Chapter 6:
Neil's POV
Things had started moving for us. For Nikhil.
Treatment had begun. He has been pricked with countless needles, and he's cried every single time. He would cling to Avni every time a nurse approached him with the needle and would bury himself as much as he could into her body.
Avni struggled with her emotions every single time a needle came. "He's always hated needles," she had told me. Vaccinations had never been smooth sailing for them.
But, blood had to be drawn multiple times. Tests had to be run. We would be doing a test run on Nikhil. His first cycle of chemotherapy meant 2 week of chemicals followed by a rest period.
We were currently on day 13 of the cycle. He had been complaining of nausea and fatigue primarily.
During the night, he would cling to Avni in order to be able to fall asleep; which meant that Avni could never get a full night's rest. There was not enough space on the bed. We tried our best to make sure that he was as comfortable as possible and accommodated him as much as possible.
During the days, I would take him on walks inside the building whenever he felt that he was up for it. This allowed Avni to catch up on her sleep, and me to bond with Nikhil. We had grown closer in the last few days. Probably closer than we would ever have been had I met him in a normal way. I couldn't complain about that. I was happy that he would feel safe with me. There was a long way for me to go if I wanted to be anywhere near Avni's level.
Even Avni and I had made some progress, I think. We've been in close proximity for the over 13 days and haven't yet killed each other. We hadn't really talked about anything constructive either. Our past was off-topic clearly. She would change the subject, if I brought anything up.
Instead, I spent as much time asking her questions about Nikhil. I loved learning about my son, and hearing stories about his early childhood. I hated every single minute that I had missed.
We were getting discharged tomorrow from the hospital. Week 2 of chemotherapy had been almost been completed. We would be back on Day 16 for some tests and then again once a week to get his blood tests done.
Nikhil had a long fight ahead of him and so did Avni and I.
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Avni's POV
After a long conversation with Dr. Batra and doing all the paper work, Nikhil was ready to go home. Neela Ma was out of town for the next 24 hours and so Neil was in charge of driving Nikhil and I.
Aman dropped by to say goodbye to Nikhil and promised to come by the house with some video games. He was still giving Neil the cold shoulder and ignored his existence. I sighed internally.
Nikhil had been dressed warmly before leaving the hospital. He was super excited about going home. For the first time in over a week, I held my son in my arms and there were no tubes or no wires getting in the way. He pressed his head against my cheek and rested there as we walked out of the hospital.
I sneaked a glance at Neil. His eyes were covered with his sunglasses, and I couldn't help but admire how good looking he was. The softness that was present in his face when we had been dating was gone. His face was lean and angular.
His body had changed too. He was no longer the lean boy I had dated, instead his body had been filled with muscles. Nothing over the top but it was very apparent that he worked out.
I knew it was wrong for me to appreciate him like this now. He was no longer my Neil. He hadn't been my Neil for years now. He belonged to someone else.
I can still remember listening to his one sided conversations with his mother a few days ago. The words would forever be etched in my mind. He had lied to his mother about his whereabouts, and how he was in Delhi for work.
His words had been like the shards of my heart that he had broken years ago and that he was using to cut me again. In that moment, I had felt so dirty and cheap. Like I was his dirty little secret. It had been that moment that I realized that I would never be good enough for him. His mother had been right.
That was the moment that I realized that Nikhil would never live up to the Khanna standards. I didn't want to fight with him because I was emotionally drained.
I was tired of this shit. I was tired.
I was tired of justifying the reasons why he was here, when clearly he is lying to protect the sanctity of his other life.
I was tired of leaning into him for support.
I was tired of having him around.
I was tired of the way my heart would skip a beat when he looked my way.
I was tired of watching the way Nikhil's eyes light up when he walked into the room.
I was tired of watching him cuddled with Nikhil.
I was tired.
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"I'll get him, he said softly as the car slid to a stop. Nikhil had fallen asleep in the car ride over to Neela Ma's house.
I nodded and allowed him to pick up Nikhil. My eyes prickled with tears as I watched him rest Nikhil carefully on his shoulder.
"Maybe in another lifetime, Avni," I told myself as I busied myself with grabbing our bags and heading towards the entrance.
I guided him to Nikhil's room and waited until he put him into the small bed. While Neil covered him with a blanket, I fished for the small baby monitoring device I used when he was younger. Setting it up, we exited his room.
"Thank you for dropping us home," I said as I stood facing Neil.
He blinked at me.
"Where are you staying?" I asked him.
His lips quirked into a small smile. "Here."
"What?" I exclaimed a little louder than I should have. I grabbed his arm and yanked him across the house to the living room, " You're not staying here."
"Why not?"
"Well for one, I don't want you to, and second of all, I don't want you to."
"I'm staying here. I've asked Neela Ma. She said I can have the room across from yours; the one next to Nik's room."
"That's Aman's room."
"Yes, she did mentioned that it used to be Aman's room. But, since Aman moved into his new place, he doesn't use it very much."
"Fine," I snapped, " you know where the room is. I'm going to shower while Nik is still sleeping..."
"Oh," he said as his eyes widen, " That's a good idea. Can I..." My face flushed at his words. F**k.
He cleared his throat at the sight I probably made, "...I mean can I use the bathroom after you?"
I pushed the thoughts of sharing a shower with him again out of my head. I couldn't go down that road. Not again.
"I use the one next to Aman's room. We used to share growing up. So, I'll take that one and I'll show you to the one attached to Neela Ma's room. You can use hers right now," I had turned away from him already and was walking towards Neela Ma's room.
As expected he followed me.
"In here," I said pointing to the room down the hall and avoiding his eyes.
"I'll catch you later," I said as I turned around and walked away to the safety of my room.
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Author's Note:
Hey everyone,
Sorry for the long wait and chotu chapter.
It's more of a transition chapter this one-giving you more insight into the treatment, and what their lives are like at this point in time.
We'll get more about Neil in the next chapter for sure! I didn't want to take away from Nikhil's illness and treatment.
Let me know how you like this one. I'm sorry, if I haven't responded to your review, but I've read them. Thank you 😊
Edited by nlisa - 7 years ago
