I'm not going to say I understand but I know the pain you are going through. You are very strong. You had the courage to speak what is in your heart whereas I never could and still can't. After reading you story, I think I should start to open up. You are very inspirational. If you didn't open up I might never have been able to realize that I should say what my heart wants.
Be strong and I am always here for you as a shoulder to cry on... Well on the forum ofcourse.