Can Abeer be a good husband ? Share your views - Page 7

Originally posted by: .SSS.

Just telling.. you were missed! I was missing the person who conducted Poll.. Should M go back to A... and now I intentionally forgot my poll answer😆.. chalo.. better late than never.

Malika and Shruti can back you up... It took me a lot of time to read but I read every single comment of them..Never have this dedication in academics😆.. More interested in lessons of life...😆..

Originally posted by: shruthiravi

@SSS one thing I will tell you from my experience. Whenever you are choosing a guy, choose someone who share the same values with you. Whose journey is more or less similar to you. Because you need a man who understands and respect you and you should also be able to understand and respect him. Love cannot sustain a marriage, only love along with respect can sustain it. Because at young age( say early twenties) we cannot differentiate between lust and love. Both will be more or less same. But yes you can differentiate respect. Keep the first step for marriage only if you respect a man for his actions along with love or lust or whatever.

And to put more perspective I will tell you the story of Rukmini. Because in our community it is told that if you love, love the way Rukmini loved Krishna. Rukmini had never seen Krishna. But she had heard about him and actions and great stories surrounding him and she fell in love with him. Rukmini writes a letter to Krishna to take her as her marriage is happening against her wish and she loves him. On her wedding day putting her reputation and the reputation of her family at stake Rukmini runs away with Krishna.

But her reputation is not once questioned by society then or now. She was Krishna's Queen and he respected her a lot for her love and devotion towards him. He safeguarded the reputation of the woman who has come with him leaving behind everything familiar to her trusting him. So even being a run away bride because she married a man like Krishna she lived a good life. Because Krishna owned his action that he went and bought Rukmini.

Originally posted by: -Amri-

I feel you, bud😊 That was completely irresponsible on his part. Not to mention, could've led to potentially tragic consequences for that girl. This is one of a few things in BD which got me wanting to wish for partial amnesia...😆

I will be frank with you- I've stopped watching the series, because I could no longer relate to Abeer and Meher's pairing. Meher, I can identify with most of the time. Sure, she has her faults too- she can be quite bull-headed herself, not to mention, a lil myopic. But at least I can see where she's coming from.

Abeer on the other hand- his recklessness and impulsiveness didn't endear himself to me and unfortunately I couldn't see any credence in his characterization anymore.
@Red Exactly.. even though today I can see Meher did some faults too... I can see where she is coming from...But for Abeer, I can't see reasons for many.. I just wish I can forget or act like as if they were never happened... or as if I had never seen them...😳

Originally posted by: sharoon3210

Meher told Abeer that she has responsibilities & don't have time to love but she had already fallen for him. Abeer wanted to prioritize Meher as I said earlier.

Prioritizing someone is prioritizing what they value. Not prioritizing what you value and bringing them along for the ride. Abeer prioritized romance with Meher because that's what HE wanted. But DID NOT prioritize Meher's needs. Because otherwise he would've focussed on what was important to Meher.

Meher did get an opportunity to work for KM's company but it was her choice to leave the job. Abeer never told her to quit.

But what choice did he leave her? He couldn't tolerate her long hours which she would have had to work if she became marketing director in the company. She couldn't get rid of her responsibilities as a daughter in law as long as she was wife. So the only thing that goes is the job. And Abeer is not stupid to not understand that-- there are only 24 hours in a day. If he wants more time with her-- she has to give up something else.

The fact is that she could not balance between her husband & in laws. She is not smart enough to do that.

Its not about being smart. If you are in an ambitious career then you will have to compromise somewhere.

Have you ever watched Indra Nooyi's interview (she is the CEO of Pepsico)? She basically negates this idea that a woman can have it all. Here is the short version of it incase anyone's interested.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7FAwL3GG_M[/youtube]

Basically she mentioned how her husband says that he is last on her list. Its Pepsico first, then the kids, then the family, and unfortunately he ends up coming last. That happens. Your husband has to be flexible if you are in highly competitive field, just as a wife would if the husband was. It is possible for men to be supportive.

You say Abeer fulfilled the requirements of a husband-- I didn't see that. He didn't provide for her financially. If he had been working she could've borrowed money from him and wouldn't have had a desperate need for money. He didn't support her career. Because if he did he would've said finish your presentation and we will do dinner tomorrow. Frankly he could've helped her with the presentation. And nor did he give real emotional support in that house. Every other day he would leave her alone.

Telling Tayji to give her a job and then hindering her ability to actually do that job properly is not supportive. A job like that is not a 9 to 5 thing. Even now being a CEO is not a 9 to 5 thing-- would Abeer be able to accept her working hours the way Akshat has?

Abeer & Meher were newly married. I agree they needed to make their careers but they have every right to spend quality time with each other.

Not when you promised your wife that you will respect that her responsibilities come first. And there is a way to deal with your unhappiness. Not storming off because she has to finish a presentation. After she cracked that 90 crore deal-- he could've asked her to make a request for a week off to celebrate. College students who balance their lives recognize that sometimes some things are a priority. When you have exams you can't be off romancing. And you have to be creative in ways to spend time together. Abeer could've helped her cook dinner, she would've been done faster.

So why should Abeer respect her sentiments?

Yaar I am not saying tayji is right.. but Abeer does not know what the audience knows. All he knows is that this woman has always given him what he wants, and he hurt her by marrying without her. Abeer considered her a loved one. Now if she is asking him to respect her beliefs, he can't sacrifice a week for a loved one? That is what a good human being does. Its basic respect for an elder.

Abeer knows to balance between his personal life & work.

He left Nissar to do his work for him which is not a sign of a good work ethic. He did the same thing when he was living in Meher's house after the Pinky track. He made Nissar do two shows because he was being lazy. Fame business is fickle-- he could easily fall out of favour. So you can't take it for granted. Why would Meher think Abeer would be a good influence on Ishaan with this attitude?

Tayiji's husband didn't do it deliberately but still she chose to poke her nose in other person's business.

Tayaji was a drunk driver so he committed a sin. There is a reason why Salman is going to jail. Accident is one thing.. but driving drunk means you have knowingly committed a crime.

Bua didn't choose to poke her nose in another's business-- she was witness. Not testifying against a crime is as bad as committing the crime yourself because it means you are condoning a crime.

When did Abeer treat Devki badly?

When does he not. Meher said he was rude to Bua at the time of divorce. He himself blamed Bua for the divorce. But he was wrong. Then when he came in the house the first time-- she didn't say anything to him but he takes punga with her. He started taunting her about divorce factory. Then when he lived at their house, he purposefully tried to annoy her. Being rude to her, putting TV loud and waking them up at 4 in the morning. He tries to annoy her. But Devki never wanted to hurt Abeer-- when she thought goons were outside the door. She closed the door on their face. And she did soften up to Abeer before the accident stuff. She also let him see Meher in the hospital, she didn't have to.

Abeer knows Devki has a good reason to be angry with him. He and his family treated Meher poorly when it was his responsibility to protect her. If he is going to act petulant and kidnap her, why would she rethink her opinion of him?

It is Devki who keeps taunting & insulting him after the divorce whereas Suman & Tunnu not only has a soft corner for Abeer but also love him as much as they used to do before & they want the couple to reunite.

Suman lets disgusting Shyam continue to act like a father to Tunnu and Meher-- so she would do that for any man that was a father to a child. She would forgive the man in her life anything. She doesn't even talk back to Shyam. And tunnu is a child who is impressed with a rockstar.

Devki had nothing against Abeer until he didn't fullfil his responsibilities towards his wife and unborn child. Abeer is only saying sorry now... for the last 8 years he has been acting like he was the innocent victim. He actually called Meher chaalbaaz and dhokebaaz in front of Bua. Even if Meher divorced him and took alimony he knows he wasn't an innocent party.

Twice Bua has had to stand there and watch KM call Meher a prostitute because of Abeer. Remember how angry Suman was at Abeer for the brothel remark. Now imagine Bua listening to that first hand and watching Abeer act like only Meher is to blame. If Abeer had any remorse for his actions, he never would've hated Meher. He would've respected that he hurt Meher too.

And who had to pick up the pieces and help Meher stand on her feet now with a child to support. And this is after being left financially destitute because of a marriage that Abeer begged them for and ran away from the responsibility of. Bua has a right to say Abeer is not trustworthy.

Revati's mom also hated him because Salman had goofed up the opportunity & she had got to know about his past. However, the heroine didn't give up on him. Salman Khan had kidnapped her mom & left her in the lonely jungle for insulting his music mentor to which the heroine's dad told her that it is all because of her hatred he did that. Same is the case with Devki bua.

Love is a great movie😃. But you cannot compare the mom with Devki. Salman never hurt Revathi the way Abeer has hurt Meher. Its a different scenario. Abeer has no right to take revenge for himself because he knows he is not innocent whereas the music teacher was.

Abeer pretty much deserve everything Devki says to him because he did leave Meher thinking she was pregnant. And yes he can be forgiven, but only if he acts like he truly feels bad about the pain he caused. When he gives attitude back to bua he doesn't show her he is repentant.

Abeer only started saying sorry when he realized he wanted Meher back. But saying sorry to get something in return does not feel like genuine contrition. Why wasn't he sorry for the last 8 years? Abeer is upset that he left because he lost Meher, but at no point has he said he is sorry for the pain he has caused all of them.

Abeer trusted those people blindly not knowing that he is getting manipulated.

But its not about trusting someone else. Its about irresponsibility. Why is he drinking when he knows he has to be somewhere? He was in a same position with Meher 8 years ago-- doesn't he remember that this time he has to act differently? How can he be a good father if he cannot stand up to peer pressure or learn from his mistakes? Saying you can learn is fine-- but at some point they have to start showing me that he is changing himself.

So how is Abeer responsible for Tunnu misusing the money?

Because he gave him the money knowing Meher was saying no. He should've asked Meher why are you saying no? Then decided whether she was right or wrong before he went against it. Abeer was teaching Tunnu bad habits to do things behind Meher's back. That's why its wrong.

Meher was reading the papers fully but Tunnu made her do it in a hurry and tried to burn the food. Normally Meher would never sign papers like that. But its not the same thing because she wasn't going behind Bua or Suman's back to sign those papers. Its the difference between making a wrong turn and purposefully breaking a traffic signal because you think you are above the rules.

Abeer is not a bad guy but he does things without understanding what he is doing. He made a mistake with Tunnu-- fine no big deal. But the next time when Suman says don't use your personal money he should think- okay last time I didn't understand they were saying no to Tunnu for a good reason so maybe this time I should respect that Suman has a good reason to be so adamant.

But doesn't take it seriously when someone else says this is important or this is a big deal to me. In their marriage, Meher told him that she didn't want to take favours from his family, she didn't want their money being spent on her. But he didn't respect that sentiment when he spent 12 lacs on a birthday party. And again he didn't respect it when he used KM's money to pay off her house.

Meher is not an angel, she has made a lot of dumb decisions. A lot. But the decisions she made in her marriage weren't disrespectful. She is more likely to make herself uncomfortable than someone else. But Abeer's is more likely to disrespect someone else to fulfil whatever agenda he wants. And then he expects everyone just to baby him if he makes a mistake.

He said to Suman he isn't someone to accept punishment. And that's what I don't respect. True contrition means you accept whatever punishment the person comes up for you. You can't just do something convenient, like giving someone brownies. Meher said no even before he knew about Akshat-- he should've been willing to say I respect your feelings. Instead of trying to manipulate her by kidnapping bua.

Originally posted by: malikakas