ARVI SS: PURVI'S DIARY... part 6 pg 10 updated - Page 6

PART-FOUR:

August- 20:

Now im in my fifth month of pregnancy.. All these days life was very normal actually mechanical.. there was nothing left in my life other than my baby.. It's the world for me..Im just living this life just waiting for her to enter into this world..

Today after many days I called Aai.. don't know why I wanted to talk to her.. But I don't know that I can hear his voice again. Yes I heard arjun's voice today while talking to aai.. I think he came there to talk something with aai and was calling her… Im sure it was his voice.. But aai cut the call as soon as he came probably she was trying to make me not remind my past after hearing his voice but she doesn't know that he can never be my past and forget him because he is in my heart and his baby is in my womb..

I don't why all my memories which were in my heart went through my mind once again.. And suddenly I started feeling pain in my stomach and shouted.. Onir came running and made me sit and then after few moments I realized that it was not pain and it was my baby's first kick.. Yes it was the first kick of my baby.. She kicked today and that too after listening to her papa's voice.. I think she recognized her papa's voice that is why she kicked today.. I was waiting for this moment since I entered my 5^th month but atlast got it after I heard his voice..

This really shows the bond and love between we both arjun.. Though u don't know that u are gonna have a baby and u don't know that it was me on the phone but just ur voice made me and our baby happy today.. I don't what the bond people name for this but im happy with that..

Today I miss u arjun I miss u a lot.. The moment which belonged just to u and me is not between both of us today.. I could imagine ur expression and ur excitement if u have felt ur baby kick..U would have been the happiest person on the earth tonight but I made u unaware of this happiness.. I don't know whether I can ever tell u that I missed u so much today and everyday in my life after I left u… Im sorry arjun for what all I have done and doing to u but I had to.. I know how much I repent and how many sorry's I say u cannot heal the pain I gave u.. but its equally hurting me..

October-1:

Now im in my seventh month..Till today my life was just like it is always.. My baby responds to me and this added a little color in my life.. now I can talk with her and she answers by her kicks and various movements.. I just love to talk with her.. From today im gonna going to attend durga maa ki puja.. Dassara is just 3 days away and I just loved the puja here.. Onir took me to the kali ghat and I got a chance to pray to maa for the only happiness in my life that is for my baby and for arjun's happiness…From there he left suddenly as some patient came from Mumbai for onir's help so I came after the puja is done.. I like this in onir a lot.. he just helps anyone who comes for help…

October 2:

Today I went to puja with onir and he said that he will introduce that patient who came from Mumbai.. I thought that it will be all normal but I got to see Arjun there.. I don't why and how arjun is here but I saw him along with Ovi.. Ovi.. she was pregnant…probably in her 5 month I guess.. she was looking great and happy..i just hid from them so that they cannot find me and stood at a corner.. I don't know why I couldnot understand the feelings in my heart..i don't know whether I was happy or was not..

I think I was happy as arjun and ovi moved on in their lives and are living happily and they are gonna have a baby of their own but I don't know why I was feeling sad in some corner of my heart.. I think it is all because I cant see arjun with some one else..That is one of the reasons why I left Mumbai but today I need to face it again.. I could not understand my feelings at all.. how can I be sad and think like this when this is all done by me… I was the one who made him marry ovi and left my house and him after knowing that im pregnant with his baby and asked him to move on.. but when he moved on and is happy why am I feeling sad and hurt.. no this is not right.. i need to control my selves and my feelings…

Before I could come out of this thoughts some one kept sindoor on my cheek and when I turned back I saw aai.. she was shocked seeing me like this and was very much hurt that I got married and was pregnant and did not say her anything… She scolded me but atlast she was convinced and was happy for me..I can never say her the real truth behind my marriage and the baby..

I don't where my life is going on.. I used to share every problem with my aai but today im hiding everything from her.. I don't whether this truth comes out or not but I cannot say it on my own...

I never thought that this day will be give me so many shocks in my life one after the other.. I don't know what god wanted from me.. Today I saw arjun, ovi and met aai.. I could not bear seeing arjun from so far but atlast he came in front of me… as the Mumbai patient…

Yes arjun is the person whom onir is talking about since the past 2 days and whom he invited for the dinner.. I came into the room and stood in front of the table calling onir's name.. but I was just shocked to see the person in front of me.. it was arjun… I was just dumb struck nothing came into my mind I stood there just staring at him forgetting onir there..Arjun was equally shocked to see me like that there.. he was just sitting and staring at me..

Onir came side of me and introduced me as Mrs.Purvi Onir Dutt to him and him as Mr.Arjun Kirloskar to me… he was looking at me and as onir left the place for a patient, tears made their ways from both of our eyes…

I was just looking into his eyes which were filled with tears, shock and pain..they were clearly visible in his eyes.. I don't know whether he really moved on with ovi or not but his eyes say that he has still not.. I don't know how he might have felt seeing me like this.. as someone's wife and as pregnant.. I don't know how much he hated me at that time and might have felt that I ruined his life but im settled with some one else.. I can understand how much his heart ached when he saw me like this.. he might have many questions in his mind which I need to answer but I cant… the way he looked at me made me feel like saying him the truth about his baby but I cant..

Seeing him after 6 months nearly made me happy that I could atleast see him but the position he saw me as someone's wife and pregnant made me feel like dieing.. I might be the only girl in this world who stands in front of a person whom she loves and wears the sindoor of his name and bears his baby in her womb but stands as someone else's in front of him.. The words of purvi onir dutt might have hurted him but it just killed me from inside..

Its is not easy for a girl to stand in front of someone whom she loved once that will be the worse situation in my life but for me the position is more worst as im standing in front of the person whom I still love today and bearing the precious gift he gave me.. he was just looking at my stomach and my face and tears rolled down his eyes.. He might have felt hurt at that but it was his baby.. He looked at his baby for the first time but thought it some one else.. what more worse situation can a girl can expect in her life.. seeing him hurt I just felt like saying him that it was his baby which is growing in me and it was all his.. but i remembered ovi and now I cant say.. when I had the chance I did not and today i have no chance…

Both were staring at eachother until a door bell interrupted us.. It was ovi.. she was shocked to see me there.. As soon as she entered she started doubting me and arjun again.. From her words I could clearly understand that they were not at all happy and arjun still loves me..

Ovi's each and every word hurted me a lot.. She just doubted me as soon as she saw me.. What should I do to make her realize that there was nothing like what she was blaming between us.. She was not ready to listen anything.. I do not know why and what all she said but I could understand onething that arjun did not move forward in his life and still loves me..He is still madly in love with me..i don't know what to say and how to explain and then she suddenly moved out..

After sometime arjun brought her in his hands she fainted due to anxiety.. onir checked her and aai too came here.. she said that I made a good choice in my life by chosing onir as my husband but I m really sorry that I hide the truth for her..

Onir told me that ovi's womb was weak and her habit of drinking made her condition more worse..I tried to sleep but all the things that happened today did not allow me to sleep.. I couldnot control myself and started writing it here again..

Ovi's words were ringing in my ears. From that I could clearly understand that arjun still loves me madly and could not forget me.. he is still at the same position in his life where I left him just like me standing all alone.. For me atleast I have my baby with me but he has no one..

If they did not move ahead how is ovi pregnant then..then I remembered my words of asking arjun giving all rights of a wife to ovi.. how stupid I was to ask that.. that too with the kasam of his love for me..Oh god this thought made me hate myself more than anything.. I don't know how did I ask him to do that.. Even today I cannot allow anyone come near me and I asked him to accept the marriage for my sake.. now I get what blunder I have done and how stupid and idiotic I was.. Im really ashamed of myself.. I can imagine how difficult would have been for him to do that when he still loved me… Oh God what have I done to his life… But by the time I realize it I lost him.. now I cant even say that I still love him and say that his baby is in my womb…

Now atleast now I hope he will hate me and move forward seeing me like this and thinking that I cheated him and moved on in my life so easily leaving him no place in my life.. But only I know the truth that is different.. "that no one other than arjun has place in my life and my heart… And I will never be able to tell this to him…"

Now I shared all this with u my friend (diary) i hope atleast now my heart and mind will allow me to be calm and take rest atleast for my baby sake though I don't want it for me personally…

PRECAP:

purvi moving to mumbai..

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