My story:a real life experience - Page 7

Originally posted by: deepsel

Holy heaven my dear, you deserve a standing ovation 🤗

Thank u Deepa...😃And a big hug to u my dear🤗🤗It was ur post on women that inspired me to write this and I am really glad that I took this step.

It takes immense strength even to write this and more to relive those horrendous past but the way you are smiling now after taming the destiny is what your real strength Rock !!👏 Somewhere I feel guilty now for making to relive your horrific past , sorry for that hon but I do take pride that you decided to share your life for showing the youngsters where to draw the line !! Physical abuse is serious issue and I cannot fathom how broken you would have felt both emotionally and physically and to rise high from that is no easy feat!

U don't have to feel guilty at all...For one,there is no way I could ever forget the incidents/happenings that taught me life's biggest lessons...😊And on the other hand,occasional write ups & issues discussed in the forum and incidents in life have continually triggered memories for me...So it was always there my dear..U don't have to feel guilty about it at all😃Physical abuse is indeed a serious issue,but I hope and believe it is a thing of the past now.(for me)..😊

You rised from the ashes like phoenix and my immense respect to you my friend and am sure your son will grow into a smart young man who will know how to treat woman in future because you are an inspiration 👏

Thank u soo very much...@ bold..Aapke muh mein ghee shakkar..I really hope this happens...That will definitely make everything worthwhile😃

Originally posted by: rock&roll

A big hug to u my dear🤗..Don't worry..All men are not the same...In fact,my hubby is pretty much at one end of the spectrum..There aren't too many like him(I would like to believe so😉)

Having said that,I would still reiterate that is extremely important to be financially independent.Many people mistake financial independence to mean "earning money".But financial independence is about earning money,having the right to spend ur money the way u wish and managing ur finances.

The second most important thing is maintaining social contacts and having friends..Have a group of friends different from ur hubby's social circle..Meet them regularly...Dont limit ur friends to his friends..That doesn't help...And have 1-2(at least) 4 am friends..Friends u can call and talk to anytime without fear...And do maintain good relations with ur neighbours

I am not saying this because I am in a bad relationship.I believe that these things are vital to any healthy relationship..In fact,these things will help build a healthier relationship between spouses and they will value and respect each other more.

Another additional point:Trust ur instincts...Maintain the balance between adjustment(which is so vital to a marriage) and speaking up when necessary

Last but not the least(many people may not agree with this,but i believe it is important)...Don't go into the tell all mode in the first few years of marriage..We women are stupid and gullible...We tell our partners everything about us,our strengths,weakness,likes and dislikes without understanding them or their nature...I don't know about love marriages,but in an arranged marriage "Tread with caution" is the mantra...Tell him about urself,but take one step at a time...Trust him,but keep ur eyes and ears open

Originally posted by: tia.o

No, Sumuki. All men are not the same. There are men like Jatin too. It all depends on how they are raised. I am married to a very liberal guy (well, he is not Indian. He is Canadian). But it's always better to get to know one another, clear your expectations before marriage. Make sure you understand where you stand in terms of future planning, children, career etc. Having an open conversation sometimes helps to figure out what you are willing to put up with and where you draw the line and vice versa.

Maintaining financial independence, as Rock mentioned, is added security. That's your way to control the situation. So do not give that up.

A lot of women don't ask the right questions in fear of coming off as nosy or nagging or controlling. Forget those ideas. Ask questions, lots of questions.

For example, before my husband proposed to me, I told him that I want to take care of my mother. She need not live in our house, but she has to live nearby and I will pay for her expenses. I gave my husband an honest choice before he bought a ring. He chose me and my happiness. So now we don't argue about what I will be doing for my mother. It all got sorted before marriage. Same with children, career, life goals. I discussed everything and asked everything so that I or him doesn't get a shock after marriage.

This is just an example on how open communication helps sort out future arguments. You need not have the same conversation. But have a conversation that's relevant to you. All the best.

Originally posted by: keya75

Hi, your story got tears to my eyes.. very courageous and heartfelt..Way you go.. you are an inspiration.. thanks a lot for telling us your story.. proud of you..

Originally posted by: sona_naksh

Hats off to u
whatever u have done demands extraordinary strength ...

Originally posted by: Drcs

wow..dear your are an inspiration...I always wonder when people after undergoing trauma decides to stay in an abused marriage...after reading your story, I realised, we all have our comfort zones which we can't and need not explain to others...others may find staying in such a relationship as spinelessness but I salute you, you need immense courage to do what you have done and succeeded also...🤗🤗🤗

Thank u so much for ur kind words😊.It is indeed difficult to understand why people stay in marriages after facing trauma and abuse..At 24,if someone had told me that I would be in such a relationship I would have thought that they were out of their senses.After all,I was and still am considered a very liberal minded forward thinking person by people who know me.But only the person concerned will ever know why he/she continues in such relationships.Only the person concerned(and maybe a few really close friends) would understand the balance between staying and leaving.This balance is different for each relationship,situation and individual.After all,as u hv rightly pointed out comfort zones and tolerance levels are different for every human being.Each person's tipping point(point of no return) in a marriage is very different..I myself began to appreciate this only after my own experience and after talking to numerous such other people.

Godbless you and your son and of course your husband also...everyone has their strength and weakness..you have identified his weaknesses that's what have made you to stay with him...I am sure he will realise you are much more precious than money and from that day onward he will adore you...mark my words...then there will not be no go back for you...

Originally posted by: Becca

My eyes are wet. Kudos to your courage and resilience. Divorce is not the solution at all. We women have to fight it out at all points in our lives. God give us courage.

Originally posted by: Maya_Dutt

Thank you so much for sharing your story, thjs gesture itself shows how strong a woman you are. A really inspiring story for women in general to not give up ever and dind their path to success, self respect and independence.

Big hug to you, wish you and your son all the best.

Originally posted by: sanw

OMG,

Long post but not as long as you have sufferred

for many its your life story, but for you its your life experience

Hat off to you for going through all this and ending you narrative with "HAPPINESS"

Your words made my heart heavy and brought tears to my eyes.I never ever imagined even in the wildest of my dreams that writing my experience would elicit this kind of response...Thanx a lot for your kind words😃

I believe that our happiness really and truly lies only in our hands.God gives every person two bags..our bags of joy and bags of troubles..we all carry both..The rest is perspective..We can crib that our bags of troubles are weighing us down or we can rejoice that our bags of joy are overflowing..I chose the latter😊

Great to have people like you around who can be an inspiration to many

In our society, there are many people and incidences better or worse than yours but to become an inspiration and a guide take courage!

Hats off dear

and All the best in Life

Thank u Those are very kind and inspiring words indeed😳