*From To Sathish* - Thread 3 - Page 88

Avalum naanum

Annam pola,vannam pala,minnal pola
karum megangal pondra en vazhvil velicham thanthu sendraal
idhal thanthaal adhil avalin uyir thanthaal
idhalgal pirintha pothu nanju pondra valithanthaal

kaaintha udhadugalgil eeram illai
theyntha idhayathil velichathukku idamillai
avalin padam kandu adhil idhal pathithen
avalin ninaivugalil manathai pudaithen

vanthaal,thanthaal,kondraal,sendraal
ennaiyum oru pulavanaaki
sonthasathil varuvathu paadalalla
sogathil varuvathuthaan unmaiyana kavithai endraal

annam varum thisai paarthu nirkiren
aval vidum moochudan en aavi kalapatharku
kaladevanai yaasikiren

Jannal oram-4

"In the midst of happiness or despair
in sorrow or in joy
in pleasure or in pain:
Do what is right and you will be at peace."
? Jess Rothenberg, The Catastrophic History of You and Me

flashback-1 story of jeevas dad manigandan


Sacrifice is a chasm that you have to dive into and a mountain that you have to climb somehow for cresting the peak might just make all your efforts worthwhile.

Jeeva stood quietly as she heard her dad sob into her mothers breast and at that moment she knew that she had changed,grown up and was ready and willing to take on the duty of looking after the family.She slowly made her way back to her room and slipped into her bed,careful not to wake her sleeping younger sister.

She lay with her eyes wide open and turned to see the curtains flutter and dance as they were carried by a sudden gust of wind.

Only now did the whole picture of her family paint itself and jeeva slowly pieced together her parents story and then realised how much suffering and pain her dad had experienced from the time he had left college.

Jeevas grandfather had died in a work related accident during his tenure with the southern railways and jeevas dad had just finished college and was getting ready to sit for his engineering exams when the tragedy changed everything.Jeeva's father Manigandan had two younger sisters,one who had just finished her 12th board exams and the other was in the 9th std.

Since his father had died during work,the union asked manigandan to fill the vacancy and without even a moments thought,he had taken the job for it meant food and shelter for his family of mother and sisters.Even working long hours,jeevas dad manigandan had managed to finish his engineering course through correspondence and managed to get promoted to the administration dept of the railways,but a job which meant extensive travelling.

Without a thought of himself or his future,jeevas dad mani jumped into the organised shedule and did not realise that years were passing him by and by the time he was 28,his head was full of grey as was his wise,old soul.

One day,his mother brought up the topic of his younger sisters marriage and manigandan had looked up in wonder and shock for in his eyes,his two sisters were still young girls who treated him more like a father figure than their older brother.

He smiled " marriage,sudha.okay amma,do what has to be done and keep me informed."

His mother not wanting to burden her already overburdened son took up the job of finding a match for her daughter sudha and soon found a suitable alliance.

A week later,she sat next to manigandan as he ate his idlis and chutney " mani,i have found a match which i think will be right for sudha.Now all that is left is for you to talk to them and see how it will work out."

Manigandan nodded and took the address and decided to call them and fix up a time to meet the boys parents and called them from the office.

The prospective bridegroom worked for Tata steel and he stayed with his parents in AYANAVARAM and fortunately since mani himself worked in ICF(Integral Coach Factory)Ambattur,the place was not too far off and he went to visit them that evening.

The boys dad mistook mani for his sister sudha's uncle for mani looked more like 45 than 28 and after realising his mistake apologised profusely and very sincerely.

After hearing manigandan and his familys story,kumaresan,potential bridegroom shanmugams dad " son,you are just a year older than my own son and yet my heart breaks to hear how much you have borne in just these few years.Your sister will be not only my daughter-in-law but also like my very own daughter.But importantly i want you to accept me as your father and unite both our families as one."

Manigandan was speechless and touching kumaresans feet thanked him for the love and affection and the alliance was fixed.

Back home mani sat with sudha and his mother " I have no words with which to express their magnanimity and both me and your mother can now rest easy for you will be in safe and loving hands.

In all of the five years,manigandan had never taken a loan or a single day of medical leave and all this helped in getting a two lakh loan which was massive for those days and sudha was married off with great pomp and splendour.

Another five years passed and this time his youngest sister latha stood before him and his mother and boldly declared that she was in love and that she wanted to get married.

One more loan and another grand marriage and the grey in manigandans head had nearly turned white and he was just 35.He had started to walk slowly and sometimes gasped with pain as his future pal MR.Arthritis had just entered his home and his body.But mani did not slow down for he now had a new loan to pay back along with the remaining portion of the loan taken for the earlier wedding of sudha,his other sister.

The house felt empty with both his sisters gone and now it was work,eat and sleep and a lot of travelling while his mother became good friends with the television and the newly launched tamil channels.gone was doordarshan and dd metro and it was now time for creations of k.balachandar and balu mahendravin chinna thirai to captivate the people of tamilnadu and also sound the deathknell of tamil feature films.

Jannal oram-5


"The most important thing in all human relationships is conversation, but people don't talk anymore, they don't sit down to talk and listen. They go to the theater, the cinema, watch television, listen to the radio, read books, but they almost never talk. If we want to change the world, we have to go back to a time when warriors would gather around a fire and tell stories." ? Paulo Coelho

Jeeva sat in her cabin as her past flashed like a movie before her eyes and she was tracing her footsteps back to the time when she decided to take up a job and she went back even further to the time when her father manigandan had taken up his dad job.


flashback-2 story of jeevas dad manigandan

With both his sisters married and happily settled in their lives,Manigandan now dove deeper into his work and worked harder and harder and was now a stranger to his house and his mother.One night during dinner,his mother looked at him with tears in her eyes " mani,you are working so hard and i am very worried for your health.Please can't you take a break once in a while and rest for a bit."

" amma,the reason i am working overtime and also helping with special projects for the dept is that is brings me extra cash and bonuses and with that i aim to close both the loans in a years time.After that,maybe i will think about taking it easy.But,i am not sure about that too."

" Mani,why the doubt.for once the loans are paid up,then there is nothing to worry about,is there."

Manigandan smiled " mother,what about your grandchildren? we need to worry about them too and see that they too are well provided for,isn't it?"

Mani's mother stared at him and then cried gently " you worry about everybody else but not about yourself.Don't you think it is time to think about your life and future?"

Mani stared at the plate for a brief moment and then looked at his mother " sorry mother but i haven't thought about me or my life,not then and not now and i think it is too late for all that now.You think anybody will believe me when i say i am just 35 years old for i know how i look for i see my face everyday in the mirror.I was not born good looking and the years have piled on to my already ordinary looks.And more importantly my priority is you and my sisters.If i can give you all a good life then i will be more than happy with myself."

The words of mani sank like daggers in his mothers heart and it suddenly took its toll on her already fragile soul and she suffered a massive heart attack a few days later.She was in the kitchen preparing dinner and she felt the searing pain climb from her left arm and slowly travel to her shoulder and she let out a yell and her neighbour who was in the kitchen next door heard this blood curdling moan and rushed to see what was wrong and then with the help of a few other neighbours helped her to the nearest clinic.

Mani got the call as he was just exiting his office and rushed to the clinic where his mother was admitted to and then with the hlep of an ambulance rushed her to the railways hospital for he and his family were covered by insurance and all medical bills would be taken care off by his dept.

The cardiologist who mani was familiar with informed him that his mother was a diabetic and that she also suffered from high blood pressure and this was stopping them from doing an emergency bypass surgery on her.

Mani called and informed both his sisters,sudha and latha who rushed to the hospital.The next day mani requested them to stay with her while he went to the office to inform his superior and ask for a weeks leave and also go to the bank to draw some cash for the hospital needs.Both his sisters asked mani to take his time and also told him not to worry about the expenses for they would take car of it.But mani refused their offer and left to his office and that was the last time he saw his mother still alive.

Whether it was fate or in reality a mothers pure love,their mother slowly regained consciousness and smiled weakly at her daughters and yet her eyes searched for mani,her son.

With tremendous strain and drawing on her last resources of energy,their mother looked at sudha and latha " promise me that you will look after mani in case i don't make it.He has done so much for us and we owe him so much more.He is too kind and responsible to even spend a moment thinking about himself and so promise me that you will take care of him,not only as his sisters but as his mother did."

Sudha and latha both broke down and just as they were reassuring their mother that they would look after mani she slipped away with a smile for her dying thoughts were not to add any burden to her already overburdened soul of her son mani.

Mani came back half an hour later and both sudha and latha ran into his arms and he gently held them and patted them in comfort " Don't worry,i am there and i will look after you.i was just like a father to both of you and now i will also be a mother."

Slowly he went and sat by his dead mother and taking her right hand gently kissed her palm and sat staring at her face and smiled seeing the frozen smile on her lips.

Something broke in mani's soul and he became even more quieter than he already was and however hard they tried,sudha and latha could not reach him and all they got for their efforts was a tired and painful smile.But they loved him too much and kept watching over him.

A few months after their mother had died,Kumaresan,sudha's father-in-law suddenly dropped in to see him at the office and was shocked to see how thin and frail manigandan had become and he became very upset and could not talk for a few minutes.

Mani took him to their officers canteen and both sat looking at each other and their steaming coffee's and each waited for the other to begin the conversation.

Kumaresan looked at mani " the reason for me being here concerns you and your future."

Mani kept quiet and waited for kumaresan to continue and finish saying what he had come to say.

Kumaresan understood the pause and dove right in " Do you remember the first time we met and how i told you that you are another son to me and well i think it is time for my son to get married and settle down with his own life."

Mani looked up from his coffee " Sir,i think i am too old for marriage and i don't think i am even a good prospect."

Kumaresan with a smile " I think you will make a great husband and a fantastic son-in-law and my only regret is that i don't have a daughter but there is somebody i have in mind."

Mani was about to protest by saying something but kumaresan hurriedly held his hand and pleaded " Son,meet this woman and then i will leave the choice of marrying her or not marrying her to you.All i ask is just meet her once."

Mani with a sigh and a shrug " okay sir,tell me when and we will go meet them."

Kumaresan " fantastic decision son.very good and be ready by 5 pm tommorrow and i will come and pick you up from here itself."

The present passed into night and the future of the next day dawned and it too raced into evening and as said promised kumaresan came driving his white fiat padmini and mani quietly got in without any idea of what lay before him although he felt a bit of irritation and frustration for not being able to complete his days work.But he had no choice for not only was kumaresan a kind and genuine person,he also happened to be his sister's father-in-law and that meant he had to bear all their caring and planning when he knew he was beyond all that.

It took them about 30 minutes to drive t0 purusawalkam and then kumaresan parked the car on the main road " the house where we are going to is in a small lane and there is no place to park the vehicle there.But it is just a few minutes walk from here."

Mani nodded and followed kumaresan like a zombie and a right and left brought them to a independent house built in a small compound.He noted that it was a house built on a very small piece of land and it obviously meant that the ground floor had just a small hall and kitchen and the first and second floor housed the bedrooms.

A couple stood with namaskarams and a huge smile plastered on their warm faces and somehow it touched manis heart and he smiled and gently bowed his head in respect.

As he had visualised,it was a very small hall and could seat only four at a time and he sat quietly taking in the ambience and not understanding why he felt so comfortable and also totally relaxed.

The woman who was obviously the girls mother asked him if he wanted to drink coffee or tea and mani said later and after a few minutes of a vague but uneasy silence the parents got up and went in to bring the girl out and she came.

The minute mani met kamakshi's eyes,he knew that they were made of the same cloth,same essence and without even being aware of it smiled warmly at her and again nodded in recognition.

The lady whose name was Kamakshi and not a girl looked to be in her late twenties gently placed the tray containing cups of coffee and the usual norukku theeni.

As is the norm in these kind of situations,everyone looked at the ceiling,windows,spoke about the weather,politics etc but the matter at hand.

A few minutes later kumaresan along with kamakshi's parents got up and very subtly went in to the kitchen and conveyed to both of them that they could talk in private now.

Mani looked at her with a smile " Hello,my name is mani,manigandan" and she responded with a chuckle and then looked up at him " just like bond,james bond."

For a second mani was lost and clueless as to what kamakshi was inferring to and then it clicked and he smiled " sorry,it has been a very long time since i have been to the movies and i think the last james bond film i saw was with sean connery as the lead and that was back in college."

He took a sip of the coffee and a smile bloomed like a rising sun for the coffee was bloody good and she whispered " i made the coffee and although it sounds like i am blowing my trumpet i am considered a bloody good cook."

They sat in silence and then mani gathering courage " i am okay with this and i would like to marry you but i want you to take sometime before deciding whether you want to marry me.There are certain things that you need to know about me and also the fact that i am older than you."

Kamakshi looked at him " you are 35 and will complete 36 later this august.But that doesn't make you much older than me for i am 32 years old myself and moreover i know everything about you for Kumaresan uncle is a distant relative of our and has been feeding us with news about his and your family for the past ten years."

She saw his surprise " i am sorry but please don't be offended by my frankness when i tell you that you know nothing about me and there is a very strong chance that you might reject me after hearing me speak about myself."

Mani was about to take a sip from the cup and then slowly placed it back on the table and looking up " okay.so please continue and tell me everything about yourself."

Kamakshi nodded " has he told you that i am a widow and that i have been a widow for nearly ten years now."

Mani was truly shocked and then true to his nature " i am sorry,really sorry for your loss."

Kamakshi started laughing and mani not knowing how somebody could laugh at a time such as this stayed silent and waited for her to continue.

Kamakshi " i am sorry but kumaresan uncle told me this is exactly how you would reply to my words and you didn't disappoint.But coming back to my story and it is a really funny one for after the marriage ceremony and reception my husband was driving back to the hotel with his friends and his vehicle was involved in accident with a PTC bus who was driving rashly and he and a couple of his friends died instantly and he was still in his silk shirt,veshti and with a garland around his neck and that garland was the one i placed in anticipation of our future lives.Well,the tragedy aside,the real tragedy was that my in-laws blamed me and my stars for their only sons death and that killed whatever they called the soul that was in me.But now i am okay and i am willing to marry you if you will have me."


Jeeva lay on her bed watching the hands of the ceiling fan spinning and she knew that it was time that she looked after her parents and watch over them as their mother as they had for both of them sisters.

She had announced to her parents the next day that she was tired of studying and that she was going to look for a job and this angered her dad and he screamed and advised that she needed to finish her MBA which she had been so anxious to do and refused to give permission for her to go to work.

But jeeva had put her foot down and had even threatened to walk out of the house and stay in a woman's hostel and this put an end to her parents opposition and three days later she walked into K.K.ENTERPRISES for an interview and got the job immediately.

REDEMPTION 175

"If you are faced with a mountain, you have several options.
You can climb it and cross to the other side.
You can go around it.
You can dig under it.
You can fly over it.
You can blow it up.
You can ignore it and pretend it's not there.
You can turn around and go back the way you came.
Or you can stay on the mountain and make it your home." Vera Nazarian



Thenmozhi looked at Buddha " how far away is this destination of ours my friend?" and Buddha whispered " Far away my queen and we have at least a month's journey ahead of us through this thick,dense forest."

The sun was settling down in its western home for the night and thenmozhi thought it was time to call a halt and spend the rest of the night in the small clearing that they were in.She posted sentries at a 500 mts radius and told them to take turns in guarding their party and asked those who were taking the first shift to eat and drink some water to replenish their energy.

Taking a few of the Burmese tribals,she went around gathering fruit and water while some of her companions went fishing in the small pond nearby and soon came up with a few huge cat fish and the air was soon smelling of fried fish.

Thenmozhi,yeshe and the other buddhist monks quietly ate their fruits and a few vegetables they had gathered and soon everyone were settling down and sinking like the sun into a deep sleep.

Buddha and Thenmozhi walked the entire perimeter of the clearing and she suddenly looked at the big cat " where is he now?" and Buddha sitting down " I have absolutely no idea as to where he or your son is and the only thing i am certain is that someday you and i will meet them for sure,in this life or some other one."

Far away and in the clearing,by the simmering fire,yeshe looked at all the strange shadows that were thrown up by the dying flames and then looked at the old monk in whose custody he was " Master,who are they and why do they feel so different to us and yet something in my mind tells me that there is more to them than that meets our eyes and our soul.Who are they master,really who are they?"

The old monk shook his head " little one,i am in the dark as much as you are.yet,i can tell you this and that is that they are our guardian angels and they watch over not only us but this entire planet.I think,their destiny is linked to our planet and to all of us and that is as far as my knowledge goes."

He looked at little yeshe with a twinkle in his eyes " why don't you talk to them both for she thinks more of you than about herself.Maybe,they can shed some light and answers to all your questions."

Yeshe nodded " when the time comes although it really does not matter now.But master why do i sense so much sadness from our mother and even the giant cat feels as if his heart is broken.Why is that master?"

The old monk looked into the distance and caught sight of thenmozhi and the tiger and then sighing looked up into the sky and looked achingly at the stars " Child,i know little about these matters of heart and love between a man and a woman.But from what i see of her,i know she is broken because she exists only as half for the other half is missing and there must be a reason and great story behind that missing piece of her soul.More than us,these guardians feel the loss and pain of their missing soul for they always come as two and complete the circle and bonds of love that they share and along with the two always comes their companion and as to what form that being comes in is anybodys guess."

Yeshe's interest and curiosity was now totally awakened and hurriedly he whispered " more,please tell me more."

The old man looked at yeshe and at the same time looked at the future head of Buddhism " Child,i will tell you what i have learnt about life from the sacred scriptures and also from my many travels.We humans think that this planet earth is all that is there in this universe when in reality there are many more,thousands more like our earth and they all lie far off into space.We sit here in this forest and think we are on solid land when in truth this whole world of our is spinning around the sun and likewise all the other earths are spinning around their suns.There is more to these other earths and only a very few know that they were the ones who harvested and sowed the seeds of all life on this earth and have done so to many others."

Yeshe stared at his old master and shook his head in disbelief " but that means they are our ancestors and that means they have descended from the heavens and they must be the true gods of this universe."

His old master stared into the fire as if he was trying to find an answer for yeshe's questions in the dancing flames " Child,this universe is very ancient and the stories of lifes origins and creations really stretch a long way back into the past,deep into the past and i doubt if anyone really has a clue as to who or what power started all this in the first place.Like her and her ancestors,we too are just passengers on some journey who have roles to play and some are big and some are small and yet everyone and everything has a place in this incredible voyage of life."

The night slowly wore down and everyone fell asleep but for Buddha and Thenmozhi who sat side by side when thenmozhi turned to the tiger " why do i sense some kind of uneasiness or hesitation in your aura? Is there something you want to talk to me about or something i should be aware about?"

Buddha looked at her with his amber eyes " my queen,soon,maybe after a few days we will be crossing a place that is connected to both of us and our roots and i wanted to warn you about it for i don't know how you or those that dwell in the place are going to react when you come face to face."

Thenmozhi waited for the big cat to continue and buddha did " my lady,there are strange and wondrous beings that have come and gone from this planet and we are not the only ones who exist on this plane for more ancient beings still linger for some strange reason and they do not take to trespassers lightly for their motto is to attack first and reason later."

" So what do you want me or our people to do? should we avoid that path and take another one?"

" no my queen,this path has been predestined and it is a path that we must walk through for we both have to face it or we have to turn back and return the way we have come."

Thenmozhi sighed " okay,then we will proceed and follow your lead and when you feel a threat looming over us,we will stop and only the two of us will go ahead to meet and solve this problem.And if things should take a turn for the worse,then we will face it and defeat it."


"The breathtaking view at the mountaintop is compensation for all of the breath lost whilst sweating towards it." Matshona Dhliwayo

An old woman had 3 daughters. One day she decided to test her three Sons-in-law.

One a fine day, she was walking along a lake shore with the first son-in-law.
Purposefully, she fell down in the lake and started yelling for help.

The first son-in-law jumped into the water and dragged her out into the shore.
The next day he found a brand new E Class Mercedes in his door steps with the wordings


"Thank you, for saving me! A gift from your Mother-in-law who loves you very much!!"

Another day she went out with her second son-in-law. Purposefully, she fell down in
the lake and started yelling for help.

The second son-in-law too jumped into the water and dragged her out into the shore.
The next day he found a brand new E Class Mercedes in his door steps with the wordings

"Thank you, for saving me! A gift from your Mother-in-law who loves you very much!!"

The third time she was walking with the third son-in-law and she repeated the same.
But that guy got scared and ran away without offering any help to her.
The poor old lady who wanted to test her sons-in-law drowned and died.

The next day the third son-in-law was surprised to see a new brand new Rolls-Royce
waiting at his doorsteps with the following wordings...


"Thank you, for saving me! A gift from your Father-in-law who loves you very much!!"

When you are in love,
Wonders happen.
But once you get married,
You Wonder, what happened.

Philosophy of marriage :
At the beginning, every wife treats her husband as GOD..
Later, somehow don't know why...
alphabets get reversed..

Secret formula for married couples...
"Love One Another" And if it doesn't work, bring the last word to the
the middle.!!!!

Mundane Meanderings


True bliss and true pain flows from one point and that is from one's own mind and that mind is usually acted upon outside factors,bonds and bondages.At some point you realise that the best and most satisfactory answers to all your questions can be answered only by yourself and only they can really bring peace and calm in the end.

All that you see is an illusion,for it will not be here forever and most importantly you,i mean me will not be here forever.Even these words that i write are meaningless and yet i persist for sometimes ones perspective can illuminate and maybe even shed some light on questions.

Today being mahashivaratri is no different for i treat everyday as a shivaratri and i have learnt off late to live and celebrate the moment for that is i feel the only reality.

Even though i was orphaned at a very young age,i had many mothers in the form of my aunts,grandmom and than through my wife and a few other special souls.

But the love of an absentee father was a huge void and being a boy i strangely felt it much more than not having a mother.From the stories that my elders have told me about my late dad,i have learnt that he drank heavily,was highly volatile and short tempered,was very loyal to everyone else but to his family etc.

lord have mercy for that is truly a volatile concoction and i guess that is why even today,four decades later when i go to the place where i was born,people from the older generation look closely and whisper " oh,shyama reddy's son."

Growing up,i did sometimes think,dream and ache for the presence of my father,especially when i was faced with certain tough situations and when i sometimes got bullied and searched for ways to defend myself.

well, nearly taking a the bully's eye out with my camlin box divider did work and then thumping a couple of heads with my rather heavy steel tiffin box helped and i caught on that when pushed it is necessary to push back with even greater force and that violence should be met with greater violence.WRONG,VERY WRONG.

But it took many years for me to realise that violence,fists and kicks were not the answer and not the way to handle people and slowly i changed,hopefully have changed.

The changes,some visible and most invisible have come about because of my wife and a few precious friends who make up my very soul and are also the foundation and walls of my life and mind and they are the guardians.

In 1995 i adopted a father,i know for usually a parent adopts a son and well,what do you expect from satish,but the eerie,eccentric and brain damaged one.

The adoption process began in Someshwar temople just outside Mangalore and the deity,a form of lord shiva whispered " take me home with you" and i brought him home with me and gave him a place in my house and in my soul.

An orphan gets a father figure and that too a real tough one like lord shiva and well life changed and i settled down and went to work and let the other things for my father to take care of.

Born early morning on a Monday,with Rohini as my star and with Rishabam as my rasi and with both shiva and shakti in my name.Okay satish means Means "lord of Sati" from the name of the Hindu goddess SATI combined with (isha) "ruler" it is no surprise that i eventually found my way back home to Him.

A few years ago,a very learned pal of mine told me " dei,if you go on worshipping shiva,he will take away everything,trouble you,torture you.So,you are better praying to Vishnu or krishna who will help you and give all that you want."

What i want,well what i want,really is peace of mind and just to be left alone to my solitude and i replied " what is there to be taken away,neither riches or possessions."

Today,now,in the present i have realised that worshipping a god,a higher power is left to ones own imagination and all these symbols and rituals are for simple minded,symbolic people.

I have never felt the need for a guru,a guide for i have a lot of guides in the form of my wife and my dearest friends and as for a guru,who can top Dakshinamurthy,whose idol i pray to everyday.

I have come to understand that love and tolerance is more or less the perfect answer to all problems and nearly everything can be solved with real and pure love.

From my own ego,arrogance,intolerance,quick to judgements and other negative aspects which i am slowly but surely purging from my soul and psyche i am also learning to accep that everyday is a shivaratri for everyday is a new creation and a new death.It is an eternal process that has been going on and will go on and on,long after you and me have gone.

Mahashivarathri,vaikunta ekadasi,krishna jayanthi,pradosham all being and setting them aside,i know now that the true god and his religion is to love,care,protect and defend those that need it and cannot ask for it.

I apologise if any of my reflections or my own life's perspective in any way gives offence for that is not why i have written these words.

I wish all of you the very best.

2.00 A.M thoughts


This has been the longest phase in my waking up in the so called wee hours of the morning.I think i can trace back the beginning of this spell to 2014 january when i shot for ARIMA NAMBI,near Hosur and the entire 5 day schedule happened in the night and it was for shooting the climax scene.The car used to pick me up at about 7.00 p.m in the night and drop us back at 6.00 am the next day.

Male menopause or some middle aged hormonal change aside i have slipped in quite comfortably into this current phase and i am also glad that black eyes and bags,pouches have not made such an impact on my face with which i sell myself for work.So,now it is up by 2 or 2.30 and even 1.00 a.m sometimes and the bodily acts aside,it is time to switch on the desktop and then for a cup of steaming filter coffee and check my empty mailbox,facebook and the forums where i pen down or rather type down my musings of the moment.

I have settled into the new house pretty comfortably and the hall where the PC is much larger than the old place.Lots of windows and i open just one for the still cool breeze to waft in before the harsh summer makes its presence and it is just around the corner.

A gentle breeze pushes the cream curtain and it flutters in mid-air and i spontaneously burst out " Aathadi Paavadai Kaathada " and sit and stare into space as i remember that song for the funny steps danced by the late actor Murali.

The non-stop chirping of a family of sparrows that have made their home in a small hole that god knows house what and i hope it is just the telephone junction box are music to my ears and i wonder what the parents and baby birds are talking about.Maybe they are talking about Insomnia and sleep hours.A family of cats also make their home in the nooks and crannies of the flats and the sparrows vocals hit a high crescendo when one of them makes an appearance and these soft walkers on pads often stop,linger and look up to the hole in the wall and probably dream of a lucky catch or just ache for the the thrill of hunting one of these birds.

The broadband speed has really gone through the roof and back when it was vsnl and their 32 kb speed modem in 1998 it is now 100mb and this makes for a lot of comfortable browsing and add to that the blessing called youtube which is the first site i go to for it provides me a non stop mix of my favourite songs.

I am a sucker for slow jazz vocals,soft blues and new age piano music and i also listen a lot of japanese music and chinese erhu music.

Thanks to youtube, i spent some time with balu mahendra and his chinna thirai and was amazed then in the 90's and am still amazed today for his creations have stood the test of time as has the acting of the cast.

Everday,exactly at 2.30 a.m a sharecar stops and unloads someone who has just come from work and about ten minutes later,the sounds of the microwave oven telling its master that the food is hot and ready wafts in through the single open window and then i wait for the bang,clang of plates and some light weight utensils being dumped in the sink and i guess it is the wife making her displeasure known for having been woken up at that ungodly hour.

Wait,why is it ungodly i wonder for does god really have a time and i thought that time is something that is man made for his convinience.crap,okay i get it now for god himself is a man made fantasy.Enough of the blasphemy for i don't want my god to open his third eye.

Slowly,very slowly,the thoughts seep in for the two stories that i am writing now and i carefully reach out to the wispy threads of my imaginations that i need and it is all i need to begin and a single tendril brushes my soul and i am off and running.

Mylai Kapaleeshwarar

Six in the morning and the darkness still lay upon me and the city
Neon lights of Rasi silks sought and willingly fought with the lights of the gopuram
and yet the words shiva shiva twinkled and drowned the lights
the eastern horizon that lay beyond the gopuram was a cheeky pink
color of a baby lovingly bathed in warm water by its mother
a crowd had gathered like crows on the steps around the lake
and soon the fires started and whisperings,chants of shlokas
filled the air as each man tried to drown the other
and catch more for today was AMAVASAI and the dead and gone
beckoned to their sons to come and pay their respects
i stood transfixed and wondered if they really and truly
paid respects and cared enough for the living
that made their lives in their homes
the pink skies cheated me with the suns arrival and
i slipped the guardian of the temple lake a 50
and entering,padded down the steps and sat near the near green water
only to stare at the dull and dark sky and rued the wasted 50
on the steps of the opposite bank,fire after fire flickered and burst into life
eldest,maybe youngest,maybe the only male in their families
sat staring at the fires and the chanting men
the look on their faces ruing 1000,2000 or more

Amavasai unakka ille pournami avangulluka

A passing auto blared " ponaal pogattum poda" and my lips spread in a bright smile at the evergreen,always relevant and timing of the late Kannadasans poetry.