Arjuna Uvacha (Arjuna Speaks)
The collapse came sooner than even I expected. I had just come back from the forest helping our attendants collect firewood. I had carried the biggest load, since I knew brother Yudhishthira expected it of me, but now the strain had taken its toll and I collapsed under a tree. I was trying to ignore the pounding in my head when Nakula came to me saying that the roof over one of the huts had fallen and brother Yudhishthira was expecting me to help with the repairs.
I nodded wearily. I knew why my brother was keeping me engaged in one task after another- to prevent me from thinking about my hunger.
But honestly, I could carry on no longer. My body, mind and spirit had given up. I didn't have the strength to persist. Feeling miserable and defeated, I went in search of brother Yudhishthira. He was sitting on a makeshift platform, under a tree. His serene countanence, his closed eyes only added to my misery. Kneeling down in front of him, I placed my hands and head on his feet, tears welling up in my eyes.
The gentle touch of his hand on my head soothed and comforted me.
"Forgive me, brother...", I wept. "I have failed you. I have neither the strength of body nor the power of will to carry on. I am incompetent to carry out your order."
Holding my shoulders, Brother Yudhishthira lifted me to a sitting position.
He began to speak softly "Arjuna, you are not incompetent. You just do not know how to channelize your inner strength.
I did not know what he was talking about.
"Arjuna, staying without food is a kind of tapas. The body has to be nourished not through food, but in a different manner. I knew you were not aware of this technique, but you never asked me, either. Why me, if you had asked any of the rishis here, even our priest Dhaumya, he would have told you."
I had never thought of this
Brother continued "But you never thought of this Arjuna. You were too proud...proud that you were obeying my order without question...proud of your obedience. How many times I have told you Arjuna, that pride can be the cause for downfall? As it is you have unnecssarily suffered for so many days and made others suffer too..."
I could only sit with my head bowed. As usual brother had analyzed me correctly. I only felt more guilty.
"Look up" brother ordered.
I hesitantly loooked up not wanting to meet his eyes.
"Arjuna...the strength that nourishes us comes not just through food but though the prana shakti present in the life giving air around us. I will teach you a few breathing techniques that will help you ."
Brother Yudhishthira then proceeded to teach me. These techniques, he said, will help me channelize my thoughts, calm my mind and get into a meditative state.
When we finished, I was awash with a sense of relief. Heart overflowing with gratitude, I knelt down and placed my hands on his feet. I could hear him blessing me "Jaya Vijayi Bhava".
I walked rapidly to our huts where I knew Draupadi would be sick with worry. It was now my turn to put her out of misery.
Seeing my happy face, her face too broke into smiles.
"Krishnaa.." I began
"Say nothing now...Aryaputra" she said, almost weeping with relief, as she began laying a leaf on the floor. "First have something to eat".
I stopped and said slowly " Krishnaa...brother has not yet given me permission to eat..."Edited by varaali - 11 years ago