FF - Dejected: Chapter 7 - page 15 - Page 8

Hi jay...

waiting waiting waiting nd only waiting
only fr ur response we r waiting

I will try to update it by end of this week.

A very emotional update . waiting for next part😛😛

Hw mch tm u ll tk yaar. Pls update it yaar. Waiting for nxt part.

Chapter 6 –

Siddhi stood on terrace like a stone. Although Kunal left but his words, his image, his helplessness was there. Siddhi could hear Kunal saying sorry, I am not worth it over and over again. His image of drinking tea sitting on rock, working at construction site, as bar-tender with head down while people talk to him like he's nothing, Kunal apologizing to Siddhi with both of his hands in front of her, ache in his voice, watery eyes, lifeless face of his all just surrounded Siddhi so bad she could hardly breathe. Siddhi was there like a stone, no reaction, not even blinking just nothing. Every thought escaped her mind, every expression left her face, in a way life too left her body and she was completely blank. Even when she was separated from Kunal she was breathing with hope but at this moment; nothing at all. Siddhi too was completely blank.

Not aware after what time, Siddhi did come down. She went to her bedroom, kid were sleeping on bed and Kunal as usual resting in his corner. Siddhi went to Kunal, put blanket on him and arranged pillow under his head. Then she went to bed, did not fall sleep but kept looking at Kunal. No thoughts, no feelings, no perception of any kind; just staring at him while he rests in the corner.

Next morning as usual Kunal woke up at 8:15. As it had become his schedule for past 2 weeks, no one was in the room, he took his towel and with his head down went to bathroom. He was out of bathroom in 20 minutes. Got ready in 5 more minutes and about to get out and bumped into Siddhi as she was coming in the room. Both of them tried to look up, although avoiding direct eye-contact they did catch glimpse of each other's face. Both felt intense pain due to what they saw. Both saw blank life less faces, faces that use to light up their life, the smile, glint in eyes, pure joy and full of life. Now these faces stare at each other unable to find any expressions and unable to invoke any feelings. Both simply stood in front of each other for a minute and then Kunal suddenly jerked back. As if he realized he was standing too close to Siddhi, he took a step back and left for work. Siddhi still did not know how to react to anything reacts at all for that matter.

Entire day Siddhi tired her best to stay busy with household chores. She kept finishing one thing after another without taking break as if she didn't want her mind to have free moment. During afternoon she was in kitchen just putting utensils away. Seema too was there while everyone else was busy with their things leaving them alone for some time. "I am extremely sorry Siddhi" Siddhi was surprised to hear this so she turned her face and saw Seema with tears in her eyes and extreme guilt visible on her face. "I know there is nothing I can say or do will ever be enough for you to forgive me but I must at least ask. How did I forget in one moment you are Siddhi, my younger sister who has always done well for this family. Even I did not understand you, cursed you for all these years thinking you betrayed us. In reality we betrayed you and left you there for….."

"No bhabhi. You are not at fault here. I was the one who made all of you believe that…'

"But Siddhi we should have known better. How easily we believed the lies in front…."

"Bhabhi calm down. It was all in past. What is important is we are here, once again together. No matter what happened, you looked after my son and Kunal in my absence so please."

It took Seema few minutes to completely calm down and she thanked Siddhi after once again asking for forgiveness. "Siddhi you are too good of a person; that is why you forgave me so easily. But we never gave you the happiness you truly deserve. Anand is exactly like you and I really did not have to look after him that much. He has always been wise (little too much I say) so he took care of himself. He always missed you and Kunal bhaiya tried his best to provide love."

"I know Kunal must have given him all the love in the world."

"But Kunal bhaiya himself…..Siddhi as much as we all hated it, we knew Kunal bhaiya still loved you. He always put up brave face that he didn't care and upto some extent we all believed it, but I know deep down it was not true. Since the day you left he stopped living. Only time he ever smiled was for Anand but that too was not real. Every day coming home drunk, getting into fights, gambling; it was as if he hated life. Every year at his B'day he would curse why was he born and tried working but couldn't do anything. He kept himself away from all of us and you know what; we didn't do anything. We all knew what was the reason; you. Your absence from his life took all the life out. He only survived because of your son but that too only kept him breathing. He was empty from inside.'

With somewhat cheered tone, "but look at now. Since you are back in his life he is again living. He started working, taking responsibility, stopped drinking and I am sure soon he will be back in full form lawyer he was. All thanks to you he is living again…"

Now Siddhi could not hear anymore. Before Seema could finish she ran into her bedroom and crashed on her bed. She buried her face into pillow and let out loud cry. Siddhi kept her face into that pillow and kept crying and crying. The emotions she had kept bottled up after hearing to Kunal yesterday no longer could be held back. Kunal's words kept playing in her head followed by what Seema said. The image of Kunal from past 2 days and what Seema described about 9 years; that was beyond painful for Siddhi. No words could capture sheer agony Siddhi experienced at this very moment. "he is living again" that's what Seema said. How is he living again by sitting in that corner? Looked at the corner. Siddhi saw Kunal's diary there. Unknowingly she got up from bed and grabbed that diary. She knew Kunal did not like anyone reading his diary but Siddhi needed it. Siddhi needed to know what exactly was Kunal going through.

Siddhi opened diary to read about 9 years. Last entry she saw was day before her delivery where Kunal wrote a poem about his child. Siddhi had smile reading that but after that, after that was all blank pages. Not a single word was written on any page till the next entry was when they returned back from B'lor. She read Kunal's poem how he feels he has lost Siddhi. Next entry was the day she told truth to Kunal about what happened. The day Kunal was waiting for Siddhi to come home he wrote another beautiful poem expressing his desire and longing for her all these years. Then she read current entries. One page after another, all entries for 2 weeks were filled with nothing but Kunal cursing himself. Kunal blaming himself for ruining Siddhi's life and how he was never worth her. He wished Siddhi had never met him this way she would be saved from ill man like him. Siddhi read about his fear how his mere presence will harm Siddhi and their kids more so he must try his best to stay away from them and so forth.

Reading all of it Siddhi put diary on side. She closed her eyes and slowly tears made their way out. They started out slow but then started flowing so heavy with Siddhi sobbing on floor thinking, "for 9 years when I was not with Kunal, his diary and his life was blank. Now that I am with him, how is it any better. Kunal blames himself for whatever happened but in reality I am at the fault. Only if I had told him the truth, only if I had done the right thing and trusted him; all of this would never happen. Time after time Kunal has put blind faith in me but what did I do? I never told him truth, did what I thought was right only to bring more trouble on him. Whatever I did was for him, but what good has it brought on him? If anything, I only made it worse. My akdoo, full of attitude Kunal who refused to accept defeat form anyone lost because of me. He lost because I did not support him when he needed most. I thought I was alone but in reality even with others, Kunal was always alone. So many times he told me I am everything to him but time after time I broke his trust, jeopardize our relationship and for what? Kunal always gave me unconditional love and support but I never understood it. If I truly understood him I would have never left him like this. Please Kunal stop blaming yourself, I am the one at fault. Please forgive me, please forgive me….."

well written.. siddhi and kunal's feelings r well portraited .. and one more thing to accept, 4m my pov.. am not able to guess the nxt part... so need to wait for ur nxt update to knw the story further..anyway's ur writing made us to ..."wait and watch".

This made me cry Jay. Well written.

nice update jay loved the emotions of both kunal nd siddhi nd siddhi seeing the blank pages of diary 👏

WOW..👏 very well written..v could feel their pain, their helplessness..M going to miss my SINAL badly 😭😭😭