*From To Sathish*-Sathish's new movie Info & Pics pg20! - Page 106

We live in a world where "deleting history" is more important than "creating history".

There's Hell in Hello;
Good in Goodbye;
Lie in Believe;
Over in Lover;
End in Friend;
Ex in Next;
And If in Life.

When you are in ANGER, you are just one letter short of DANGER.
While you are GOOD to others you are one letter more than GOD.

Choice is Yours.


What's easy and difficult in life?
MISTAKES
Easy to judge when others make them and difficult to recognise and realise when we commit them.

Originally posted by: s.satishkumar

Tuesday, clean shaven i will join thani oruvan for my inspector role.

Wow,doc

That was brilliantly and beautifully written.Two stories intertwined to deliver an episode of long gone and an episode that is acting out now.I am sorry that you have to see and experience so much as a doctor and i salute you that you still strive to give your best with a warm and kind heart.Truly doctors are angels in disguise sent down to help the sick and needy.All the best.

CHAPTER 18

"Time takes it all whether you want it to or not, time takes it all. Time bares it away, and in the end there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again." Stephen King

There are some places which you know for sure is evil and dangerous.Deep in your soul,deep where your primeval and most primitive senses dwell you feel the presence of a lingering evil.An evil act committed a long time ago and yet the soul screams for vengeance and thirsts for revenge.But in some, light prevails from the beginning and they have come to clear the darkness of others.They are candles that though dim still chase away the shadows that surround it.Some shadows want to come out for the good in them,the light in them tells them to fight the darkness and fight for their soul.But then again there are some who are lost forever and who wait in the grips of pure and utter evil.They lie in the darkness plotting,scheming and live only for destruction and chaos.Dont look to hell for the devil and his demons and dont look to heaven for god and his angels.Look inside you for you are god and you are the devil.You are a coin with two sides of the same entity and there are two sides to every story.

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so special
I wish I was special

Radiohead-creep


CALM BEFORE THE STORM -2 DARKNESS

Everybody tip-toed around him in the gym and even the trainers left him alone.He had never raised his voice,he had never got into an argument with anyone and he went about his routine with his head down.One of the trainers who had been in the gym for nearly 25 years had mentioned that the man had joined ten or twelve year ago and he had been very skinny then.But the man who went about his training quietly was not the same.He was huge,massive and built like a mountain and one could easily mistake him for a contender in the world body building championship.

Arjun looked at his reflection and staring intently flexed his chest.The pectorals jumped up as if electrified and danced to his flexing.arjun had come in at 70 kilos and he now weighed 120 kilos.Even he knew that very few could recognise him now with his shaved head and goatee.
After lavanya's death arjun had retreated into himself and however hard they had tried even his parents could not reach him.But one day he had requested his dad that he wanted to get away from everything and so had gone to live in their villa near kelambakkam.It was a 4000 sqft house built on nearly five grounds.Arjuns parents agreed to his demands but on one condition that he allow their cook to come everyday and prepare food for him.Their cook manian had been with them for nearly 30 years and had practically raised arjun and lavanya on his lap and considered him more or less like his son.Cutoff from the outside world arjun lived his life and things that should not have been ignored or forgotten were erased and soon he had vanished from the public life.The anger and jealousy that had led him to murder his sister had now grown into something unrecognisable and was ready to be unleashed.

For arjun his only point of focus and the only thing that was in his sight was vengeance and the death of Dhanashekara pandiyan and his loved ones.

On this day Drona, their mentor and military expert, organized a competition to test their concentration. Across a stream, Drona set up a small wooden bird in a tree. Upon returning to the boys he told them, "Hello children. Today I want to see who among you can strike the eye of that wooden bird across the river."
The bird appeared tiny from where they were standing, but the boys were confident that they could pass their teacher's test. Had they not already felled great beasts on their hunts before? How could this small bird pose such a challenge? Anxiously, each one of the young princes waited for Drona to call their names.
Yudhisthira, the oldest among the Pandavas, was called upon first. Taking position by his teacher, he crouched slightly and drew his bowstring taut.
"Can you see the bird properly? Tell me everything you can see, Yudhisthira," said Drona.
Wanting to be thorough, Yudhisthira began to list off everything that met his eyes. "I see the wooden bird, the branch, and the tree. I can see the leaves moving and even more birds sitting on the same tree. I can see the stream, the grass, other trees, the sky..."
Like this, Yudhisthira named off everything he could think of. When he finished, he waited for his master's final command to shoot. Drona spoke again, "Put down your bow and take a seat Yudhisthira, you will not hit the eye of the bird."
Confused, Yudhisthira silently walked back to his brothers without question. The next boy was called forward and asked the same question by Drona. He gave a similar answer, naming everything he could see. Once again, the the boy was told to put away his bow.

This same pattern continued with every boy that followed, until finally Drona reached Arjuna. Drona suppressed a knowing smile as the young prince took his place, notched his bow, and drew his string. Arjuna was one of Drona's favorites.
"Tell me what you can see, Arjuna," repeated Drona.
"I can see only the eye of the bird," replied Arjuna without breaking eye contact with his target.
"Can you not see the trees and the sky? Or perhaps the branch the bird is sitting on?" his mentor asked.
"No sir, all I can see is the eye and nothing else," he said, holding his bow steady and maintaining his unwavering gaze.
Drona was pleased with this response. He cast a glance at the crowd of boys, who were held in silence but slowly began nodding as the lesson began to become clear to them. Drona was happy that one of his favorite pupils was able to pass his test. Now he only had to give the order.
"Shoot!"
With a loud twang, the arrow sprang from the bow straight into the bird's eye. A perfect shot. The bird fell with a small thud as all the boys looked on in amazement at Arjuna. After a long pause, Drona patted Arjuna on the back and said, "Now you see, young princes, the power of concentration..."


"Something amazing happens when the rest of the world is sleeping. I am glued to my chair. I forget that I ever wanted to do anything but write. The crowded city, the crowded apartment, and the crowded calendar suddenly seem spacious. Three or four hours pass in a moment; I have no idea what time it is, because I never check the clock. If I chose to listen, I could hear the swish of taxis bound for downtown bars or the soft saxophone riffs that drift from a neighbor's window, but nothing gets through. I am suspended in a sensory deprivation tank, and the very lack of sensation is delicious." Anne Fadiman, At Large and at Small: Familiar Essays

Lavnya died many years ago but she endures and is undead and every night she rises and returns to haunt her brother,her lover and would be lover.They sleep a troubled sleep with her invading their private thoughts and she torments them and there will not be peace until her work is done.her life was a stain,her death was a stain her legacy is a stain and it is a story filled with pain.


The journey has begun for two sides,opposites to clash,west to meet east and north to seek south.The journey will end in death,will end with sacrifices and will surely make heroes out of some and villians out of many.This is the game of life and this is the game that is played out in life everyday.Is there a referee,is there an umpire,is there a mediator who can maintain calm between the two sides.who knows for i surely dont.

I have started this journey again,renewed with energy and so come along with me for this is not the only story i have to tell you.the years are spread before us to be lived and so there is plenty of time for more heroes,for more evil and yes for more ghosts.

SATISH

CHAPTER 19

I've just reached a place
Where the willow don't bend
There's not much more to be said
It's the top of the end
I am going
I am going
I am gone.

I been walking the road
I been living on the edge
Now I've just got to go
Before I get to the ledge
So I am going
I am just going
I am gone.

Bob dylan


"In each of us, two natures are at war - the good and the evil. All our lives the fight goes on between them, and one of them must conquer. But in our own hands lies the power to choose - what we want most to be we are." Robert Louis Stevenson

Life is like the dark surface of a deep and still pond.You throw a stone into the water just for the heck of it and it smashes into the surface and sinks.But wait for though the stone has sunk into the arms of the bottom it has left ripples on the surface.one,two,three four and they travel away and hit all sides of the pond and then they bounce back and travel back and slam into one another.But in time they settle the ripples and the water.Like the pond and the stone,a single action
creates ripples and although the action is forgotten the effects are felt at some point and yes things that have been left behind gather force and bite you when you least expect them to.



One step at a time and down the rabbit hole goes alice


Retired inspector malaiswamy started his career in trichy as a head constable at the age of 23.After finishing his 12th std and doing reasonably well he nurtured dreams of college and a career in academics.But family circumstances forced him into his fathers engineering company,a small machining and lathe outfit for his dad had developed heart problems.For five years malaiswamy toiled for the sake of his dad and only his passing away broke the shackles of his dads legacy.With his mothers permission he sold the small establishment for a good sum and turned his attention to his career.But as fate would have it while participating in the local silambam competition which he had won for the past 7 years and won again that year he was advised by a distant relative to join the police force and serve the people.The recruitment for police employment had just started in trichy and malaiswamy for the heck of it just went to have a look.All the hard work at his fathers lathe and years of silambam practice had given him a strong physique which did not go unnoticed by the recruitment officers and things happened quickly.He was selected,trained and posted in nearby kumbokonam.A straight forward man,honest and hard working that he was,malaiswamy realised that not everyone were like him and that there were lot of corrupt police officers around him.This resulted in him being frequently transferred for he made his immediate superiors uneasy by his reluctance to take bribes or look the other way when things were done against the law.All this shuffling finally landed him in the vigilance dept and under the influence of DSP Balwinder singh.An IPS officer from delhi and who was posted in the madurai dept under the supervision of the chief minister to put an end to the manfacturing of illicit liquor,Balwinder taught malaiswamy everything about crime and its motives.He introduced malaiswamy to the world of sherlock homes and how to solve cases by gathering information and then travelling from there to the source of the crime.

Malaiswamy sat in his cabin and remembered some of the laws of deduction that his guru had instilled and drilled into him.One saying that always stood out and gave a helping hand was that there is always a motive in a crime and that somebody always stands to gain from it.Regardless of monetary benefits or the abstract kind, a crime always satisfied a soul,gave meaning to someone somewhere and through this single thread a whole crime could be unraveled and the source reached.An intelligent man malaiswamy put the evidence before him and the players in the case.There were the mysterious calls to priya informing her of the Chief ministers past and then there was the suicide of lavanya during the chief ministers college days.Malaiswamy knew for sure that the calls to priya would be impossible to chase as disposable phones were the norm in cases such as these.He decided that he would first start with the girl's suicide and make his way from there.

Even when a policeman has retired he still has and maintains connections with his old department and still wields considerable influence with people that he has worked with for many years and then there the juniors that are currently working in senior positions who owed him many favour's and then some whose careers he had saved because they had repented or just because he felt sorry for them.But more than anything malaiswamy was now a representative of a very famous newspaper and that represented huge clout and huge financial resources.

One can give up the job or retire from the police department but the joke is that the department never retires from you and your psyche.Malaiaswamy parked his maruti alto in the kilpauk government hospital and looked around.The last time he was here had been years ago and then it was the suicide of a famous actress which turned out to be a murder in the end.She had been murdered by the producer of the film she was acting in and all because he did not want to settle her dues for acting in the film.The case had looked like suicide for some time but then there had been no motive for the actress to do so for her wedding had been planned in the next month and she was at the peak in her film career.It had baffled the local police and when malaiswamy took over the case even he too thought it was a suicide at first but then slowly but surely he had built his case and when the sum of 50 lakhs stared at him he knew who had done it.The actress salary for the film was 50 lakhs but then that is white money,taxable and even a man on the street that black money is always involved and that actors are always paid double of what is known.The dead actress was the leading lady and much in demand and so when he quietly investigated he found that the white money had been paid but nothing in the way of black money.A little pressure and few buttons pressed and the guilty producer had confessed to his crime.well that was then but this case was already many years old.lavanya had been cremated and what would be left now was details on paper and first hand reports from the pathologist who would have conducted the autopsy and that too if he was around or even still alive.

Malaiswamy sighed and shaking his head at the coincidence of him being here yet again to investigate a suicide case.His guru balwinder was no more as he had died a couple of years ago due to a massive heart attack but his mentors voice whispered to him softly "malai,no trail is old or cold for if you look closely you will find clues and start from there for someone,somewhere always knows and has usable information.but more than anything the crime is an action and there are always reactions to it and there you will find answers.all it takes is patience and discipline".

See reflections on the water
more than darkness in the depths
see him surface in every shadow
on the wind I feel his breath

Goldeneye I found his weakness
Goldeneye he'll do what I please
Goldeneye no time for sweetness
but a bitter kiss will bring him to his knees

You'll never know how I watched you
from the shadows as a child
you'll never know how it feels to be the one
who's left behind
You'll never know the days, the nights,
the tears, the tears I've cried
but now my time has come
and time, time is not on your side

Tina turner-golden eye


Evil hides in the dark and still some worse than that hide in plain sight.They bask in light and dark and it is virtually impossible to find them out.They have layers and layers of masks and everyone you peel is replaced with an even more cunning one.They take forms of your loved ones and friends.And when they strike,slipping the dagger into your heart you gasp just as caesar did and say " you too brutus".


"The desert and the ocean are realms of desolation on the surface.The desert is a place of bones, where the innards are turned out, to desiccate into dust.
The ocean is a place of skin, rich outer membranes hiding thick juicy insides, laden with the soup of being.Inside out and outside in. These are worlds of things that implode or explode, and the only catalyst that determines the direction of eco-movement is the balance of water.Both worlds are deceptive, dangerous. Both, seething with hidden life.The only veil that stands between perception of what is underneath the desolate surface is your courage.
Dare to breach the surface and sink." Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration


One man,malaiswamy with his mentor still whispering how to go about things treads slowly back into the crime and slowly but invariably into the den where evil lies in wait.It waits for its moment of glory,its thirsts for revenge.it thirst for lives and thrives on destruction.The mad man has prepared for his vengeance and no one will stop him and he will not let anyone block him from reaching his goal.Death of dhana,death of balaji,death by the most painful and horrific means possible.

Lavanya loved one,was loved by another and still loved more by her brother and now lavanya and her love will come marching out of hell.

CHAPTER 20

"So do we pass the ghosts that haunt us later in our lives; they sit undramatically by the roadside like poor beggars, and we see them only from the corners of our eyes, if we see them at all. The idea that they have been waiting there for us rarely crosses our minds. Yet they do wait, and when we have passed, they gather up their bundles of memory and fall in behind, treading in our footsteps and catching up, little by little." Stephen King, Dark Tower

A child plucks the wings of a moth or a butterfly and then seeing it fluttering in pain asks his mother what was wrong with it.Do we come into this world with a built in set of instructions to mete out pain and chaos.Do those violent emotions seep in when we are in the womb from our parents.Are some lives just born to kill and maim.I look inward and see my soul and realise that it houses both good and bad but then what is bad and what is good.everything seems to lie or held in the beholder and the one who asks those questions.choice,yes the choice of making the right move or the wrong move ultimately lies in the hands of the one who wields it.

"Me miserable! Which way shall I fly
Infinite wrath and infinite despair?
Which way I fly is hell; myself am hell;
And in the lowest deep a lower deep,
Still threatening to devour me, opens wide,
To which the hell I suffer seems a heaven."
John Milton, Paradise Lost




Follow the tears

Come lie on a bed of nails and slumber
Rise up but the hands all pull you down
My sunshine is wind and rain and thunder
I sing but I can't make a song
So if you want to know where
I've been Hiding all these years
Follow the tears

Heaven & Hell - Follow The Tears


For a layman in south india any man who is of above average height and built more than normal and if dressed in a safari suit surely means cop.The security guard near the entrance of the hospital was yelling at some poor woman which soon became words of encouragement after a ten or was it twenty rupees was passed into the hands of the security guy.Malaiswamy couldnt help noticing what was taking place and the security guy noticed it too and well the money was quietly passed back and the man stood erect and saluted stiffly.Malaiswamy gave him a withering glare and entered the government hospital and the smells assaulted him.Malaiswamy knew at some point he would have to listen to his boss chandru and give up his safari suit for as always it opened a passage through the crowded corridors of the hospital .But malai knew that he just wouldnt be comfortable in a full armed shirt and blazer for it would make him feel funny and most importantly take away the police look,one which he secretly enjoyed even in retirement.At the age of 60 malaiswamy looked like a fit 50 year old man and one who was still in power and in position and though he had retired as an inspector,people generally mistook him for person of higher rank.

On his way to the hospital malai had decided that rather than go and see the inspector of the police station which is attached to the hospital he would go directly and try and meet the dean Dr.GUNASEKARAN and see what information he could gather.It would be a two pronged request than an attack for he knew that his visiting card carrying the newspapers name would do the needful if his reputation as a cop didnt work out.The dean is the supremo of a medical college and this being a government hospital malai knew he would have to tread carefully and measure every word before he spoke it.The dean of a medical college is equal to that of a police commissioner and a graded officer who has to be treated with the proper respect and courtesy.There have been many a police case which was slow to be finished because some poor cop rubbed someone in the hospital in the wrong way and well reports get mislaid and delayed.There have been hilarious stories where the police themselves had to bribe the pathology department people for a report to be delivered quickly.Well in some situations palms have to be greased and still in some flattery and getting on your knees works better but even better is to just acknowledge a counterparts position and get the work done smoothly.

The visiting card changed hands and was carried into the office of the dean but not before the secretary gave him a look of contempt and malaiswamy remained calm for he remembered the popular tamil saying "samy varam koduthalum pujari varam kodukkanum".The secretary came back and asked malaiswamy to go in but not before getting a jab in "saaru romba busy,time waste pannatheenga".Malai nodded his head and entered the realm of the dean gunasekaran.

To malaiswamy's surprise dr.gunasekaran got up from his chair and came out and shook his hand warmly and asked him to sit down.He than pressed a buzzer and the secretary came rushing in and the dean asked him to bring two cups of coffees in a flask.Malai was pleasantly surprised and thought to himself that his visiting card carrying the Indian reporter name surely was making things easy when gunasekaran asked him if he was still practicing silambam.Before malai could reply,gunasekaran said " i too learnt silambam from the same gurukulam in trichy but a few decades later but from our gurus son ramaiah.Well we were constantly reminded and never made to forget the name malaiswamy who had won the local competition so many times and your photos are still there and i should say you look the same".Malaiswamy was floored and was lost for words and soon both were immersed deeply in the topic of silambam and various techniques.Only the secretary's voice announcing coffee broke their conversation and the dean himself poured out the coffee and served malai.Picking up his coffee gunasekaran looked at malai and asked him how he could be of help.

Malai explained carefully the situation but without mentioning the chief ministers name and gunasekaran after listening smiled and said " mr.malaiswamy there seems to be more than what you are telling me here.The case is pretty old but i guess we can dig up the autopsy report and find out who the doctor was who conducted the autopsy on the woman.But since this is a suicide case and even if it is an old one at that there will be some procedures involved like a written request and stuff like that.But you can avoid all that and go through my secretary,if you know what i mean.dont worry i will tell him to do the needful and as for me it will suffice if you promise to indulge my passion and one of these days practice silambam with me.Here is my visiting card and call me if you have any problems.I have to rush now for there is a meeting of all the deans with the health minister at the fort".


Malai and the secretary watched the dean leave and they looked at each other as long lost friends and as long lost enemies.checkmate.Malaiswamy explained to the secretary what report he wanted and information on who the doctor was who had conducted the autopsy and where to find him.Then he took out his wallet and removed a pink note,a 1000 rupee note and watched the secretary muthus mouth open in a smile so wide and deep that malai could see his tonsils.money,money never failed to move a mans emotion or make him pant like a dog or grin like a chimp.

The secretary asked him to wait in the deans office and took off like a plane and came back fifteen minutes later with a folder and a paper with an address on it.He proudly handed it to malaiswamy and asked him if there was anything else he could help him with.He winked conspiratorially and said "popular film star abortion,complication,you want news,i telling you".Malaiswamy shook his head and said no and thanking him left the deans office.

Malaiswamy sat in his car and slowly went over the autopsy report and realised that it was a suicide and it said the same.But he knew reports could lie,doctors could lie and anything or anyone could be bought for the right amount of money.He decided that the next step would be to go see the doctor whose address was in perungudi,the other end of town.But then a thought struck him and he wondered if any of the old ward staff who had worked in the autopsy department were still there.He went back to the deans office and another pink note,another 1000 rupee was handed over and off the secretary went and came back five minutes later with a middle aged man and left him with malaiswamy.The man ramesh was a bit of a timid guy and asked how he could help malai.After the man had sat down he handed the man the folder which had lavanyas photo and suicide report and asked him if he remembered anything about this suicide case.The man stared at the photo and went through the report and then gazed into the distance as if he was recollecting a memory and then turned to malai and said " i remember the case and i remember it very well as if it happened today.But all i can tell you is there was something suspicious going on and i had just joined the hospital.The doctor asked us all to leave and everything was done in a hush hush manner.well there were some top level cops hanging around and most of us in the hospital did not want to get into trouble by asking questions.But hush hush,too many police today means something suspicious and yes money changing hands,big money which means something was covered up.the rest you can manage to make sense and put two and two together as you are from the same cloth,i mean from the same department.I am a simple man and i too have two daughters and am trying to make ends meet,but i will not make the ends meet by taking cash from somebodys life which has come to an end.saying this he quietly left with malais respect and confused thoughts.


Malaiswamy got into his car and decided that the next stop would be the doctor and then if needed he would call favours from his department and talk to the police officers who handled the case.Perungudi beckoned him and the answers to a long dead one welcomed him with open arms.Twists,turns,ups and downs and finally the door to lavanya was cracked open and now it was a question of whether it was the foot of the investigators that entered the door or did a long dead one finally escape to the light of justice.


"Writers remember everything...especially the hurts. Strip a writer to the buff, point to the scars, and he'll tell you the story of each small one. From the big ones you get novels. A little talent is a nice thing to have if you want to be a writer, but the only real requirement is the ability to remember the story of every scar.
Art consists of the persistence of memory." Stephen King, Misery

Who am i to write about murder and ghosts when i stand murdered and am just a ghost of a man.all of us have lost someone or something and the burden tags along like a shadow,a wraith following us in company to the grave.We come out crying and silently go back crying and screaming in fear.what is this life,what is this voyage for.is it just for love and loving.is it just to exist and live an illusion that others create for you.life is like getting stuck in quicksand and even if you try and nearly escape,there are others clutching at your feet dragging you down for daring to ask questions that they did not dare ask.yes,quicksand people.so walk quickly and tread carefully for you dont know what is around the corner.

Useful ATM Tips


When a thief force you to withdraw money from the ATM, do not argue or resist, you might not know what he or she might do to you. What you should do is to punch your PIN in the reverse...

Eg: If your PIN is 1234, you punch 4321.

The moment you punch in the reverse, the money will come out, but will be stuck into the machine half way out and it will alert the police without the notice of the thief.

Every ATM has it; It is specially made to signify danger and help. Not everyone is aware of this.

Vaanile vennila theinthu theinthu valaralaam
Manadhilulla kavithai kodu maarumo
Raagangal nooru bhaavangal nooru
En paattum un paattum ondrallavo

Niram maaaratha pookal