Hi!
Thank you again for all the comments and likes. They're really overwhelming and encouraging. I feel like the story is getting dragged out because of my long winded writing style so please bear with me! I have been asked to include English dialogues so I have done so in brackets. I really hope you enjoy the next part.
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Chapter 4
Abhi was stood leaning on his balcony looking at the summery afternoon view. He had come to get away from the chaotic atmosphere downstairs to get some peace and quiet, and to think over what had possessed him to act this way with Pragya. Abhi knew he had developed a soft spot for her. He admired her and cared for her. But lately his actions were becoming border line shameless. He knew he should not be doing them, he didn't want to lead Pragya on, but it was as if he wasn't in control Of his body when it was carrying out these crazy actions. But he felt drawn to Pragya, he didn't know if what he felt was purely physical but he had never felt this way before. Everytime Abhi tried to sort through his feelings his head physically hurt. For the first time in his life he didn't know what the hell he was doing. He wanted to explore this new found feeling he was experiencing. He wish he could
Stop time, sort his head and feelings out and then start time again. But In reality so many things were becoming increasingly out of his control and Abhi didn't know what to do to handle the situation.
He closed his eyes and thought back. In the past year so much had changed for him. He could remember there being a time once when he couldn't have cared less for family functions, weddings, family dinners and all of those things that regular people busy themselves with. If he had ever attended any functions it was purely for his dadi sake. He never actually took any enjoyment out of them. But no less than a year later, not only was he here attending and enjoying the functions, but he was responsible for the organisation of them. Indeed how times had changed. He was occupied in his thoughts when he heard footsteps.
"Purab, tum yaha, Kya hua? Kuch kam tha? Dadi ne bolaya hai"
(Purab, you're here? What's up? Does something need doing? Has dadi asked for me?)
Abhi turned around to welcome Purab in.
"Nahi Bhai, kuch kam nahi tha, bas apse kuch zaroori bat karni hai" (No Bhai, I just wanted to speak to you about something important)
Abhi looked towards Purab cautiously. His friend looked slightly tense.
"Kya hua Purab Sab kuch theek to hai na..."(what's the matter Purab, is everything is okay isn't it?)
Purab was silent for a moment and looked down. He took a breath and looked towards Abhi and came straight out with it.
"Bhai, ap Pragya di ke bare me Kya kar rehe ho...?" (Bhai what are you going to do about Pragya di)
Abhi was slightly taken back. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it again in confusion. It was as if Abhi was hit with a new wave of information. As if he wasn't having enough of a hard time wading through his towering and suffocating thoughts himself, here was a new expectation on him. Clearly Purab and Bulbul had opinions on this but Abhi wasn't quite ready to open up for questions to the floor regarding his love life.
Purab was looking at him intently waiting for Abhi to answer. He didn't know how Abhi would take him asking this. As far as Purab was aware Abhi hadn't even realised he may harbour any feelings for Pragya let alone deciding what to do with them. But after what Bulbul had told him yesterday and after observing Pragya di today himself, he couldn't quite put his finger on it but Di was definitely planning something and he was worried. He continued to observe Abhi who was stood facing away from him now looking over the balcony again.
"Dekhiye Bhai, me janta hoon Pragya di ne apse jungle me Kya kaha tha, aur me janta hu ke ap unse lekar pareshaan hai, iss liye me yaha Aya hu, apse baat Karne ki liye, shaayad apko zaroorat thi"
(look Bhai I know what Pragya di said to you in the jungle and I know you are tense about this, which is why I came to speak to you, maybe you might need someone to talk to)
Abhi absorbed this for a few moments. He was grateful to his friend, he knew he was one of the few people on earth that had Abhis best interests at heart without any expectations.
"Mujhe... I don't know Purab, me janta hu Fuggy mujhse pyaar karti hai, aur me unkha dil nahi dukhana chaata hoon"
(I.. I don't know Purab, I know Fuggy loves me and I really don't want to break her heart)
Purab could see his friend was struggling with something, and he had hoped that it was the fact that he had feelings towards Pragya Di.
"Lekin me Tanu se vaada kiya hai, usko bi nahi bulsakta, vo Fuggy jaise samaj dar nahi hai"
(but I can't forget the promise I made to Tanu, she isn't as understanding as Pragya)
Purab could see where Abhi's turmoil was rooted from. He had spent the majority of his adult life having feelings for Tanu, and somewhere he felt a sense of obligation towards her.
"Lekin Bhai, app sochye, Kya app Tanu ke liye vo mehsus Karte hai, jo ap Pragya di ki liye feel kar te hai"
(But Bhai, do you feel for Tanu the same way you feel for Pragya di?)
Abhi couldn't answer that. His feelings for Pragya were so very different to those he felt for Tanu. With Tanu it was about the chase, she was hard to please. She was from his world and she understood the pressures that came with it. He had spent a lot of time with Tanu, helping her career and rise within the modelling world. He had seen her flourish into a star. Abhi couldn't deny though, Tanu was hard work. Abhi always carried the doubt that if he wasn't the rockstar he was, Tanu perhaps wouldn't look twice at him. Pragya on the other hand, well the feelings he felt towards her, he had a hard time explaining. She was kind, gentle but above all understanding. He respected Fuggy alot, not just because of the way she had handled the past year of her life, but because of the kind of person that she was. She cared for his whole family, for him. She felt like a safety net, Abhi felt as though he could fight the whole world single handedly if Pragya were to stand by his side. She lived for the happiness of others and would go to any lengths to protect the people she loved. He knew, for his being stood there was a direct result of this protection. This was the first time he had acknowledged and started to analyse his feelings and began to wonder if somewhere along the line he was confused about what love actually was. Still he wasn't ready to talk about this and still needed time to work through his thoughts himself without any external pressure. He turned to look at Purab and brushed off the situation
"Dekho Purab please app tension mat li jiye, me aur Fuggy jo faisle lenge, soch samach ke lunge"
(Look Purab please don't worry about this, whatever decisions Pragya and I make, we will do so after careful consideration)
Purab wanted to press Abhi further, he knew his friend needed time but he wasn't really sure he had it.
"Par bhai, apko jaldse faisla lene hoga, varna Bhagwan na Kare Pragya di Khud koy kadam ootha de" (but Bhai you need to decide fast, otherwise god forbid Pragya di takes matters into her own hands)
Purab confirmed Abhis already rising fear that Pragya would do something before he was ready.
"Ready for what though" the voice in his head asked him. "Either you love her or you don't... Simple"
Abhi didn't want to mention to Purab that he and Pragya had already discussed speaking to dadi. He knew that was something he couldn't keep from bulbul and the last thing he wanted to do was cause her any pain from knowing this especially so close to her wedding.
Purab knew there was no point in pushing this just now with Abhi he decided it would be best to tackle this head on after the wedding. He would sit Abhi down and make him realise that he loved Pragya and letting her go was not the answer.
Abhi was also keen to delay talking to Purab about this. He knew his friend wouldn't ease up on the matter, after all he had suffered as much as Pragya and it had bonded them to a point where Abhi knew Purab would always support Pragya and with that in mind he carefully said
"Yeh Sab hum baad me discuss karlege..." (We will discuss this later)
"Chalo, niche chalte hai, Sab hamarai intezar kare hongi" (come let's go downstairs, everyone will be waiting for us)
Purab felt as though his friend was dismissing the matter at hand for now, but didn't want to push him any further. He appreciated this was hard for Abhi, but in all honesty his empathy lay more with Pragya Di. Either way Abhi wouldn't come out of the situation alone, But Pragya, well she stood to get hurt in this immensely and Purab would not push Abhi fearful he would take it the wrong way and make a decision in haste.
And with that understanding between them, both friends exited the balcony and made their way downstairs.
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Elsewhere in the same house, Pragya was also fighting a different part of the same battle. After Abhi had put haldi on her, she didn't know how to react or take it. On one hand she was so happy that there were stolen moments where she could lead herself to believe he actually loved her... But then the other sensible part of her tried to argue otherwise. She couldn't handle being that close to him without wanting to melt in his arms. He must know of the affect he had on her, so why then was he choosing to taunt her. Pragya's sensible mind told her that if he did love her then he would tell her and not talk about wanting to be with Tanu. But then again he had never actually asked her to do anything regarding their marriage This was something she had decided to do for herself. Pragya was stood in the kitchen contemplating her thoughts trying to busy herself with preparations, but even Pragya knew she was kidding herself. She was alone for now and that was how she preferred it. She was being taunted and reminded of the relationship she would never have with Abhi at every turn. Whether it be dadi with her jibes about great grand children, her sister, or even Abhi himself. Pragya was a strong woman, but even she felt as though she was helplessly drowning. She had been absent from the celebrations for sometime now and she was mindful that very soon someone would miss her. All she knew was that if Abhi wasn't going to be hers she couldn't keep fighting this battle of pretence, she was more determined than ever now to speak to dadi. The professor in her took over as started motivating her as though she was a student about to take a huge exam.
"Unke pass bilkul mat jana, unke samne bhi mat ana. Jitne dooriya rakh sakte ho utna hi acha hai, varna Pragya Teri to halat kuch aur banjayengi" (don't go anywhere near him, stay as far away from him as possible, the more distance you keep the better it will be otherwise Pragya your situation will just get worse)
She mindlessly wandered back through the hall in to the main function where her mother bumped into her
"Beta tum kaha the? Chalo mehendi ka function shuru honewale hai, Abhi apko dundne ah rehe thi" (where were you child, come the mehendi function is about to start, I was just coming to find you)
Pragya did not realise how long she had been gone for. She made up her excuses to her mother, rearranged her mask of falsities and followed her back to the front hall.
The event was still in full swing. On one side of the room, floor seating had been set up and all the females, young and old were all sat dotted about having mehendi applied. The men were all randomly stood in groups chattering and drinking with one another. Dadi was sat in the middle on the sofa with her sisters and Rockstar dadi laughing and taking in the essence of this joyous affair. Dadi had noticed Pragya coming in with her mother and beckoned her over to her.
"Beta tum Abhi tayar nahi ho? Ja jaldi ja kar tayar hojaye apko bhi mehendi lagani hai na?"
(Beta your not ready yet? Go and get ready quickly you have to have your mehendi applied too)
"Ha dadi kuch kam tha, iss liye me Abhi ja kar tyar ho jati hoon" ( yes dadi I was doing something that's why, I will go and get ready now)
Pragya lied to dadi and hastily went up the stairs to go and get changed. Bulbul had seen her sisters exchange with dadi and decided this would be the time to go and speak with her. She knew Pragya would avoid the subject and brush it under the carpet, but right now Bulbul didn't care, she loved her sister to the bones and she couldn't bear the idea that Pragya must be hurting. As her sister she wanted to share her pain as Pragya had always shared hers and god help her she would crack her sister if it was the last thing she did.
Pragya had raced up the stairs and gone into her room. She had seen Abhi talking to some guests downstairs so she knew her coast was clear. She grabbed her clothes from the bed and went into the closet to change. For the mehendi she had settled on a royal blue anarkali, with large dull golden filigree detailing along the hem and neck. True to Andy's signature glamour the detailing was filled with tiny golden crystals giving the suit an extra regal feel. It had long patterned lace sleeves that flared out at the wrists and the detailing extended around the bottom of the sleeves. If Pragya hadn't been preoccupied she may have even noticed how exquisite she looked in it. She left the closet with hair and make still in tact from this morning and came face to face with Bulbul. Pragya braced herself, her little sister was a force to be reckoned with on a normal day, after their conversation yesterday however it would be wise to note that the the typhoon could very well become a tsunami.
Across the hall, Aliyah sat in her room on her sofa. She had a drink in one hand and a passport sized photo of Purab in the other. She sat there fully lost in her thoughts. She raised her glass to her lips and absentmindedly took a swig of the sharp burning liquid in her glass and looked at the photo in her hand.
"Kya kuch nahi kiya me ne ap ko karib lane se mere pas"(what haven't I done to try and bring you close to me?)
If there was one admirable factor about the rockstars sister, it was her strong willed manner that didn't quite know how to accept defeat. An attitude which had helped her get through the tough obstacles life had thrown in her path. But these days Aliyah had given in to her dark side. Unable to distinguish between right and wrong anymore, she took action through sheer impulse and emotion rather than logic and precision. She was a woman possessed by an obsession. An unhealthy one at that. In her mind she couldn't understand why Purab didn't love her. How could he want to be with Bulbul. Somewhere along the way Aliyah had lost the ability to understand people and forge meaningful relationships. She had immersed herself in a glamorous life where sometimes values such as compassion and empathy are drowned out by greed and thirst for power. Though she had struggled with loosing her parents early on in life, it was her brothers effort that provided her with life she had today. Somewhere deep deep down there was a flutter of guilt. But it was far over shadowed by her obsession to be with Purab. Aliyah was very single track minded in that way, her mental stability would suggest her mind was a weak one and one that was unwilling to learn. This fact seriously affected Aliyah's ability to prioritise and right now she was in the biggest dilemma of her life.
"Kya karu me? Agar kal Purab ko shadi bulbul se ho jaye gi, to that's it. Me kuch nahi kar paunga, vo hamesha ki liye bulbul ko ho jaye ga"
(What do I do, if tomorrow Purab and Bulbul marry, then that's it, I won't be able to do anything. He will become hers forever)
A flare of burning rage and jealousy rippled across her body like a solar flare leashed from the sun. Aliyah knew if she was to sort out this mess with the corporator, now was the time to do it. The family were busy with the wedding, which gave her all the cover she needed to set things straight, but first she had to find him. If her brother got to him first her game would be up. There would be no coming back from this. Her brother would disown her. What should she do? It really was a case of life and love, but which way to go now this was the biggest test Aliyah had ever faced. She continued to sit there sipping her drink lulling over this. She picked up her phone and dialled the corporator's number for the 1000th time that day.
"We are sorry but the number you are calling is not connecting, please try again later"
Aliya through her phone across the room. Put down her drink and rubbed her forehead. She needed to think and she needed to do it fast.
Back in Pragya and Abhis room, Pragya was receiving the Spanish Inquisition.
"Di me kuch nahi sunegi, me janti hoon jeeju apse pyaar Karte hai, ab thodi der ki liye intezar ki jiye vo Zaroor realise karenge" (di I'm
Not listening, I know jeeju loves you, you just have to wait for him to realise)
Pragya was tired of this. Tired of trying to convince everyone that there is a chance. Even if he had realised his feelings for her, there was still a third person in their marriage. Someone who had been there before her.
"Bulbul Dekhiye kitne dino se mene unko iss bat kehi thi, aur vo mujhe in ki bare me kuch baatak nahi kiye" (bulbul look it's been so many days since I told him and he hasn't even spoken to me once about what I said)
Bulbul looked at her sister. Her heart went out to her. She was sat on the bed and Pragya di was sat beside her. Bulbul stood up.
"Lekin di ho sakta hai vo thoda
Confused ho," (but it's possible he's confused)
"Ha Lekin bulbul ap please samjo, Jitne dino aur me unki pass rahu utna hi mushkil hoga jab vo mere pas se door chale jayenge" (but please bulbul try to understand, the more I stay with him, the harder it will get when he leaves me)
She looked away from her as she said this trying to hide her eyes. She couldn't face bulbul. She couldn't face anyone about this. This didn't go unnoticed by Bulbul.
"Tum mujhse kuch chupa rahe ho di"
Bulbul took her sister by the shoulders and made stand up. She shook her slighty
"Apko bathna hoga, Kya jeeju ne kuch kaha? Tum kuch kar rahe ho di, mujhe baata do? Me apki madat kar sakti hoon? Please di bata do" she desperately pleaded with her sister
(You have to tell me? Has jeeju said something? I can help you, please di tell me"
Pragya couldn't tell her. She couldn't explain that she didn't want to wait around to have her heart broken. True Abhi had not told her he didn't love her. Nor had he stopped her when she told him about breaking up with him. He could have asked her to wait until he sorted through his feelings but Abhi chose to avoid them. She wouldn't sit and wait around for him to finally tell her he didn't love her. Just for her to have emotionally invested herself in something that would surely eat her alive later. No she would maintain her distance and do what she had set out to do. She looked at bulbul, she needed her to believe and trust the decisions she was going to make She knew she wouldn't understand at first. But with time everyone would get used to it. Bulbul continued to pester Pragya and she had answered her questions, but maintained that she was not up to anything and for bulbul to keep her promise she made yesterday. Pragya was changed and ready and started to head downstairs signalling the end of conversation. Bulbul followed quietly.
Once they both got down there, Bulbul was immediately pulled away from Pragya by a group of her friends into the middle of the ladies and seated down to start having her mehendi applied. Pragya looked around the room, she couldn't see Abhi anywhere. Daasi was walking over to her
"Chalo beta tum bhi apna haath pe mehendi laga de" she took Pragyas arm and ushered her towards the seats.
"Yaha aja" she gestured to one of the ladies
"Unkha haath par ache se mehendi laga do na, Abhi ka nam bhi likhna hai" she laughed heartily
Pragya nodded her head as a gesture of agreement and sat down with her hand outstretched allowing the girl to apply the mehendi.
Daasi sat with Pragya and they began to make idle chat.
Abhi and Purab where circulating around the room speaking to various guests and associates. Abhi was glad that Purab eased up regarding the Pragya topic and both friends were enjoying the function relaxed engaging in idle chatter. Somewhere in his mind though he couldn't help but think about Pragya. He was scanning the room when his eyes spotted her sat speaking to dasi getting her hands decorated. He would frequently steal opportunities to catch a glimpse of her. To study her facial expressions. It had become quite a hobby of his, almost like a real life spectacle wearing puzzle.
She hadn't noticed him looking at her. But her face seemed relaxed and illuminated with joy and humour. Across the room his eyes noticed the other woman in his life. His Dadi. Dadi loved Pragya. She had hand picked her for him, taking into consideration Abhi as a person. She was the only person in the world to understand him and she had chosen a woman that understood him to. The scene in front of him did make his heart feel content, everyone was happy and enjoying themselves. They didn't know that soon a storm would hit. Abhi excused himself from the people he was speaking to and started to walk towards his studio.
Elsewhere in the room someone had noticed Abhi backing away from the festivities and saw it as an ample opportunity to corner him and be alone. Tanu raced behind Abhi like a tiger stalking it's prey, she followed as so not to be seen. She walked through the quiet corridors and saw him slip into his studio. She hurried along and followed in his steps. She had been waiting for ages to get him on his own, any opportunity she got was always thwarted by either one of his family members or Abhi himself. She knew he was avoiding her and she would not have that.
" tum yaha Kya Kare ho?"
(What are you doing here?)
Abhi had heard someone follow him in almost immediately he turned around to see Tanu stood before him.
"Abhi kitne din hua hai, mene apse theek se dekh bhi nahi payi. Me jana chaati hoon ke ap mujhe shaadi kab karongi, muje aur intezar nahi hoga"
(Abhi it's been so many days I haven't even seen you properly, I want to know when you are going to marry me? I can't wait any longer)
There she was again thought Abhi making yet more demands on him. She didn't even trust him enough to know that he would keep his word.
"Tanu what is this? Ap kitne zid Karte ho, sirf Tere bare me sochna hai Kya, tum janti ho ya nahi Sab ke ketli takleef hongi hamari shaadi se, dadi ko kitni takeef hogi, vo Pragya se kitne pyaar Karte hai, tum samaj ti ho"
(Tanu what is this, your so stubborn. Am I only to think about you, do you know now much pain everyone will be in regarding our wedding, and my dadi, she will be so hurt she loves Pragya don't you understand)
There he went again, his wretched dadi. If Tanu hated anyone more than Pragya it was his dadi. That woman was the consistent thorn in her path. If she hadn't pressured Abhi into getting married non of this would have ever happened. She gritted her teeth
"Off course Abhi, Lekin hum Sab ke bare me kab tak soch te rehenge"
(Off course Abhi but how long will we keep thinking of everyone else?)
She strode over to him clinging to his arm and cupping his face. Abhi shifted to get out of her grip.
"Dekho Tanu me nahi janta me Kya Karne wala hoon, lekin jo karunga soch samach se karna hai"
(Look Tanu I don't know what I'm
Going to do, but whatever I do I will
Make sure it's thought out)
Tanu was scared. She had expected him to assure her that he loved her and that he would be ridding his life of Pragya as soon as possible. But instead here he was telling her he didn't know what he was going to do. Tanu knew she would have to think of something. Abhi had started to ramble to her about family, responsibility and all the things Pragya had done for him. On this basis the decision wasn't easy for him. He deliberately stayed quiet about Pragya confessing his feelings mindful not to anger the beast in Tanu. After sometime she questioned him
"Abhi... Kya tum mujhse pyaar nahi Karte Kya? Ab tum us chashmish se pyaar hua hai Kya? (Abhi do you not love me? Do you know love that chashmish)
She stomped petulantly with a scowl on her face. Abhi felt a pang of guilt. He needed to remember that Tanu hadn't done anything wrong either, she loved him too, he hadn't forgotten that he cared about her too.
"Off course not tanu, me unse kaise pyaar karunga..." (Of course not Tanu how could I love her)
He said it as though he questioned his own sanity. How could he love her? He looked at Tanu as if asking her to help him, not noticing the stunned eyes stood at the door way.
Pragya had been sat for quite some time. The girl was finishing off adorning her hands when dadi came over
"Dekhne do beta " she gestured towards her hands. (Let me see beta)
Pragya held out her intricately painted hands so that dadi could see them. She smiled at them
"Janti hai, jitna kala rang ata hai, utna hi apka pati apse pyaar Karte hai" (did you know, the darker the colour, the more it is said your husband loves you)
Shame she thought, her mehendi probably wouldn't even stain her hands then, for she knew her husband didn't love her. The thought pained her. She continued to smile at dadi who had seated herself beside Pragya.
"Abhi kaha ha beta, ja kar usko bola do" (where is Abhi beta, go and call him)
Pragya stood up. She didn't particularly want to go and find Abhi, but dadi insisted that she did so. She walked over to Purab who was stood romancing bulbul, looking at her mehendi. Pragya didn't want to go over and disturb them but decided to do so. She didn't know where to find Abhi.
"Purab..."
Purab turned around to find Pragya di.
"Kya hua di?" (What's up di?)
"Apne unho ne dekha hai? (Have you seen him at all)
"Nahi di, shaayad vo studio me hai, unka producer unhone se kuch manga tha, ho sakta hai vo is kam me pare ho" (no di, maybe he is in the studio. His producer was asking him for something before, maybe he is busy with that)
Pragya nodded and hurried along the quiet corridor walking over towards his studio. You can do this she thought. All she had to do was go and tell him his dadi was looking for him. She shuffled along careful not to spoil her hands. She was curious to see him. The last time she had he was putting haldi on her face. Now that she had time to process what had happened and re catch her breath, the thought of that moment made her smile. Thinking that she carefully stood outside the doorway and used her elbows to push the handle and heave the heavy door open quietly inched in.
"Abhi... Kya tum mujhse pyaar nahi Karte Kya? Ab tum us chashmish se pyaar hua hai Kya?" (Abhi do you not love me? Do you know love that chashmish)
"Off course not tanu, me unse kaise pyaar karunga..." (Of course not Tanu how could I love her)
Pragya stood stunned at the door. Once again for a second she felt her world slip away from her. A few seconds ago she was smiling at the thought of him and his actions. In the next moment she was witnessing her husband telling his lover he couldn't possibly love his wife. If Pragya had been anyone else she probably would have lost control in someway whether it be tears, tantrums or a fight. But she had gotten used to this. She hadn't expected him to be quite so blatant about it. But at least now she truly had her answer.
Tanu continued to peck at Abhis head when she turned her head and noticed Pragya.
"Tum! Tum yaha Kya Kare ho? Chup chup se baat sunthi ho?" (You! What are you doing here? Listening to our
Conversation in secret)
Abhi didn't listen to Tanu. Instinctively he threw her arms
Of his and turned to Pragya.
"Oh no no Shit" he thought.
He had hoped that she had not heard anything but her expression gave her away. Off course she heard him say that, it was written all over her face.
Pragya quickly regained control. She was becoming quite accomplished in the art of "not caring" or at least displaying a sense of indifference. She completely ignored Tanu and addressed Abhi directly
"Dadi apse bola rehe hai" (dadi is calling you)
With that she turned back around and bolted straight out of the door up the corridor as fast as she could. She had never felt so awkward and hopeless all at the same time.
From now on she would not even allow herself to revel in those moments. Once she spoke to dadi she would tell him to keep his distance. It was the only way she would learn to get over him.
Abhi shot past Tanu and swiftly followed Pragya back to the front hall. He knew he had just messed up big time. The last thing he wanted was for her to think he was playing games with her. He truly wasn't. He didn't know how he felt towards her and what he had said to Tanu was more a question than it was a statement. Still he knew that's not how it would have been perceived. He was being an idiot. All these things kept happening, creating more and more of a distant between them. All the time gap between them
Was filling up with unsaid things. Things he didn't have the courage to say to her. He followed quickly behind her catching her up
"Fuggy suno..." (Pragya listen)
But Pragya was in no mood to entertain any reason. Frankly she didn't care. The sooner she was out of this mess, the quicker she could
Nurse her almost broken heart and get on with her life, she ignored Abhi and headed past dadi towards the stairs to go I to her room. She did not see dadi
"Arre Pragya beta tum kaha ja rehe ho?" (Pragya where are you going)
She was stopped by dadi who was stood in between her and Abhi,
"Me upar Kamre me ja rehe hoon, me Abhi atti hoon" (I'm going upstairs, I will come back shortly)
Pragya maintained a sense of control as she said it. She wanted to get away from Abhi, away from his confusing behaviour and piercing gaze.
"Acha tumne Khanna khaya hai" (ok but have you eaten)
"Nahi dadi me bad me kha lungi" (no
Dadi I will eat later)
She tried to argue with dadi. She was in no mood for eating and really just wanted to get away from everyone. But dadi had other ideas. Taking full advantage of the fact Pragya had mehendi on her hands, she dragged both Abhi and Pragya into the main hall, where Daasi was waiting for them with a plate of food.
"Dadi please, me bad me Khati hoon, mere haath me Abhi mehendi lagi hui hai" (dadi please I will
Eat later, my hands are still
Covered in mehendi)
She was desperately trying what she could to escape this situation but with no success.
"Janti hoon tumare haath me mehendi lagi hui hai, is liye Maine Abhi se bolaya, le beta bahu ko khilado" (I know your hands have mehendi on them, that why I called
Abhi. Here Abhi feed bahu)
She pushed the plate of food in Abhis hands. The ladies all stood
Round and giggled at the couple. Dadi and dasi were being very persistent. Abhi looked at his dadi pleadingly.
"Ap Khare kyu ho, khilado na" she laughed.
(Why are you stood there,feed her)
Abhi and Pragya knew they had no choice. At times like this abhi really disliked his family. They were certainly persist. Abhi shakily took a piece of roti off the plait dipped it in the daal and held it up to Pragyas lips. She hesitated at first, but then opened her mouth slowly to receive the morsel. Abhi felt slightly relieved when she opened her mouth. He knew he was a long way from
Being forgiven, but at least she didn't bite his fingers he thought.
The elderly ladies, who were joined by Sarla ma and rockstar dadi, were amongst the spectators watching the circus show that was Abhi feeding his wife. They all
Smiled, teased and warded off the evil eye from them. Abhi continued to feed Pragya and stared at her intently while she never looked at him once. He knew she was upset and he hated himself for being the one to cause her such pain.
After they had finished. She hurried off again out of sight.
"Damn it..." Thought Abhi. He wanted to talk to her, talk about what he had said in haste. But he didn't know how to approach the subject. Abhi was becoming more and more restless. He needed to find some relief and be needed it soon.
The rest of the evening was filled with games and fun. The family all split into teams to play various interactive games. And for the first time in the day Pragya decided to let loose and have some fun. After all it was her sisters wedding and she deserved to feel joyous for at least part of it. They played antakshari, word games and charades. Everyone was laughing and joking. The atmosphere of the house was electric. They played late into the evening only stopping for yet more snacks and beverages. Eventually the evening died off and slowly guests started to leave and retire. Purab had taken the Arora ladies back home and bid goodbye to the family. The hired help started to clean the front hall and dismantle all the decorations. Pragya had been overseeing all of this and had found herself exhausted by the end of it. As the last of the flowers were collected and the last of the china wear was cleaned and restocked, the main hallway was an immediate contrast of quiet and still to what it was this morning and throughout the day. The majority of the family had retired to bed, and Pragya hadn't seen Abhi since he had been forced to feed her. She straightened out the last of the furniture and sat down for a moment taking a minutes rest for herself. There she saw him
Coming down the stairs towards her.
Abhi had began to feel incredibly restless as the day had gone on. There were so many people, so much noise. And his thoughts towards Pragya and Tanu were
Just as confused as they were this morning or yesterday for that matter. He was getting no where. He was walking down the stairs when he saw her there sat on the sofa looking calm and poised. She was looking directly at him, so he decided to walk over to her and take a seat.
He sat down next to her and smiled. She looked at him but didn't smile back. Abhi knew she was affected by his words to Tanu before.
"Mene jo kaha, waise nahi tha Fuggy... He began
( what I said, it wasn't how it sounded)
Pragya looked at him not making a sound or move.
" me bohat confused ho Fuggy" (I'm really confused Fuggy )
She could see from his face he was in turmoil. She loved him, she didn't want to go away from him and learn to live a life without him, most of all she didn't want to be the cause of this. She wanted him to be honest with her so she could make the decision for him
" Kya app mujhse pyaar Karte hai? Abhi nahi lekin bhavishya me kar sakte Ho?Kya app mere saath zindagi gusar sakta ho?" ( do you love me? If not now then in the future? Can you spend the rest of you life with me?)
She spoke softly but looked directly at him as she did so. She didn't know where the courage to ask him outright came from but she thanked god for it. Now she would know once and for all if what she was doing was right.
Abhi was taken back at her boldness. For the first time he wasn't able to read her expression. Her eyes were steely and hard almost cold. He stared at her face. She was waiting eagerly awaiting an answer and he knew he couldn't get away from this now. He didn't know what to say. Twice now she had stumped him and he was desperately seeking a tactful response.
The silence in that time was deafening. It was as if time actually had stopped and in the universe it was just him and her. He took a deep breath
"Mujhe nahi pata."
He said it regretting his poor response instantly and looked away from her. Pragya looked away from him. Imagine what it would look like if a giant chunk of icy mass was to break away from the edge of one of the Ice caps, well this was what had just happened in her chest. Her heart had endured it's final round in the match of love only to be broken at the last stage. She didn't falter though. No tears came.
"Dekhiye mera matlab vo nahi tha, I don't know Fuggy me Kya chaata hoon"
In Pragyas mind if his natural reaction hadn't been to say "yes"or "not yet" then he did not love her. To say he didn't know was like telling her he didn't know what he fancied for his lunch. She could not wait around. He might decide he didn't love her afterall and then where would she be? No she had got her answer. As painful as that had been she was never more clear on what she had to do.
He looked up at her again. She was staring into space deep in thought. He needed to know what she was thinking. He didn't really know what he expected her to comeback with. He had half heartedly told her be didn't know what he wanted. She was a girl that he married to get revenge on. They didn't have anything in common. He was from a world of glamour and lights. Hers was one of books and knowledge. Yes she had done some outstanding things for him and he cared for her deeply but he didn't know how to measure if he loved her. More than anything he didn't want to string her along. He was a coward really, he had not once addressed this head on. He had never been in this situation. For once Tanu was the comfortable one and Pragya was like the unknown. He didn't know if he could give her what she wanted.
Pragya took a breath and looked back at Abhi. She pulled her lips into a tight almost smile. One that didn't reach her eyes but expressed that she understood and nodded her head slightly as if in agreement.
"Me yeh apki liye mushkil nahi banaungi" ( I won't make this hard for you)
She spoke with grace and maturity.
"Me nahi chaati meri vajese apko takleef ho. Me apse pyaar karti hoon" she faltered slightly as she said this but continued
"Aur kabhi khabhi ese bhi hote hai ke pyaar me kurbani ki bhi zaroori hai"
(I don't want you to go through any difficulties because of me. I love you. And sometimes in love sacrifice is necessary)
She said it almost jokingly. As if to diffuse the tension. Abhi was yet again lost for words. She continued to speak
"Mene apse kabhi nahi kaha ke muje apse umeed hai, aur me jhoot nahi bola. Yeh sach hai. muje sirf apki
Khushiya chaye, kahin na kahi mene socha shaayad..."
She trailed off before she went any further and wiped her slight tears
"Waise bhi hum kaise bhool sakti hoon, apne to kal hum ko apki life ki sabse achi dost kahe the"
(I had said to you before I have no expectations of you. I didn't lie that is the truth. I just want you to be happy. I thought that maybe... Anyways how can I forget last night you called me your best friend)
She smiled at him, this time genuine. Abhi knew she was trying hard not to make things awkward, he didn't know what she had expected to hear, but it was as if she got what she wanted anyway. He couldn't figure out why she was being so zen about all this but decide it best not to push her or dwell. He assumed this maybe some way she was dealing with the situation and he didn't want to hinder that. He cared that she was okay.
" muje jana hai, dadi ko Davai laye ni hai."
(I have to go, dadi needs her medicines)
She stood up and walked towards the kitchen. She was on auto pilot. She went to the cupboard and filled up a glass with water. Then she moved over to the counter taking dadis medicines out of the little silver wraps all the while her mind replaying all the conversations, sweet moments and banter that she and Abhi had shared. He didn't love her nor could he promise the possibility of learning to love her. She put the tablets and water on a tray and walked back through the hall past Abhi and upstairs.
Abhi sat there a little while longer. He had watched her leave to go to the kitchen. Abhi had thought he would feel relieved to have had that chat with Pragya.
"Kaisi chat" his voice in his head piped up again. The voice that was definitely pro Pragya.
He had to admit, he had always thought of himself as brave but his handling of this situation had been poor to say the least. His heart and head felt heavy with tension he sat there with his eyes closed and noticed her walk back through and upstairs after sometime. Abhi didn't know why but he didn't have a good feeling right now.
Pragya made her way into dadis room. She was sat upright in bed watching something on the TV. Pragya walked in quietly not looking at dadi. She lay the tray on the bedside table and sat down facing dadi. Dadi smiled at her. Pragya gave her 2 of her tablets first. She watched her as she gulped down the first two tablets. She kept looking at dadi. Taking in and remembering all the kindness and love she had bestowed on her. Her eyes started to water. Dadis smile vanished instantly she leaned forward instantly cupping Pragyas face and reaching for her hand.
"Kya hua Pragya beta.., kuch hua Kya? Tu ror kyu rehe? (What's the matter Pragya beta, has something happened why are you crying?"
Pragya took a deep breath. This was it. She was about to tell dadi. She asked god with her whole heart and soul to shield this dear lady and protect her from this and make her take it well.
"dadi... mujhe apse kuch baath karni hai"
Cricket
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