Posted:
Hello all! This little confection is for Diahh! Happy belated birthday Diyuuu, my chotu on the AT Pariwaar and one of my favourite friends on IF ;) This is not quite what we discussed - I couldn't manage the crack, for one thing - but hope you like it anyway :)
Drunken Nights at Mehra Madhouse
a TaAliya friendship fic by -mina-
Generally speaking, Aaliya Mehra did not drink to excess.
She was a mature, responsible woman of the world. She knew how to handle alcohol and she knew there was a time and place for everything.
She lived her life with careful control, which meant that she really didn't like the messy unpredictability that could come with being drunk.
But sometimes life didn't want to be controlled, and sometimes all the control in the world couldn't stop life from turning all your beautiful plans into nothing more than a fine mist of shattered dreams.
And in times like those, Aaliya gave herself permission to turn to the sweet soothing wonders of rum.
On this particular night, Aaliya was hell bent on getting drunk and forgetting her worries, and she was doing it in the safety of her own room. Her best friend in the whole wide world was joining her, though Tanu's spirit of choice was a sugary apple vodka that Aaliya personally found sickly.
The two ladies were sprawled on Aaliya's luxurious queen-sized bed, staring at the ceiling and discussing their woes. As it happened, they both had the same source of problems - the same seemingly impossible-to-remove thorn in their sides, the behenji known as Pragya Abhishek Mehra.
For three solid months since Aaliya's failed wedding to her former friend Purab, they had been trying to get the holier-than-thou, anarkali-wearing, puja-offering Chashmish to leave Abhi's life, but plot after plot had simply failed. It was beginning to look like the Chashmish must have the power of the almighty on her side - Aaliya didn't believe in that stuff but day by day she was becoming convinced that there was no other explanation.
And the worst part was, Abhi no longer wanted her gone. Somehow he'd decided to accept the Chashmish as his wife. Aaliya was sure that Daadi's recovery from her coma had something to do with it, but her Bhai only said that he'd thought things over and he could make his own decisions about his life and he wanted Chashmish to stay, simple as that.
He had even gone to the hideous extent of breaking up with Tanu. Aaliya felt really bad for her friend, as the supermodel had given her brother a year and a half of her life only to get dumped for a damned behenji. She'd even suffered setbacks in her career, which Aaliya considered to be worse than the problem of a broken heart.
But the funny thing was, Tanu didn't seem to have a broken heart. She'd been angry and disbelieving on the first day, and drowning her tears in bucket loads of chocolate ice cream the second day, but by the third day she was back to her usual calm, sparkling self, with the only difference being that she'd developed a definite obsession about getting rid of the behenji.
Even now, a week later, it was all she wanted to talk about. Abhi and Pragya had gone on a trip to Bali - they weren't calling it a honeymoon but it might as well have been. Tanu was enraged about that because she'd never gotten to leave the country with Abhi, and for most of the evening she'd been talking about how she wished the behenji would go sight seeing in the jungle and get lost there.
Aaliya hadn't been listening closely. She was preoccupied because she'd learned today that Purab was actually engaged to that witch Bulbul. All hope of getting him back seemed to be gone, and that was the main reason she'd decided to turn to liquor tonight.
"Aaa-aaaluuu you're not listening to me!!" Tanu whined. She set an exquisitely-manicured hand on Aaliya's arm. "Look at me pleashh!"
Aaliya hated being called that nickname. It went way back to their school days, when she'd been a bit chubby and had an unfortunate fondness for potato-filled samosas. Her first step to being her ruthless, hot present self had been a decision to give up potato samosas cold turkey at the age of 12, and indeed she hadn't had even one bite of that deep-fried food of the gods in all the years since then.
But she had to tolerate Tanu calling her "Aalu" for now, because there was no reasoning with Tanu when she got drunk. Alcohol had the tendency to bring out her childish side.
Although it occurred to Aaliya that for some months, Tanu didn't seem to have any other side.
She obligingly turned to look at her friend. "Yesh sweetheart, what is it?"
She took another swig of her rum, but she was thinking she should probably stop for the night. If she was slurring her words it was a definite sign that she'd had enough. She wanted to get drunk and forget her anxieties for a few hours - she did not want to black out and have to be taken to the hospital to get her stomach pumped.
"I was just thinking," Tanu said slowly, "that there are a few things we could try when the Chashmish gets back."
Aaliya rolled her eyes. "Let it go, Tanu. There's no point. You know what Bhai is like when he decides he wants something. There's nothing we can do now."
"I was thinking we could spray her with ether when she's doing her obnoxious morning worship. You could make Abhi come down for breakfast early and I could -"
Aaliya stared at her friend in amazement. "Spray her with ether? What the hell, Tanu?"
"Yes, she would go unconscious and then we could drag her -"
"No, Tanu. Ether is dangerous stuff, ok. It's not just some perfume we can play with," Aaliya explained. There was no point telling her that without a medical license or a doctor to bribe, it was going to be impossible to get their hands on ether.
Besides, the stuff was really dangerous. She had no interest in any plan to harm the behenji that might expose her to harm too.
"Ok, ok fine," Tanu conceded. "A better idea. Scorpions!"
Aaliya frowned. "What about scorpions?"
"Or just one. Just one scorpion. Do you think we could buy one Aalu? Where do they sell scorpions?" Tanu demanded.
"I don't know," Aaliya admitted. She didn't like to realize that there were some things she really had no idea about.
Then again, why the hell would she ever want to know where to buy scorpions?
"Baby, why are we talking about scorpions?" Aaliya asked Tanu.
"Just one Aalu, just one. We could put it in the bed and it will sting the behenji and -"
"No way Tanu! What if it got bhai instead?" Ooh, just the thought made Aaliya shudder. No, she definitely didn't want to bring scorpions into her own home, no matter the end goal.
"Why would it get him! He's not in the bed - they're not sharing a bed are they Aalu? Tell me!"
Aaliya looked over her friend. Tanu already looked so heartbroken, Aaliya didn't want to add to her pain. So she avoided the question and said instead, "No venomous insects Tanu. Issh just a bad idea."
Tanu's face crumpled into a scowl. "Aalu, why don't you like any of my ideas!"
"Because they're faltu ideas," Aaliya answered honestly. Sometimes the rum overcame her careful mental filters and she couldn't help but tell the truth. Another sign it might be time to put away the bottle.
"Thaz not nice Aalu," Tanu said. She punched Aaliya's shoulder, but there was no force behind it. "I'm nottt -nottt faltu," Tanu insisted.
Aaliya wondered if she should correct her friend's use of the double negative, but she decided not to bother. Grammar had never been Tanu's strong suit.
"Waise, izsh ok, becoz - bacus - because - I have one reaally really good idea," Tanu proclaimed.
Aaliya gave her an encouraging smile. "Yeah? What is it?"
"We can poison the gulab jamun!" Tanu said with an answering smile. "We'll just mix some into a bowl and put in on a tray and the Chashmish can -"
"No way Tanu!" Aaliya interrupted, horrified. "No poison! That could be so dangerous, Tanu. No no no," she said emphatically.
"But whyyy?" Tanu demanded petulantly.
Aaliya could see that she was about ten seconds away from crying, but she simply didn't have it in her to pacify her friend now. Her collection of ideas had been too disturbing, and frankly Aaliya was tired of plotting against the behenji. If Bhai wanted to suffer her, what could they do really? Better to leave him to his own problems.
With that in mind, Aaliya surprised both herself and Tanu by sternly saying, "Enough Tanu. We're not going to do anything to my bhabhi anymore, do you understand?"
"Bhabhi?!" Tanu screeched. She sat up and waved her half-empty bottle of apple vodka in the air, pointing an angry finger at Aaliya. "Since when is she your bhabhi! I was gonna be your bhabhi! Your cool bhabhi, remember!"
Aaliya grabbed Tanu's hands and spoke sweetly. "Izz not gonna happen babe. But thazz ok right? We can be sisters."
Tanu pouted. "Sisters?"
Aaliya pulled her into a sideways hug. "Sisters and BFFs. We can get those pendants from the jewelry store, like in middle school."
Tanu still looked sad, so Aaliya decided to go further. There was a script to follow when comforting a heartbroken girlfriend, after all, and just because the heart breaker in question was her own brother didn't mean that Aaliya couldn't say what needed to be said.
"Forget Bhai, sweetheart," Aaliya counselled. "He doesn't deserve you. You'll find someone better."
Tanu stared at her in surprise. "You're saying that? You? But you love your brother."
"Well, yeah, but he was still a lousy boyfriend to you, right? And you're my friend. My sister. So tonight we can both talk about how stupid he is. Trash talk him, like any other ex."
Tanu's face brightened. "Ok! Well you know one thing I always hated that he did -"
For the next hour, Aaliya did her best to pretend that the man Tanu was tearing to pieces was not her brother but just some random awful guy. It was hard to hear some of Tanu's complaints, but in the name of friendship, she could take it.
And of course a few more sips of rum made everything easier to bear.
~*The End*~
If you recognized those villainous ideas, you probably watched Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon - they were some of the more memorable ways awful Shyam tried to get rid of Anjali ;)
Thanks for reading, please like and comment!
edit: I am so thrilled to realize that I have actually written something that passes the Bechdel test that I have to make note of it here 😃
Anupamaa
