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Part4
I can't hold it anymore... tears flowed like a waterfalls. I kneeled in the pathway and buried my face in my hands and started crying. I lost a Kohinoor Diamond. I never thought that he will mean to me this much. I loved him but never knew that i loved him this much. I don't know what to do. What to do without him? I sat there crying, which felt like hours. Have I lost him? Still now I can't believe this! I was sure that he loved me but... But now I feel that he never did. Now i feel like i'm being buried alive. I'm out of breath. Why always life plays with me like this. Do I not deserve love in my life?
I felt someone hand in my shoulder.
I turned to find it as Dolly di, with my cousins and Saurav. Saurav came and hugged me. He understood what has happened. They took me to my house. They threw thousands of questions towards me. Saurav explained it to them. I never answered. I want some time alone. I want Kabir. My Kabir.
I really don't know how to control myself now. I just hugged dolly di, who was sitting next to me. I broke. "Dolly di, kabir sach mein chale gaya. Maine socha ki vo mujhse pyaar kartha hai. Kabhi mujhe nehi chodke chalega. I even saw true love in his eyes many time. But... but mein galat thi. Ek dum galat. Vo mujhse kabhi pyaar hi nahi kiya!! Hamesha kyun? Kyun mere saath aisa horaha hai? Dolly di, mein uske bhina nehi ji paungi. I can't live without him. I can't! He changed me. Mujhe poora ka poora badhal diya usne. Vo mera aadhat ban chukka hai. Mere future uske bhina mein imagine bhi nehi kar sakthi hun abhi. Mere kuch bolne se pehale vo mujhe samjh saktha hai. Mujhse jyaada vo mujhe samjhta hai. Then why didn't he understand my feelings? Why? Why?"
"Nishu, calm down", dolly di tried to calm me.
"Nehi Dolly di, mein pyar karthi usse. I love him. Then why did he leave me? I want him, I want him back, I want my Kabir back", I murmured continuously and cried badly. I felt dizzy. I felt like I will faint at any moment.
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The crackling sound of the fan woke me. My first gaze fell on the clock, which was straight in front of me hanging in the wall. It showed me the time as 9:30 am. So he has left by now from the airport, from India, from ME... tears flowed in my eyes from both sides. I'm in our flat, still.
Dolly di and Aman entered the room with 3 coffee cups. I cleaned my cheeks which was by now drenched with tears, and sat on the bed.
"Nishu, have this", they gave me the coffee cup.
"aap ne ma aur papa se", I started with teary eyes. I tried to stop it but it never listened to me. My heart is aching like hell. I want him, badly.
"humne abhi tak kisi ko kuch nehi, bathaya", Aman said.
"ab tum coffee piyo aur socho aage kya karna hai, theek hai?", they said and left.
I tried hard to drink that coffee. But it refused to enter my throat. I kept it aside. I looked around the house. All I can see is Kabir. His thought rushed into my mind like tsunami. I supported my head with my hands and closed my eyes to come out of it. But it made me even worse. Then I guessed that I really don't want to come out of his memories. These memories make me laugh and cry at the same time. Isn't it a big irony?
Saurav entered, he sat near me in the bed. He also noticed the fully filled coffee cup.
"Nishu, tumne Kabir se bathaya?" he asked.
"kya?" I asked him with much difficulty.
"I mean do you expressed your feeling to him"
"nehi", I said with shaking voice.
"kya? Nisha are you mad or what? You should have told him! Kya pata vo bhi"
"vo bhi kya?, nehi! nehi karta hai vo mujhse pyaar. If he had any damn feeling for me then he would have not left me... alone... like this!" I said to my heart as well as to him.
"Nisha, kabir might have felt ki agar usne tumhe propose kiya toh tum usse apne life se kick mardegi... so might have not said and waited for you say something... and the main point is that ki tum uske life mein nehi balki vo tumhare life mein reharaha hai. So he had no right to abandon you from his life but you had so he might have... yaar samjho... If you have been in Kabir's place then what would you have done?... think!", he said and left.
If I was in his place then I would have not left I thought immediately, but no my heart said. Saurav confused me. Is it my fault? Now along with my heart my head too started aching like hell. Anyways its not going to make any difference because he left. Eventhough I thought.
I remembered our last moments together. He said me to believe my heart, so I left behind my brain and started to believe my heart and think through it. At least I will follow his last words to me. I felt that saurav is correct. I felt that I should have told him about the feeling I have for him. He won't scold me or feel embarrassed because he is Kabir. My Kabir. He was always there for me. Oh my god! I should have told him first. The pain I'm having now is not because of Kabir it's because of me. All I know now is that I have to tell him... tell him that I love him. I felt like I got light inside a dark den. I pushed my pillow away to find my phone. I took it. I dialed him. Let him say yes or no I leave it to our destiny.
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sry for any mistakes... nd don't forget to leave your cmmnts...
Cricket
Anupamaa
