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Today the episode was like a turbulent, churning, mud stream. Rushing, jumping, down the boulders of events at break neck speed. Breaking banks, promising havoc, as it rushes to its ultimate destination.
Only two sudden stops, two places where it paused, before hurling itself down.
The first, when the three Ranawat men were discussing the impending doom cum nuptials of Major Sa. Rudra forcefully states, she will break, if not today, then tomorrow, if not then, the day she steps in the wedding mandap and sees instead of a groom, this...Jallad.
That one second pause, one moment of silence, had eons of screams, deafening and disturbing. You could see the whiplash in his eyes. He has no illusions about himself. And he has no doubts about what she thinks of him. He knows only too well, how she hates him, how she despises him, abhors his very existence. And Rudra realizes, that he would be the last choice of any woman, and least of all, Parvati. The Major knows that marrying him is a fate worse than death for any woman. Time and again, we face these subtle, these very superfine hints about how Rudra estimates himself. Repeatedly we see, how low his self esteem is. He might be a rock to reckon with in the outside world, but this man definitely does not think much of himself on the insides. And when it comes to Paro, he feels he is just not worthy of her and never will be. The seeds of the classic Othello, are being sown, the strands of his insecurities, his lack of belief in himself woven intricately in the plot. His mother abandoned him, a child, for another man, his father never found him worthy of his love, and his life has left him totally bereft of confidence. And he himself mentions the fact, when he confesses that he is nothing without his uniform. He only feels confident, alive, when he has that covering his body and soul. With his every self devaluating dialogue, with his every self depreciating shrug, the fear for the future, rises in me.
And the next pause, as beautiful, as the first one was disturbing. When she stands there, beautiful with every breath, lovely as a vision, before she joins him for the puja. And the mirrors on her ghaghra, reflect light, its glare, its shine, its intricate play of light, catching Rudra unawares...again!! The foreplay of light dragging him back through the memory lane. The day he met Paro, the day he rescued her, the day his word changed...forever. And only he was privy to this special secret, as no one else, including Paro, had an inkling to what was going on in this gentle giant's insides. His face, for a moment, had a gentleness, that no words could describe. A tender deja vu, that can never be written about, only felt. A pause, where he remembers that very special day, when he met her...Parvati. An unforgettable memory, etched in his heart and mind, forever. A day he will cherish till his last breath. For that solitary moment, everything else disappeared, all undercurrents, all wrong and rights, all that stayed were a gentle Rudra and a sweet memory. A refreshing lull before the storm. A pause that will last a life time...
Too much is happening at too high a speed. The stormy, frothy river of time, bouncing off the events, dragging many important characters in its muddy after wake. What stayed with me today, where two pauses, where time and tide stood still...
Kumkum Bhagya
Anupamaa
