Chapter 4 - And the day came.
When he returns in the morning, and enters their room he finds Ishita in the same place she was when he left last night. She must have fallen asleep at some point in the night while ... Waiting for him? No. She must have been lost in her thoughts and not realized when sleep claimed her.
Yep. That seems to be the accurate analysis, especially given the way she is sleeping. That does not seem like a very comfortable position, she is gonna have a kink in the neck for sure this way.
With each step towards her, he can't help but think how wrong he was.
He had assumed having being married before has taught him everything. Clearly he needs to get over himself. This may be the same institution but things won't at all be the same for him and Ishita, even when he is the common factor in both his marriages.
She is a different person.
This marriage is different.
Hell. He is a different man.
Yes, he has changed; he is no longer the person Shagun got married to.
He has become this Raman now, the one she left behind. In the wake of the destruction of their family, the ruins of their marriage. He has lost himself a long time ago now.
He is no longer the sweet, shy, content Raman Bhalla of yesteryears who was as nerdy as can be with very low self- esteem and not much for goals in his life. He is this man now. Someone who is ruthless, shrewd, ambitious, unforgiving, certainly hard to please and immune to flattery.
But he is also Ruhi' father. A father who loves his daughter more than anything in this world.
And despite all their differences he can acknowledge the truth of his father' reasoning that he marry Ishita. Knows that the conviction, with which his father had pleaded with him to look beyond his prejudices against Ishita, had been correct.
Yes he couldn't have found a better mother for his child, even if he had tried.
Despite the fact that Ishita is unable to conceive, she is the best mother a child could have asked for. Her physical limitations don't manifest into her qualities as a mother. She may be barren but that woman has maternal instincts deeper and purer than Shagun', the woman who bore his children.
She had loved Aditya, but even in her love Shagun was unflinchingly selfish and materialistic. She wouldn't shy away from brainwashing her own child to make her ends meet, and that's exactly what she did. Had it not been for her manipulation Aditya would have not said those things against him during his custody trial.
Adi, like his mother has always been easy to give into temptations and that was enough for him. All the toys, games and chocolates he could ask for. The best clothes money can buy, the most expensive school in India... those were enough to make him say his father abused him.
Those were reasons enough for him to pick his mother and her lover over him.
Those were the reasons that changed Raman Bhalla.
His son' disgust and embarrassment of him triggered the need for him to become a richer, more successful person.
He could have lived with having had a cheating wife, who left him for a lover only because he was richer than he was.
He could not live with himself knowing he disgusted his own son. So much so, he would pick another man because his own father is unable to buy things he wants.
He decided then to become the person he is today.
And in doing so lost touch with his own daughter, the one person he was now left with in the aftermath of his marriage' collapse. The one person he could not afford to lose.
He never wanted Ruhi to have the same shame as Adi did the same disgust towards him and strived to make more than enough for him to be able to fulfill every wish of his daughter's.
Strange it all seems so pointless now. Ruhi never asks or wants for much - except love.
His daughter is not materialistic, she takes joys in the simple things; things money cannot buy. Things like a mother's love - priceless; and not available in any market.
He married Ishita for that sake. To let his daughter have the one woman, the only woman from whom she has experienced motherly love from.
While he may usually loathe saying these words - but Ishita is right.
He cannot sustain a facade of a marriage with Ishita forever.
In the end, when Ruhi grows up she will start understanding that her parents are not in love. They are not together like all other parents. That will hurt his daughter more than he can imagine. The thought that his Ruhi could have to bear a pain he cannot even imagine, it kills a part of him.
He has grown up with loving parents who were and still are a couple so very much in love with each other. He knows, understands what Ishita meant by her example of learning and wanting the things we see as children. Be it toys or values or even a loving, lasting marriage where both partners trust and respect each other.
He cannot have his daughter resenting him or worse she herself over this; for thinking she was the reason he married Ishita and now neither of them is happy nor even in love.
He knows falling in love is beyond him now. Nevertheless, he has to respect the mother of his child. Just defending her in front of the outside world is not enough. They need to have at least cordiality amongst themselves, within their relationship, in the confines of their home, their room.
The least he can do towards that goal is start by making amends with her.
Hence, Raman Bhalla takes what would be in the long run, the most momentous step of his life.
Just as he is thinking about how to wake Ishita, call her or maybe slightly jerk her shoulder, nearing her, he knocks his knee into the sofa as he slips on a bottle of water he did not notice and almost collides face first with the back of the sofa. Thankfully he finds his balance as he grabs hold of one handle of the sofa with his left hand and Ishita' shoulder with his right. She jerks awake instantaneously at the noise from the commotion and this invariably makes her groan with pain, with a hand on her neck.
Ouch that has to hurt.
"Oww... "
"You ok?"
"What does it look like?" She asks annoyed.
She is grumpy and while he is so tempted somewhere deep down to tease her and annoy her, make a remark or two about not knowing the side-effects sleeping like this while calling herself a doctor, he does know last night they weren't thinking.
However, before he says anything, he uprights himself so as to not develop a backache. He notices the bottle of water that caused his collision and quietly places it on the table besides the sofa. She follows his movements, winces slightly, and expects him to start any moment now. That it was her carelessness that caused him to topple over. She should have paid attention and god knows what else.
Her mind quietly supplied the thought to her - Ishita...so your day begins.
Any moment now the show will start.
Instead, he surprises her with a quiet response that was the last thing she expected from him.
"You are in pain... you shouldn't have fallen asleep like that you know."
She is as perplexed at the statement as she is at the sincerity in his voice.
He is acting sweet and concerned; and not like his usual self, she realized - a condescending jerk. Somehow the last time this had happened she had misconstrued his intentions, thought he wanted to establish some sort of an intimacy between them. Now she knows better.
The thought saves her further embarrassment for if she had let her mind run like before, she would have blushed scarlet by now and there would have been no way that he would have not noticed it.
She sends a quick prayer of thanks to Murugana for her quick thinking; it would not have done for her to hand him ammo of this kind, so early in the morning.
So instead, she looks away and starts rubbing her neck, so that he may not notice her mind going a mile a minute here and replies in a casual way.
"I didn't realize when I fell asleep. I was up till late last night, thinking... waiting for you."
Oh, oh that last part should not have slipped from her mouth, Ishita praand, he, he was being reasonable for a change - the first thing in the morning too and you had to go ruin it with your big fat stupid mouth. She wants to kick herself at this moment for being an absolute idiot, a total moron.
When she began, he knew had been right... but her last words; they were like a bolt of lightning striking him.
She was waiting on him! She did intend to stay up; she was concerned somewhere for him. He had it right when he had imagined that!
Though he tried to get over the shock of this realization, what bothered him was... he liked it. Liked that he was being waited for, noticed... even his absence.
His traitorous mind flashed him images of Shagun never staying up for him ever. Never waiting for his return.
His fickle heart speeding up with the feelings, Ishita' simple concern brought about. All the reasons he could conjure up for this being a bad, bad thing abandoned him. All he could be sure of was he just swallowed a lump, that his heart is racing a mile a minute and somehow... he can actually feel butterflies aflutter in his stomach at the moment.
And that hasn't happened to him.
Not since he first met Shagun. The day their parents set up their meeting and fixed the marriage and he knew he had fallen in love at first sight with the girl he considered as the most beautiful thing in the entire world.
He cannot even understand what it means now! Cannot begin to fathom what to do regarding these out of the blue reaction he just had.
To feel these things... and he expressly chooses to ignore the thought that somehow his overactive imagination came up with - what if he had never met Shagun... what if he had a clean slate when he married Ishita. How different things could have been?
Oblivious to Raman' reactions Ishita stood up and was about to leave the room when he stopped her.
"Ishita wait. We need to talk." He voiced trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.
"But Ruhi..."
She spoke the first words that came naturally to her, god please no. I do not deserve this, I am a good person, and this Raavan will bite my head off. Why did I not stop myself? Urgh!
"Her vacations have begun Ishita, don't worry let her sleep. And I already talked to mama on the way in, she will see to it Ruhi brushes her teeth and has her breakfast. It will also help give mama something to focus on. She needs it anyways."
She couldn't argue with that, so she nodded in agreement. But when she made a move to leave again he was annoyed.
"Wait! Didn't I just say Ruhi will be fine, then why are you leaving? I said we should talk."
"Relax baba" she gave him an incredulous look.
"I am coming back; I just ...need to use the washroom."
"Oh...go, go"
He was a bit mortified at his sudden outburst and chided himself of course she just woke up you idiot!
Staring at him and wondering if he is losing his mind, Ishita walked out for a few moments shaking her head along the way to use the washroom. She didn't want him to notice her concern and start on her anyways.
When she was back, she noticed he was lost in some thought and so cleared her throat to announce her arrival.
Ignoring the very disturbing activities going on in his head and heart, Raman shook his head and decided to talk about the problem at hand. The thing that kept him awake all night. He cleared his throat lest his voice giveaway how very she affected him just moments ago and didn't even realize it.
"Ishita... I am sorry, but last night... I just needed some fresh air. I was not out drinking if you think that I went to drown my sorrows somewhere, I just needed to clear my head. So I walked around a lot, basically just in the neighborhood and then sat for god knows how long in the park down the road. I realized the time only when the sun rose and couldn't get up even then.
You were right last night; we cannot continue this marriage like this and expect Ruhi to never pick things up. She will understand the nature of our relationship someday if not now; we need to work on this.
And you should have honestly given one tight slap to Simi."
Up until his last words Ishita could finally feel something inside her loosening. As if she was feeling lighter and freer when Raman agreed with her, but when he said she should have slapped Simi, it was as if he just threw her in a loop all over again.
So great was her shock at his statement she failed to hide her reaction.
"What?" he asked her curiously.
"You are okay na? You do realize what you are saying."
"Didn't I just say I am sober... what do you think that I am under the influence even when I haven't drunk?"
"No, no... I mean you realize you just asked me to slap your sister Raman. Your own sister."
"So?"
"So she is your sister."
"And your sister in law, younger than me, trust me you have the right."
"Raman this is not a joke."
"Who says I am joking here? Ishita I am older than Simi, which makes you her elder and may be you Madrasis have a thing for politeness and all and keeping yourselves under control all the time. In us Punjabis it's considered a matter of pride to flaunt what and how we feel. And as a Punjabi bahu, if you are angry and outraged you can voice that... trust me, when we think someone is wrong, we Punjabis don't wait for a second to give them a piece of our mind and if necessary a slap on the face and more. You should have done that, Simi deserved as much."
"You are honestly saying I should have roughed up your sister? You sure you are ok?"
"I am... And what is the matter with you it isn't as if you give this much thought anyways." He was totally getting annoyed with her now.
"Give what a thought?" she asked confused genuinely.
"Slapping someone, you dint waste a moment when it was me. I was barely back after changing and you struck me hard across the face. Even left prints on my cheeks."
He could see her visible discomfort and found it amusing, the memory of being slapped by his newly wedded wife wasn't instigating him, and rather... this was turning out to be a way for him to tease her. Her nervousness made her look cute; he pondered and immediately gave himself a mental kick.
Reddening at the memory and his... rightful accusations, she stuttered the first words that came to her
"It was a mistake, I was hurt, felt humiliated, angry and thought you played me; otherwise I would have never done that. I am still so sorry for my actions, you know that. I know I shouldn't have acted the way I did, that day but I wasn't thinking straight. And you possibly cannot equate that situation with this."
"Why not? You thought I hurt you, Simi clearly did hurt you. So tell me Doctor Ishita Bhalla what's the difference here? From what I understand both the situations are clearly an offence, an insult to you. So why not the same punishment? "
This is so much fun, why fight with her if teasing can be so amusing, he mused. Raman Bhalla you might just survive what you planned.
Try as she might Ishita could not make a response to that. She opened and closed her mouth a few times as if a fish in a pond and looked away.
When she dint respond... and looking at her flabbergasted expressions Raman couldn't hold back his tongue and miss out on a chance to tease her.
"So... let me get this straight... you think no wait you don't think for a second and slap me, when I wasn't even at fault but you cannot slap my sister when she clearly was wrong? Why? Lucky me... I get the most special treatment from you don't I Mrs. Bhalla? "
She looked as if she might start crying again and then in a squeaky small voice once again objected to his accusations.
"It's not that Raman, I said I am sorry to you after I realized my fault dint I? And Simi... I could not do that to her... whatever we may be Raman, we have a history and you are Ruhi' father, the father of my daughter. But Simi, she is still relatively unknown to me, and I am no one to her. To you... I am married. I... am your wife."
He clearly couldn't contain the small smile that lit up his face at her comment. Yes she was mortified at her actions, but in doing so, in admitting to that one mistake, she had revealed giving him a preferential treatment was a valid thing. Even if it was slapping him, somehow the thought warmed him. That to her... he isn't just a family member with whom she can be merely courteous, respectful and indifferent.
He invokes special reactions...may be because he is special?
No Raman, stop that.
He has to get a grip on himself.
Therefore, without trying to sound as if her words didn't mean much to him he began to speak.
"Ishita... I know we did not have the best beginning. Our marriage will never be anything like your Amma & Appa' or my mom & dad'. We aren't the conventional married couple here. And while I cannot promise much to you, I do hold our vows with the utmost respect.
You are the mother of my daughter and for that... for making sure that she always feels loved, that I got a chance to keep her with me, for clearing my doubts when I allowed my doubts to poison my mind and imagine the horrid scenario that Ruhi is not my own child, I will always be grateful to you."
She looked at him then, finally with tears in her eyes and a sense of elation, gratefulness, peace and respect visible on her face.
"For making sure I get to have Ruhi, you did something I could never have even asked of you. I mean just look at it, my ex-wife could bear Ruhi for nine months... could bring her in this world but couldn't stay back for her... how could I have known a complete stranger would marry me for her sakes?"
Without realizing it, he had a far off look on his face when he began again.
"Ruhi was six months old when Shagun left us, she... she didn't want the responsibility of looking after a baby, especially not when Ashok took her on a world tour, almost immediately after she... Sometimes I wondered what would have happened if she had taken Ruhi too you know. But then I realized it would never have been the case, with Adi things were simple, get his chocolates, new clothes, new toys and all and he was happy. She could just swipe a card and buy her son everything he could want... With Ruhi things wouldn't have been so simple. As a baby she would have wanted constant care - changing nappies, burping, feeding, late nights... this would have been such a dampener in her plans.
She even got Adi admitted to a boarding school in Dehradun the week after she took him away. Couldn't even keep her son for ten days with her... a baby was simply too much of a responsibility to ruin her trip to spas and shopping not to mention all the traveling... "
As if he realized what he just said, he shook his head and Ishita could see, for the first time - the father of a six-month-old helpless baby, who was just as helpless in the face of things back then. Just imagining it, it hurt her, how must Raman have dealt with the situation itself... it, it makes her want to reach out and hold his hand, as if she could change the past with that little act. However, she reins herself in; Raman would not understand her empathy.
"Why am I even saying these things? "
He begins again but there is no mistaking the change in his voice. His withdrawal, it serves to make her curious, anxious to know what happened to him. What made him this Raman Bhalla?
"The point is... you married me for legally becoming Ruhi' mother, but in her heart Ruhi considered you a mother even before our marriage. She cried when she thought you would leave her. Do you know that? She didn't recognize me as I was standing with my back to her and when she learned I am your to-be husband, two days before we married. She requested me to not marry you and take away her Ishita aunty, her best friend."
So overcome was Ishita with this, she was unable to hold back a few tears that rolled down her cheeks.
"I never knew this, all I can remember is she came to my room that day and was crying when I asked her why she called me mama and later saw this ring. She told me you told her I am marrying you."
He could have cried, would have too, if he dint remind himself, men don't cry but there was no mistaking the change in his voice, his face... as if transfixed in the memory of that past moment.
"I did, and she started jumping with joy, saying you will be her mama, I made her promise to not say a word to Shagun, keep it a secret. I told her that pretty soon we will have her live here again, in her own home, and you would be here - her Ishita mama, and you would never ever leave her."
If she could think at all in the moment, she would have reacted but Raman had rendered all her thinking and defenses useless with his revelations... and may be even lost his inhibitions lost in the memory of that day.
For when he took her hands in his, she did not take them back, just kept looking at him, as if he had hung the very moon for her
"Ishita I cannot, I don't think I can love again. Not in that way, but I do love my daughter and as her mother the least I can do for you is assure you, from now on you will not have a reason to complain from me, not as long as I can help it. I am not saying we won't have our fair share of bumps along the way, but that we will handle things together - you and I, for Ruhi, for our families and our marriage.
We cannot be the ideal or the typical couple. However, we can be a good couple, we can be the best parents Ruhi can have, should have. And for that I...I... declare peace. Call it a truce, raise the white flag and announce cease fire from my side."
If anything his words made her laugh... and for that he was grateful, somehow that was his aim. He liked it that he can make her laugh.
"Raman... we aren't India and Pakistan at war here"
"No we are north versus south at war here, or were at least."
"I don't follow"
"What's not to follow? We don't fight anymore; we talk things like...reasonable, thinking adults. Peaceful adults. We don't make everything ammo in our war. We try to be... friends." He says the last word shyly, almost defensively.
"Friends...?"
She looked at him as if he just grew a second head, right in front of her. From her expressions, he could make out as much, but he dint care, this... this felt right. And so he went on. God knows if he dint do this now, he may as well never be able to do so.
"Yes Ishita, friends... We talk, we discuss, you come to me, I come to you... we don't let things take an ugly turn anymore. Whatever it is, we get it out in the open and if it's a problem, find a solution to it. Together. Do you object to that?"
There was no missing the glint of hope in his eyes.
For a few quiet, uneasy moments, she wasn't capable of making a reasonable reply, but then she withdrew her hands from his... and watched as his face fell.
Only for realization to dawn on him the second she extended her hand towards him, a joyful smile lighting up his entire face. The biggest smile she had seen on him ever.
"Friends?" she asked him with a smile with that outstretched hand between them.
"Friends." He replied with a firm shake, holding her hand, an equally brilliant smile gracing his lips.
---------The new beginning----------
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