A reply to Aarti_16 on ''NANDU''

(Reply to Aarti_16 who posted "Nandu"- it wont let me post in the actual thread so just starting new topic, sorry about that)

I agree with quite a lot of what Aarti16 said, but still think that a lot of other people have a very valid reason to loathe Nandu. I think it's commendable for you to go against the grain here, not just because you're doing it for the sake of it but because you've really tried to get under the character's (Nandu) skin. I mean people aren't plain black and white are they? There are a million shades inbetween and I agree that compared to many other characters in the show, he really isn't THAT bad. I was one of the few who in the beginning thought there might be some hope for his character. I mean yes, lets face it, hes not one of the beautiful people and as you say I bet a lot of people commenting over the internet aren't exactly dolls themselves. But neither does ""unattractive"" equal to having a good heart just as being attractive doesn't make you evil inside. People are defined by their actions and for the most part Nandu has been selfish; not evil or malicious but selfish. A lot of people are hating him because he's perceived to be more in "lust" with Preeti than in "love". First off, seriously, theres nothing wrong in lusting after the opposite sex- I don't care what people say, but deep down we all do it no matter how moral or immoral we've been brought up to believe it is. If you don't, then you cant be human, its BASIC human nature to be attracted to the opposite sex and to want them (depending on your tastes). So ok, Nandu thinks shes gorgeous and wants her. But I propose that if he didn't "love" her (according to his' definition of love) then why the hell would he put himself through all that BS with her? Why continue to be her doormat and verbal punching bag even after marriage when she has clearly told him he is as good as a maggot to her? If you lusted after someone and you tricked' them into marrying you, afterwhich they treated you like scum... would you continue with the placating and pleasing them or would you just get bored of them? If it was just lust and attraction then I personally think his feelings for her would already start waning after the way shes been rebuffing him. I mean never mind being civil to him, she has in no uncertain terms told him to either go kill himself or leave her, period. Someone who was just in it for a quick lay wouldn't have the patience to put up with it I think. But- of course I could be wrong. What Im saying is im not convinced that Nandu is just this pervy perve who wants her for her looks and body. I think that yes- he is attracted to her and that's human nature- but he has fantasised being married to her, having children with her, living a life with her (from his daydreams during the wedding that we've seen) and no matter how nastily she speaks to him he doesn't shout at her or hit her or use any kind of violence on her. If he was someone who didn't love her- they would be seriously tempted to do so- WE'RE not married to her and we want to slap that cow black and blue. So that in itself does say something about his feelings for her. He hasn't even raised his voice at her (we as the viewers don't think he has that right anyway after what hes done, but if it were in real life and he did infact just want her because of lust then he would have surely scolded her by now). There are people who are judging him for his looks and station in life, which IS a low move... but there are many who are simply judging him on his actions. Looks can be changed afterall, get rid of the facial hair, get a hair cut, wash that grease out, do some weight lifting and change those clothes and bingo, you've got a fairly attractive guy underneath that dowdiness. I mean if you look at him, hes got pretty good bone structure and nice eyes- that's me being completely objective and seeing the potential in the guy. And as you said, Mohit wasn't all that for me- in fact he had that weird squinty eye look going on, I don't find him attractive personally. Shivam is hot but his personality is making me struggle with that at the mo. I think someones personality has a major impact on how attractive you deem someone. A person can be fit as hell and have a rotten personality and you stop seeing anything pleasing about them and someone can be considered unattractive in society but have the heart and personality of a hero or an angel and you only see their beautiful features- you see their potential. It makes a huge difference. In the beginning I thought Nandu would turn out to be a noble soul, someone who had Preeti's best interests at heart because he loved her and wanted to see her happy. I thought maybe something would go badly wrong with Mohit from the beginning (he gave me the creeps from the get go) and that maybe Nandu would try and help her be with Mohit, but then Preeti would see Mohit for what a total psycho he was and possibly start seeing Nandu as something more. But his actions turned out to be totally self serving and selfish. He wanted her for himself at the cost of her happiness, at the cost of potentially ruining another relationship (even though it was doomed, he didn't know that did he? And he knew she was in love with Mohit). He just wanted her no matter how it affected her- and that's his problem. That's not love, its obsession. Mohit kidnapped her and forced her to half-marry' him and Nandu manipulated and took gross' advantage of the situation and outright married her- there isn't much difference between the two psychos other than how they went about it.

I agree with a lot of what you said and you make sense, but there is the other side of it where no matter how unattractive', poor, lustful and in love he was/is with preeti... the way he went about it was what is creeping people out. I agree I don't think he needs as much hate as he gets because I think some people are confusing silly things like status and attractiveness with the likeability of a person BUT no one can deny that he has taken advantage and manipulated his way to where he is now. He didn't do ANY of it with a clear and open heart- he just wanted her for himself, no matter what. I personally didn't find anything wrong with leaving bangles in her room because if Mohit had done it for Preeti or Shivam had done if for Riya pre-marriage then people would be calling it romantic etc. The act of leaving the bangles in and of itself was perfectly sweet. It was the context in which he did it which was creepy. He knew full well she HATES him, he knew full well that she was still in love with another man and instead of owning up to what he had done he let everyone think it was Mohit. No matter how much I detested Mohit even then- Nandu should have either owned up to it OR tried to figure out a way to convince everyone that it wasn't Mohit who left the bangles there. It was just so seedy and manipulative and wrong. It didn't matter to him that Preeti was in love with this person and that she would have felt hurt if he got beat up- it didn't bother him at all that she was hurt about it. If you genuinely were in love with someone and that person loved someone else, would it be ok for you to hurt that other person just because of that? Wouldn't it hurt you to see that the person youre in love with is hurting because the person THEY love is hurt? You would just walk away, or you would do something to make the person you love feel better, not worse. So whatever he has been doing has been for purely selfish reasons and now here is, married to her and she beyond hates him. I don't know what else he expected. First he has no self respect- if I was a man and a woman looked down on me just because I was poor, Id bloody well give her the finger. Preeti should have ended up with a 50 year old creep with lots of money to shower on her. If it weren't for Nandu's manipulative and selfish behaviour, he would make a woman very happy in life. He is generally very kind and softly spoken and even if hes poor, he makes an effort to work not sit about and gamble in the back of shops, he treats others with respect and is quite protective with that crazy mace of his... he has good qualities if it were not for his selfish motives. Why he couldn't just let Preeti go and find a girl who would love him for him, I don't know. That's zero self respect right there. Nandu's character has many good qualities if we stop getting all emotional about it and stand back and look at the big picture... but that doesn't mean those good qualities aren't eclipsed by the creepiness of his character. He could have been a genuine underdog hero... someone all of us would have rooted for if he had a good heart, maybe' a bit of change in his appearance and demeanour and had genuine motives.

I don't give a crap about Preeti, she has turned into a nasty, bitter character. I don't much blame her for it after the way she has been treated by Shanti and Raghav and how her confidence was once so dire that she couldn't speak without stuttering... I don't blame her and Im not surprised that she has quite frankly snapped. Its either that or get so depressed that she goes and kills herself. BUT it doesn't mean I have to like her or the change. I understand where its all coming from, all this pent up anger, self-hate AND hating on others... but if she carries on down this path shes just going to turn into mini-Sarla soon enough. She has got herself in this horrible nightmare of a mess and I think she knows it... but its easier for her to not blame herself and blame people like Riya and maybe even her own sister. Shes never had to take responsibility for anything in her life; her mum and dad and shanti over protecting her as well subduing her until she couldn't even speak properly... so why the hell would she take responsibility for the mess she has caused now? Someone like her who cant stand up for themselves, as Ive said from the beginning- no matter how innocent they seem at first will one day just snap when things go really wrong. Theres only so much someone without any confidence can take- and WHEN they snap, they take it out on everyone but themselves because they have already spent their entire lives letting other people push them around- so when they snap, enough is enough right? Look at Khushiya... we all thought she was naive and innocent too to begin with, poor mite couldn't even look shanti in the eye... now when shes been pushed to her limit she is quite happily dumping on Riya. AND not taking any responsibility for the state her three children are in. Quite frankly, if there is one person in this whole mess who is to blame, its Khushiya. That b**ch has single handedly destroyed this family by being the worst mother in the history of history itself. If she just stood up to shanti and used her damn voice and brains not for herself, but for the sake of her children then things wouldn't have got so out of control. Yes she is simple and uneducated- but shes a mother. A mother doesn't need to be complicated or smart or educated- the instinct to protect her young gives her the things she needs to protect them and help them flourish. When shanti was threatening to marry both her girls off to divorcees and old men, she just shook her head like a damned bowl of jelly making false promises to her daughters that she would not let shanti do such a thing. Just one tiny example. Her own children couldn't depend on her to protect them and they knew it. So are we really surprised that Preeti is spitting fire and brimstone, are we really surprised that Nimmi doesn't know whether she should respect her parents or hate them for the state shes in, are we really surprised that all shivam knows to do is yes dadi, yes mummy, yes daddy' and beat people up out of his own impotence to make any manly decisions? Hes a grown ass man still living under daddy's thumb, still letting people push him about. Raghav is the only one with a hint of sense but he aint exactly gods gift to that family either. He has moments of clarity that are great but they are so rare and far between it hardly does much good.

Hi naq5! Thank you for your reply and I actually really appreciated that you highlighted something so important. It was something that I really should have put in there- Id be the first to say that sexuality isnt so simple as to be simply about male and females being attracted to each other! I have gay friends as well as bisexual friends- so it was definitely something I should have made clear. Within the parameters of this particular show, however, I would say that they all seem to be generally into the opposite sex and each and every one of them has the capability to be attracted and to lust after the opposite sex regardless of whether theyre rich, poor, attractive, unattractive, evil, good, EVEN married and unmarried (buts THAT'S a whole other topic hehe) etc etc. And yes there are people in the world who aren't attracted to either gender or are just not interested in sex, period. That would be such a fascinating thing to explore, wouldn't it? When did that kind of mentality start; were they born feeling that way, was it their upbringing or simply brainwashing from others' around them, nature or nurture? Anyway, I guess within the confines of the show... it would be unfair to hate on Nandu just because hes been lusting after Preeti. Its not even about that when it comes to him; its about the creepy, sly, manipulative and selfish WAY he's gone about trying to get her. He's essentially trapped her. In HIS head, he loves her and wants to live his life with her and have kids etc etc. But none of us do anything that doesn't make us feel better in ourselves. A murderer kills because it makes him/her feel better to manifest that rage or anger and hate on someone. A genocidal maniac commits genocide because he/she thinks they are justified in doing so for whatever reasons the rest of us cant or don't want to fathom. People do sh*tty things all the time, not because it makes THEM feel crap, but because it makes them feel good in some way. The REST of us then look at that behaviour and judge it according to our moral values etc. So Nandu, according to US is selfish and manipulative and really doesn't understand what unconditional love is; in fact he seems to barely understand "love" at all! He wants her no matter what- screw her and how it affects her- as long as he has her to "love" then hes happy with that. But its not love according to us, but obsession. He OBVIOUSLY has issues lol

Anyway thanks for pointing that out- I think many people need to remember about sexuality not being so black and white. But for the sake of discussing the show, Im "assuming" the entire cast of MAM are all into the opposite sex as the characters they are depicting!

Originally posted by: CoolBeans86

Hi naq5! Thank you for your reply and I actually really appreciated that you highlighted something so important. It was something that I really should have put in there- Id be the first to say that sexuality isnt so simple as to be simply about male and females being attracted to each other! I have gay friends as well as bisexual friends- so it was definitely something I should have made clear. Within the parameters of this particular show, however, I would say that they all seem to be generally into the opposite sex and each and every one of them has the capability to be attracted and to lust after the opposite sex regardless of whether theyre rich, poor, attractive, unattractive, evil, good, EVEN married and unmarried (buts THAT'S a whole other topic hehe) etc etc. And yes there are people in the world who aren't attracted to either gender or are just not interested in sex, period. That would be such a fascinating thing to explore, wouldn't it? When did that kind of mentality start; were they born feeling that way, was it their upbringing or simply brainwashing from others' around them, nature or nurture? Anyway, I guess within the confines of the show... it would be unfair to hate on Nandu just because hes been lusting after Preeti. Its not even about that when it comes to him; its about the creepy, sly, manipulative and selfish WAY he's gone about trying to get her. He's essentially trapped her. In HIS head, he loves her and wants to live his life with her and have kids etc etc. But none of us do anything that doesn't make us feel better in ourselves. A murderer kills because it makes him/her feel better to manifest that rage or anger and hate on someone. A genocidal maniac commits genocide because he/she thinks they are justified in doing so for whatever reasons the rest of us cant or don't want to fathom. People do sh*tty things all the time, not because it makes THEM feel crap, but because it makes them feel good in some way. The REST of us then look at that behaviour and judge it according to our moral values etc. So Nandu, according to US is selfish and manipulative and really doesn't understand what unconditional love is; in fact he seems to barely understand "love" at all! He wants her no matter what- screw her and how it affects her- as long as he has her to "love" then hes happy with that. But its not love according to us, but obsession. He OBVIOUSLY has issues lol...yes he has issues. he is obsessed and his obsession is not healthy. No one i think hates nandu for liking preeti, but hate him for the reactions to his liking. the way he had gone about reacting to his love/lust whatever it is. What he is doing is worse than lusting about someone.

Anyway thanks for pointing that out- I think many people need to remember about sexuality not being so black and white. But for the sake of discussing the show, Im "assuming" the entire cast of MAM are all into the opposite sex as the characters they are depicting! yes i was only trying to create awareness about this. most people dont know about the not being attracted thing. and some things need awareness. Imagine a person not being attracted married to a person who is sexual in the arranged marriage system in india. Opposite sex or even same sex being attracted is so considered the general norm among people. have sent a PM to you if you want to know more

Hi Dollbeans, thank you too for your reply :) I can totally understand what you mean about why there's much discussion on Nandu. Personally, I just find it interesting to look at another character in the show. We've analysed everyone else to death and then some; he seems to be as good a topic of conversation as any other really or we would all just be discussing the same people over and over. I don't like his character one bit, but it doesn't mean hes not worth discussing. Some of the most interesting discussions can be around the most mundane and nasty of characters and its fun to dig a little deeper, to really ask is this picture we have of this person so black and white- or is there more to look at? I know you might not agree, but that's good! If we all agreed in here it would be so boring; the more differing opinions the better I say. And youre very right when you compare Nandu with Sarla- their methods of entrapment were very similar. Sarla was more vicious and purposeful about it, but that doesn't make Nandu any less of a creepazoid. Nandu has definitely cheated Preeti, but I cant feel any sympathy for her. We cant escape from people who mean to do us harm in life- there are good and "bad" people around us everywhere with their own motives- its really upto yourself to take responsibility of your life and stop expecting everyone else to take responsibility for you and the choices you make. Nandu doesn't have any respect for himself, never mind respecting Preeti or her feelings. And Preeti doesn't have any respect for herself either- she had not once spoken up to shanti or khushiya when she needed to, playing the part of innocent little miss, trying to "people please". No self respect and this is the result. The both of them practically deserve each other IMO. But thanks for your reply, appreciated it.. I dont feel sorry for preeti either, she is selfish like her mother. Also after the way shes blamed Riya for her decicions, i feel she deserves nandu .