Separation seriously????????????????? - Page 5

Originally posted by: mena_k

Offcourse why would a husband care for his wife getting wrongly accused and insulted by his family members even when he knows it was all his fault. Instead he should shout at people who might reveal his truth to his family of what a jerk he was. Who says that's what love for your spouse is, making your wife a nobody in your family is what true love is. Dev is a real true husband by all standards.

Originally posted by: Samanalyse

Whoa! Contentious topic 😆

This is what the original post is successfully pointing out: you can't on the one hand call yourself an independent woman, expect a relationship of equals and then turn around and also expect your man to defend you from every obstacle. In this regard, I have issues more with the audience than with Sona the character. She doesn't have that expectation, and when she did have issues about fitting in she eventually communicated them to Dev, and they both worked it out as best they could (the swing drama). Similarly, when this lie came out, she didn't mirror Bijoy's reaction, and made it very clear that she didn't want Bijoy creating a scene, and begged him to trust her, becuase she and Dev would sort this out together. Bijoy is the one who is refusing to listen to his daughter and his wife, and is trying to decide what is right for them.

That is what baffles me about the forum reaction. I find it much more sexist that people can't seem to validate Sona's own choices, and instead support Bijoy when he tries to override them as well. Why is it so hard to understand that she stands up to the things that actually bother her, and ignores the things that don't (i.e. Mami)? She didn't relent on the ma/aunty issue because that was something that actually hurt her feelings and her mother's. She took both Dev and Ishwari to task (who can forget her cutting speech about Ishwari's inadequate parvarish??) until they didn't have a choice but to defer to the right thing. However, it just so happens that Sona is a very patient and empathetic person. Most of the time, things don't bother her because she has the ability to see the other person's point of view -- a wonderful skill she continues to imbibe from Asha. The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference, and Sona's handling of Mami, right from the time she was an employee, illustrates this principle. Why bother engaging with Mami, who is always itching to pick a fight, and give her what she wants?

Feminism is also about respecting the individual choices of women, not tearing theim down for failing to live up to arbitrary standards of independence and "strength." It's also about allowing men to be vulnerable, and human, and releasing them from the obligation to be universal protectors and saviours. Dev lost control because Bijoy spoke very crassly about Ishwari at a moment when Dev doesn't even know if she is dead or alive -- after all, Ishwari has a history of drastic measures when she is deeply upset. At that moment, Ishwari was his primary concern but how on earth does that mean he loves Sona less overall? If she were in a life/death situation, he would absolutely react in a similar manner. Bijoy in turn spoke like that because he was terrified for his daughter's well-being, which is also understandable. I just cannot understand why we have to take sides in this fight, when it's so much more productive to understand each person's motivations, and the obstacles that are preventing them from behaving as they ideally should.

Originally posted by: Samanalyse

Whoa! Contentious topic 😆

This is what the original post is successfully pointing out: you can't on the one hand call yourself an independent woman, expect a relationship of equals and then turn around and also expect your man to defend you from every obstacle. In this regard, I have issues more with the audience than with Sona the character. She doesn't have that expectation, and when she did have issues about fitting in she eventually communicated them to Dev, and they both worked it out as best they could (the swing drama). Similarly, when this lie came out, she didn't mirror Bijoy's reaction, and made it very clear that she didn't want Bijoy creating a scene, and begged him to trust her, becuase she and Dev would sort this out together. Bijoy is the one who is refusing to listen to his daughter and his wife, and is trying to decide what is right for them.

@Bold - From what I saw in yesterday's episode, Dev and Sona are not sorting it out 'together'. I only see Sonakshi being blamed for it. In last 3 episodes of the infertility track, we only saw how GKB hurled abuses at Sonakshi, that too in Dev's presence. It will get clarified today, but I think its already too late. I have never questioned Sonakshi's choices - I don't think she is a feminist or a doormat either. It is her intrinsic character to be a clear thinker and problem solver. She is independent and can stand the test of time. Unfortunately, she is suffering because she is still unaware of the toxicity of this household - and that is where we root for a husband's support, not to fight her battles. She is capable of doing it, if there is a need.

That is what baffles me about the forum reaction. I find it much more sexist that people can't seem to validate Sona's own choices, and instead support Bijoy when he tries to override them as well. Why is it so hard to understand that she stands up to the things that actually bother her, and ignores the things that don't (i.e. Mami)? She didn't relent on the ma/aunty issue because that was something that actually hurt her feelings and her mother's. She took both Dev and Ishwari to task (who can forget her cutting speech about Ishwari's inadequate parvarish??) until they didn't have a choice but to defer to the right thing. However, it just so happens that Sona is a very patient and empathetic person. Most of the time, things don't bother her because she has the ability to see the other person's point of view -- a wonderful skill she continues to imbibe from Asha. The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference, and Sona's handling of Mami, right from the time she was an employee, illustrates this principle. Why bother engaging with Mami, who is always itching to pick a fight, and give her what she wants?

GKB is not in the picture at the moment - you picked up the wrong person. The problem is Dev's selective hearing and blasting - he needs to stand up for his wife in her absence, not in her presence. He did just the opposite yesterday - just the way he confronted Bijoy for his mother, he should have reprimanded GKB for the abuses she hurled for Sonakshi to her parents. If he would have told GKB and Vicky-Elena the truth in front of Bijoy-Asha, then GKB would not have mustered courage to taunt Sonakshi when she was back. This lie by omission by Dev is what is bothering us.

Feminism is also about respecting the individual choices of women, not tearing theim down for failing to live up to arbitrary standards of independence and "strength." It's also about allowing men to be vulnerable, and human, and releasing them from the obligation to be universal protectors and saviours. Dev lost control because Bijoy spoke very crassly about Ishwari at a moment when Dev doesn't even know if she is dead or alive -- after all, Ishwari has a history of drastic measures when she is deeply upset. At that moment, Ishwari was his primary concern but how on earth does that mean he loves Sona less overall? If she were in a life/death situation, he would absolutely react in a similar manner. Bijoy in turn spoke like that because he was terrified for his daughter's well-being, which is also understandable. I just cannot understand why we have to take sides in this fight, when it's so much more productive to understand each person's motivations, and the obstacles that are preventing them from behaving as they ideally should.

The problem is that till date, we have only seen Dev voicing for his mother and sisters' needs and wants in public. The love, concern and affection he showers on Sona in private is not voiced in front of his family. It is not about what we want to see, its about the problem we have have with what we are being shown. It doesn't feel right.

Originally posted by: LiveLife321

Bang on post Sam.👏👏👏

Even i never understood this point, one side people want an independent and strong Sona and on the other side they want Dev to stand next to her with fully loaded gun to protect her 24*7.😆 I am an independent women and i don't need my husband or my father to take stand for me when its needed since i am strong and mature enough to understand who deserves my reply and who dont.

I feel main issue is the frustration of people when they were not able to see what they want to see through these fictional characters. I can understand bashing & name-calling these fictional characters, thats how may be they show their frustration but i can never understand & appreciate bashing, name-calling & making fun of other fellow members pov's just because they are differing with your perspective. Is this called progressive thinking or bullying? There is a simple thing called agree to disagree, if you cant do that then the best thing you can do is ignore their pov or post. Feminism, being a women and progressive thinking are the most misused words in this forum.

Originally posted by: Samanalyse

Thanks! If I recall, we've always shared this love for the humanity of the characters on this show. It's what moves the story forward in believable ways and makes it interesting!

Life is too short to hate some one and world is too small to miss some one. I hope we will meet and exchange our views as usual in a healthy manner again and again. Belated happy new year Sam. I wont get tired of saying this again and again that its always pleasure reading your unbiased & balanced views. Keep writing more and more my friend.

I totally agree with you on the root of the frustration. I think so many viewers really live the characters when the show is convincing, so they get really emotional when the character doesn't behave as they would in the same situation. But while they are thinking rationally from an outside vantage point, the characters are not. They are going through deep and raw emotional situations that would wring the worst out of anyone. The only point I would make in response is that everyone is different. What may seem like an essential quality in a partner for you might not be the same for everyone. It wouldn't hurt for more people to acknowledge that lack of universality.

In our frustration we forget one thing that its their life and their story and their choices and their decisions, we are just viewers. Sitting before our PC, judging these characters are so easy because we are seeing what each character feel about others but expecting them to behave the way we want is too unreasonable. Standing in their shoes and fighting their struggles is altogether a different ball game.

@bold: I couldn't agree more! Feminism, and progressiveness in general, should be about inclusivity and understanding, and that is what I see missing, both in the analysis of characters and in discussion amongst members of the forum. Your personal beliefs may well be more progressive than the behaviour of the characters, but in the end, this is someone else's story to tell. If you listen to the story, and try to understand where its creators are coming from, you might learn something new. If you restrict yourself to your own values and refuse to give credit to anything that oversteps them, you might be missing out on a new perspective.

Life is different for each one of us. Our choices and decisions in life also vary even if we consider same situations because our choices depends on our past experiences and priorities in life. Lets respect others decisions and choices even if it is different from ours since its their life and their choice. Most important thing is to justify our point we dont have to make fun or be little others perspectives. I am a kind of person who looks for positive vibes even in the worst scenario and there are people in this forum who can only find negative things even in the best scenario. I respect their pov and i royally ignore such posts since i can never understand or agree with them.