CHAPTER 18
They all entered the house in a very somber mood. After Vickram s declaration he wanted to see his sister, they left not to long after. Sugni just sitting quietly, not sure what to do here, everyone was hurting. Coming home to be greeted with such devastating news, was heart wrenching. Looking at them as they went to visit Kuhu, her heart went out to them. Vickram's look of anguish as he asked his unconscious sister to come back to them, the tears that he cried, gently touching her face . . His mother looking down at her child; the beeping of the machines just adding to this feeling of loss. Sugni stood off in a corner, wanting to somehow comfort them but not sure how. Again, she felt like an intruder in this private moment, of sadness.
Vickram went into the study; Maaji went up to her room. Sugni contemplated going into the room and leaving them to be, but she could not, following her instinct she went into the study. She found him sitting on the couch by the window staring at a framed picture , lost in thought. As she got closer she realized it was of his sister and another man she knew was his brother by the picture in the hall way.
She rested her hand on his shoulder silently calling him out of his thoughts. He looked up at her briefly, his eyes red, then back at the picture in his hand. Silently she sat next to him, reaching out she held his hand.
" She was always smiling you know..." he said softly, sadly "Always happy...full of life...and Bhushan bhai saab, always the sensible one, the cautious one., always followed rules and did what was right..." his voice cracked..."Now he is gone...and she lying there helpless...how could this happen? How..." he said as he broke down "This is all my fault...I should have been here... None of this would have happened if I was here..." He lamented.
His anguish was heart wrenching for her. Leaning over she hugged him, "shhh...I know...I am soo sorry...so sorry..." She said quietly. , gently rubbing his back, offering comfort the only way she could think of, as he grieved for his loved ones. Her own eyes filling with tears at his pain. He kept on mumbling about it being his fault.
"It's not your fault..." She said but she did not think he was hearing her. She let go of him, as he went back to staring at the picture. She was at a loss on what to say here. There was nothing she could say really, after it occurred to her that maybe she to was responsible in part for this...after all the reason he was not here was because he was out there looking for her.
The depressing mood was interrupted by the ringing of the phone. Wiping his eyes Vickram got up to attend to the call., Getting up Sugni left the room slowly, going into the kitchen.
Maa Thakur was back from her room busy preparing lunch. Sugni offered to help.
"No beta, everything is prepared. Just have a seat..."
"I can help with the dishes"...she said
"There are no dishes...everything is done..."
"But Maaji..."
"Its ok..see the food is already cooking, everything is set..."
"you should have called me..." She said. Sugni sighed as she looked around the kitchen. Her mind heavy with the image of Vickram and his guilt.
"What's the matter Sugni..." Maa Thakur asked noticing her long face. She shook her head.
"No...I know something is wrong...what is it..." She said.
"It's just that ...it's hard to see him like that...hurting...I mean I can't imagine the pain he is in right now..." She said
"Oh...yes I know it is a lot for one person...especially when they were close...I know Vickram...he'll blame himself for this." Maa Thakur said.
"He is ...but he shouldn't ...I mean if it's any one's fault he was not here ...it would be mine..." She said
"What?" Godhavari said looking at her confused. "Why are you saying that...?"
"Well...the only reason he was not here was because he was out looking for me...and if it wasn't for the accident he would not be...he would be here...and..." she said.
"Hey...no...no..." Godavari said coming to stand in front of her. "Come here...Sit..." she said leading her to the kitchen table where they both sat.
"Listen to me...none of this was your fault...and it wasn't Vickram's either...what ever happened was fate, destiny , karma..." Sugni looked at Maa Thakur.
" You can't blame yourself for this. In fact I should thank you..."
"Thank me?" She asked.
"Yes...the only reason he is home again, is because of you, you brought him back..." She smiled slightly.
"I just hate seeing him like that..." Sugni said.
"I know...he will feel guilty. See Vickram is a fixer..." She explained. "He was always the one solving problems and taking charge...he took care of us...so much so we took him for granted..." She said ruefully. "And this news is hard for him right now, I had time to adjust and absorb the shock...he doesn't have that..."
"What do you mean?" Sugni asked.
"Well they will be back soon...in a few days. And they will pounce on any sign of weakness. He needs to be strong to face them..." She nodded.
"You can help him..." She said looking diredtly at her , almost expectantly.
"Me?...What can I do?" Sugni asked confused.
"Vickram's greatest strength and greatest weakness...is you Sugni. Now he needs you to be his strength now . And help him through this..." She said
"But I don't know..." She said looking at Maa Thakur, who was looking at Sugni with some strange sort of hope in her face. She swallowed.
"You love him?...even though you don't remember your past..."
"Yes..."
Maa Thakur smiled..."That's all you need ...just follow your heart..." She said
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Sugni pondered Maa Thakurs words for a long time. As she sat up in the room. Not sure what she could do , especially when it seemed like he locked every one outstaying in the study. He did not come out for lunch, and the tray they laid for him remained untouched. It was only on Maa Thakurs insistence she have lunch with her that she had something. Maa Thakur herself barely picked at her plate. They were both worried about Vickram. Everyone was in a somber mood. Lost in their own world...the whole atmosphere was one of morning and loss.
In the evening, again she ventured into the kitchen, where Maa Thakur again had everything under control.
Sugni again asked why she did not call her. "I need to keep myself busy...and this is how I do it...besides I got used to doing it all alone now..." She explained...
"Why don't you get him to come and eat...he has not come out of there since he went in this morning... I made his favorites...but he is not listening to me ..." she said sadly.
"Hmmm" She said as she went back to the study.
She opened the door, he was sitting there staring into space.
"Hey..." she said softly .
He turned to look at her. "Hey..."
"Dinner is ready...are you coming?" She asked..
He shook his head. "You go ahead. I am not hungry..." he said.
"You didn't have anything for the day...come on ...please..." she asked.
He closed his eyes and sighed. "Sugni I am sorry but I really am not in the mood...please go on..." He went back to staring.
Why did Maaji think she could do this? She wondered. She felt so inept right now. But she had to do something.
"Can I say something?" She asked. He looked at her and nodded. Moving further into the room, she took one of the chairs and placed it next to his. Moving slowly trying to gather her thoughts. She sat down looking at him. He observed her saying nothing. Taking a breath she tried.
"I know that this is a lot for anyone to take in. And I ...I can't imagine the kind of pain you must be feeling right now. And there is nothing I can say that can make any of this better , because there really isn't anything..." she stopped. He was looking at her silently. She did not want to make this worse. Feeling unsure of herself. "I know you feel guilty about not being here but you shouldn't, because it is not your fault... I mean...right now you have to be strong ...to face them..." She sighed...this was not going as smoothly as she thought..."I mean...not only them ...but Maaji...she spent all this time just waiting, her strength in the hope you would come back... And now that you are back. If she sees you breaking down now, she might lose that ." She looked at him. "You know once, one of the girls told me in front of them you be strong, no matter how much it hurts...you can break down by yourself but in front of them don't let it show..." She sighed, closing her eyes...She was rambling... "I am sorry I am not making any sense am I? This is going wrong." She shook her head.
"No...you're making perfect sense...I understand what you're saying ..." He said quietly.
"You do?"
He nodded. "You're right...this is not the time to be weak..." He blinked as his voice cracked..."It's just so..."
"I know...I know..." She said reaching over to hold his hand. They stayed quite for a moment.
"You Know...Maaji has been busy in the kitchen...making your favorites, but she hardly touched her lunch...and she won't have dinner if you don't come out...'
"Ok...let's go then..." he said taking a deep breath , he stood up. She did to putting back her chair in it's place.
"Sugni..." he said softly.
"yes?..." she looked at him
"Thank you..."
She hugged him, which he returned lightly. "I love you..." She said "it'll get better...you have to believe that..." She said. She felt him nodded.
She pulled back and looked at him. Taking his hand she said..."Ready?"
"Yeah lets go..." He said . They stepped out the study.
They found the table was set, but his mother was no where around. Looking around they spotted her sitting in the darkened hall way. They looked at each other. Then Vickram went to her.
"Maa...come on let's eat .." He said
She blinked her tears away as she looked at him, trying to smile.
"Finally you came out..." She said.
"I had to ...I heard you made my favorite foods..."
"I did...' She got up as she led the way into the dining room, telling him what she prepared.
Each one was trying to be strong for the other, to look past their hurt and pain to comfort the other. As they got the the table, before Sugni could Maa Thakur was serving Vickram the food. She observed quietly, not wanting to intrude on the moment between them.
There was six months of distance between them, six months of missing being worried about and praying for her son...as she looked on she wondered if her mother was alive would she get the same greeting...he did mention she had aunt, her mother figure. Maybe she was this worried about her as well.However due to the circumstances in the house right now, she did not think it was the right time to go digging into that. Right now Vickram and Maaji needed her and she would give them her full attention in whatever way she could.
Dinner conversation was filled with questions Vickram had about the goings on about the house , the servants, and catching up on what was happening in the past months.
"Well first thing tomorrow ...I will contact Rattu and see about getting some of the workers back here...maybe the old ones will come back..."
"They are willing...but they were afraid of her, the house keepers, the gardener, the drivers...she fired those poor people , because she thought they were to loyal to me...I tried to stop her...but one day after work...some of men she hired, beat up Ramu and told him not to come back. I really did not want them dragged in the middle...now they are picking up jobs here and there where ever they can find it...its hard because they have families to see about...but that does not matter to them..." She shook her head in disgust.
"It will now..." He said. She nodded.
After dinner, Vickram left them to go back to the study. As Sugni and Godavari cleared the dishes and straightened the kitchen.
"Thank you Sugni...I knew you could do it..." Maa Thakur said
"I did not do anything Maa ji...just talked to him..."
"And he listened...that's all that is needed."
"I just hope everything goes right now...that Kuhu recovers...and everything else if there is anything I can do I'll do it."
She nodded.
" I am tired beta...I think I am going to rest..."
"Ok..Maaji."
Going upstairs to take a shower , she came back down to check on Vickram. He was nose deep in papers.
"hey'...she said... "What's all this?" She asked noting all the files he had on the desk. A marked difference from the clear desk she saw before.
He leaned back and looked at her. "They going to be here soon, and I need to see just how much damage was done, before they get here. You were right...they can't see me weak...and they won't...sheeesh...look at this checks for $5000...for pens?...huh...accounts I have never heard about...land deals...she was just having a good old time here I see." He said, the more he read ... the angrier he got.
"Can you fix it?..." she asked.
"Yes...it'll take some time to unravel this mess...She thinks she is smart...she has no clue how to run this business. Or how we do things! " he said. On some level he was amazed by Suman audacity...to do this.
"I am not worried about this...my real worry is Kuhu..."
"She will pull through...we will all pray for her..." She said.
"Yeah..."
"Can I help here? I mean I don't know much about this but maybe..."
"No..its just a lot of reading...I won't be able to take action until Monday. Which is two days away. If I am lucky,,I can get on to my lawyer tomorrow to start something...Why don't you go get some rest. I'll be a while here."
"You sure...I can sit with you...maybe get you some coffee"
"No I'll be fine.." he said. "Go on...you must be tired to after today..."
"Ok..." She said as she left him.
Going upstairs she tried to rest , thoughts running through her head about all that had happened. It was hard to believe they had only been back one day...but that was all one short day and so much had happened. To distract her mind for a moment she turned on the TV in the corner as she thought to wait up for him. However as the hours past and sleep took over he still had not come upstairs.
Cricket
Financial markets and global economy
Ishaani
