ZaYa OS: Hold On To Me

Aliya: Bass tujhse dil ka rishta jod doon

For the first part I just stood there and let everyone rave on about what they thought about me. It wasn't a surprise hearing Mami justifying her claims about me and Zubair being in a "relationship," Shazia bhabhi reiterating that Gauhar would be a better wife and daughter-in-law or Nafeesa bhabhi saying that the moment I stepped into this house she realised that I would bring shame to the family. As devastating and humiliating as it was, I couldn't help but laugh inside myself because no one understood, no one will understand how much Zain and I love each other. They don't understand that our love outdoes all the conventions of this world, so much so that it is impossible to explain in words. Sometimes I feel like I could die loving Zain so much, but I still do because I cannot not love him. Many say that that is where the problem lies. But I don't care. I don't care that we hated each other for so long. I don't care that we didn't want to get married in the first place. For all I care, I love him, more than I ever have or ever will love anyone.

If only they understood.

"I told you Zain. I warned you earlier. You should have listened to me. It was an illusion, the entire concept of this girl making you a better person was an illusion. Instead she was throwing dust in your eyes and you were willingly letting her! This girl was fooling you, blinding you and she will continue to do so if you don't listen to me today."

Mami's voice was an echo in the otherwise silent Abdullah House. I had always considered Barkat Villa my home, but it was times like these when the roof that was a shelter over my head and the walls protecting me from the world became foreign to me. I looked at Zain; I could feel his heart thudding inside my own, as if they were connected by some golden thread. His expression was so blank, so emotionless. But somewhere, somewhere deep within his expressionless facade, I could see sheer disbelief and devastation painted over his face. He believed me, didn't he?

"Zain, you believe me, don't you? You believe your mother?" Mami asked.

Every word she said pierced my heart. I couldn't believe what she had done, what Zubair and her had done. How had Zubbu agreed to do this to me? How had he agreed to destroy my life? It was almost as if I didn't know him anymore and my friendship with him was just a distant memory floating like a feather in the sky. Just an insignificant memory.

I closed my eyes. A tear slipped down my cheek as I whispered his name quiet enough for no one to hear but him.

"Zain."

He always heard me. When I opened my eyes I saw his look mirroring mine. A sole tear slipping down his cheek. He didn't say it, but I could hear his heart saying my name back, as if he were pleading, trying to convince me about something. But what? And at that moment, for the first time during the entire episode, he let down his facade and let his expression fire through him. His eyes were just as intense as before, staring straight through me, but his face... I could see rage, fury, disbelief and devastation. His display of his flood of emotions hurtled towards me and I involuntarily stepped back. He believed me, didn't he?

And that was when I first spoke.

"I love him." My eyes turned to Mamu in his wheel chair. "Mamu, I love him."

Tears filled my eyes. I needed his hand on my head telling me it would be okay. I ran to him and knelt down in front of him. "I love him," I cried, my head falling on his knees. "Mamu you believe me don't you? Please believe me, please saying something! Mamu, please! Please." I wasn't crying for the blame imposed upon me, I was crying because I loved Zain. I needed Zain and I was so afraid he would be taken from me.

"Get out." I knew it was coming and I wasn't surprised. "Get out, Aliya. And take everything you own, all of your memories, all of your so-called love with you. No one here needs you. Get out of my son's life, our life."

I waited for Zain to say something. He didn't. He didn't believe me. I stood up and made my way towards him. I cupped his face, my hands weak. "Zain? Zain? Please." I could just see him through the tears blurring my vision. My head dropped on his shoulders, my hands on his chest. "Zain," I cried.

"Go," he whispered through gritted teeth. "Just go."

And there was no more to it. It was over. I could see Mami's smile. I could see Shazia and Nafeesa bhabhi smile. Fahaad bhai's look of disbelief was evident in my mind and Mamu's expressionless face was silent. His love for me wasn't visible, but I knew it was there and I acknowledged it. He was the person who had brought me into this house, given me so much happiness and I was so thankful. But now, now Zain and had told me to go and I didn't want to convince him; I didn't want to convince anyone. I dropped my hands from his chest and looked down at the ground.

And then I left.

Zain: Teri aahatein nahi hain

She left.

I closed my eyes for one second, sinking in everything that had just happened. And then I was furious.

"Shabaas Zain-"

"Shut up."

The smile on Mom's face instantaneously disappeared. "Zain?"

"I said shut up." My voice was so firm, it almost scared me. Momentarily, I looked at Dad. I knew he couldn't move but I didn't need him to. I knew what my Dad wanted, even if he couldn't express it. I needed to know whether what I was about to do was right and he told me it was. Love you, Dad. After this is all over, I'll come back for you, and Fahaad bhai.

"Zain what happened-?"

"That's what I'm about to ask you. What happened, Mom?" My voice was so bitter, but it was now or never. "What. Happened? How about I tell you this? What happened was that I fell in love with her!"

"I know Zain, but she betrayed you," Mom said, her voice desperate.

"If we're speaking of betrayal then let me get this straight. It wasn't her who betrayed me. It was you! And not only me, you betrayed everyone. You betrayed this entire family and you even betrayed dad!" I was shouting, I didn't care

"Zain what are you saying?!"

"Oh you know very well know what I'm saying. It was never her fault! It wasn't Aliya's fault. You planned this! Your ego blinded you Mom and all you ever wanted to do was get Aliya out of this house. You overlooked everything she did for us - for me and for you. She did everything Mom, even what you failed to. She put her selfishness aside and she gave everything for our happiness and it shames me that you couldn't see that."

"She cheated on you!" Mom retorted in a scream.

"She did not!" I raged on, "You very well know that she did not! She loves me. Do you know what that word means? Do any of you know what that means?! Love is what I feel for Aliya, what she feels for me and what Dad feels for us. Love is what Fahaad bhai feels for his children, for me and for Dad. Do you know what that is? I think not, because if you did you would never throw Aliya out of this house. Up until she came here, this house was just a house, but she built Barkat Villa, Mom! She built the walls of this place with love and respect. She made me what I am today and all you ever think is that she destroyed me. Why? Because I no longer agree with every word you say? Because I stand up for her when you accuse her for something she never did?! But do you know why I do that, Mom? Because she's right. She's always right and you're always wrong. You'll say that she has blinded me but the truth is that you were the one who had blinded me! She gave me vision. She pulled me out of the darkness and showed me the light at the end of the tunnel, which no one could ever do. And that's what the problem is, Mom. You're ashamed that my wife could do what you couldn't and that's why you hate her. And today, today I'm ashamed of you. Not because you couldn't do what Aliya did, but because your ego is so strong that instead of appreciating what my wife has done for this entire family you continue to try and break our relationship down. You continue to say that she has destroyed my life, but what you fail to understand that she is my life and I am hers. If she destroys me then she destroys herself! And I will destroy anything that tries to separate her from me. I end it, Mom. Today, right now, right here, I end our relationship and it will continue to be broken until you accept Aliya with a full heart. You can't love me, Mom. You can't love me until you love her because she is my heart, she is my soul and without her I don't even exist. Insult her and you're insulting me. Throw her out of the house and I won't live here either."

"Then why did you let her go?" Shazia bhabhi demanded.

"I let her go because if I didn't she wouldn't let me say everything I just did. Do you know why? Because regardless of your flawed personalities, she respects you and loves you all. If only you understood."

I took a deep breath because if I didn't I would have killed him. "Zubair. She loved you like a brother and for your selfishness and gain you did everything to destroy my love for her. She fought for you, believed you like no one else and all you did was try and destroy her. She walked out of this house for you Zubair, to save you and you have just thrown her out for yourself. Did you honestly think that I would be fooled by your attempts to make me believe that you hold priority over me in her life?" I sarcastically laughed, partially in disgust. "I have no respect for you Zubair. You disgust me. Your deeds disgust me and your fake personality disgusts me. I can't help but laugh at your senselessness. Mom never liked Aliya, but you. You were her friend, right? Next time, go check the dictionary and find out what that word means before you try to scar me and Aliya's relationship by preaching how good friends you two were."

I laughed again. "I commend all of your efforts, I really do. But the fact that Aliya and I still stand strong despite all odds proves that this entire drama was a waste of your time and energy. And that is the biggest slap on your face."

And then, I left.

Aliya: Jhuk jaye sar jaha wahi, mil tha hai rab ka raastha

I didn't know where to go. To Ammi and Abbu's? What would I tell them, that I just got thrown out... again? No. But there was nowhere else to go; no place could give my heart peace. The turmoil inside me was turning into a storm and I knew it would destroy me.

I knew where my feet were taking me, but I didn't want to go there. Every time I was there Zain had been with me, and this time he wouldn't be there.

The beach. That's where.

I couldn't stop myself though. It was as if Allah was showing me a path to follow and I trusted Allah. I would go where he took me. I couldn't see anything, to be honest. Not because of my tears, they had dried now, but because my eyes refused to intake my surroundings. Nothing seemed beautiful anymore. Everything was painful, dreadful.

Zain.

Eternity wouldn't be enough to forget him, so I wasn't even going to attempt, but it was living without him that I would have to learn to do. How? I didn't know. Being so close to him was the first problem. I'd have to leave this place, this city, go to the other side of the country, or even the world. Perhaps knowing he was so far away, knowing that he wasn't mine and I couldn't be with him would help. I wouldn't get married again, I don't think it would be possible for me to say Qubool Hai because I wouldn't, couldn't mean it. It was rather sad, the way I had started planning my entire life after what had just happened. I laughed briefly. Let's just get through this day, Aliya, then we'll worry about the rest of what is left of your life.

I was nearly at the beach now. Just one more road to cross and I would be where Allah wanted to me to be, why ever he wanted me to be there. So I crossed. I didn't even realise when a pair of arms had wrapped around me and whizzed me off the road. I quickly glanced to see a car zooming off in the distance before I heard the voice of the person whose arms I was in scream at me.

"Mamu ki bhanji, paagal ho kya?!"

No. It couldn't be.

My eyes looked up at his face. It was him. "Zain?" I didn't know whether my voice came out at all. "Tum- kya, Zain, tum... " My hands were shaking. Why was he here?

"Tumhein abhi lag jaathi tho mein kayse jeetha?! Chor ke jaa rahi thi mujhe?!"

Tears welled in my eyes. "Main, nahi, tum... Zain. Main, tum yaha... Zain mujhe kuch samajh nahi-"

"Shhh, I got you." And he held me there, in his arms and let me cry. He let me cry until I ran out of tears. I held him against me like I wasn't planning to let go, because I wasn't.

"Zain," I cried.

"Aliya." He said my name as if it were an emotion, a feeling coming from his heart, "Aliya."

I looked up at him. "Saath chalna thaa tho peeche peeche kyun aye?"

"Kuch kaam thaa," he said, kissing my cheek.

"Tumne Mami se-"

"Sshh, I love you. I love you so much."

"I love you. I love you too."

And with the sand warm beneath our feet and the waves lapping behind us, we held onto each other as our lips met. Water splashed on our faces as if Allah was showering his blessings upon us. And we knew, in that moment, that we were meant to be.