Banner Credit: HEAVEN
Polemic Jackanapes: Chapter 19
"What's cooking, Amma? You've been in the kitchen all morning." Fresh and dewy after a long shower, Payal followed the wonderful aroma of cooked basmati rice in to the kitchen where Garima was preparing what looked and smelled like a delicious meal. Garima had always taken pleasure in cooking. That morning, she had sent their maid back as soon as she had finished chopping the vegetables - one of the few things Shashi had, after several efforts, convinced Garima not to indulge in, as it put considerable strain on her spine. Garima had aged gracefully; her visage shone with health and enthusiasm, but age had caught up with her bones and she had been advised to take adequate care. Shashi had to practically blackmail Garima into following the doctors' advice. The kitchen was her kingdom and her sanctuary, and she was unwilling to allow anyone inside her personal haven. Even now, the maid was only to do the preparatory work. The cooking, Garima insisted on doing herself.
"Kaali dal", she said in response to Payal's question. "Arnav is coming over for lunch. So I thought-"
"Of course" Payal said taking our a spoon from one of the kitchen drawers, "your darling is coming over so there has to be a special meal, no?" - she teased and took some of the simmering dal right from the vessel that was still on the stove in her spoon.
"Put that back" Garima admonished, "it's not done yet.", and took the spoon back from her hand. "And what problem do you have with that poor boy? He is a gentle soul and you are always after his life" she said, taking a large wooden spatula to stir the thick gravy, checking it's consistency to make sure it was cooked to perfection.
"Who said I have a problem with him? Aisa kuch nahi hai.." Payal said nonchalantly as she lifted the lid off the other vessels on the kitchen deck to see what else her mother had prepared for the afternoon meal.
"Oh, is that why you were so mean to him the other day he was here? You are always taking a jab at him or pulling his leg - and he never utters a word."
"Please, we have been over this. I even apologized to him and the episode is over. Why do you keep bringing it up?", said Payal, now more than a little annoyed. "Also, who stops him from saying something, Maa? I am not implying what I did was right - but its high time he learns to speak up. He gets all the crap in the world because he accepts everything without a sound. How is he going to protect Khushi in future when he cannot even defend himself against a few harsh words from me?"
"You do know how to argue, don't you? So your scathing words are justified because he doesn't say anything. And he is responsible for all the wrong that happens to him? Give the guy a break, will you!"
"That's not what I... never mind" Payal let out an exasperated sigh. "He knows I don't mean bad - but for your comfort, I will watch my tongue. But when is he coming? Its only 11 now and I am ravishingly hungry."
"When are you not?" Garima said smiling, to Payal's relief. She turned off the stove and moved to fetch a casserole.
"Can I at least taste this stuff? It smells so nice, any wait is going to be torturous."
"Fine - but just one spoon." she said, curbing a smile. "Can you just clean the kitchen deck afterword? I'll just go get changed."
Payal hardly heard a word of what Garima said, as she got busy in making a small plate for herself. When Garima returned from her room, she was glad to see Payal had in fact cleaned the entire kitchen.
"Maa, I have to tell Khushi about this lunch. She is going to be sooo jealous." Payal giggled as she rinsed the wiping cloth and placed it back in its place to allow it to dry.
"You are doing no such thing" Garima was firm. "The poor girl, god alone knows what she is eating there. She refuses to divulge any details other than the fact that the food is awful. And you will tell her about your wholesome lunch? No way"
"Can I at least tell her once she returns? Its not often that I get a chance to rile her up."
"We'll see then. That reminds me, when did she say we should call her today? She was so busy in the morning! Kya din aa gaye hain,", Garima mused, "my sleep-hog of a daughter is up and ready by 6 AM for a site visit."
"And stays put at a place where she doesn't like the food!"
"I know". Smiling, Garima walked to the couch and at sat down, placing her feet on the centre table in front.
"She said she would be free only after 4 in the evening." Payal took a seat next to Garima. "We'll call her then."
"Yes. Perhaps if Arnav is still around, she won't be in a hurry to put down the phone." she chuckled.
"That reminds me Maa, how come he is coming here for lunch today? He rarely comes when Khushi isn't at home."
"I invited him. In fact I wanted to call Aakash and Devyani ji too, but it seems Aakash is really busy and Devyani ji is fasting. So it's just him now. Perhaps it's a good thing... he has gone through such a rough patch and I am sure he is missing Khushi."
"Yeah, but I spoke to him last week. He seems to be holding up pretty well. I was worried he'd be depressed or discouraged. In fact he was just irritated by the fact that everyone expected him to be just that. I was impressed!"
"I am telling you, you all underestimate Arnav. He is shy and doesn't speak much, but he is an immensely strong person and an honorable man. I wouldn't let my baby around him if I thought he was weak. When the time is right, I am sure he will shine. More than that, I know he will never disappoint anybody in his life."
"Sometimes I feel you are his mother and not mine" Payal let out an unladylike Hmph. "I am going to sleep now, let me know when he comes. I have a night shift today and I need some sleep!" she pouted before walking into her room.
****
"Garima, the food was absolutely divine!" Arnav said emphatically as he licked the remnants of the food off his fingers, which was followed by a rather loud and inelegant burp.
"Glad you enjoyed it, beta! You want some more rice?"
"I do, but I don't. My stomach will positively burst open if I have anything more." he said, panting.
"Then I'll pack the kheer I made for you. Theres some for Aakash and Devyani ji too. Its made of jaggery, you don't have to worry."
"You are a darling, Garima.", he said, wiping his mouth with a napkin. "Oh, and Nani has promised to visit later this week, she was really sad she couldn't make it today."
"She is too kind, your grandmother. What has she to apologize for? She is always welcome here. I'll give her a call this evening."
"You ladies' have a mutual admiration club, don't you?" he smirked.
Chuckling, Garima got up from her seat at the dining table and was about to start clearing the plates when Payal offered to do it. "I'll clear the plates, Maa. You should get some rest."
"Don't worry about it, I just have to put the plates in the sink, the maid will come later in the evening and take care of the rest."
"No way, I know if I let you, you will clear the plates, clean the table, put the leftovers in your pretty Tupperware boxes and put them in the fridge. Allow me to do all that, will you?"
With a sheepish look on her face, Garima nodded; "You can just do the first two, the maid will manage the rest. Make Arnav a cup of coffee later. I'll just go take a nap, I do feel tired." Turning to Arnav, "I am so sorry beta, I was hoping to sit with you for a bit but all the rice has made me really sleepy. I'll be up in less than an hour; it would be nice if you could stay. We can all also talk to Khushi later in the evening."
"I don't know about that. I'll be here for some time but I have a meeting scheduled at 4:30, so I'll talk to Khushi later tonight."
****
They settled on the couch with a cup of coffee in hand. "I hate kitchen work" Payal ranted.
"I did most of the work!" Arnav reminded.
"And I made you coffee. We're even." she said placing her feet on the centre table, just like her mother had only a few hours back.
"Umm, I'll give you that one. This coffee is great! Just like-"
"Just the way you like it. I know" she smiled. "Khushi once described in detail how amusing she thought your taste in beverages was. And how particular you were about your coffee. And then you told me the other day that she has convinced you to add a few spoons of milk to your coffee." she shrugged.
"You sure pay attention to everything about me!" he smirked and raised an eyebrow.
"I am a doctor, I pay attention to everything. And should I tell Khushi her beloved boyfriend has been flirting with me in her absence?"
"She would never believe you." he said confidently, jutting his chin out.
"Well, that is true. For some reason my entire family believes that I am Prem Chopra and you are the damsel in distress."
"Meri izzat mat lootna!" he mock-squealed, and then they burst into peals of laughter.
They laughed until their stomachs hurt and they found it difficult to sit straight. When they were finally able to catch some breath, "I don't remember the last time I laughed like that!" Arnav remarked.
"Me neither." Said Payal, still struggling to control the giggles. "And it wasn't even all that funny!"
"I know, right? But I thought I pulled off a great Asha Parekh."
"That you did! Khushi should have been here, she'd be proud of you."
His eyes softened at the mention of her name, and that didn't escape Payal's notice. "You miss her, don't you?" she asked. It was redundant - the answer was obvious.
"Do you even have to ask?" he shrugged and took and another sip of coffee. "And it's only been a few days. I know this is silly but I can't help it."
"Two months ago, I would have used that to pull your leg for a long, long time. But now... I cannot. At least Khushi is out of town. Aakash was in the same city, just a bit busy for a few days. And I was... wretched." Payal replied, biting her lower lip.
"Don't tell Aakash about it, you will be teased for eternity." was Arnav's conspiratory whisper.
"Do you think it will get better?" she asked before she could stop herself. But now that it was said, she was looking forward to his response.
"What will get better?" he asked, perplexed.
"You know... this.. feeling of missing someone. Someone who is very much with you. People tell you that physical distance isn't important, as long as the feelings are genuine and both parties make an effort to be together. But I now feel that is all bullshit- and I am hoping this feeling is temporary."
He didn't really have an answer to her question. Or perhaps he had one but didn't want to look for it. But his words were honest. "I am the last person you should be talking to, Payal. Khushi has been gone all of four days and I feel like I am losing my mind. I am... like a planet that has lost its orbit."
"Okay, that was eloquent but you need to elaborate."
He was tempted to evade the question or better yet, just make an excuse and leave, but something stopped him. His mind has been his monster ever since Khushi had left, and while he was not one who would ever willingly share his feelings with others, he felt strangely comfortable with Payal.
"How do I put this without sounding like a fool? Khushi is another city - but I feel, what I have been feeling is that she is in another world, another universe that is widening every second and hence her distance from me. The things that drive her, I cannot recognize them anymore."
"Wait a minute-" Payal spoke. "That is just unfair, don't you think? She was with you every step of the way when it was your time, when you were growing - even the days when you had no time for her. She rejoiced in your achievements and celebrated your successes. And now that she has come to that phase in life, you are saying you cannot be happy her? What the hell is-"
"You misunderstand me" Arnav had to stop her diatribe. "I did not say I cannot be happy for her. Don't conclude before you hear me out, Payal - don't you think you have done enough of that?" his voice a notch higher.
Reluctantly, Payal sighed and gestured him to continue what he had to say.
"I am proud of Khushi - she has been forced into this business and yet she is doing it with all her heart. There have never been any half-hearted measures from her side. She is her namesake - she has the unique talent of finding happiness wherever she is. I am not like her, Payal. Not as adaptable... not as generous. Things have been changing so fast, my world is spinning around me and I can't see a thing clearly. And I am stuck - static and unable to move. So, when I see Khushi move forward, I also see her moving away. I am happy for her, Payal - believe me I am. But I feel like I am failing to be happy with her."
Just about to retort, Payal stopped herself. Here was a man she was sure loved her sister beyond measure, and had in his own complex jargon admitted that he was lonely. She contemplated talking to him as a doctor - something she did best. But decided against it as she realized he would see that as condescension. She was unacquainted with the art of euphemism, and hence couldn't mince words. And so, she ventured into unfamiliar waters - being his friend - who cared about his feelings as much as she did about the truth.
"I have something to say, but it may sting" was her pathetic start. Clearly, this caring-for-feelings-business was going to be tough.
"It may sting?" he said disbelievingly. "Payal, the possibility hasn't bothered you before and it shouldn't now. Go on."
"This is what I think the matter is, okay? I think, you are so used to being there for her, of sharing your life with her that you have come to associate every joy in your life with her. And you are now unable to digest her independent happiness." She paused, waiting for him so say something. When she realized she had his full attention, she continued, "You said she is moving forward, while you are stuck. I think it's because of what happened with Aman. I-"
"This has NOTHING to do with the damn case." he snapped.
This didn't surprise her, she had seen it coming.
"If this is what you want to counsel me about, you can use some other guinea pig for practice, Payal. I am leaving." He got up to leave, but Payal held his hand. "Don't conclude before you hear me out?" she repeated his words from before, her voice soft and urging.
He sat back down with a thump, but refused to look at her when she began talking.
"Her success affects you like this because of your failure Arnav." He didn't show much response but she cringed from within at having to say the word - "failure". "She fills every hole, every void in your life with her presence, and it has happened for so long, you have forgotten they even existed. Now, they are rearing they ugly heads and you don't know what to do about it."
"Are you done being a shrink? Can I leave now?" he said, not caring of the anger that laced his words. She realized then that she was still holding his wrist in a firm grip. She didn't loosen her hold.
"Not yet" she insisted. If he wanted to think she was trying to diagnose him, so be it. "You don't have what Khushi does, and you envy her."
"How dare you s-"
"Let me finish!" she refused to stop. "You envy her because she knows what she wants from life. You envy her ability to smile even when she doesn't get what she wants. And most of all, you resent that fact she can find happiness even when you are feeling miserable."
"Enough" he roared; freeing is hand from her grip, he got up, collected his suit that was kept neatly on one of the chairs and moved to walk out the main door.
"Wait" Payal held his wrist once more; "At least take the kheer Maa has kept for you." She left his hand and walked to the kitchen. She came out a few minutes later with a box in a thin paper bag and held it out to him. He was still angry but his stance had relaxed a little.
"I want you and Khushi to be together, Arnav. Never doubt that." He looked up, surprised at her words. "Don't define yourself in terms of others, Arnav. Not even Khushi. Please." And before he could react, she turned around and walked away from the room.
Edited by vgedin - 11 years ago
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