YOU ARE ALWAYS A PARENT FIRST - Page 2

Originally posted by: inlieu

I know people feel this season is different from the previous one but the show overall is still a class apart from the usual stuff on ITV. Kudos to the CVs for sticking to their guns.

Exactly

It cant be like last 2 seasons no. Last 2 seasons were abt their love story. This is different.

But still compared to other shows they are far better. They are not making up a story as they proceed. They already hv a story in their mind and slowly they are executing it .

Inspite of low trps and show being under the burden of huge expectations ,they still are sticking to their story which is commendable.

Also I was seeing how nicely the screen time gets divided between every character . They also hv good costume designers and directors.....the shots are real nice.

Originally posted by: DaffodilsNew

I did see that part. And I dont see it as a failure. And even if it .......its not like people dont fail at all. Every parent tries to do good by their child. But still they lag behind or fail at times. Doesnt make them bad parents. You grow up to become parents ,you arent born wid parental skills. You grow as your child does and you learn as you grow.

What I see is that they both understand they have failed their child at certain level and they accept that. And they are trying to do better by Ayush . They are learning from their mistakes.Thats how it should be . Parents arent god.....they are still human.

Yes Ishwari is definitely wrong but she is still a mother. She is different and old . It hard to change people when they hv grown up wid certain beliefs all their life. I know this by experience . My parents , my grandparents......I dont agree to certain things they believe in or do ......but at times I let them be .....bcz you cant change something in a day. And every thing aside they are still good people and good parents . So are Dev and Sona.

Yes, it is a learning process for every parent, n no one is perfect. I myself blame that I am not good mother. But here, only sona feels she is failed. But I am disappointed how they just accepted the name change.

My comment was only on priority. I am not saying they don't love children but they are not first priority in their life.

Originally posted by: Hari73

Yes, it is a learning process for every parent, n no one is perfect. I myself blame that I am not good mother. But here, only sona feels she is failed. But I am disappointed how they just accepted the name change.

My comment was only on priority. I am not saying they don't love children but they are not first priority in their life.

Hmm ok

Den lets agree to disagree over dt.

See I dont think priortising your parents means dt you dont priortise your kids. It all depends on the situation . Like your kids are your life , you are your parents's life. Its not an easy situation to be in.

Abt only Sona feeling she failed. I think Dev does too but he isnt dt expressive....never has been. Though yeah he is more at fault here.

Originally posted by: DaffodilsNew

Hmm ok

Den lets agree to disagree over dt.

See I dont think priortising your parents means dt you dont priortise your kids. It all depends on the situation . Like your kids are your life , you are your parents's life. Its not an easy situation to be in.

Abt only Sona feeling she failed. I think Dev does too but he isnt dt expressive....never has been. Though yeah he is more at fault here.

But here that boy ran away from house hearing his name will b changed. They clearly knew, boy will b hurt. But still they had to abide mother. Parents are not just give love, but they protect children from any kind of hurt. Since they hv to give priority to mother n husband feelings, they simply accepted it. Sona did rona sona, but end result she simply accepted it n did not reject it.

That track was totally illogical is another thing. Esh had just changed name n but made it like she changed in official paper 😆. Writers are very bad this time.

Originally posted by: Hari73

But here that boy ran away from house hearing his name will b changed. They clearly knew, boy will b hurt. But still they had to abide mother. Parents are not just give love, but they protect children from any kind of hurt. Since they hv to give priority to mother n husband feelings, they simply accepted it. Sona did rona sona, but end result she simply accepted it n did not reject it.

That track was totally illogical is another thing. Esh had just changed name n but made it like she changed in official paper 😆. Writers are very bad this time.

To each his own

I dont see it that way. Neither do I find the track illogical.

Wont argue further on this as I hv already put my points and you hv yours and we clearly dont agree .

I actually disagree a little bit. For two parents to have a healthy parenting relationship, they first need to have a functional inter-personal relationship. Partners need to prioritize each other and their relationship so that when they parent they are on the same page and are able to make decisions together - leaving little room for miscommunication and misunderstandings. Parenting has to be about making decisions and choices that are in the best interest of the child not choosing a child above all else regardless of the consequences.

A child's well-being is paramount, but what kind of parent will one be if the relationship is dysfunctional. I think often, as parents, we think it's a choice between our children or our spouse. I don't think it's an either/or decision. These relationships should hold the most importance in you life and it has to be worked on constantly. We make the mistake of not working on the spousal relationship when kids are in the picture. But a couple needs to prioritize making time for each other (date nights or whatever one chooses), connecting, be intimate (and enjoy it!), and continue to work at maintaining the love and respect.

Originally posted by: delena90

I actually disagree a little bit. For two parents to have a healthy parenting relationship, they first need to have a functional inter-personal relationship. Partners need to prioritize each other and their relationship so that when they parent they are on the same page and are able to make decisions together - leaving little room for miscommunication and misunderstandings. Parenting has to be about making decisions and choices that are in the best interest of the child not choosing a child above all else regardless of the consequences.

A child's well-being is paramount, but what kind of parent will one be if the relationship is dysfunctional. I think often, as parents, we think it's a choice between our children or our spouse. I don't think it's an either/or decision. These relationships should hold the most importance in you life and it has to be worked on constantly. We make the mistake of not working on the spousal relationship when kids are in the picture. But a couple needs to prioritize making time for each other (date nights or whatever one chooses), connecting, be intimate (and enjoy it!), and continue to work at maintaining the love and respect.

Agreed

Partners need to priortize their relationship as well. I completely agree to what you are saying and I understand all your points as well. Its important to focus on your relationship as well .

But I wasnt saying that children should be above dt. I meant that usually parents do keep their differences aside and come together as parents for their children. That doesnt mean they shouldnt solve their differences at all. Its just that for the betterment of your kids.....you do keep it aside when needed and when you do get time.......sort out your relationship too.

Having said dt......if you see parents.....like ours or parents of our parents. They mostly had arranged marriages which required multiple levels of compromises. A lot of people in those marriages had respect but not that kind of love. It was a formidable partnership where disagreements and falling out happened a lot but inspite of everything.....they used to come together to give their children the safety net of a good parenthood. Bcz then parents considered a child's future to the most important thing.....more than even their own relationship. Which wasnt entirely wrong either.

I hope I am making some sense. Dont know if my point is getting through.

Originally posted by: DaffodilsNew

Every person is bound and connected by numerous realtionships....be it a son , daughter , brother , sister , uncle , aunt ,husband , wife , friends , parents ....so on and so forth. At every point of point of time we all try to balance these relationships the best we can. We take care that none of relation falls short of anything. Every relationship is important . But out of all of them , there is one that stands apart ......the relation parents share with their kids.

A parent is always a parent first , and then a husband/ wife or a son / daughter. When it comes to your kids and their happiness , you keep everything else below it because thats how it is. However big a fight you may have had wid your spouse but you try your best to shield your kids from feeling its after effects. Thats what Devakshi are doing. Their love for their kids superceeds everything else. Even when their hearts are breaking apart , they come together for their three kids bcz thats what parents do .

Even Sonakshi and Ishwari whose opinions are always clashing .....seem to connect to the fact that they are both mothers and each can understand the love a mother has for her kid.

I keep reading that this season is not upto the mark in comparison to last 2 seasons . But I still find the show so much better than whats on tv dese days. I love the potrayal . How nicely they are showing the little things that you can relate to and eventually they are heading to the main plot.

PS : I know the post is a bit late. Still catching up

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Nice post😀👍

I recently read an article on “red flags you are in a unhealthy relationship”. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you that adjusting in a relationship for the sake of kids was one of the signs.

“We're staying together for the kids.' It leads to an unhealthy mindset where the couple sees the children as a burden and believes that by remaining in an unhealthy relationship, it will somehow make the kids turn out alright."

I agree with your view point as to how parents always put their kids first and foremost. What I would like to disagree with is the method of doing it. For instance here I agree both are trying to maintain a normality for kids’ sake, but how successful have they been? In fact both of them seem unaware of their kids’ emotional status for the most part. Here the kids are the ones burdened with the responsibility of maintaining peace so their parents don’t fight. Oftentimes kids with single parents are happy and thrive more in life than kids with 2 parents who are constantly at loggerheads. Kids are very perceptive, they sense the tension much more easily between the parents than grownups. Eventually the parents just lose the respect of the kids and also don’t set a good example for their kids’ life. It is my personal opinion that eventually the parents who constantly suppress and compromise in their relationship solely for kids as a reason later end up expecting the kids to be grateful to them in their old age citing the same. Yes it is the parents’ responsibility to provide a stable environment for the kids, but more than that it’s very important to provide a healthy environment for the kids.

As far as sonakshi and ishwari agree they connect with regards to the kids, but it’s also very evident both of them have lots of underlying resentment towards each other which is bound to hit them like it did with sonakshi’s return from her father’s house.

All I’m trying to say is when someone keeps compromising in a relationship just for kids’ sake, it’s going to break them and their confidence and eventually become resentful.

Originally posted by: Sanleema

Nice post😀👍

I recently read an article on “red flags you are in a unhealthy relationship”. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you that adjusting in a relationship for the sake of kids was one of the signs.

“We're staying together for the kids.' It leads to an unhealthy mindset where the couple sees the children as a burden and believes that by remaining in an unhealthy relationship, it will somehow make the kids turn out alright."

I agree with your view point as to how parents always put their kids first and foremost. What I would like to disagree with is the method of doing it. For instance here I agree both are trying to maintain a normality for kids’ sake, but how successful have they been? In fact both of them seem unaware of their kids’ emotional status for the most part. Here the kids are the ones burdened with the responsibility of maintaining peace so their parents don’t fight. Oftentimes kids with single parents are happy and thrive more in life than kids with 2 parents who are constantly at loggerheads. Kids are very perceptive, they sense the tension much more easily between the parents than grownups. Eventually the parents just lose the respect of the kids and also don’t set a good example for their kids’ life. It is my personal opinion that eventually the parents who constantly suppress and compromise in their relationship solely for kids as a reason later end up expecting the kids to be grateful to them in their old age citing the same. Yes it is the parents’ responsibility to provide a stable environment for the kids, but more than that it’s very important to provide a healthy environment for the kids.

As far as sonakshi and ishwari agree they connect with regards to the kids, but it’s also very evident both of them have lots of underlying resentment towards each other which is bound to hit them like it did with sonakshi’s return from her father’s house.

All I’m trying to say is when someone keeps compromising in a relationship just for kids’ sake, it’s going to break them and their confidence and eventually become resentful.

Hii

@ bold : I completely agree wid you on dt. Even I hv the same opinion regarding this. I too believe that if a relationship goes dt bitter that people cant even live around each other , and do it just for the sake of the kids .....then its better that they get separated bcz divorced parents are much better than broken homes. More than anyone its the kid who gets affected when parents fyt.

But here Sonakshi and Dev havent lost everything in their relationship. They still harbour love for each other. They still care for each other and their family. They just hv certain issues that need to resolved. They hvnt reached a point where they need to call it quits. So in this particular situation when a couple come together as parents keeping their differences aside.....that commendable. They hv evn discussed tht their realtionship needs work.

I just dont agree on one thing.....that all parents who stay in a marriage for their kids....expect their kids to acknowledge that fact. Not at all true. When its an extremely bitter and unbearable relationship......then might be. But there are parents who compromise in day to day life for their kids and never even let them know.

Abt Sona and Ishwari.....they do hv uderlying resentment and dts nevr going to go away completely. And this is completely just my opinion bcz I see a lot of dt kind MIL and DIL relationship around

Originally posted by: DaffodilsNew

Hii

@ bold : I completely agree wid you on dt. Even I hv the same opinion regarding this. I too believe that if a relationship goes dt bitter that people cant even live around each other , and do it just for the sake of the kids .....then its better that they get separated bcz divorced parents are much better than broken homes. More than anyone its the kid who gets affected when parents fyt.

But here Sonakshi and Dev havent lost everything in their relationship. They still harbour love for each other. They still care for each other and their family. They just hv certain issues that need to resolved. They hvnt reached a point where they need to call it quits. So in this particular situation when a couple come together as parents keeping their differences aside.....that commendable. They hv evn discussed tht their realtionship needs work.

I just dont agree on one thing.....that all parents who stay in a marriage for their kids....expect their kids to acknowledge that fact. Not at all true. When its an extremely bitter and unbearable relationship......then might be. But there are parents who compromise in day to day life for their kids and never even let them know.

Abt Sona and Ishwari.....they do hv uderlying resentment and dts nevr going to go away completely. And this is completely just my opinion bcz I see a lot of dt kind MIL and DIL relationship around

Bold - I agree with the fact that as a couple they haven’t reached a point of going in different directions, they still have a lot of love between them, they have just drifted apart. The same cannot be said for their parenting though for me, because they are most of the time clueless until the situation has worsened. The fact that the kids aren’t able to share their underlying fears like ayush or insecurities like soha is proof they have failed in creating a safe healthy environment for their kids. As a parent it is our responsibility to assure the kids that they can share anything with us without being judged, which both of them failed to do IMO.

Underlined - I agree with you on the point that not all parents expect that and that parents do sacrifice a lot for their kids and don’t even let them know that. My point was in reference to the kind of compromises they make because of the kids that leads to the expectations, like being in an abusive relationship for a long time or even being in a relationship where they eventually lose their identity as an individual at the cost of the compromise. If not expectations, they at least wish to have some kind of validation or acknowledgment from their kids.

I totally agree on the MIL-DIL equation though. That’s one relationship where bitterness is part of the parcel.