Broken Jalal is crying his heart out? It was me who pushed you to death, no, unlike others, I don't believe that you took this extreme step just to show Ben's truth and save my life. NO Jodha Begum I know more than that, its all because of my Ego which made me to be indifferent to you and to cover up my weakness (my tender feelings for you, which I had developed since God knows how long), I was too harsh to you. I tried every possible way to hate you just to convince my soul that I hate you and kept failing. The failure raged me so much that being the shehenshah of Hindustan, how could I accept my failure and each failure made me furious on myself but I had no one but you to pour out my anguish, so gave them the face of intolerance and left no opportunity to degrade you. Believe me Jodha, the more a tried the harder I failed. Hardly I could sleep, you were silence was killing me from within, your tears were haunting me day in and day out, I was feeling suffocated while seeing the depth of your hurt in those ever expressive eyes and was unable to see your face devoid of your beautiful smile.
I never ever wanted to see the anger, rage and frustration in those eyes. They were questioning my existence as a emperor and also as a failure of an husband. When I saw you in the garden clutching your Kahna close to your heart and were ready to move out of your own room which I personally had given to you, I felt as if you are moving out of my life. I was divested of my own identity, I am the shehenshah of Hindustan and was very proud of mentioning that but my own wife had no place to stay and had been evacuated from her room, by my other Begum and she doesn't stand up for her rights, how will I give justice to others??????????? That thought made me lose my control (btw when did I had control on my thoughts when you are concerned) and spit those awful words which are still ringing in my ears as heated lead. Believe me Jodha, I can never think of staying away from you or living a day without having the glimpse of your smiling face and if I am robbed that smile, what was the need for me to see your face which was not familiar to me? I wanted my Jodha Begum, the ever green, full of life and laugh and not some humshakal of her who looked lifeless, and with whom I could not connect through those eyes. Tell me Jodha begum did I made a mistake by telling those words but how would I know that the most spirited Jodha Begum had already surrendered her will power and her fighting spirit and took my words at the face value and decided to leave me in this heartless world, thinking I am heartless.
Believe me Jodha begum, if not for you I would never have realized that even I have a heart which beats for care and concern. That yearns for some love and affection. The one, that aches to sink in with the beats of my beloved ones. The heart which beats at the mere thought of your crooked smile, the one which loves to appreciate your innocence while you are playing with Rahim... How did you think it will continue to beat when there is no hope to sync with your heart beat? Jodha Begum, if you really think of my welfare and wish for my happiness, please open your eyes and look at me. I can take it even it spit fire for my criminal acts but please open them once...
I had been to the Mazhar & even to your Kahna, but even they are helpless against your wish. Unless you forgive me and overlook at my sin and decide to pardon me, they will not help me. If you really want your husband, the Jalaluddin to stay alive and live a life, please come back...
Indian Premier League
Anupamaa
