To the parents in the forum - Page 2

Originally posted by: Doodle12

highlighted one

That sounds so reasonable. sometimes things get out of hand but apologizing to them might also be a great lesson for them. That apologizing isn't something to be shy about.

highlighted 2: Ik. I have a cat and the thing with cats is even if you hit them once they will forever remember it. She was hit by her old owner and to this day she flinches even if i raise my hand to pet her. If a simple pet can have such repressed memory I don't how much more a child can.

So many kids don't run to their parents in crisis but go to freinds first, friends that might even lead them to wrong paths.

I also read in a medical journal how a childhood of even mild violence can have consequences later in life like having bad coping mechanisms, too many fights in relationships, disrespect to their own kid etc

That is an important lesson that I hope my kids are learning. That everyone makes mistakes and that we need to recognize them, acknowledge them, apologize for them and rectify them.

Originally posted by: Newbiewriter30

That is an important lesson that I hope my kids are learning. That everyone makes mistakes and that we need to recognize them, acknowledge them, apologize for them and rectify them.

Me too say sorry to my little ones if needed

Parenthood is a process of learning

Another thing as a child , I was never been beaten by my parents too

very interesting topic! my parents got divorced over 'how to parent' so def can say its a difficult line- my very indian mother saw no harm in the occasional chamat and my white ass dad thought that was the devil talking- children need only love and inspiration and legos lol.

but between the two, my personal experience is that neither is correct. you will mess up your kids anyway so its better to just negotiate a middle ground. i personally emphasized the need to use words on behavior. it can also be trauma to them but i'd rather not have them behaving like monsters when we can resolve the behavior if they can explain why they are being like that. again kids aren't stupid irrational monsters. there is always an underlying issue that triggers behavior. getting them to talk about it though is hard.

what worked for me was ignoring them. i would say mummy can't see you when you don't use words or behave badly when they were younger. they would 'disappear' and then usually within 5 mins calm down and tell me whats wrong or why they behaved like that calmly. we would negotiate (it teaches them that skill as well) and usually reach reason. now many ppl will tell you that you will mess up your kids if you ignore them and for sure- but this works for me. my kids seem to not be psychotic or needy so im good for now. my partner doesn't approve of my methodology coming from the old school of children need you to hover. my take on that was- sure feel free to hover and give them unending attention but i won't have any yelling at my children nor attention making them inadequate to function independently- case in point: dev who barely can act on his own opinions on the rare occasions he has them.

but honestly, the thing that messes children up the most is toxic relationship between parents. that is a shift children are keenly attuned to and no amount of fighting quietly behind close doors and making sarcastic remarks and passive aggressive behavior will cover that up. trust a kid who has been there- we know. so if you have a bad relationship- walk out whilst you can still be respectful parents and give your kids two loving homes instead of air too heavy to breath in. thats my advice to dev and sona as well. hitting soha, yelling at her, coddling her or ayush or shubh or golu- that wont help as long as the insecurity of your own relationship and the utter lack of confidence you both have in each other doesn't change. they don't even bother listening to their kids- only reacting to their kids. then why don't you just let them parent you. i actually thought it was great that soha was trying to articulate what she felt about ayyush being in her school, but instead of listening the parents went on some other direction of giving gyaan only aka how not to parent.

Very Interesting Topic it is. 👍🏼

I'm a parent and I have a 5 yo son.

Very rarely do me or my hubby beat my son to do his homework as he's extremely adamant and refuses to do it without threats or beatings.

Few days of the month are tough due to his behavior, otherwise he's a well behaved son. 😳

Originally posted by: Doodle12

I guess. I mean there are other ways to punish kids than beating to stop them from messing around. My sister punishes her kid not letting her watch anything for a day. And other similar punishments like the silent treatment which I think can be worse..makes me feel so guilty😒

silent treatment are worse my mum always give me silent treatment whenever i did something worng and believe me ager mummy baat nhi krti na tho kisi kaam m mnn nhi lgta guilty feel hota 😞

Not a parent but putting out my 2 cents since I've been around growing children and my experiences.

I come from a pretty troubled home. Normalcy was a rare thing. Yet never have any of my parents raised their hands on me. My mom can round her eyes and I'll go back to accessing my behaviour of the past year🤣. I've been introduced to discipline, routines and manners quite early (realised when I learnt about things from my peers or seeing younger ones) , all of these without a single hit.

My father on the other hand is a more chilled out parent. He even regrets the one time he brought his hand up towards me, I don't even remember that. So I think it's absolutely wrong to hit someone who's not going to hit you back, a weak personality trait. Moreover parenthood is about responsibilities so just because I don't feel good enough I can't take it out on my kids. My office, social life isn't their fault.

Also to teach children to recognise mistakes is going to take them a longer way. To admit their mistakes and telling me loud when I'm wrong is going to create a level field for all of us. It's something my father based his entire parenting on.

My mother on the other hand taught me to be this honest self where even though I've suffered sometimes, but I came out to be someone who sleeps absolute guilt free always.

The concept of choice and space were also introduced quite early in life. For us Bengalis I guess Papa's are going to be strong pillars and mumma's the voice of reason.❤️

Just regret none of them taught me to be street smart 😜. Which life did 🤣

I have a 7 year old son who is in the autism spectrum. It was initially difficult to deal with him. My wife was the more patient one while I used to use force initially to make him act like a "normal" kid. I slowly realized that was not the way as it made him more aggressive and stubborn. He needs more love and understanding. But I think this holds true to non autistic children too though its easier to make them understand without disciplining them.