once again without effort. Love happens for once. After that, it's just the compatibility. And they loved at their first sight after 6years of knowing each other inside out.

After moments they were sharing the look, each wishing that the other would initiate something they both desire but which neither wants to begin in sheer fear of rejection. Scared to express love as it could make the distances more.

Finally she gathered herself and said : "It was terrible two years of my life. Tell me something beautiful about your life."

He murmured "S-A-N-Y-U-K-T-A" relishing each letter in it.

Her eyes glistened with happiness, moistened with expectation. She smiled with lips salted by tears. His gaze fixated on her In a room full of people and she cannot move as he arrested her with his mesmerizing eyes... But everybody's in a hurry to reach where they don't really want to be...So she murmured "You know what's worse than indifference? Pretend concern. Please continue indifference at least its real."

"When I can't belong to you and you can't belong to me...Our soul knows who we are. You sought the love from me unaware that I learnt to love from you. Lies can slip through your teeth with ease. It's the truth that gets caught in your throat. Wait Miss Aggarwal and rethink do you still not prefer to go on date with me?" He asked with his trademark smirk.

Sanyukta thought they truly says soulmate is someone who sold his soul to the same devil you sold yours to otherwise why on earth I was missing this Devil but longing to be with him to strangle him now? If love feels like death, why is it that both of them exist? You can miss someone who died , you can miss someone who moved away, but the worst is when you miss someone you see everyday and you sleep and wake together. The most painful love there is, is the love left un-shown. And the most painful thing about unexpressed love is, it never fades away. Somewhere between her derailed thoughts...

"I don't want to miss you anymore." She pouted and said in that relaxing comfort she always find around him.

"You look like something that's mine. I live you, one breathe at a time ...missing you or leaving you will be my death" He whispered near her ears.

And thus...they released themselves from the agony of unspoken love.

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