SO HERE'S THE SCOOP

And it's fresh off the Rohtak Huffington Mail😉

Aditya is BAD ' Besharam Aulad of Dad 😆😆(imagine this prestigious title with the constipated expression that RaQesh sports these days when he talks about his dad)

Why???? 😕 you may ask- as most reasonable people would😃

Well so here is his kartooton ka panchnama😆

He did not offer to throw his masi a baby shower upon hearing the news

He did not molly coddle a 40 year old woman during her helpless struggle to murder an innocent child (he pretty much adopted the "Whatever" attitude)

He did not speak sweet nothings to poor unborn half bro or sis through his sacred masi's womb

He did not even show any interest in congregating in solemn sympathy in the brow dabbing session at his masi's bedside post puke sessions

That was the Don'ts

Now moving on to the Do's and this is where I understand is the REAL charge against him

He vented his frustration and hurt at the recent fresh betrayal by his father's illicit lover (it was perfectly acceptable when he did so at the other partner in crime at the adda ' point to be noted mi Lord)

He expressed disgust at his father's illicit lover's expectations to use him and his bacha kucha family as her SOLE and PRIMARY support system ' funding et all (he is now the SOLE earning member or at least economically equipped with a REAL and COMPLETE degree and some experience in his line of trade - in this family of wandering women I think ' point to be noted mi Lord ' and has a concern with his freshman earnings being invested in a bankrupt enterprise from the get go)

He redefined expectations of 'support' for his father's illicit lover without consensus (just because he is not sure if these woman are legally sane to make this decision what with the trauma counselling still pending for these gentle souls ' point to be noted mi Lord)

He snatched back the invisible friendship band that he has sworn by and lived by from his masi's recently-slapped-ever-so-gingerly wrist (because the un-tanned line created by its absence ever since the first romp in the hay with Big Daddy has been bothering him ever since he learnt of the point in time when the friendship band slipped off aggressively and was lost in the shadows of romp fest ' point to be noted mi Lord)

He is just not getting closure on this illicit affair issue and MOVING ON and being a part of the new Adams Family (absolutely no defense here mi lord - even I am confused)

My Closing Defense Statement - Please note the Draft format:

Mi Lord in my client's defense and I am not sure if it will be used in his favour (as I hope) I have recently applied as a junior lawyer at Mr. Shubankar's firm to gain some credibility for myself and my client by association. I have recently learnt he is on a sudden spree to modernize his office environment with young under-qualified but passionate staff. I don't have a law degree but I took Law 101 in university and MY HEART is in the right place. One Day when my children are independent I want to pursue a career as a lawyer. I have heard that he has transferred my file PERSONALLY to this very KIND HEARTED hiring manager in his office and I am HOPEFUL like I have never been before. I am thinking of going for a dance class tonight to celebrate and Mr. SJ's office gave me his dance practice location so I can make sure I am in the right place at the right time. It's all about networking these days, hain na mi Lordji? (this dialogue will be delivered with a constipated expression on my face to match my client's ' just making sure people clearly identify the defense team and the plaintiff team because someone hinted that both the defense and plaintiffs were both victims of the same criminal Bonnie and Clyde show)

Coming back to my pro-bono client, I can see that he only has the following options as his guilt is predetermined. I have counted my losses and am focusing more on a reduced sentence argument as opposed to an ACTUAL DEFENSE.

May I suggest some options for a reduced sentence for my client?

a) Go live in Uttara's house in solitary confinement, no friends and family only Rishab's ghost for company until this baby is brought into this world (may I suggest a DVD copy of The Exorcist to help him with his stay)

b) Join RD's party and accept a travelling assignment to promote the Party platform and profile in villages across India (not just Haryana as that too close to home and really none of the local mahila committee want to remember that he is still wandering around freely for his CRIME)

c) Declare he is gay so that RD can move him to Canada and get him started on a whole new life

d) Go for anger management classes, then get a sex change and finally be eligible to join the mahila committee in daily chores of cooking, chasing errant female family members, providing palliative care for the constantly fainting and puking female family members, organizing baby showers, hiring wedding planners, etc. (point to be noted mi Lord ' my client has advised that this is his least favourite option- something about being a Jaat but then again he is deeply stressed so I will leave his welfare in your hands)

Mi Lord, please make haste in providing your sentencing as perilious times are ahead for my client. All this angst is only upon finding his dad molested my client's wife and seduced my client's aunt. He now has to still find out that his wife is being tagged by the man he has taken in his confidence to watch over and protect her and that his own mom might also be participating in this russian roulette on behalf of herself. I don't think my client is ready for any menage a trois that does not include him as the revolving figure😆😆😆 Please mi lord please hurry and put him out of his misery

XXX

On a side note, First Priya was on Suicide Watch, then Vidya, then Priya again and now Uttara. I have decided to throw Aditya's hat in the ring as well. jeena saath mein toh marna bhi saath mein

As I suspected, CVs are headed in two directions with SJ - Step Daddy or Sugar Daddy. Outcome pending TRPS