11th November 2011 : You are a cheap desperate stalker!
I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. He said as she spoke the truth about him affecting her on the rose day during results.
He flinched as regret took over him. He sat on something kept nearby, totally disturbed by her reaction.. But he was happy about one thing, she was affected. She trusted him... and it was the truth , she had said it herself. He kept apologizing to her as she listened to his apologies patiently.
I'm sorry too. She said. You have patience to handle my temper, but still jo tumne kiya, it wasn't right. She mumbled.
Itni bhi buri nahi hu. She added.
Mere andar se dekho, toh tum duniya ki sabse achi ladki ho. He said.
And there he was! Saying something to bowl her over yet again. Why why why did he even affect her that much? Why did he do that?? Why did his one line have such an affect on him.
And then he said something which shocked the hell out of her.
Tum aur mein hum nahi ho sakte Sharon? He asked her, hoping for a positive reply. Her words were making him feel that she felt something for him, something strong for him.
What? How could he say that??? Or wait, how could he think that??? How was it possible?? No ways!
And she voiced it.
What? No ways!
Par kyu nahi ho sakta Sharon?
Nahi ho sakta never!
But kyu Sharon?
We don't have any chemistry! Somehow she couldn't say about dazzling and weakling thing... The problem was that she herself could not accept her feelings for him, let alone tell it to him. She had that ego, big fat ego which came in between everything. Now someone had come and was asking her out! How could she let that happen?
Koi chemistry nahi hai? He moved towards her. She flinched. Agar aisa hai toh kyu tumhare bina kuch kahe tumhari aankhein mujhse baat karti hai ? Kyu tumhare hooton ki muskaan tumhari dil ki udaasi mujhse chupa nahi sakti ? Kyu tumhara haath mujhe chune se pehle kaapta hai? Kyu mere paas aane par tumhaari saansein tez ho rahi hai Sharon? She couldn't move back. Her breath was getting heavier. Her heartbeats were increasing. She couldn't hide it from him, and neither could she avoid the feeling.
Bolo! Kyu?
She didn't answer. She tried moving away. He didn't let her. He firmly held her hand and pulled her back and pinned her to the wall.
Kya keh rahi thi tum? Koi chemistry nahi hai? Haan Sharon? Humare beech kuch bhi nahi hai?
He needed an answer. At least today she couldn't run away. She had to answer him...
Jawaab chahte ho na tum?? She said, as her breath was still heavy. Iss tarah apne aap ko mujhe par force karke?
He realized he was being too harsh. He was literally forcing himself upon her... And he didn't want to do that. He wanted to win her... Not force himself on her... How could he do that? He didn't want to hurt her in any way.. He just wanted her to acknowledge that there was something in between them.
He moved back and hit his hand over something sharp...He was pissed, irritated, furious due to her words.
I can't believe tumhe sach mein lagta hai humare beech kuch chemistry nahi hai, and woh secret admirer jisse tum mili bhi nahi ho uske saath tumhari chemistry hai.
Let me tell you Miss. Sharon Rai Prakash ,he added. tumhara secret admirer koi aur nahi, mein hu.
He had finally told her the truth. It was out, once and for all. He couldn't stay with the truth being with him all the time... At least now she knew the truth, although out of frustration.
Secret admirer? Meine kabhi socha bhi nahi tha ki tum...Swayam you really did all this?
She didn't know how to react. She was shocked. Never in her wildest dreams did she think that he would do this... And somewhere the thought of him sending her gifts always made her happy...
She smiled. Pehli baar mujhe dekhne par she smiled! He felt positive vibes surrounding her... Maybe she would accept him finally... Maybe she would reciprocate his feelings after this...
I knew it. Mujhe pata tha tumhe jaanke khushi hogi... Tumhari khushi...He came towards her as he couldn't believe his luck.
Meri khushi!! She said analyzing him quickly from head to toe. Tumhe sach mein lagta hai tum jaante ho meri khushi kisme hai?
He was shocked. He needed time to absorb things. The way she sprang upon him saying all this with rage evident on her face, he didn't feel right.
Aur kya jaante ho tum Swayam, oh sorry, the secret admirer! Tumhe lagta hai yeh jaanke mujhe bohot khushi hogi ki tum mere secret admirer ho wow!! Tumhe lagta hai tum mujhse bhi zyaada mujhe jaante ho right?
Yeh lagta hai na tumhe ki Sharon ek low grade ladki hai jo har cheez ko paiso ke saath tolti hai! Expensive gifts, lets buy her! Agar uske dil mein jagah nahi bana sakta toh at least usse khareed toh sakte hu! She stressed on the last word as rage kept spreading on her face... She was agonized... She had anger all over her face... Her trust was broken... Even the person she felt something strong for felt that she was materialistic... He felt that... How could he!
Please stop Sharon! Yeh tum kya keh rahi ho??
No ! That was definitely not why he had started sending her gifts!!
Wahi jo tum sochte ho! Socha ki jaise rose day results manipulate kiye waise hi Sharon ke dil ko bhi manipulate karunga. Brilliant! Mujhe end moment tak realize nahi hone diya ki jisse na milkar bhi mein special feel karti rahi, woh koi aur nahi, ek desperate stalker hai!!! She pointed at him.
Okay maybe that was enough. He had heard enough of her, and what he did was out of love not because he wanted to buy her. She had got it all wrong. He sat hopelessly on the steps.
Yes, tumne meri loneliness ko meri weakness samjhke uska fayda uthaya.
No...Nahi...His kept his hands on his head as he cursed his luck for bringing about such a situation. This was the worst he could imagine.
Tumne saabit kar diya ki you are nothing, but a desperate loser. That's what you are ! A LOSER!!!
Fine! He said. I'm a loser. I'm a stalker. Tumhare pyaar mein meine sab kuch lose kar diya. He stood up, he couldn't handle more. She was going overboard. He couldn't hear her saying anything like that...
Tumhare pyaar ne mujhe iss hadd tak gira diya. He said coming closer to her as her breath got heavier, but rage was still evident in every action of hers.
Mere paas mat aana tumhari shadow ko tolerate nahi kar sakti mein.
Kya galat kar diya meine?? Tumhe gifts dekar? Bolo Sharon!!!
Anger was evident in her eyes.
Jin gifts ko dekhar tum smile karti thi, jiss secret admirer ki wajah se tumhari aankhein muskuraati thi, aaj all of a sudden, woh gifts, woh secret admirer, tumhe unse takleef ho rahi hai.
He couldn't fathom it... She was happy on receiving the gifts but just because her secret admirer was him she was getting annoyed.
Tumne socha bhi kaise tum mere saath!!!
Mein nahi, tum chahti thi, tumhare secret admirer ke saath ek romantic relationship, ek dream world, tumhare aur tumhare secret admirer ke saath, mere saath.
He clutched her hand tightly as she tried freeing herself from his grip. He was not going to let her go. He needed his answers. He wanted all the answers today. He just couldn't do otherwise.
Time stopped for both of them. They felt so much for each other, the difference was that he could express it, but his method was wrong , and she hadn't come in terms with her feelings yet.
He clutched her hand tighter as she tried freeing herself from his grip. She wanted to go. Like always she wanted to leave, she wanted to run away from reality because she herself was confused. She herself didn't know why she was doing this, but one thing became clear. Her mind was dominating over her heart.
He couldn't force her to do anything. He couldn't force her to accept her feelings. Neither could he tell her something worse... He couldn't think properly. At that moment the only thought which flew through his mind was that Sharon didn't think about their chemistry. She didn't think they had anything between them and it hurt him, because that was surely not the truth. That was certainly not the truth. He wanted to make it clear to her...he wanted to let her know that there was something huge between them and that she had to accept it, by hook or by crook.
He loosened his grip around her. She was silent... Yet, she was sweating, for god knows what... He had an effect on her and above all, she was hurt. Hurt because she had dared to feel something for someone, and that too for a weakling... she had dared to let someone open the boundaries of her heart and that very person had broken her trust by thinking that she could be manipulated, by thinking that he could buy her emotions... But no...Sharon Rai Prakash was not someone who could be taken over like this. Her trust was broken... He had broken it, the person whom she trusted had broken her trust... And her heart would take time, to heal. Swayam had made a huge mistake.
Itna hate karti ho mujhe. He said, as his heart broke into a number of pieces again... The ambience had heated up there with two people so confused, yet so affected due to each other stood, in each other's presence.
Haan. She thought. Because you made me feel ki mein kitni shallow aur cheap hu.Kissi ke bhi expensive gifts se impress ho jaati hu. I hate myself for giving everyone the impression that I can be impressed by expensive gifts.
Silent tears flowed down her cheeks as she didn't show it to anyone. Not even Swayam could realize it... She was hurt, she was really hurt and he had managed to hurt her. She hated herself so much then...
Kabhi socha nahi tha... Iska matlab you hate me Sharon...He kept repeating it.
She looked at him with confused emotions in her eyes... She didn't know... Did she hate him?? Did she really hate him??? She didn't have the answer... Memories of their special moment in the rdx party flashed in front of her...She couldn't believe all this had happened with her...How could Swayam do that... And why did he have to do that...No...he shouldn't have done that...But still her feelings were under wraps...Swayam had managed to hurt her...Hurt her beyond any limits and she wasn't going to forgive him.
I hate you. She said. I hate you... She wanted to take out her turmoil and cry, but she couldn't show anyone that she was feeling weak, especially not to Swayam...He had already hurt her a lot... More than a lot. And this time, it was enough. No more hurting.
Par tumhe pata nahi kyu..
Kyuki tum woh banna chahte ho jo tum ho hi nahi! Why don't you try and be yourself?
Be yourself? I can't believe tum yeh keh rahi ho...He said as he provided proofs of him being himself and the stuff she liked about him while she made it evident. Really evident.
Stop it just stop it ! She said. She couldn't answer it... She couldn't face the truth.. She just couldn't face it...She couldn't come in terms with reality...No ways. Not possible.
She turned around, she couldn't face her and let him know that she was confused and couldn't accept her feelings.
God dammit tumhe khud nahi pata tumhe kya chahiye Sharon! He said.
Yes it was the truth. She didn't know what she wanted. She was confused... Really confused and she didn't know that behind her diva mask lay all her hidden feelings, most prominent one being what she felt for him...The feeling much greater than anything else...
No, Swayam had hurt her. He had managed to hurt her...He didn't deserve her...How could she let him affect her so much?
Fine. Mujhe nahi pata mujhe kya chahiye, but mujhe ek cheez ache se pata hai. I don't want YOU!
She spat the last word right on his face as he stood there silently, his heart once again breaking into innumerable pieces.
Tumhari shadow ko bhi tolerate nahi kar sakti mein!! She said, as she wore the mask of arrogance and agony on her face. Behind it was the hurt soft at heart Sharon who was cursing her luck at the moment.
Fine. He said turning around. This book is...this book is shut now. He spoke hesitatingly.
I promise. Yeh book tab tak nahi khulegi jab tak tum isse nahi khologi.
And I'm sure, damn sure kit um iss book ko khologi nahi, as you hate me. He walked towards her.
She looked at him . Her eyes were almost red. Yes, maybe that was the best for both of them.
Yes it was the truth. She didn't know what she wanted. She was confused... Really confused and she didn't know that behind her diva mask lay all her hidden feelings, most prominent one being what she felt for him...The feeling much greater than anything else...
No, Swayam had hurt her. He had managed to hurt her...He didn't deserve her...How could she let him affect her so much?
Fine. Mujhe nahi pata mujhe kya chahiye, but mujhe ek cheez ache se pata hai. I don't want YOU!
She spat the last word right on his face as he stood there silently, his heart once again breaking into innumerable pieces.
Tumhari shadow ko bhi tolerate nahi kar sakti mein!! She said, as she wore the mask of arrogance and agony on her face. Behind it was the hurt soft at heart Sharon who was cursing her luck at the moment.
Fine. He said turning around. This book is...this book is shut now. He spoke hesitatingly.
I promise. Yeh book tab tak nahi khulegi jab tak tum isse nahi khologi.
And I'm sure, damn sure kit um iss book ko khologi nahi, as you hate me. He walked towards her.
She looked at him . Her eyes were almost red. Yes, maybe that was the best for both of them.

3rd December 2011 - Haye Rama
They started off exactly like their earlier Paso Doble rehearsal...slow, measured movements, and a building up of intensity as the basis for what is to follow...
Then, the familiar first touch, as his hand caresses her shoulder, aquires a wholly unfamiliar, explosive tone, for them AND for us, like we know this time isn't nearly the same as the last time they danced this... and then, there's no looking back, as they lose themselves intermittently to the aggression, the intensity, and to each other...
Then, Sharon pushes him down onto the floor, like she's trying to reassert that she's beyond his reach, like he's made his biggest mistake in trying to have her...but this isn't the Swayam of two weeks ago. Not only does he get back on his feet, but he grabs and pulls her to himself, and she can do nothing to resist...
She attempts to roll away, turn her face from the eyes she knows she can't tear herself away from without painful effort. But he comes to her...his eyes yearn for hers because they know her eyes yearn for his too, eventhough she'd NEVER admit it even to herself...

4th Jan 2012 - Maybe no one can affect me as much as you do.
He had seen Shivam kissing Sharon. Even that day, he had felt that maybe she would come back to him. Maybe she would one day accept her feelings for him... But he was wrong...A guy whom she didn't even know much had managed to kiss her, he had actually managed to get closer to her and she had allowed him to do that. Maybe they just weren't meant to be... His heart ached, even more than it had ached on the day of secret admirer revelation...Somewhere he had always known and believed that him and Sharon would end up together...but after that day, maybe that dream of his was broken...shattered completely...and he was left dejected.. He was to fight his issues on his own... Words couldn't express how much he loved her, and how hurt he was when he saw someone else coming closer to him...
Sharon didn't feel anything for him, he marked mentally. That's why maybe she let someone come so close to her and kiss her... Maybe that's why she was not even showing signs of softening up...and all she felt towards him was hatred... Lots of hatred...He wanted to vent out his anger...He wanted to cry his heart out...He wanted to tell to the world how much he loved her, he wanted to be with her, but alas, he couldn't... All he could do was vent his frustration out through tears, and that was the reason, he cried that day, he cried so much that no one could tell how deep his injuries were...No one...not even Sharon...
Shivam had kissed her? And she let him? How could she Sharon Rai Prakash?? She thought to herself after excusing herself from the party and on the way back home?? How could the Sharon Rai Prakash let someone like Shivam kiss her?? AND WHY??? Didn't you once think what Swayam would feel?? Didn't you feel like you were betraying his love?? Ditching his love? The guy who has loved you so dearly, and today in one second you ditch his love? How could you!!
She slapped herself mentally as tears continued making their way out of her orbs.. She felt guilty...She felt horrible...pathetic... When she reached home, she got into her room and did nothing but cry...She broke stuff.. She walked on glass...She hurt herself physically...she got affected like she never had before...only due to Swayam...He had made her feel guilty..He had managed to affect her to such an extent that she felt super guilty of letting someone kiss her...And she hated Swayam for that.. Why why why? Once again he had made her stoop so low in her own vision...Once again he had managed to make her go on guilt trip...And that day, she was crying and HE WAS THE REASON OF THOSE TEARS...he was the reason she was letting herself break...he was the reason for every damn thing in her life...And she detested it...
I hate you Swayam!! I hate you for making me feel so guilty!! She didn't know whether she meant it or not... but at the moment she was confused..battling it out with her feelings, she didn't know what exactly was wrong with her.. all she knew was he was responsible for her tears..She was never going to forgive him for that...Never ever...

Edited by Mihi4VruShan - 11 years ago
2