Chapter 29
He walked down the road with supriya and gazed around with hands slipped in his pockets. A day before he was on the same street with nakusha, the weather was the same, it was crowded even then, there were hawkers screaming up and down the lane'everything was the same, yet it felt different as though something was missing. He glanced over his shoulder, supriya was busy talking to her father on the cell phone, his gaze dropped down and he noticed the distance between them, he smirked, no one could say that they were a married couple seeing the gap between them'were they really together? He shook his head, he missed nakusha, even though they spoke less still there was no silence in their relationship, they were not distant, his heart could feel the proximity. But since yesterday something was terribly disturbing her, he could see it in her eyes, they weren't sparkling instead a wave of sadness was floating in them and more than that she wasn't willing to share it with him. He curled his fingers in a fist, whatever it might be but it was pulling her away from him, so much so that she'd started avoiding him. What had made her change her mind and heart was oblivious to him but he was dying to know.
Several questions were creating a storm in his mind however those questions needed to be brushed aside for some time as they reached the shop. It was a place where all the basic necessities of a new born child were available. The due date of nakusha was fast approaching and supriya needed to buy some items for the baby before she headed back to PV after the delivery. Without disconnecting the call she opened her purse and handed over the list of items to the salesman. The list contained clothes, diapers, blankets, bottles, bath tub, bath wash, crib etc. Dutta went behind the sales man and supriya moved out of the shop as the signals were weak in the shop hampering her important conversation.
Dutta stood before the baby clothes counter and glanced at the various clothes that were displayed before him. His lips stretched in a smile, all the clothes were so beautiful that he wished to buy all of them. A sudden sense of excitement ran through his body, this was for the first time that he was doing something for his child and the feeling was exhilarating standing there with baby products surrounding him. For a moment he wished he could hold his child right now in his arms, there were so many beautiful things that made him think that his baby deserved all of them. He picked up some clothes that he really liked and turned around to seek supriya's opinion. But she was still hanging on to her phone, was the conversation more important than all this, perhaps it was'for her and nanasaheb. It was the election day and she was keen to know how things were turning out in PV. For the second time in the day he missed nakusha's presence. She should have been there'with him.
" kuch pasand aaya?" supriya interrupted his thoughts after ending her call. He showed him what he had selected, she too liked them then went to the sales man and started tallying the items with the list she'd given to him while dutta moved on to the area where cribs were displayed.
He looked around and carefully examined all the cribs, there were some fancy ones but he didn't wish to buy them fearing that the decorative items might break off and pose a choking hazard. Instead he went for a more traditional looking crib made of wood. Soon supriya joined him and pointed," hmm yeh wala accha hai." He went near the crib and shook it slightly, it wobbled and he rejected the crib, it wasn't sturdy. He ordered the sales man to make a fresh one of the same size, design but better quality of material and deliver it later on.
He made the necessary payment and stepped out of the shop as supriya collected the items in a bag. He spotted something on the road and the thought of nakusha came to his mind, this would do the trick.
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Nakusha sat on the couch, adjusted a small cushion behind her aching back then leaned her head against the couch. There was a time when she craved to be near him, speak to him, seek his attention and now when he was near her willing to spend time with her and that too on his own, she had no other option but to stay away from him. The more she interacted with him, the more her heart pinned itself on false hopes and desires. Hopes and desires that would never get fulfilled instead would leave her lonely and devastated than before. After going through hell she'd never expected to find true love in her life and had never thought that her eyes would dare to dream once again. But her empty eyes filled with sweet dreams again, when her heart found love, when she found'him! A smile tugged the corners of her lips. Love is simple yet it makes one's life complicated. Love is sweet yet it makes one's heartache. A thin line of tears glistened her eyes. She didn't remember how and when her heart went to him but with every passing day she fell for him deeply. It was magical. She didn't regret being in love with him even for a moment, after all he was such a wonderful man that any woman would blindly fall for him. Just that the circumstances were not in their favor. The relationship that they shared was pure and beautiful yet it would not be perceived by others in the same way. Their love instead of strengthening them would end up tarnishing his name and image. That was something she couldn't afford to compromise on. Therefore no matter how difficult it would be, she had to put an end to all this.
The door bell rang, subhlaxmi had come back, she gave nakusha a warm smile who without thinking threw her arms around subhlaxmi and blinked her tears that were threatening to roll down. She badly needed someone to support and understand her. She was emotionally too weak to handle the heavy emotions that were burdening her heart.
Subhlaxmi confused by her action moved back slightly and glanced at her worriedly. She tucked the loose tendril behind nakusha's ear and asked softly," kya hua?" who gulped the lump formed inside her throat and looked back at subhlaxmi like an innocent child. She wished she had understood subhlaxmi's bitter but true words, she wished she had kept a check on her emotions and not gone with the flow. Now with him too reciprocating to her feelings, it was hard to shun him away, it was hard to hurt him even if it was for his benefit. She wished she had kept her love hidden deep inside her heart. Subhlaxmi pressed her arm, urging her to speak up but nakusha was at loss of words, she didn't know how to explain what she was going through instead she gave out a fake smile that didn't reach her eyes and replied," kuch nahin mausi , bus tumhein wapis dekh kar bahut khush hoon." Subhlaxmi knew she was happy to see her but that was not all , there was something that was troubling her, she could see it in her eyes and she was trying to hide it behind her smile. Nakusha dropped her lashes to avoid her probing gaze and said," mausi main thodi der bahar baithti hai." Subhlaxmi nodded her head, maybe she really needed to be alone for sometime.
Today instead of going to the garden she went to the backyard of the house, a place that was recluse and hardly visited by anybody. Pulling out an old chair she sat and folded her knees, she couldn't bring them close to her chest as her huge belly was coming between still she made herself comfortable in that chair. She placed her hands on her stomach and closed her eyes when the baby kicked in response to her touch and she let out a smile. Wrapping her arms more closely to her belly, she caressed her baby. She could love it as long as it was breathing and growing within her, once it came out, it would no longer be hers. The thought twisted her heart. Why did it happen to her? why did she do this to herself? Why did she attach herself to him and the baby when both of them belonged to someone else? By striking the deal she had thought she was freeing herself from hell and entering a world that would be beautiful. It was true that her past was harrowing and her future would be devoid of it but would it be livable without both of them ? her heart was screaming 'NO, NO' she let out a deep sigh, she could no longer afford to listen to her heart. She had to stick to her deal, it wouldn't be fair to supriya, after all what was her fault. She couldn't snatch her happiness, she wouldn't break her home and wreck her married life. Someone who promised to give her a better life, she couldn't break that person's trust.
Her eyes were still closed but she felt some movement around. She opened her eyes and saw a roasted corn before her making her grin. She grabbed it instantly and then he slowly came from behind to stand in front of her. He knew she would love it and he was glad to see her smiling. However the smile didn't last long when she saw him. Her eyes scattered the ground as she got up and raised her hand to give the corn back.
" kya?" he asked furrowing his brows.
" nahin chaiye." She replied still not meeting his eyes. He flared his nostrils, why the hell was she refusing to eat when she loved it," kyun ? kyunki main laaya hoon." It hurt him to see her indifference and hostility. She was aware that she was annoying him again still she kept the corn on the chair. He saw her walking past him when he held her wrist firmly to stop her.
" mujhe aisa kyun lagta hai ki tu mujhse door ja rahi hai?" his grip was hard and jaws clenched. Her gaze travelled from his hand that was holding her to his face and she pulled her hand back.
" sahab, main toh aayi hi door jaane ke liye thi." With every passing moment, the day when she would have to leave him forever was fast approaching. No matter how much they desired to stop the clock from ticking a moment would come when eventually they would have to part ways. Therefore she felt it would be better for both of them if they kept distance from now on, it might hurt less later on. Today she was forcing her mind to think practically but his was refusing to accept any kind of logic.
" kya matlab hai tera?" he asked through greeted teeth. Her sudden change in attitude was getting on his nerves and he was demanding an answer. Keeping her hand on her belly she smirked and said," yeh aayega 'aur main jaayegi." Her words that always soothed his heart were today piercing it and he wondered was she enjoying seeing him wounded?
" yeh sab main jaanta hoon, tujhe yaad dilaane ki zaroorat nahin hai." He was now seething in anger, of course he knew that after delivery she would go away but why was she talking about leaving him now? Why was she avoiding him now? She met his blazing eyes that were furious yet couldn't hide the fact that he loved her immensely and this love was blinding his vision, he couldn't see that their love would destroy everything around. All relationship would be in tatters if they pursued it. She clearly understood what he was going through, she had felt the same when subhlaxmi had attempted to stop her rebellious heart from loving him and unknowingly dreaming a future with him, when subhlaxmi could see that together they had no future. Like her it would be extremely difficult for him to accept this truth but he would have to'sooner or later.
Still holding on to his intense gaze that was trying hard to intimidate her, she kept her ground and replied, " zaroorat hai sahab, kyunki kahin na kahin aap yeh bhool rahe ho." The deal and its terms were somewhere losing their meaning and she needed to remind him about them. Pursing his lips he startled her by taking a step forward. He was now towering over her as he growled, " kya bhool raha hoon main?" no, she couldn't afford to get weak in front of him, holding up her chin, she one more time touched her stomach and answered," yahi ki humare beech mein iske ilaava aur kuch nahin hai..na kabhi tha ..aur na kabhi ho sakta hai." She stressed a little more on her last words that shook him, there was and could be nothing between them! The overwhelming painful look on his face said it all'she had shattered his heart and for that she wanted to kill herself! His senses were numb and he was trying to absorb her words and failed to notice that she had quietly left the place.
He curled his fingers in a fist as blood started to boil in his veins. What did she mean by saying that she came into his life only to leave, if that was the case then why the hell did she come in the first place, he didn't invite her. He was leading a dark, lonely life, it was she who brought him out of this darkness and loneliness. It was she who made him look at the world and himself differently. Yes, they were connected to each other because of the baby but if that was the only thing binding them then why did she continue to interact with him after the night he had impregnated her? she should have confined herself to nurturing the seed that he had sown inside her instead she began spending time with him. If there was nothing else between them then why did it disturb her to see him wallowing in self pity? Why did she lift the heavy burden of guilt that was killing him and his consciousness?
He brushed his fingers through his hair in frustration, the last two days that were painful yet so beautiful, didn't they mean anything to her? was really nothing between them?
NO, she was lying. She didn't have the right to enter and leave his life as per her whims and fancies. He wouldn't allow her to play with his feelings and life. He knew she loved him, he had seen it in her eyes but now he wanted to know why she was hell bent on crushing it. She owed him an explanation!
Without caring a damn about what others in the house would think he barged inside her room. However the scene before him paralyzed him to the spot. Nakusha holding on to her stomach was crying in pain. She was sweaty and turning pale. The sight was familiar and brought horrible memories back. He rushed to her bed and asked worriedly," kya hua?" her whole face was creased in agony and she replied softly," sahab, bahut dard ho 'raha hai." Her voice was barely audible. He at once wrapped her arm around his neck, slipped his hands under her knees and lifted her in his arms. Coming out of the room he shouted," supriya." Who along with subhlaxmi came out of the kitchen hearing him scream. Both of them ran to him seeing nakusha faint in his arms.
" jaldi se iske doctor ko phone karo, kaho hum abhi aa rahe hain." He ordered and without giving the shocked ladies a second look, immediately marched outside the house.
" par isse hua kya hai?" supriya asked him from behind, but he didn't stop to answer her. Subhlaxmi followed him behind and supriya panicked, where the hell was her cell phone. She went to fetch her phone and inform the doctor that were coming while worried subhlaxmi opened the car door of his black sedan so that he could lay down nakusha on the back seat. She was about to climb behind when supriya stopped her sternly," nahin , mausi tum ghar par hi ruko." Subhlaxmi parted her lips to protest, nakusha might need her in the hospital but supriya silenced her by glaring at her. Dutta turned on the engine and roared," ab chalo."
As soon as they reached the hospital, nakusha was immediately wheeled in to be attended. Supriya was still confused as to all of a sudden what had happened to nakusha. She wished to ask him but seeing him pace up and the down the corridor worriedly, she thought maybe later on. The doctor came out after examining her and both dutta and supriya followed her to her cabin.
" doctor , achanak , nakusha ko itna dard kyun utha?..woh theekh hai nah?" he was still in a state of panic. He remembered the last time he was here and the doctor had told him this pregnancy could be fatal for her, the pain, the trauma was still fresh in him mind and he didn't wish to go through it again. The doctor wore a serious expression and informed," tanaav (mental stress) ki wajha se yeh sab hua hai..abhi theekh hai par.." the doctor continued to tell them that until now she was progressing well, the baby was also fine but this mental stress was not good for her and the baby, it could complicate her pregnancy. As it was she was a surrogate mother, the idea of giving up one's child that one had nurtured for so long could never be easy for any mother. They had to be careful with her and keep the atmosphere calm and stress free around her. supriya furrowed her brows, as far as she could recall nakusha was doing absolutely fine, she was happy and chirpy all the time. Did something happen during her absence? She turned her neck and asked him," dutta ji mere peeche se kuch hua tha kya?" he didn't know what to say. He nodded his head in negation. Yeah , maybe he was right because when she came she'd asked nakusha about her health and she looked perfectly fine. Afterwards they went to attend that stupid wedding that exhausted nakusha but she didn't take it seriously assuming that she would be okay after taking some rest. Perhaps this whole wedding function had taken a toll on her.
" aap chinta mat kijiye ..main uska pura khyal rakhungi." Supriya assured the doctor and the doctor shook her head, she knew supriya would like always take proper care of nakusha. The doctor prescribed some medicines and suggested that tonight they would keep nakusha under observation and discharge her tomorrow morning.
Dutta left to get the medicines when he came back he found supriya sitting next to nakusha who was still sleeping. He pulled a stool and sat close to her bed. His face wrinkled in pain and he hated himself for assuming even for a minute that she was enjoying hurting him, when the truth was that by doing this she was suffering herself. How could he forget that she was the same person who risked and was still risking her life just to bring a smile on his face? She was enduring pain only for him but why? Why was she so keen on pushing him from her life when she clearly didn't want it? when by doing this she herself was unhappy. He wished she put an end to all this misery and not let them go through this turmoil.
As if his pain once again managed to reach her heart and she flickered her eyes.
" isse hosh aa raha hai." He noticed her fingers fluttering and eyes moving behind closed lids.
" main doctor ko bulati hoon." Supriya hurriedly went to call the doctor. Forcing a smile on his lips he moved his hand to clasp hers that were resting on her belly. Feeling his familiar warm touch she opened her eyes and looked at him. There was unconditional concern in his eyes that turned her teary, how could he still care when she had been so rude to him. Slipping her hands from his hold she turned her neck to the other side. One more time she succeeded in crushing his heart.
" ab tu meri taraf dekhegi bhi nahin?" The pain and hurt in his voice tore her into pieces and she curled fingers in a fist to grip her emotions. He parted his lips to ask how she was feeling when the doctor came back with supriya and asked the same. She simply nodded her head suggesting that she was better.
The doctor checked her blood pressure and heart rate then told her," dekho nakusha ab tumhein bilkul araam karna hai..kisi bhi tarah ka tanaav nahin lena hai."
" ji." She replied softly. The doctor smiled and informed further before leaving that she would have to stay here for the night.
" ab theekh lag raha hai?" supriya asked pressing her shoulder when the doctor exited then began pouring a glass of juice for her but she stopped her and said," nahin tayi abhi bhookh nahin hai." Supriya shook her head giving in to her wish.
" tayi , raat ko tumhi rukogi nah?" she knew like before he would stay back with her but she didn't want that to happen. Supriya looked confusedly at him, he had said that he would be with nakusha but now she was asking her instead.
" dutta ji.." she tried to tell nakusha about what they had decided but nakusha interrupted her and said," sahab ko kyun takleed deni? Who ghar par araam karein..waise bhi unhein PV wapis bhi toh jaana hoga..kitne din ho gaye." She didn't dare to meet his eyes, she knew if she did then she wouldn't have said those words. He smirked inwardly, she not only didn't wish him to stay back but also desired that he returned to PV. Dutta glanced at supriya and nodded his slowly, agreeing to what she wanted. Supriya blinked her eyes and said," main ghar ja kar khana aur kapde le aati hoon." Nakusha closed her eyes and covered them by bringing her arm over them and said firmly," tayi main kuch waqt akele araam karna chahti hai." Wow, now she couldn't tolerate his presence even till the time supriya came back from home after getting the dinner and her clothes'amazing! The way nakusha was behaving it sowed seeds of suspicion in supriya's mind, something was definitely wrong between them otherwise she wouldn't be reacting like this. She was ignoring him as much as possible but why? Supriya shrugged her shoulders and went out along with him, she didn't have the answer but somewhere it 'delighted her.
Tears rolled down her shut eyes, she couldn't control them anymore, this was the same place where for the first time she acknowledged that she loved him, the place where she found him and today she was sending him away and showing that she didn't love him and there was nothing between them. When the truth was that he was her life. She lived and died only for him but 'she could never have him.
He watched her far away from the huge glass window. If she thought that by shunning him away she could create distance between them then she was wrong, all this was only bringing him closer. Their hearts were connected with each other whether she admitted or denied, he didn't care. Shaking his head he pressed his palms against the wall, all he cared was for her and the baby. They both were precious to him and he didn't want to lose either of them. Without taking his eyes off her, he slowly started stepping back, with each step he might be physically moving away but emotionally and mentally he would always be with her'they both knew that! It was something they both couldn't change even if they wished to.
Thanks for reading
Rose
Udne Ki Aasha
Jaane Anjaane Hum Mile
Fan Fictions
